Until That Dream Was You
By Ronnie Shatz
ONE
The Words, The Pain, The Sorrow
"How can you even say that?!" She yelled to him, sinking down to the floor, crying. How could he? He didn't love her? Not anymore? The words won’t register in her mind, they swirled inside her soul, not making sense - empty words, empty soul.
"How?" She whispered, almost unheard, but the words hit his heart with the force of a yell. He did love her.. but he felt like he couldn't go on with this. He loved her too much, and that scared him. He knew that he would die for her, and that scared him. He was just scared… scared and too proud to admit it.
"I- I'm just telling the truth," he said, struggling with every word that came out of his mouth, watching as his words hit her, making her crumble, making her suffer. It killed him to see her like that. He wanted to run to her, tell her how sorry he was… tell her how much he loved her, tell her that he was scared.. that.. that.. he loved her.
"You’re telling the truth?" She asked, tears running down her cheeks and her body shaking. She looked so vulnerable, sitting there on the floor, crying, looking like a child. A child that he wanted to protect. But protect from what?
"From you?" Replied the voice in his mind causing his heart to hurt.
"Y-Yes… " he said as he watched her shake her head, her soft brown hair flying around.
"All those times when you said you loved me... was it all a lie?" She asked, her voice barley heard, looking up at him, green eyes reflecting the pain in her heart, the pain inside her soul.
"I.. no! I didn't lie. I did love you… but… I…don't now… " he said, pain shooting inside him with every word, slicing him like a knife. She looked up at him, her eyes full with disbelief shaking her head and crying. He saw another thing in her eyes.. she hated him..
He felt his eyes sting with tears and he stumbled back, flopping into a chair. He put his head in his hands and let out a soft sob, trying not to be heard. But she heard him. She would hear him even if she was in the other end of the world. He knew she would.
" Why are you crying?! Your the one.. who... who… doesn't love me anymore! You’re not suppose to cry! " She yelled sliding even further down, as if trying to disappear. "You’re not…" she said again, her voice weak and shaking. He looked up at her, blue eyes clouded with tears and lower lip trembling.
"I'm not… " He whispered. Looking away and shaking his head, closing his eyes and sitting back in his chair, afraid that the pain in his heart will make him sick if he will move.
A soft melody was playing in the radio, a soft melody they both knew very well.
" Never knew I had a dream.. until that dream was you..
and when I look into your eyes.. the sky's a different blue.. " *
She mouthed the words to the oh-so-familiar song as she looked up at him once again, searching his face for any reactions. His face crumbled with pain and he closed his eyes, afraid that the tears would spill. Giving up, he opened his eyes and let the tears run free down his cheek, not even bothering to wipe them away.
It was their song. THEIR song. THE song. The song that he sang to her the day he had confessed about his true feeling for her, the song that she had dedicated to him on their anniversary. The song. The song that was playing when they first made love. The song held so many memories. So many good times and even some bad ones. But it was a song that had a meaning to both of them. A meaning they would never forget.
She let out a heart wrecking sob, and got up. With one final glance at him, full of pain and betrayal, she left the room taking his heart with her.
The next morning he woke up, his cheeks wet and tears stained and his pillow drenched. It took him a moment to remember the previous night, but when he did, he just wanted to kill himself. He had hurt her so bad with those 5 words. He had killed her… and himself.
He felt so empty from inside, waking up and not feeling her next to him… not smelling her sweet scent …not having her next to him. He felt cold and lonely. He suddenly realized how much he meant to him. How much he needed her in his life. How much he loved her. But now she hated him.
He sighed and lay back in his bed, wanting to stay there forever. Not wanting to see her, after he hurt her so much. Not wanting to see her beautiful brown eyes, full of the hurt, the hurt that he caused..
"Justin!" Yelled someone at his door, making him snap back to realty, something that he didn't want to do.
"What do you want?!" He yelled back, not even making a move to open the door, a move to get out of bed… to do something.
"You need to get up man! " Yelled that someone. Justin groaned and buried his face in the pillow, trying to stop the tears that were threatening to spill from his eyes. He pulled the blanket over his head, to shut out the banging on the door.
"Leave me alone!" He yelled at the general direction of the door, tears now running down his cheek. He sniffled softly, wiping the tears away and trying to sink back to sleep, which was his only escape.
"Justin! We have meeting!" Yelled the voice.
More tears spilled down his cheeks and this time he made no effort to wipe them away, just letting them run free, drenching his shirt and the blanket above him. "I said, leave me alone!" His voice shaky and trembling. He wanted to be alone. He wanted…he wanted to die… and in a way he felt like he already did. She was his life… his air.. his.. his love.
"Justin? " The banging stopped and a softer voice called from behind the door.
He lifted the blankets and walked to the door, yanking it open. " What. Do. You. Want!? " He screamed at the faces of his friends, who were surprised to see his face tear streaked and his eyes red and bloodshot.
"Justin? Man are you OK? " Asked JC, concern filling his eyes. His other friends shared JC's concern, troubled with Justin’s condition.
"I…man …we have a meeting J, " said Chris, his eyes full of worry.
