Summary: After the fourth season finale Angel and Wesley carry a heavy burden. They make peace with their sins and with each other. A/W.

Disclaimer: I do not own Angel, Wesley or any other character associated with the tv shows "Buffy" and "Angel". They belong to Joss Whedon, Fox Studios and Mutant Enemy Inc.

Rating: NC-17 for the nature of the relationship and sexual content, but I really think this is an R rated story because it isn't terribly explicit. If I had to, I'd say a strong R.

Author's note: Feedback is very much appreciated, please don't be afraid to tell me what you think. I will listen to all constructive criticism and take it to heart. Especially since this is my first non-poem slash story. Ok, I will shut up now and let you get on to the story! Enjoy!

When Angel arrived at the hotel later that night Wesley knew that what he had suspected was true. Connor was gone. And not gone as in hiding out in some desolate location, breaking his father's monopoly on brooding, but really gone. He knew something was wrong when Angel and Lilah left their new base of operations (formally known as the Wolfram and Hart law offices) after having a weird and obviously painful conversation. A deal was made, that much was apparent, between Angel and...whoever Lilah worked for, the senior partners he was assuming. Things clicked firmly into place for him when shortly after they left Fred asked, "Who's Connor?" Ah, so that was the deal. Lilah and Angel's conversation made more sense now. Angel was going to see Connor even though it was not a part of the deal. From the way Angel sounded, and the sympathy in Lilah's eyes, Wesley knew that this would be the last time Angel-or any of them-saw Connor.

Further confirmation of this came when Angel walked through the door of the hotel alone and looking completely devastated. His hunched shoulders and world weary expression told the tale, but it wasn't until he looked up and into Wesley's eyes that he saw what happened. Angel had the look of someone who had just lost everything- except their own life, and realized just how cruel such a fate was.

Angel was standing just inside the door, not wanting to leave but not willing to come further inside either. Wesley took a few steps forward, "For the love of God, Angel, what have you done?"

"Not for the love of God, for the love of Connor."

His voice sounded hollow, vacant, as if he were miles away and his voice was being carried on the wind high in the mountains. When Angel didn't say anything further and didn't make any attempt to come farther into the hotel, Wesley realized that he would have to go to him. He walked slowly up to Angel, stopping when he was about a foot away from him. His eyes were now downcast and his shoulders were even more slumped, if that were possible.

"Angel, where is he? Why isn't he with you?" Wesley asked in a hushed voice. The moment seemed to warrant it. After a moments pause Angel looked up into his eyes and said, "He's gone, he...wait, you remember him? You know who Connor is?"

"Yes, of course. Of course I know who he is, he's your son, Angel."

For a moment Angel looked relieved but then his look turned to one of confusion, no one was supposed to be able to remember him. That was the deal. But Wesley had just said that he knew who Connor was. "No, that's not possible. You're not supposed to remember who he is. You never met him. He - Wesley cut him off, "that's the deal you made. You erased his life from our minds." When Angel spoke again his voice was rough with emotion, "Not just from your minds, his as well. In the exchange we take over the W & H headquarters and Connor gets a new life, a normal life." He sighed loudly, "but what I don't get is why you remember. Knowing he exists is supposed to be my torture alone."

Wesley squinted in deep thought. He realized that his being able to remember Connor made sense in a tragic "path-to-hell" kind of way. With the same hollow, far away sound Angel's voice had earlier he said, "it is meant to be my torture as well." The look on Angel's face told Wesley that he was about to protest, he held up his hand to stop him, "hear me out. You brought him into this world, you gave him life, and if he is an abomination it would only be fitting, the way our lives work, that you are to be punished by not ever being able to forget him. However, abomination or no, he would have had a happy life had I not taken him from you. So it is only fitting that I should be punished by being forced to know that and having to live with the knowledge every day." He sighed loudly. It really was a fitting punishment. Kudos to the universe, it always knew how to do a punishment with originality and flair. I dared to put my hand on Angel's shoulder and breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't flinch or shrug it off.

"Angel?" He didn't look up. "Angel?" I said it a bit more forcibly this time. He raised his head but didn't look at me. He seemed to be looking just beyond me. "I'm sorry." The apology sounded lame and trite to my own ears, God only knew how it sounded to his. I tried again: "so very very sorry."

Angel looked into Wesley's eyes and saw his own pain mirrored in them. They were like a time portal to years of pain and misery. Like the rings of a tree you could look at and see every year and know whether it was a good one or bad; in his eyes he could see every defeat, every blow, every tear shed and unshed. The more he looked into those cerulean whirlpools, the harder it became to look away.

