| Shadow's Tears She looked down sadly, seeing blue-black hands, stained with remembered blood. Afflicted by memories of the lives she had taken for her Dark Master, Polina now felt regret and remorse for the pain she had inflicted upon her world. Polina was not quite sure when this awareness had evolved; most of her malignant order did not rationalize their actions as such, or wallowed delightedly in depravity. For many years she had been an unholy paladin for her Dark Master, the shadowy champion of Evil. And now ... Polina felt doubt. And with doubt came guilt. She felt her victims' pain return as her own. None of the other Children of Hatred knew, or would understand these alien feelings within her heart. Polina knew that her corruption, if discovered, would be grounds for dismissal, henceforth: destruction. Tortured for many agonizing days, finally sacrificed in the most gruesome ways their malevolent minds could devise. Could she exist knowing her whole purpose for existence was false? Sooner or later, they would find out her disloyalty. And then her soul would be offered to her Dark Master differently than the other Fallen, the other dark elves. Not welcomed into the paradise the Prince of Hate offered His followers for their service to Evil, but as a slave to the blessed, to be tormented as all saw fit. So ... it was better this way. A slim hope, but hope nonetheless. She drew her sword, dull black steel infused with the essence of hatred, given to her by the god Himself, an infernal weapon forged in malice. Polina gritted her teeth and brought forth from a black velvet bag a magnificent mithril hammer, glowing dimly in the dusk's shade. Wisps of smoke, smell of scorched meat, arose from the hand she held to it so tightly, the holy weapon burning her tainted flesh with its searing heat. Polina quickly brought it down sharply upon the glinting blade, the metal ringing clearly in the forest air, the resulting thunderous smash frightening the roosting birds. Polina dropped the smoking hammer, already tarnishing, defiled by contact with the god-touched sword. She winced as the hammer crumbled into night-black ash. It had been very expensive, and she had searched for years to discover finally a holy priest who would help her. Gorian, priest devoted to the Earthfather, had helped her, forging the mithril finely, blessing it under the earth in hallowed halls, mixing the prized and holy substance revered by the dwarves known as Earthblood. The price was high, but at least he had helped her -for even dealing with the dark elves he risked excommunication. Polina hoped his assistance was not in vain. She looked where the sword had lain. Fragments of tenebrous steel remained of her blade, slowly fading into nothingness. Polina had broken it! There was no going back now. Her Dark Master would have known of her blasphemy; His wrath would be upon her soon enough! Polina now had severed her connection with her god and her people. Now she approached her eternal enemies for sanctuary from those she had betrayed. She slowly entered high elven lands, expecting to be shot dead by an arrow in a heartbeat. Polina was very conscious of that beat, it gave her something to concentrate on, something that kept her putting one foot after the other. Like the clockwork figures the gnomes made. Tick-tock, tick-tock. Polina was unarmed and unarmoured, dressed only in a white silk robe. She hopefully did not look like a threat to her possible benefactors. She wondered if her directions were wrong, or that she'd gotten lost somehow in the trackless forest. Then they appeared, materializing out of the trees, startling her. Sharp steel ringed her as she was brought into the elven village. Polina was met by a truly ancient elf, gray, withered and not an appropriate expression of supposed elven immortality. She knew that younger elves, seeing one of their people warped and twisted by the ravages of time would be sobered from their flighty thoughts of living forever. Everything passed on, even the seemingly ageless elves. Nothing lasted forever. Polina was herded onto a large circle of white marble, etched with runes of magic and divine power. Her skin prickled with the nearness of such holiness. The stone uncomfortably reminded her of an altar, a sacrificial altar. "Fallen one, darkling child. Your evil soul has trespassed upon our blessed land. Surely you know that the penalty for your transgression is DEATH." The elder scrutinized her again. "You make me curious, however. You come here defenceless, and submit peacefully. You obviously had a different purpose than mayhem." An unspoken question for which Polina had an answer. "I seek redemption. I wish