"I just want to be alone," he whispered turning his head away as soon as he met Chris’ brown eyes. She had brown eyes too. And the picture of those brown eyes, full of hurt came back to his mind. He slid to the floor, not caring that his friends were watching him, a look of great puzzlement on their faces. He sat on the floor, his face in his hands, crying.
Above him , his friend exchanged looks and knelt down next to their crying friend. "Justin… Justin listen to me! " Said Joey putting a comforting hand on Justin's shoulder.
But the young man wasn't even aware of that he just sat there and cried. He couldn't stop. He cried and cried.
"Justin, what happened?" Asked Chris looking at him, waiting for him to say something. He could see that Justin wanted to say something that he gave him an encouraging pat on the back and waited.
"I... I told her that I don't love her… " said Justin before a fresh flow of tears came out of his blue eyes. He shook his head and cried. He didn't know what to do. He loved her... so much and he hurt her so much.
"You told who you don't love her? Justin, we don't understand, " asked a confused JC, his blue eyes full of concern.
"I fucking told her that I don't love her! What's here not to understand!? I told her that I don't love her!! I hurt her! She hates me! And I... I love her so much! oh god I love her!" Yelled Justin looking up at his older friend, tears flowing freely down his cheek.
"Who Justin? " asked Lance softly, while he too, sat next to Chris on the floor, trying to figure out what Justin was saying.
"Holly.. " he said softly. His voice barley louder than a whisper but they all heard it and they were all shocked. Why would Justin said that to Holly? They all knew how much he loved that girl… how much he adored her. He lived for her. So why?
"Why did you do that? " asked Chris, voicing the question that was running in four other minds. Why? Why?
Justin sighed and wiped the tears away from his eyes and sniffled. " I was scared. I am scared.. ." he whispered as another sob came out of him. He WAS scared.. but his love for her was so great that he hoped that he could over come that fear. He just wanted to run all the way to her, kiss her… to hold her.. . to tell her that he was SO sorry.. SO sorry...
"Scared? " Asked a very confused Joey, looking at his other friends for answers but did not find them.
"Yes.. I.. I was scared.. she had so much power over me... " he said surprised how easy it was for him to talk about it. He felt a little better telling this to his friends. But the emptiness was still there.. the sadness was still there.. the love.. " I loved her too much." He said more to himself than to them. He loved her too much. That was it.. too much.. too close.. too much..
"There is no such thing as too much in love, " said JC sounding a lot like Justin's mother, Lynn.
"I loved her too much. I would die for her and that scares me. It scares the shit out of me," he said softly, ignoring JC's comment and the others. Justin wanted more than anything just to disappear right now. Just to disappear… to go away. He got up quickly, and run back into his room and fell on the bed, crying not caring that his friends were calling for him.. not caring that he had a meeting.. not caring about anything.
It was evening the next time Justin he woke up. He rolled over and looked at the clock. The red digits read 7:43 PM. He noticed another thing, a note was placed on the night stand on the right of his bed.
Justin, it read. The meeting was delayed for tomorrow morning… it's the best we could do. Don't sit inside all day.. and.. eat something.. JC, Lance, Chris and Joey.
Justin had to smile a tiny smile at his friends concern. He didn't know what he would do without them. He yawned and stretched, then putting his hands down on the bed, his fingers touched something made of metal, cold. He picked to object up, so he could see it. It was a gold ring. Her gold ring. He frowned. He didn't even notice her taking it off. She never took it off. It was the ring he had bought her on their 6 months anniversary. A promise ring.. a promise of love… a promise of… a promise f together.
But your not together anymore… she can take it off… said an annoying voice inside his head, making the tears come back into his eyes. It was a ring she swore never to take off.. and she took it off.. him.. her.. it was really over.. It. Was. Really. Over.
TWO
Let The Reason Be Love
He sat up in bed, his head throbbing and his vision blurry but his mind was set on one thing. Her. It's been almost 3 days since that fight.. since that day.. that faithful day. The day that he would be glad to take back. His life since that day seemed to pass in a blur. He would get up in the morning, pretend that he was eating, under the suspecting eyes of his band mates and friends, do sound check and perform as if nothing was wrong. But those who were close to him, knew that something was wrong… something was very wrong. He was not the cheery Justin they all knew... not cracking jokes all the time, not smiling at everyone… just walking around, a permanent frown on his face... not really communicating with the world.
But if you thought things with Justin were bad, you should see Holly.
She was a ghost of her old self.. a ghost of a ghost.. she didn't even pretend to eat. She would stay in her room all day, not talking to anyone. Her world ended when Justin said those words to her. She would spend her days curled in a ball in her bed, thinking about him and crying. And when she wasn't crying she was cursing Justin Timberlake for being born… for being so fucking perfect… for being himself. For being the beautiful man she fell in love with… the man that fell out of love with her. The man she hated and loved with all her heart. She was ready to jump up and crawl at his feet, begging for him to take her back, to give it another chance… to give them another chance… but at the same time she was ready to go over to him, and just rip his heart out... like he did to her. He took her heart out. She didn't feel heart broken… she felt dead… and she was forced to live with that feeling, day after day after day.
She sat up, looking around her room, looking for something. She didn't know what she was looking for but she knew something was missing. Something was missing and something that had big meaning for her. She automatically reached her hand to touch her index finger, where she wore the gold ring... his gold ring... the ring that he had given her, the ring that promised him her love... her faith… and even… her life. But it was not there. She franticly looked down on her hand, not seeing it there, she began to panic.