Angel reached up and placed his hands on the sides of Wesley's face. The Englishman looked slightly startled but he didn't move. "Wes, it's okay."

"No!" Wesley shook his head in an attempt to free it from Angel's hands and in reaction to his own roughened voice. "It's not okay, Angel, I..."

Angel cut him off. "Wes, it's okay. You've paid, and paid, and paid," he paused to be sure that he had his attention, "you've paid enough. We've all paid enough." He shook his head. He, Wesley and Cordelia had all paid and suffered for what they each did to Connor. They each had the best of intentions but everyone knows where the best of intentions lead you. Together they ruined Connor's life. Since he and Wesley remembered him, he had a feeling that Cordelia would remember him as well when she awakened. Connor was their cross to bear. Remembering him would ensure that their sins would always be with them.

Wesley didn't want to believe him. He truly believed that he could never pay enough for what he did; but looking into Angel's chocolate brown eyes he saw nothing but forgiveness, sadness and something unreadable. Wesley felt conflicted. Did he dare to hope that he had been forgiven? His heart wanted to believe it, his head couldn't.

Angel felt Wesley relax slightly and he relaxed as well, but he didn't remove his hands or make any move to step away. The voice of reason in his head told him that he should move and let Wesley go, but he ignored it and didn't let go.

Wesley noticed that Angel hadn't made any attempt to move and it did not look like he was going to. He didn't mind. Angel's cool hands felt nice against his increasingly hot skin. He figured he should move away before he embarrassed himself. He knew Angel could feel and probably hear the blood rushing just underneath his skin. He must be as red as a tomato right now but he didn't really care. All he cared about was what would or wouldn't happen in the next few seconds.

He could feel and see Wesley's rising temperature. He could hear his heart pounding (he idly wondered how much harder and faster it could go), He could smell his arousal. Angel knew that the ball was in his court. What happened next was up to him. The problem was that he didn't know what he wanted to happen. He knew what his body wanted: it wanted Wesley. He knew what his head wanted: it wanted Wesley (for once they (his body and mind) concurred with one another). But what did his heart, his soul, want? That part of him was hesitant to give in because of his past experiences. It was through experience that he knew that he could lose everything. Sex was one thing, being with Darla had proved that he could have sex, good sex, without turning into Angelus, but love was another thing entirely.

Wesley could see the wheels turning in Angel's mind. He seemed unsure and hesitant. Wesley had a pretty good idea about what was bothering him. Emotional and physical connections were potentially dangerous for him (and all involved) and taking a chance, they had discovered, was not a wise thing to do. But things were different now. They were different.

He followed Angel's lead and put one hand on the right side of his face. He put his other hand on the back of Angel's head and pulled him forward. Now only a few inches away from his face, Wes whispered so as to not break the spell of the moment, "Take a chance, Angel. I'll take it with you."

Just as quietly Angel replied, "I've taken chances before, they never turn out well."

"Yes, well, you've never taken a chance on me."

Angel raised an eyebrow at the slight challenge in Wesley's tone of voice. "You know what could happen, Wes, I could turn into Ange-

"Stop. Listen to me. You buried Angelus for good a few weeks ago. Besides, I don't think that's what you're really afraid of. I think you're afraid of falling." At Angel's slightly confused look he clarified, "Falling for someone. You've faced monsters, demons and your evil alter ego, but that's just risking life and limb, what's really frightening is risking your heart. You've done it before with Buffy and Cordelia and neither relationship turned out well. I understand your trepidation, Angel, but you must understand, I'm not them. If you fall, I will catch you, I won't let you lose yourself."

Angel closed his eyes and let out the breath that he didn't realize he was holding (not that he needed to breathe, just force of habit). Wesley's words brought him comfort he didn't expect. Looking down into the face of his best friend and fellow champion, Angel realized what his brain had been trying to tell him for years-he loved this man. This man who he had hurt so badly, this man that had hurt him just as badly. Neither of them had meant to hurt the other but that's how it goes, the ones you love the most are the ones you hurt the most. Well, Angel decided, not anymore. He was going to get his happiness, for once, and not fear it, question it, or forsake it. Just accept it and be grateful.

A slow smile spread across his face like the first light of morning that lights up a dark valley and allows one to see clearly and with reverence all the gifts and wonders contained within that valley. Wesley wanted to bask in that light and feel its warmth upon his skin for the rest of his life. Angel was someone who had spent a lifetime living in shadows, hiding from the sun, but now he looked ready to throw back the curtains, bust open the windows and invite the sun in to dust his face with its glow.