to turn to the light, eschew the path of Evil. I have come here, vulnerable and outcast, to embrace the ways of Goodness, if you will accept me." This was the moment of truth. Polina had heard that the high elves, the Children of Love, held much of the virtue of forgiveness. If they rejected her entreaty, she did not know what she would do. Muffled whispering among the ruling council. Soon, almost all of the onlookers had departed the area, leaving a selected group surrounding her. The elder spoke once again. "Fallen one, what are you named?" "Polina." she replied, leaving off her dark distinctions of house and accolades for abhorrent atrocities. He did not give his own, just stared unblinking at her with those ancient, faded orbs. "Polina the path you have chosen is long and difficult, but at the end of your journey hopefully your soul will be cleansed of Evil's taint. The first step requires for you to admit your wrongdoings. Once your evil is known, exposed, it can be cut out from your soul, like an infected wound being lanced. Tell us now of the darkness in your heart, in your past. Begin." What came forth from Polina's mouth was terrible and wicked. A litany of murder, treachery, cruelty and suffering. Her soul shrank from its own blackness; she hated to hear these damning words spewing from her own lips, revealing her sin for all to see. But Polina steeled herself, stayed strong, even though inside her heart she despaired if that there was any hope for someone like her, up to their neck in clinging corruption. After listening to this list of vile deeds, the elves clustered together, whispering amongst themselves. Finally, the elder spoke once again. "Polina, you have been judged. May the Lady of Light grant you peace of the soul." Polina was still somewhat unsure what was happening, until the flash of bright metal approaching, an unexpected harbinger of the elder's decision. Sensation of movement, shift in perception. The world was rocking side to side, obliquely. Polina could see her headless corpse, crumpled upon the white marble, black blood pumping out in great gouts, staining the stone sable. Her eyes would have widened in shock, she would have screamed her outrage, but her severed head was silent and deadpan as it rolled with the impact, shorn savagely from whence it rested, disassociated with her dead form. Polina was trapped, totally helpless yet totally aware, unable to affect the situation in any way. Eyes dimming to merciful blackness. But only for a heartbeat, although Polina was now without one. Gradually coming into focus were two glowing shapes ahead of her. She hugged herself tightly, still in shock over her death and betrayal. In the middle distance she saw two figures, standing each athwart magnificent gates, one fire-red, one sky-blue. Still shaking from her traumatic experience, she slowly approached them. The figure in front of the red gate was terrifyingly familiar - her Dark Master, the Prince of Hate, but He did not wax wrathful; on His handsome, dusky features rested a smile. The other figure, beside the blue gate was unfamiliar; a woman draped in blue, plain seeming but having a quality that Polina couldn't seem to ignore. Polina instantly liked the woman, and yet felt a strange fear also, not knowing why. Hesistantly she approached them, still reeling with inner turmoil. Her Dark Master greeted her first. Polina knew the sound of His voice, she trembled in His infernal majesty. "Polina, you have returned to Me. Your soul is in balance between the Light and the Dark. You are offered a choice." The nondescript woman spoke in turn. "My dark counterpart has spoken the truth of it. Welcome, Polina. I am the Lady of Light, the Queen of Love, with whom you sought sanctuary. You have been offered a choice, redemption is one of those choices." The Prince of Hate sneered at His rival, beautiful features wrinkling in contempt. "She does not make everything clear, duplicitous witch that She is! Redemption? Faugh! She means to torture you for your crimes. Come with Me, child, and find your true reward for a life serving the cause of Evil. You would hold high station in My kingdom. Your brief indiscretion at the end of your life can be ... overlooked." The Queen of Love spoke counterpoint once again. "Again, My twisted reflection speaks some of the truth. What lies beyond the blue gate is not reward but punishment. You must pay for the pain you have inflicted upon others. Perhaps in a few millenia you will have paid off your debt and know salvation, but the road will not be easy, or pleasant. At the end of your life, you sought My help. I offer it unto you. My followers executed you because you were guilty. Can