She had swore not to take it off, no matter what…she had promised.. She shook her head franticly, not believing this. " Oh my god, " she whispered softly, as the realization hit her. She remembered her ring falling on his bed, and her not caring.. just leaving it there. She fell on her bed, a heart wrecking sob escaping her and she cried... and cried. She had to get that ring back… she just had too. They promised each other that even if things wont work out, she will still wear it… to show that she still cared for him… and he would always wear that necklace that she has given him. Just a simple gold necklace, that symbolized their love.
"Holly? " Came a voice out side her door and Holly's head snapped up, looking at the door of her small room, her own small hiding place.
"Yes?" She asked not even trying to stop her voice from sounding depressed. She didn't care what people thought about her. She didn't give a damn.
" You have someone here to see you, " said the voice, which she now recognized as her mother's. She was sure that her mother wouldn't bother telling her if it wasn't important. Her family knew better than to try and talk to her.. she just needed her time. That was Holly- when she was upset, she needed time for herself.
" Who is it? " She asked hoping that it would be him, coming here to tell her that he loves her. That he was lying that day... for unknown reason... she wouldn't care for the reason. She will forget the pain that he had caused her. She would forget everything and run into his arms and just kiss every inch of that perfect body.
" It's Danielle dear, " said her mother and Holly jumped out of bed. Even though Danielle and Chris weren't together anymore, she was one of Holly's best friends. She was the kindest, sweetest and nicest person that Holly had ever met and after she went on tour with the guys and Dani was there too, the two of them bonded.
" Tell her to come up here, " she said back to her mother, rushing into the bathroom. She looked at her reflection and sighed. She looked like a mess. Her hair was tangled and all over the place, her eyes were puffy and bloodshot, and her nose was red, from all the sniffling and crying. She ran her hand thought her hair, trying to relieve the tangles... but with no use. Well, Dani will have to take what she has to offer.
There was a knock on the door, a soft knock.
"Come in, " she said, softly sitting on the bed and fiddling with the end of her shirt. Dani had this gift of making people talk. The minute you see her you just wanted to run to her and tell her everything that's on your mind. And Holly wasn't sure that she wanted to talk about it.
" Hey.. " said Danielle entering the room, a soft look on her face. Danielle was just plain beautiful with straight blond hair that hung loose down to the middle of her back, soft blue eyes. Holly admired that woman. She was everything you could wish for.
" Hi.. " said Holly quietly, trying not to look into Danielle's eyes... she would just break down and tell her everything if she did.
" Holl.. What's wrong with you..? " asked Danielle, flopping onto Holly's bed with a sigh.. There was something in Danielle's voice that made Holly break.. she just crumbled on her bed and cried.. taking the older woman by surprise. Danielle sighed and wrapped her arms around her, rocking back and forth and stroking her hair soothingly.
" Shhhhh.. " she whispered into the crying girl's ear.. " It's going to be OK.. " she said rubbing her back calmly, trying to make her stop crying.. she knew it was good to cry sometimes.. but to see Holly like that.. killed her.
" Sorry.. " said Holly softly with a sniffle.. she smiled a shaky smile at Danielle, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand and sniffling once more.
" Don't be.. It's OK to cry and you know it.. A smart girl once told me that to cry is to prove that you are human.. " said Danielle and Holly smiled remembering that day.. when Danielle and Chris had a big fight and Danielle had ran to her, crying.. they sat in the back of the tour bus, door locked, and A LOT of ice cream with them and talked about everything that came into their mind.. When they came to the subject of guys, Danielle had broke down again, crying.. and then Holly told her that thing..
" Yeah.. I don't like to cry though.. " she said smiling softly repeating what Danielle had told her when she said that to her.. Danielle smiled and hugged the younger girl, holding her in her arms for a second before letting go.
" Now.. tell me what happened.. " said Danielle, lying on her back on Holly's bed and putting her head in Holly's lap.. looking up at her, a lopsided smile on her lips.
" He.. He.. " started Holly, not knowing what to say.. What could she say..? Justin didn't love her any more.. it was so hard for her to admit it to herself.. so now she needs to talk about it out loud?
" He what.. ? " encouraged Danielle.. seeing that Holly couldn't go on.
" Justin doesn't love me anymore.. " blurted out Holly, burring her face in her hands and crying quietly. Danielle looked at her younger friend, eyes wide open and mouth open in shock.
" What? " she asked not really knowing what to say.. what can you say after someone tells you a thing like that..? " He doesn't love me anymore.. " she said again, sniffling and wiping the tears away.
" What gives you that idea? " asked Danielle, a puzzled statement on her face. She knew that Justin loved Holly with all his heart.. he loved her very much.. he himself said that to her, when they were sitting on the bus, with nothing to talk about.. around 4 AM one day, and they go to the subject of Holly.
" I love her so much.. " he had said, a huge smile gracing his face, brightening them, his blue eyes sparkling. She had given him a tender smile.
" I know you do.. " she had said patting his hand that was laying on table between them..
" And.. I don't know what to do.. " he had said, his smile disappearing and a sigh escaping him as a puzzled statement crossed her face.
