Jan 2006
Martial Arts NEWS |
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Issue No. 4
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| << Dec. Issue | Feb.>> | |
Jan 2006
Martial Arts NEWS |
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Issue No. 4
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| << Dec. Issue | Feb.>> | |
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2005 SPOTLIGHT |
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TOP 2005 NEWS |
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TOP 2005 WAR NEWS! The World SokeShip Council's senior most members were disbanded and taken into custody by Homeland Security forces. According to the U.S. Government and British Intelligence, the official charges brought forth to the council are aiding and abetting the enemy in a time of war, and conspiracy to infiltrate and weaken the coalition forces by teaching them ridiculous fighting skills and embedding self-detrimental habits of reaction to imaginary threats while ignoring and shirking responsibility with the glaringly obvious mortal dangers. Colonial Myass, commanding officer of Recruitments and Retentions (R&R c.o.) summarizes: "The soke bastards are turning our boys into pussies before we even have a chance to try and make fightin' men out of 'em, fa chriissakes. Gawddamn treason." |
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TOP 2005 FLAME LETTER TO SENSEI Letter intercept: "What in god's name are you teaching my Kids!? School surveillance cameras caught this moment during a 'Lunch Money Shakedown'. Explain to me exactly how an upper block defense against a Glock semi-automatic pistol is a better alternative than relinquishing $1.75 in small change?! I'm ripping my daughter out of your classes before you get her killed, you negligent prick. You can stick your McContract in your tofutti filled ASS!"
Signed: A concerned Parent. |
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ENTREPRENEURIAL SPIRIT |
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"McDOJO OF THE FUTURE !" - Say CEO/Sensei's.
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2005 BEST INNOVATION A New Martial Art has been invented called: "Crapoeira Ryu". It has the distinguishing method of fighting which consists of exclusively standing on ones hands during conflict. Experts are stumped in categorizing the Art. "Not exactly groundfighting, but one might find a complex enough argument for stand-up.... Board of Experts member Merv Hanoverfist expresses the frustration: "We haven't had this much trouble with such fundamental categorization since the Art called 'Ineffecto' hit the market." |
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Sensei says: "Thousands spent on advertising and I end up with YOU people for students?!" |
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2005 BESTSELLERS & BLOCKBUSTERS 2005 |
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2005 Blockbuster Hit! "Hanshi Wonka and the Belt Factory" Synopsis (warning: spoiler) Charlie Fucket and six other children each find a Hanshi Wanka Gold Belt © at their local Dojo chain, granting them access to a guided tour behind the "Soke curtain" of the Hanshi Wonka Belt-Factory ®. Each has been approached by the Evil Renshi Slugworthless who wants the Everlasting Soke™ certificate. Charlie and his grandpa throw away the prize by drinking the Fizzy Ego Lifting drink and resorts to stealing the certificate, despite being asked not to... but Charlie, not to be defeated, makes a laser-printed copy of the Everlasting Soke™ certificate, keeps the original and 'gives back' the imposing copy.... proving his dishonesty and slyness over the other kids, he wins the Sokeship to the Belt Factory! Fwapa Wompa Ninjas perform omkata:  I've got another color for you Fwapa Wompa obi - san,shi If you pay dues you'll be the So-key. |
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2005 BESTSELLER ! |
2005 Cereal of the Year |
YOUR
AD HERE* !
*Terms & Conditions:
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| SNEAK PEAKS - 2006 | ||||
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Coming soon... |
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... to an online community near you!