you deny that fact?" The Prince of Hate laughed loudly, mockingly. "Do you think this foolish girl knows what She's doing?" gesturing rudely at His adversary. "She kills you, and wishes now to torment you for eternity. Come now, Polina, there is only one intelligent choice to make. Take your reward, not your punishment. In the eyes of Evil, you have done nothing wrong." Looking deeply within Polina's eyes, the Queen of Love said to her calmly "Could you accept a reward over a punishment, knowing within your heart that you were wrong, knowing you were guilty, knowing you deserved punishment?" Polina considered each moment of eternity, racked with guilt, knowing she was wrong, forever. How could she exist like that? It would be Hell, not paradise. As if reading her heart, the Dark Prince rebutted "My dark child Polina, consume these foolish feelings of 'guilt' and 'remorse' in orgiastic pleasure forever, pleasure undreamt by mortal ken. Join us in sensual, hedonistic depravity! All you ever sought when you served Me. Come back into the fold, this lying creature just seeks another darkling to writhe in the flames." The Light Queen did not show animosity towards Her opponent, She merely treated Him as if He didn't exist, looking straight at Polina. "My child, you who seek blessed redemption from your dark ways, I wish there was some other way you could return to the light, but the only way is the baptism of fire, searing agony, cleansing flames dissolving your sins. But know this, dear Polina. I feel the pain of all My children as My own. Your suffering shall be Mine as well." Polina could see brimming tears upon the Lady's face, tears of shared pain, tears of regret. Something welled up within the dark elf, flowing over the confusion and discord. Polina looked at the Lady with fresh eyes, noticing how radiant, how beautiful She was. How could Polina have ever considered Her mundane? Voice echoing within the void of this no-place, Polina made her decision, declaring her choice to the Prince of Hate and the Queen of Love. "I shall go with you, my Lady, lead me to purification, the first step of my salvation. I am ready." The Dark Master muttered some foul imprecation "Truly foolish you are, Polina, choosing punishment over reward. I do not understand you. Go and finalize your ill-considered decision - when you burn in the heavenly fires, think of Me and the choice you spurned." Shooting Polina a final imperious glance, He turned His back to her, handsome form lounging idly near the gate. New life coursing through her soul, Polina felt it possible to do anything. She called out to her former master. "Come join me, Prince. Feel the fires of love scorch the evil from You and ascend, become redeemed! The offer is open to You as well." The Dark Master turned around in surprise. "You offer love to the Prince of Hate? Faugh! You are no longer any child of Mine. My offer is withdrawn. Burn for eternity, little fool! May you have no relief from your torment." The red gate slammed shut with a clang, slowly fading as the apoplectic Prince vanished, the scent of brimstone lingering in His wake. Polina slowly approached the blue gate, portal yawning wide. She could feel the heat radiating from the gate, saw the hungry flames leaping up eagerly. Polina flinched, quailed at the thought of entering such an inferno, but she felt a comforting hand on her shoulder, slowly turning her around. Hugging Polina tightly, tears falling unheeded, the Queen of Love showed Her concern for Her newest child. The Lady finally let go, Polina now approached the gate infused with purpose, new determination. She had changed inside, forever. What lay before her was merely a formality, within her heart burned the purity of Goodness. Imagining that the flames of purification would hold no power over her now, Polina stepped forth. She had never been more wrong. The agony was excruciating, Polina's eyes squeezed shut with suffering, tears forced out, teeth clenched. A stifled scream escaped from her tortured form. Polina realized that this pain would never lessen, and might last until the end of time itself. Had her Dark Master been right? Was this just some cruel trick, did the Lady laugh at her plight, had it all been some horrendous hoax? But in the midst of this torment, Polina kept the doubts at bay, held onto the feelings within her heart with a death grip. She had made the right decision. Abruptly, it was over. She was on the ground, twisted grotesquely with echoes of remembered pain. No longer within a blazing inferno, Polina lay on cool marble, white with arcane glyphs etched deeply within the stone. Looking up through reddened eyes, she saw all of her