" Don't know what to do about what..? " she had asked, having no clue what he was talking about. He shook his head and buried his face in his hands, letting out another sigh.
" I don't know.. about.. it.. " he said shaking his head again and sitting back in his chair.. he crossed his arms across his chest and then uncrossed them, letting them hang loose in both of his sides.
" What is.. It..? " she had asked, trying to get him to talk to her.. to tell her what was bothering him.. On the out side he looked like nothing was on his mind.. but she knew better.. something was bothering him..
" Never mind.. forget it... " he said, smiling again. and she forgot.
" Him.. " said Holly, snapping Danielle back to realty and making her open her mouth, with shock.
" Him..? " she asked not quite understanding.. What did she mean by him..?
" He told me that he doesn't love me anymore.. " said Holly, shaking her head, her brown hair swirling around. Danielle shook her head with disbelieve and then sat up and hugged Holly, holding her close.. " He said he doesn't love me anymore Dani.. how could he?! How?! " cried Holly, tears poring down from her eyes, drenching hers and Danielle's shirts. Danielle shook her head, hugging Holly closer to her and whispering calming words in her ear.
" I don't know honey.. I don't know.. " she said quietly, rocking back and forth, trying to calm Holly.
Justin sat in the living room of his house, on a plush couch, staring out of the window, looking out side to the view, not really seeing it. He was sitting in the big sofa that was there, arms crossed across his chest, and head set back on the head of the sofa. He wasn't really paying attention to the things that went on around him.. His world stopped.. His heart wanted her.. his body wanted her, ached for her touch, for her scent. for her.. Just for her.. being there.. for him.. for him.. being there.. for her.. the door bell rang, and Justin sighed, walking to the front door.
He opened the door, and he gasped, not expecting to see what he saw. Time stood still as she looked into his eyes, her breath caught in her throat and she stood there, still as she could be, just looking at him. " H- Holly..? " he asked softly, his voice disbelieving and quite.. she nodded her head for yes and entered the back lounge. His eyes were wide and his mouth was slightly open.. What was she doing there..? Why..? He thought she hated him.. But.. What was he going to say to her..?
" Hi.. " she said quietly bowing her head and looking at the floor, not wanting to get lost in those beautiful eyes.. not wanting to forget her self in them..
" H- Hi.. " he said, shaking his head, still not believing that she was there, she was really there.. he reached his left hand and pinched his right arm, just to know that he wasn't dreaming.. she was really there..
" I.. I came to.. Um.. I.. " she stuttered not knowing what to say.. I came to get my ring? The ring that YOU gave to me? That sounded SO stupid to her.. she didn't know what to say.. just seeing him again made her speechless.. something that was very rare.
" You came to what..? " he asked, looking at her face for clues. She had a stressed statement on her face.. She was nervous about something.. After almost nine months of dating, he could read her pretty well, when she was upset, she would chew on certain spot in her lower lip, a little to the right from the middle.. when she was happy, she had a glint in her eyes, and when she wanted something, she automatically pouted.. She couldn't control it. Or so she said..
" For my ring.. " she whispered, hoping that he will hear her, not wanting to repeat it.. wanting to get the hell out of there.. to be away from him.. to.. She was afraid that she will run to him, and beg.. she was afraid that she will make a fool out of herself by begging to a man that wanted nothing to do with her.. But most of it.. she was afraid that she will break down and cry.. she refused to cry in front of him, not after that night, when she let him see how weak she was.. how devastated.. how.. broken.
" You- Your ring..? " he asked, his voice shaking, not believing what he just heard.. She wanted her ring... her ring.. But why..? Why would she want it? Why would she want something that he gave her.. and something like that..? He fingered his necklace like he always did when he was nervous, and she caught his eye while he was doing that.. Something clicked inside him.. like he never took off his necklace.. even not after she left.. she didn't want to take off her ring.. It symbolized something.. The love that they have.. or had..
" Yes.. " she said softly, wrapping her arms around herself and passing her weight from leg to leg, wanting to keep herself busy, afraid she'll do something stupid. He nodded his head and reached for his wallet that was lying on the little table next to him. He opened the coins compartment and took out her ring.. handing it to her.. their hands brushed for a second, and he felt tingles go down his spine.. he looked at her, like it was the first time he was meeting her.. Her soft, curly brown hair which she hated and he learned to love, was up in a simple pony tale, locks of hair sticking out of it all around her head, making her look quite messy but still very pretty. Her soft brown eyes were looking at him sadly from behind her green square glasses, making them look a pretty shade of honey color. She was standing, her tall figure slumped and her shoulders bent a little forward, standing in the way she shouldn't be standing, both of them knew too well that she was going to have a back ache the next day. It hurts much more when I try to stand strait. she had said once when he told her that she was hurting her self like that. It amazed him how he remembered every single thing that she had done.. every little thing. " Thank you.. " she said taking her hand back, still looking into his eyes, not able to take her eyes off his.. not wanting to.. not.. not ready to go back to the real world.. to the pain.
" Your welcome.. " he whispered back to her, watching her as she backed away, still looking at him, and walked to the door, opened it, and walked out of it.. out of his life, again.
He fingered his necklace once again, this time bringing the little charm to his eye level, smiling sadly as he read the inscription that was carved on the back of the little angel charm.
