Missing You
Written By:Amy
What do you do when the man you lvoe leaves you for his dream, leaving your own in shambles? Can you accept it, or will you forever remain reliving the moments you spent together? Read on & see how one woman tries to cope.
I laid in the soft bed, drowning in an ocean of ivory sheets and pillows with matching pillow-cases. It had been oh so familiar to me for the many years I spent with him, alone with him, until he had to leave. Why? I don't know why he suddenly longed for a life outside of the king-sized waterbed we shared, I don't understand it either. So easy, simple... nothing to do but lay here losing ourselves in each other. No work of any sort, not to please others or to get some sort of personal gain... only working at making each other happy. And when it came down to it, that was never working at all.
We could lay there, in each other's arms forever. We'd keep each other warm, happy... safe. The only security I ever needed was in him. I'd search my mind endlessly for every little memory I had of him. Everything was just so descriptive. The exact way his eyes looked when he felt a certain way, the way he breathed, the feel of his lips... exactly where each and every crack in them was. The way it felt when his body was next to mine.
There wasn't a word for what I felt for him, not a single word in the dictionary that could describe every aspect of him. Every perfection... every fault. It seemed to me though, even his faults were perfect, but I'd be contradicting myself that way, wouldn't I?
I could remember the way he slept... so peaceful. The way his lips twitched slightly as if he were wanting to say something, something that he couldn't find the strength to say. The way his eyes moved under closed eyelids, his medium-length eyelashes vibrating slightly. His expression was always relaxed, yet somewhat serious... like he was concentrating on something. The only time I would ever see him like that was when he kissed me...
I'd close my eyes and could almost feel those pouty lips against mine, moving in a perfect rhythym with my own... taking my breath away slowly with his every touch. I longed to revisit that time... when I turned to my side and saw his body there, could see his expressions as he dreamed... but I couldn't. You really can't turn back time, no matter how much you want to.
My arms can spread out, to the sides and not hit a single thing until they return to my sides and I become burdened, yet again, with the reality of my shivering body, alone, in the middle of our bed. Our bed... in our house... our life that was just mine now.
Because he needed something more, something to fill some gap in his soul. Something I could not fill, I'll never understand it. How he could make me so happy but for him, I would only be some sort of settlement, until he could find the missing peice to fill that hole. I wanted to be that peice... but I don't think he wanted the same.
For once I was seeing him as just Chris... not the perfect man, not my soulmate, not the man that would never hurt me. He was Chris, and he was aging, letting his youth slip away as he continued to lay there in our bed, close to me, every moment of his life. I guess I had to understand that he yearned for something that could not be provided by a single person, no matter how much he loved me.
I guess it was too painfull for him, to see me... reminding him of the hole he gave me when he left. So maybe that's why I'm all alone... in our bed... in our house... just waiting for him to walk through those doors, to see that smile...to hear that voice, but I know I won't. I just hope when you close your eyes at night... you remember what we had together, the times we shared... and I'm happy you're happy now, even though I'm not there. I'm just...missing you...
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