jurors around her, those who had sentenced her to death by the bright blade. But no longer did Polina see stern, callous dispensers of unforgiving justice, she saw people, just ordinary people, at the verge of breaking into tears. The elder approached her, no longer tall and haughty, but stooped and haggard, head hanging low in sadness. "Polina, we truly regret the pain you have suffered, but we needed to know your commitment to the Light. Our carefully crafted illusion was necessary to prove your heart's desire. We may be the Children of Love, but that does not make us fools. We had to test you to the bitter end. I am sorry, child." Quavery voice was close to breaking. But Polina was still hurt from the betrayal; the illusion of pain had been horrendous. "Do you know what I suffered? It was indescribable, I have never been so tortured. How could you inflict such misery upon someone who sought forgiveness?" The elder smiled sadly, touched a tender hand to her shoulder. "My child, we know." Tears welled up in his own eyes, making little rainbows in the fading light of the day. "Believe me, we know." It finally sunk in. The whole time they had addressed her in the corrupt tongue of the Fallen, the twisted dialect of Elvish that the Children of Hatred had perverted to their own ends. All the high elves surrounding her had been darklings, but now returned to Love. They had all gone through exactly the same experience she had. They knew. All of these redeemed souls crowded around her, embracing her, tears falling like gentle spring rain. Polina felt their love, their sympathy, their acceptance. And she felt her own heart resonate back within their communion, they all had suffered so much to get to this point, but finally they were free from the chains of the past, a new hope growing within their hearts. Voice still racked with emotion, the elder spoke with whispered words. "My child, dear Polina, this is a day of great celebration, the day of New Life. Be welcomed into the Light. Look upon yourself and perceive the Lady's favour. Blinking back the tears, she looked down at herself. The tears that soaked her dripped down onto the white marble. As she saw them fall, they turned black, then soaked up by the stone. Looking at her hands, she saw deep violet skin replaced with creamy white. Polina looked at the elder, incredulously. He smiled slightly. "The Prince of Hate has abandoned you, you are now a Child of Love. You are truly reborn, you are one of us, your past washed away by tears, you are forgiven through Love." There was now merriment in the elder's eyes. "Now, my children, dry your eyes, be happy. Polina, we will show you our village, you will meet everyone. And then we shall celebrate!" Polina felt a little self-conscious, but the villagers did their utmost to welcome her into the community. They did not refer to her as the Fallen one who had entered earlier, even though they knew what happened. It was now part of a time best left forgotten, not even connected with Polina, transformed as she was. A very young child, with the total trust of that stage of life, came up and hugged Polina around her knees, happily. The bright, smiling face looked up at her inquisitively, Polina couldn't suppress a smile in return. The little girl asked her curiously "I haven't seen you before! What's your name? I'm Ami." "Pleased to meet you, dear Ami, I'm Polina. I'm new." Copyright (c) 2000, Cailean Darkwater. You may freely distribute this work to anyone as long as it remains intact. You may make formatting changes (such as global font changes and the like), transfer between platforms, print it out, put it on a website or even translate this work as long as it remains intact, with these messages at the bottom, and that the author, Cailean Darkwater, is acknowledged. You may not charge for this work in any way, whatever the trade may be. There, as you might have noticed earlier, is no charge for this work. But if you enjoyed it, please consider sending it to 3 other people you think might enjoy it. And well, maybe they, after reading this message, might like to send it to 3 people they think would enjoy it. No, this is not a chain letter. I don't think sending this on, or not sending it on, will bring you bad or good luck for "passing it on" or failing to. If anything, even if you did not like this story, and you choose not to send it on, thanks for at least giving it a try and taking the time to read it. I wish everyone good luck, irrespective. How does it help me if you have bad luck? :) Make your life get a little better every day. Blessed be! Cailean Darkwater, [email protected], [email protected] http://goodreading.ipfox.com/darkwater/ |