Bearing witness to the sun rising in Angel's soul made Wesley hungry for that light. He was starved for light in his own life. For the past year he had been trapped in a seemingly permanent night. He was prepared to never see the light again- but here it was standing right in front of him. This was an opportunity not to be passed up or taken lightly. He wondered if a person could taste sunshine... well, there was only one way to find out.

In a move that caught Angel off-guard, Wesley pulled Angel's head down so that their lips met in a confident, yet soft, kiss. Wesley pulled back after a few seconds. He opened his eyes and saw that Angel's were still closed and his mouth was slightly open, he looked a bit dazed.

"Angel? Are you Al-

Before he could finish his question, Angel pulled him into a passionate kiss. Wesley had a moments hesitation, but the feel of Angel's lips upon his own coaxed him into action. He opened his mouth and felt Angel's cool tongue touch his own. He tensed at the electricity that went through his body. It was like fire and ice coming together and creating warm, cleansing steam. He felt purified.

As their kiss deepened, each man felt a sense of deja vu, like their lips and tongue had been intertwined before, in another time, in another place. It was a homecoming.

Wesley placed his hand upon Angel's chest and gently pushed him away. He was dangerously low on oxygen and auto-erotic asphyxiation was not what he wanted his death certificate to say.

Angel saw Wesley's heaving chest and guessed the reason why he had been pushed away. He had forgotten that he was the only person in the room that didn't need to breathe. He smirked and took a step forward so that his body was now pressed to Wesley's. He whispered in his ear, "shall we continue this upstairs? Fred, Lorne and Gunn will be here soon and I don't think they want to see live primetime porn. Besides, we have cable for that."

Wesley gasped when Angle pressed his solid, lean body against his. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It was all he could do to get enough brain cells on task to form a coherent answer to the question asked.

"Mmmmm, yes. Upstairs. Now."

"Good." Angel took Wesley's hand and lead him upstairs. He was glad Wesley couldn't see the look on his face, because while his voice sounded cool and calm, inside he was shaking. He couldn't believe that this was happening. He was about to make love with a man he never imagined he would (or could) have a chance with.

Behind him Wesley was thinking similar thoughts. He could not believe that fortune was favoring him for once. He was about to get that which he most coveted-Angel. The only other things he dared to hope for now was that his hands would stop sweating and his heart slow down (lest he drop dead from a lust induced heart attack).

When they reached his room, Angel stopped, opened the door and led Wesley inside. He let his hand go and then stepped behind him to close the door. That done, he reached for Wesley intending to pull him into another kiss.

Wesley saw his intentions and took a step back, just out of Angel's reach. "Wait, before we do this, I have to ask you...what about Cordelia? I thought you loved her?"

At the mention of Cordelia, Angel's face took on a pained expression. "I do love her. But I'm not in love with her. I know that now. I couldn't see the difference after all that had happened with Connor- and with you. She was my best friend when I was in desperate need of one and I latched onto that, I guess she did too."

Wesley heard the pain in his voice. He didn't think Angel ever believed that Cordelia loved him. Especially not after he found out about her and Connor.

"Angel, you don't need to...

"Please, Wes, I need to tell you this. It's important," Angel continued when he saw him nod his head. "After I thought that you had betrayed me I was devastated, angry beyond words, as you know. I couldn't believe that someone I loved would do that to me, but I didn't know the whole story. I should have found out before I judged you."

"It nearly killed me."

"I know. I overreacted."

"No, I mean betraying you almost killed me. I felt my soul ripping in two as I took Connor away. Knowing you hated me was more than I could bear. After that I didn't care about anything or anyone. I became someone I didn't like, with you I was the person I wanted to be: strong, capable, secure."

Angel brushed his fingers across Wesley's cheek, "you were always that person, Wesley."

"Because of you."

Angel softly smiled but then it faded. "What?"

"What about Fred? I thought you loved her? And what about Lilah? I know you have feelings for her too."

"Fred," Wesley chuckled without humor, "was a distraction, really. The next best thing if I couldn't have you. I could tell that you and Cordy had something going so I decided to cut my loses and move on. Never mind that I knew she loved Gunn and never mind that I knew that I didn't love her. I was determined to let go of my futile dream of having you. I made myself become infatuated with her, and it worked-too well. I destroyed her relationship with Gunn and shamelessly used and humiliated Lilah. God, how I treated her" he sighed loudly and wiped a hand over his face, "you're not the only one with a lifetime of sins to atone for, Angel, we're all guilty. But I'm ready to do something good for a change. And I believe this is something good."