J & H, together, forever. You, Me, Us. Thank you for being you, Thank you for being my dream. Thank you for making my sky a different blue. Thank you. Love, H.
THREE
I Hope You Know I Love You
Holly sat on her bed, her ring in her right hand, and the phone in the other. She dialed his number so many times, hanging up at the last number, losing her courage. She wanted to talk to him, to hear his voice, to know that he was there.. to pretend that everything was OK.. that they were still together.. that.. he was still hers. She was hurt.. she was VERY hurt.. But she loved him, with everything she was.. with every inch of her body, every sell of her brain, and every emotions that were in her heart. She sighed, falling down on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She threw the phone at the wall with an outraged yell, making little pieces of plastic to shatter across her room. " Screw him! " she yelled to the empty room, crumbling into a little ball and crying.. a soft sound came from her stereo and she stopped crying for a second, listening. " I was such a fool, I couldn't see it.. Just how good you were to me.. you confessed your love, undying devotion. I confessed my need to be free.. "* sang the soft voice and she let out a yell of frustration. He was everywhere.. everywhere she looked, everywhere she went.. she was met with his smiling face.. his soft, melodic voice.. His enchanting blue eyes. Holly sat up, making her mind.. she was going to forget about Justin Timberlake.. to forget that she had ever known him.. that she had ever loved him.. that he loved her.. She was going to start over.. start over without him in her world. She wanted to do that.. but a little voice in her mind kept telling her that she couldn't.. that she wouldn't.. that she loved him too much to do that.. that he was her world.. the air that she breathed.. her everything. And she had nothing to do but to agree with that voice.. That teasing voice.. the voice that ripped her apart.
She got up, going to her closet and yanking out a pair of wide leg jeans and a black shirt. She yanked the shirt down her head and quickly put on the jeans. She put on a pair of her sneakers and ran downstairs. She didn't know where she was going.. she just had to go, to get out of there.. to run.. to do something. She went out of the house, slamming the door after her and took off in a run.. running like she never ran before, trying to get all the bad thoughts out of her body, trying to sweat them out. She ran, and ran and ran.. and suddenly she found her self in a very familiar neighborhood... she walked around for a little, realizing where she was.. she was at his neighborhood.. How did she get there..? She never remembered getting here.. she never remembered wanting to get here.. She just ran.. and her feet took her there.. " Damn it! " she said loudly almost yelling it, getting herself the attention of some passers by. She smiled apologetically at them and walked on, ducking her head and trying not to be seen by someone who knew her.. and a lot of people who live there knew her.. they knew her as they Timberlake son's girlfriend. She was over at his place a lot, and they used to take a lot of walks, just hanging out and walking down the street, hand in hand. She sighed, feeling the tears coming to her eyes, and sniffling, trying to stop them.. she cried too much in the passing week.. and she didn't want to cry another tear because of him.
" Holly..? " she heard a voice behind her, turning around to look at the blue eyes, she knew too well.. looking down to the mouth she knew too well.. looking up to see the curls she knew too well.
" Yeah.. " she said closing her eyes and shaking her head.. not believing that he was here.. that he was standing there.. really there. She didn't see Justin's face glow when he saw her.. she didn't see his eyes light up.. and she didn't see the soft look that was on his face.
" W- What are you doing here.. ? " he asked and she smiled as she remembered the last time they had met, when a very similar conversation went on.
" I- I don't know.. " she said honestly, not opening her eyes, afraid that she'll cry if she will look into his eyes.. afraid that he will see what she was feeling.. She knew that he could read her, her eyes.. very well.. He knew her too well.
" You don't know.. ? " he asked shaking his curly head, not really understanding what she was saying. But, in second thought.. he didn't know what he was doing there.. what made him go for a walk at that moment.. what made him tell Britney that he will call her later, just getting up and going for a walk.. maybe it was fate.. he thought to himself, snickering a little at his thoughts.
" No. I don't... " she said shrugging her shoulders and turning to go.. He couldn't watch her walk away.. not again. He just couldn't.
" Lolly! Wait! " he cried out to her retreating figure and she stopped dead in her tracks as he called her in that name.. that special name that he had for her.. She turned to him, the tears now falling freely down her cheek. making his heart ache. He couldn't see her cry.. never could.. never will be able to. He loved her too much.
" What do you want Justin? " she asked, annoyed at him for calling her that name, annoyed at him for making her love him.. even when he hurt her. annoyed at him for being like he was.. For just being him.
" I want to talk.. " he said, his voice desperate and his blue eyes looking at her, pleading.. he looked so sad that she almost stayed. but then the image of that night came to her mind.. him telling her that he doesn't love her.. her crying.. "
I cant.. I don't want to.. " she said shaking her head, her brown hair fallowing the motion of her head and her brown eyes misting over with tears. She couldn't.. she wont.. she needed to go.. and now.. just to get away from him.. to run. and she did. She turned to the other direction. running for her life. Leaving him standing there, tears falling from his eyes, shaking his head.
" Why?! " she yelled into the empty house as she got there, gasping for breath and panting. She ran all the way home.. not stopping for a second to look back.. not stopping to breath.. just running. " Why god?! Why!? " she yelled again felling to her knees and crying.. not knowing what to do.. not knowing how to react to the look in his eyes.. to the tone of his voice when he called for her.. the tears that were in his eyes. She felt her eyes close, and she fell asleep. like that, on the floor.