Wesley stepped forward and gently kissed Angel's lips. When he went in for a second one, however, it was anything but gentle. Angel captured his lips with his own and pushed his tongue inside of Wesley's hot mouth. The feel of his cool tongue intertwined with his hot one made Wes's knees weak. He held onto Angel's shoulders for dear life.

Angel abruptly tore his mouth away from Wesley's, he began to alternately suck and kiss a path from his jaw line down to his neck. Wesley moaned loudly and threw his neck back to give Angel better access to one of his most sensitive erogenous zones. He clasped his hands at the back of Angel's head to keep him where he wanted him. With his unoccupied hands Angel grasped each side of Wes's shirt and pulled. The material tore easily. Wesley paused in mild surprise and let go of Angel's head. When he looked up, Wesley said to him, "I liked that shirt...whole."

"Yeah, well, I like it in pieces."

Wesley crooked a corner of his mouth up into a mischievous grin, "well turnabout is fair play." He grabbed Angel's shirt at the top and pulled it apart. Buttons went popping in every direction until the shirt was completely open. Wesley ran his hands over the newly exposed flesh causing Angel to quietly sigh, "your hands are so hot."

"That's not the only thing." He brushed his already hard nipples causing Angel to moan. Wanting to hear it again and louder this time, Wesley bent his head down and ran his tongue over Angel's right nipple. Angel grabbed Wes' head to keep him on that spot. "You like that, do you? How about this?" He lightly bit that same nipple and then ran his tongue over it. Angel's sharp hiss was all the answer he needed.

While his mouth was busy with Angel's nipples, his hands were steadily moving down his body. He stopped them at Angel's belt and had it and his pants undone after what had to be a world record breaking time. He reached inside and discovered two things: 1. Angel was rock hard. And 2. He wasn't wearing underwear. Wesley gave Angel a questioning look and he shrugged. He then chuckled when Wesley shook his head in response.

Wesley began to stroke him from the tip of his penis to its base. Angel closed his eyes and held onto Wesley for support. As Wesley increased the speed and pressure, Angel's pleasure started to increase exponentially. Soon his knees were wobbling and he was putting more than half of his weight on the smaller man.

"Angel, let's move to the bed."

"Whaa?" Angel could only concentrate on what was going on below his belt. Wesley's voice came to him from somewhere far away.

"You. Me. Bed. Now." Wesley hoped that Angel still had the capacity to understand monosyllabic words.

Angel finally opened his eyes and looked down. He instantly noticed that he was holding Wesley's shoulder in a death grip. He was also putting most of his weight on him. Immediately, he let go and sheepishly apologized.

"It's alright. It wasn't that bad." Wesley grabbed Angel's hand and started to lead him towards the bed. He fought the urge to rub his shoulder. Now that blood was rushing back to that area it began to hurt. However, he didn't want Angel to be afraid of hurting him. He tended to think that his friends, mere mortals, were easily breakable.

When they got to the bed they just stood there, watching each other and still holding hands. This was it, the point of no return, not for the sex, but for their relationship. If they stopped now they could laugh it off later or try and forget it ever happened. If they went ahead and made love that was it, their relationship would never be the same. They, would never be the same.

Looking into Wesley's eyes Angel could see hope and fear intermingled. He knew Wesley was steeling himself for possible rejection. "Wes," he said softly, "I want to make love to you." He leaned in and kissed him lightly on the lips. "With you." Moving on to his neck he breathed, "I want to be with you." His hands were moving down Wesley's torso. When he reached his pants he paused and whispered in Wesley's ear, "inside you."

"Oh God." By this time he was trembling. He had no idea Angel's voice could have such an effect on him. Or maybe it was his words, either way he couldn't remember when he had been this excited. Just the anticipation of what was about to happen was almost enough to send him over the edge.

Angel unbuttoned Wesley's pants and pushed them and his briefs down. Wesley was completely erect. 'For me,' he thought with a smile. He couldn't believe that something that he had wanted for so long was standing right in front of him, looking at him with swollen lips and a glazed look in his eyes.

Angel grabbed both of Wesley's arms to turn him around so that they could switch places. Now Wesley was standing in front of the bed (with his back to it) and Angel was in front of him. Angel put his hands on his shoulders and gently pushed him down until he was sitting on the bed. He leaned down until he was able to catch Wesley's mouth in a passionate kiss. For a long while he lost himself in those lips and that tongue... until he remembered his original intentions.

Wesley watched, transfixed, as Angel slowly dropped to his knees on the floor. Once he was on his knees Angel gave him a lascivious smile and said, "lie back." Oh, God, thought Wesley as he was going down, he's going to do what I think he's going to do. The position Angel was in and the look on his face made Wesley even harder, which seemed impossible a moment ago.

Angel wrapped his arms underneath both of Wesley's spread legs and pulled him to the edge of the bed. He looked up and saw the look of lust and amazement in his eyes. The idea of Wesley watching him suck him off sent a jolt of electricity throughout his whole body. He shuddered with the force of it.

Wesley watched Angel's head lower until all he could see was his spiked hair. The next thing he felt was Angel mouth on him. Since Angel didn't breathe Wesley didn't feel any warning breath on his genitals. The suddenness of having Angel's cold mouth on him caused him to buck his hips, hard. Angel held his hips down with both of his hands and continued to slowly torture Wesley with his teeth, lips and tongue.

Wesleythought that he would die from over-stimulation. Angel's mouth on him was everything he had imagined it would be. He had no idea if Angel was really that skilled or if it was the fact that it was Angel down there, but either way, he knew that this was the best blow job he had ever received, even better than Lilah's (and that was saying something).

From the harsh, rapid breathing coming from the man above him, Angel knew that Wesley was close to the edge. He doubled his already considerable efforts and went for Olympic glory. He wanted to see this cool, calm and collected Englishman lose his composure. For the moment he forgot about saving the innocent and redemption, this was his new mission in life.

A few minutes later Wesley lost it. Angel was going down on him like a bulimic at a pie eating contest and he was pulling Angel's hair hard enough to cause premature (well, maybe not so premature) baldness. He felt the familiar tingling in his scrotum and then nothing but pure pleasure. In that moment he felt more alive than he had in his whole life.

When Wesley's whole body froze Angel knew that this was it. A moment later he screamed his name and came, hard. Not needing to breathe (another advantage) he was able to swallow all of Wesley's seemingly superheated semen.

When Wesley went limp Angel released him from his mouth and stood up. The pain in his knees forced him to grab onto the bed for support. Wesley didn't notice. He was still trying to recover from the granddaddy of all orgasms. Just opening his eyes was turning into a monumental task. He figured that he blew a few million neurons with that orgasm, but he didn't care, they probably weren't being used for anything anyway.

Angel took off his pants and shoes while he was waiting for Wesley to rejoin the land of the living...and sort of living. A moment later Wesley opened his eyes to take in a completely naked Angel. He was magnificent. Perfectly sculpted. Wesley knew that he would never tire of seeing this body.

Angel kneeled on the bed and crawled up Wesley's body. He ran his hand through his short, damp hair and leaned in for a leisurely kiss. He stretched the entire length of his body over his. The contrast was sharp between Wesley's superheated skin and Angel's under heated skin. They both gasped when full contact was made.

Wesley could feel Angel's hardness pressing into his thigh. As their kiss became more heated and urgent Angel began to rub and wiggle against Wesley. Each time their members rubbed against each other they moaned and tried to get more contact. Occupied with Angel's neck and ear, Wesley felt Angel's finger circling his anus.

Wes panted, "do you have...we need...uh, something for lubrication."

"Got it covered," he reached over the bed and grabbed his pants. He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a travel sized bottle of Vaseline lotion. At Wesley's questioning look he added, "what? My skin gets really dry. Being dead- not good for the skin, okay?"

"Ok, ok" he chuckled, "I'm not complaining, whatever works."

Angel opened the small bottle and poured a dollop of lotion into the palm of his right hand. He dipped two of his fingers on his left hand into the lotion and then placed them at Wesley's entrance. He massaged the small opening to coax Wesley into relaxing his muscles, then slowly pushed in his index finger. He tensed involuntarily at the intrusion but was able to focus on his breathing and relax after a few moments. After moving his finger around and seeing that Wes was fine, he added a second finger, his middle finger.

Wesley once again tensed at the tightness and slight sting. Angel asked him if he was alright and he nodded with his eyes closed. This is what he wanted. After a few moments the stinging stopped and he told Angel to "keep going." He resumed rotating his fingers and making a scissoring motion inside of him. He felt it when he added a third finger but that one didn't hurt, it just felt like more pressure inside.