She was in a place she didn't know.. she didn't recognized her surrounding.. but something inside her heart told her that she belonged in that place.. that she was safe there. She turned around and looked at that place. it was a field. a big field. With flowers and trees, butterflies flying around the flowers and bees buzzing in the air. A perfect place. She felt a presence next to her, turning around she found her self standing face to face with Justin. She started to run towards him, wanting to kiss him, But something held her down.. she couldn't move. He turned away from her, and she wanted to scream. she opened her mouth to do so.. but nothing came out.. she tried to yell for him, to stop.. to turned around to face her.. but no sound came out of her mouth. She looked down at her feet and found them tied to an iron bar with a chain. she bent down and tried to unlock the key, to yank herself free, but when she tried to touch the chain, her hand went right through it. She screamed, and fell from her bed.
Holly sat up on the floor, looking around her, gasping for breath. It was only a dream.. it was only a dream.. she kept telling herself. The dream felt so real.. she wiped the sweat away from her forehead and got up to sit on her bed. What was she doing up stairs? Who brought her up..? she shook her head, then groaned and put her hand to her head. It hurt really bad. She got up from the bed, walking to the bathroom and taking out one Advil. She popped it into her mouth, taking a seep of water from the glass that was on her night dresser. " I want to die.. " she said flopping back on her bed, looking at the ceiling. She did want to die.. She was feeling dead anyway.. so why live..? She sighed again trying to get those thoughts out of her head.. she wasn't suppose to think them.. She'll think happy thoughts.. Happy thoughts.. right. She tried to think about something happy, but the only thing that came into her mind was the picture of Justin's face when she ran from him... The face that she loved.. the man that she loved. The phone rang, snapping Holly out of her thoughts. She groaned and sat up, reaching for the receiver. " Hello? " she asked into the phone, her voice tired and shaky with tears.
" Holly? " asked a man's voice from the other side of the line. Holly knew that voice, but couldn't put it with a face.
" Yes.. ? "
" It's JC.. " said the man and Holly snapped her fingers.. of course it was JC..
" Hi.. "
" Hi.. Listen.. Ummm.. could you come here.. ? "
" What..? "
" Could you come here? "
" What for? "
" Justin. "
" What..? "
" For Justin.. "
" I heard that JC.. why does Justin need me? "
" He just does Holly.. I don't know what happened between you two.. but he is really in bad shape. "
" Bad shape? " she asked, concerned.. she knew she wasn't supposed to care.. he hurt her. she was supposed to be happy that he was hurting too.. but she cared.. too much.
" Yes.. Listen.. could you just come here? "
" I cant JC.. I just cant.. " she said fingering her ring, feeling the tears coming back to her eyes, trying to stop them.
" Why not? "
" I just cant OK? "
" Holly.. You have to.. he is.. I don't know.. he really needs you.. "
" HE needs ME!? ME!? He was the one who didn't want anything to do with me! He was the one who said he doesn't love me anymore! And he needs ME!? This is ridicules! It's.. It's absurd! It's stupid! " she yelled, crying freely now, not caring..
" Holly.. Holly! Listen to me! Calm down OK..? Take deep breaths.. in out.. in.. out.. " said a feminine voice and Holly stopped crying for a second.
" Dani? " she asked, her voice shaking and unsteady.
" Yes.. Honey.. breath.. "
" I am breathing.. "
" Good.. keep doing it.. "
" Dan.. what are you doing there? "
" I came to visit the guys.. and heard you yelling at Josh over the phone. "
" Tell him I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to blow up like I did.. "
" He understands.. It's you I'm worried about.. "
" I'm OK.. "
" Bullshit.. "
" Dani! "
" Sorry.. but you are not OK girl and you know it.. "
" I am OK.. I just need some time.. "
" It's been a week.. and all you did this week was to cry and sit in your room. "
" I went for a walk today.. "
" I'm happy.. did you enjoy it? "
" Not really.. "
" Oh? "
" I met him.. "
" Him? "
" Justin.. " she whispered, just the sound of his name bringing the tears back into her eyes.. She really wanted to be with him right now.. She wanted him there.. just to smell his sweet scent.. to feel him, behind her, his arms wrapped around her waist and his head laying on her shoulder, trying to read her book, or trying to just teas her..
" Oh honey.. "
" It was nothing big.. He wanted to talk.. I said I cant.. I ran away leaving him crying.. Oh Dani! I love him! "
" Holl.. I- "
" I really love him Dani! With all my heart! And.. he.. he doesn't love me! "
" He does.. "
" What? "
" He does love you.. "
" What do you mean? "
" I mean that he loves you.. more than he knows.. and that scares him.. "
" What? No.. he said himself that he doesn't love me.. it's not true.. it's not.. " she said crying hysterically.. She didn't know why.. but the though of him saying it, and not meaning it, hurt her more than the thought of him meaning it.
" Holly! Holly! Listen to me!! Sit down! and calm down.. "
" I am sitting.. "
" Then lie down.. "
" I don't want to.. "
" Holly! "
" OK.. OK.. "
" Great.. are you lying? "
" Yes.. "
" Go to sleep.. I'll call you tomorrow.. "
" Thank you for the help.. "
" Hush.. Just go to sleep OK? "
" OK.. - " she yawned, cutting her sentence..
" What..? "
" Goodnight.. "
" Goodnight hun.. I'll call you tomorrow. "
" Bye.. "
" Bye.. "
They both hung up in the same time. Holly lay back in her bed, putting her head on the pillow. She looked up to the ceiling.. thinking about what Danielle had said.. He did love her.. what was that about..? She wont think about it now.. She will go to sleep. and she did, wishing for no weird dreams this time.
" She went to sleep.. " said Danielle to the four waiting faces in the room, getting groans from all of them. She rolled her eyes, flopping into the nearest couch with a sigh.
" Why did she go to sleep.. ? " asked Chris and Danielle turned to him, glaring at him and then giving him a look that said ' DUH ' .
" Because she was too upset and I couldn't talk to her like that.. " she said and Chris nodded his head, to show her that he understands.
" They are worrying me.. both of them.. " said JC who was sitting across the room from Danielle, his long legs crossed and his arms folded across his chest.
" I know.. Holly.. Is not taking it really good.. and Justin.. well.. we all know what happened with Justin.. " said Danielle and they all nodded sadly. all five remembered very good what happened to Justin.
" Guys..? " asked Justin weakly as he entered the big house where his friends were, barley walking, his arms and legs shaking..
" Justin.. ? " asked Lance who was walking into the living room from the kitchen, dropping the bowl of popcorn that was in his hands and running to his younger friend, just in time to catch him from falling to the floor.
" Guys! Come here! " he yelled, straggling to hold Justin's body.. The other three guys came running into the living room, gasping as they saw Justin in Lance's arms.
" What happened? " asked Joey running to Lance and helping him take Justin to the sofa, laying the younger boy on it.
" I don't know.. he came in.. called for us.. I came in.. and boom.. he falls.. " said Lance, his green eyes full of worry and his face with a stressed look on it. Joey looked at his other band mates, Chris who was calling for an ambulance and JC who brought a wet clothe to put on Justin's forehead, both with expressions of great concern on the faces.
" They said that the ambulance will be here in 20 minutes.. " said Chris putting the phone back in it's cradle and sighing loudly, walking to the sofa and kneeling in front of the unconscious boy.
" 20 minutes? That's really long man.. what if something happens to him..? " asked Joey shaking his head and looking the others, then at Justin, his eyes full of concern.
" Nothing will happen to him.. " said JC, hoping in his heart that it was true and that Justin will be OK.
Justin was OK.. physically... but he was really stressed emotionally. the only thing that was on his mind was her.. he couldn't stop thinking about her.. about how much he loved her.. and how much he hurt her.. he wanted her there.. just to kiss her.. and hold her.. and to tell her that she was everything for him.. that he loved her.. and will ALWAYS love her.. no matter what troubles they will have.. no matter what obstacles will be in their way.. he will ALWAYS love her.. and he wanted to tell her.. but couldn't.. he felt so vulnerable, so pitiful.. so small.. He felt like a child.. and he wanted to cry.. He just felt small.. and he DID cry.. he cried since they came back from the hospital.. when he woke up he said there was no use in going to the hospital, but the guys insisted that they will. The doctor said that he was under a lot of emotional stress and he should take some time off. management gave him 3 days to relax.. but all he wanted was to do something.. anything.. that will take her off his mind.. to DO something.. He sighed, sitting up in his bed, and looking around his room, looking for something to do.. his eyes landed on his basketball, picking it up he went out the door and went to shoot some hoops. Hoping that everything will be fine.. No.. Knowing that everything will be fine.. he will make sure of that.
FOUR
Right Here, Right Now, Things Might Change
" I don't want to go.. " she whined, trying to take fierce hold of her blanked and pillow, preventing from the pair of strong arms to drag her out of bed. The man who was standing above her sighed, reaching for her hand once more.
" Come on Holly! Stop being a baby! " he said, his deep voice desperate and pleading, trying to make the young girl to get out of bed.. He really didn't want to be the one to do this.. he would have been more than happy to let Danielle or even Joey, which were both better friends with Holly than him.. but no! They had to send him..
" I am not being a baby! I am just telling you that I am staying here.. " she said, taking the blanket down a little to reveal her pouting mouth and pleading eyes. He sighed again shaking his head. Justin and Holly were perfect for each other.. he thought with a smile. Always pouting and whining.
" No you are not! You are coming with me over to Joey's! " he said tagging at her hand, making the blanked fall off of her, causing her to shiver lightly as the cool air hit her hot skin.
" But why do I need to go there?? " she asked yanking her hand free from his grip and crawling away from him, poking her tong out, making him smile at her childish gustier. His green eyes searched her brown ones, trying to tell her without words to get out of bed and to come with him. He didn't have a good excuse so... So he was stuck. Him, Joey Chris and Danielle were planning on bringing both Justin and Holly over to Joey's and to make them talk. JC wanted nothing to do with it, claiming that it will all blow up in their faces.
" Just because you do. " he said, almost smacking him self. Just because you do? Good one Lance.. Now she will never come.. The girl is too smart. he scolded himself mentally as she looked him over suspiciously.