Finally, he was stretched. Angel begin to slowly pump his three fingers in and out of Wesley. Soon he begin to thrust in time with Angel's hand. Once again the fire was building inside of him. But it wasn't Angel's fingers he wanted inside.

"Angel?" When he didn't respond he said a bit louder, "Angel!"

"Hmm, yeah?" He was fascinated with the sight of Wesley getting off on his hand and so hadn't heard Wesley call his name the first time.

"I want you inside me, now. Please."

Angel nodded and almost thought he felt his heart beat. Nope, false alarm. But almost. He removed his fingers and kneeled between Wesley's legs. Wesley grabbed his legs and pulled them towards his chest. Angel slowly pushed in, stopping when the head of his penis was inside of him. Wesley was panting beneath him. He waited until Wesley told him to keep going before he started to move again.

When Angel pushed the head of his penis into Wesley, he had to close his eyes, the feeling was so intense. After a long pause he heard Wesley grunt "more" and he continued slowly pushing in until he was completely buried inside of the man he loved. It was so hot and tight it felt like he was in Hell again-without all the pain and screaming and Vanilla Ice music, of course.

He pulled out completely and slowly pushed all the way back in. Over and over, never changing speed or angle because he didn't have to. From their position and the look on Wesley's face, he knew that each time he thrust in he hit his prostate. Going slowly prolonged the pleasure/torture.

Above him, Wesley could see the concentrated look on Angel's face. It was as intense and focused as doctor performing brain surgery. He knew that Angel wanted their first time to be as pleasurable as possible, and he appreciated the thought, but the pace he set was killing him! It was the best kind of torture, but still torture nevertheless. He decided to take matters into his own hands. On Angel's next thrust he pushed forward as Angel pushed in. It made the stroke harder and deeper. God, it was good. Each thrust thereafter he did the same thing and soon the pace was fast and deep, the way Wesley liked it.

Angel wanted this last longer but Wesley had other ideas. He didn't mind. The tension in his body was reaching a fevered pitch, he wouldn't last much longer. He grabbed Wesley's renewed erection and began to pump it in time to his thrusts. Wesley's moans became cries and pleas. Harder, faster, deeper. Angel was only too happy to oblige.

When Angel grabbed his aching erection, Wesley knew that this was it-sensory overload. It only took a few strokes to push him over the edge. Everything tensed and time seemed to stand still. His muscles clenched, he heard Angel yell, and then all he felt was forever, or at least what he imagined infinity would feel like if it were an emotion.

When Wesley's muscles clamped down on Angel's erection it was like a spark in a room full of kerosene. It was all that was needed to set off a massive explosion. The feelings radiating throughout his body like aftershocks to an earthquake were unlike anything he had ever felt in his life. Sure, he had climaxed before with other lovers, but this was that one step further he'd almost gotten to with Buffy. That place where pleasure seemed to come not from inside of yourself, but from outside, straight from Heaven maybe. He emptied himself into his lover, symbolically giving him everything that he had to give. Angel practically collapsed onto Wesley's smaller frame. When he became aware of this he tried to lift himself off of him, but Wesley grabbed the back of his head and pulled him into a passionate kiss.

When Wesley pulled away from Angel's mouth to suck in the breath he desperately needed, he felt Angel push up off of him, then carefully pull out of him. He got off of the bed, walked to the bathroom inside of the master suite and then Wesley could hear running water. When Angel returned to the bed he wiped off the semen, Wesley's own, that he hadn't realized was there, and then laid down next to him, pulling him close.

For a while neither man spoke, each was lost in his own thoughts. Wesley was thinking about how for four years he had not allowed himself to even imagine this scenario. He and Angel, together, in all things. Four years ago he could not have foreseen all that had happened to them. Yet, here they still were, fighting the good fight. It was overwhelming to think about how quickly your life could change for the better.

Angel, for his part, was thinking almost the same thing. Remembering the men they were back in Sunnydale, he could not believe how much they had changed. No way would they have gotten together then, not those two losers. But since coming to L.A., Angel had learned to smile and enjoy life and Wesley had learned to become a leader and a champion. They had come full circle from where they began.

Laying on top of Wesley's chest, Angel listened to the steady beat of his lover's heart. That faithful and reliable thump kept him on track, grounded him. He felt each beat as if it were his own. Wesley's heart beat for the both of them.

"I love you," Angel whispered. He was still mildly afraid of being rejected and so dared not say the three most important words in his vocabulary any louder. Wesley, hearing the hesitant, almost fearful admission, tightened his arms around Angel's torso and kissed the top of his head. "I love you too, Angel. Now and Always."