" Just because I do? " she asked raising an eyebrow at him and smiling at him innocently but sadly, trying to get him to tell her what was going on. He shook his head at her, smiling.
" Yes.. Joey wanted you to come for lunch.. Everyone will be there.. The guys, Danielle, Marry Ann, Amanda, Bobbie.. everyone.. " he said as her smile fell and she shook her head at him, signaling that there is no way she is going there.
" By the guys you mean Justin too..? " she asked wincing at the sound of his name, even if it did come out of her mouth. His green eyes held a sympathetic glint, and he offered a little smile.
" No.. Justin is not going to be there.. " he said, amazed how easy it was for him to lie to her like that.. Maybe it was because it is for a good cause. She sighed, some with relief, some with disappointment.
" Why..? " she asked weakly, almost no heard to him.. He leaned closer, almost sitting on her bed now and patted her shoulder.
" He had things to do.. " he said simply shrugging his shoulders and then running his hand through his blond hair. She looked at him skeptically but then shrugged.
" I guess I can come.. " she said and he felt like jumping up and screaming with joy.. They all saw how miserable Justin was in the last few days, and from what he saw now and from what Dani had told him, Holly too, wasn't doing that good.
" Great.. I'll.. Umm.. let you get dressed.. I'm going to be down stairs.. " he said turning to the door and walking away from her, closing the door.
" I hate you Lance Bass.. I just hate you. "
" Come on Justin! You know you want to come! " said Chris pulling at the younger man's arm and trying to get him to get up from the sofa. Justin sighed, shaking his head at Chris.
" No I don't.. Chris.. I just want to stay home.. ALONE.. " he said sitting back in the sofa and looking up at Chris, who was looking down at him, his brown eyes holding a soft look and his face concerned.
" J.. The fresh air will be good for you.. and.. you know who's gonna be there..? " asked Chris, watching as Justin's face lighted up and his eyes twinkled, a smile spreading on his lips..
" Who..? " he asked eagerly and Chris couldn't look into his eyes, wanting more than anything to tell Justin that Holly was coming.. But.. That was not the plan.. they weren't supposed to know.. both of them.
" Marry Ann.. Dani, Bobbie and Amanda! " said Chris trying to sound excited.. which he was, a little. They haven't seen those girls in ages.. well.. not him at least. And they were coming to Joey's today.. for a little get together.
" Oh.. " said Justin, his face falling as he sank back in the sofa, looking very small and pitiful.
" J.. Come on.. please come..? " asked Chris, his voice a little pleading and his mouth turning into an automatically pout. Justin smiled sadly at him and shook his head, letting out a sigh..
" Whatever.. " he said and Chris jumped up a little into the air, fighting the urge to do a little dance. Justin looked at him, one eyebrow raised. Chris smiled sheepishly at him and shrugged his shoulders.
" Great.. I'll pick you up in an hour OK? " he asked and started to walk to wards the door, not letting Justin time to answer him.
" Yes.. Just great... " mumbled Justin under his breath, getting up and going to his room, to get dressed.
" So.. Is she coming? " asked Chris to Lance as soon as he answered his phone.
" Whoa there.. Yes she is coming.. But it wasn't easy.." said Lance and Chris could hear him sigh softly in the background.
" Your telling me..? He looks like hell Scoop.. "
" So does she.. "
" Well.. Let's hope something good will come out of this.. Are you going now..? "
" As soon as she is dressed, Yes. I am down at the living room right now.. "
" OK.. I said to J that I'll pick him in an hour.. "
" Great.. that gives us a lot of time.. "
" Yeah.. "
" Listen man.. I gotta go.. see you at Joey's? "
" Sure.. see you Lance.. "
they both hung up at the same time.. Chris getting into his car and driving to his house and Lance returning to his place on the couch.
" OK.. I'm ready.. and I am still mad at you for making me go.. " she said coming down the stairs making him jump a little. She giggled and ran to the shoes closet, taking out her black platform boots and yanking the on, closing the zipper. He smiled at her and shook his head.
" You are not at me.. You think you are.. but you love me.. " he said smiling. She smiled a little smile and ran out of the house, leaving him to stand there. " Oh god.. " he said rolling his eye to wards heaven and shaking his head, going out after her.
" Holl! " said Joey happily as he spotted her coming with Lance, unwrapping his arms from around Marry Ann, giving her a small peck on the lips and going to give Holly a hug. She smiled into his shoulder and hugged him back, happy at his familiar scent.
" Hi Joe... " she said quietly as he laughed and gave her a little squeeze. He let go of her just to have Marry Ann wrap her strong basketball player arms around her, almost squeezing all the air out of her.
" Hi there girl.. " she said softly after she had let Holly go, looking at her closely, a soft look in her eyes.
" Hi Mar.. " said Holly, trying to smile at the girl in front of her. Marry Ann's face fell and she hugged Holly closely, again. giving her a sympathetic look as she left.
" Hi there.. " said Bobbie getting closer to Holly, Her beautiful face lighten up by a big smile, showing her perfect white teeth.
" Bobbie.. " said Holly sadly, the tears stinging in her eyes for some unknown reason.. she sniffled, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. Bobbie looked at her strangely, her green eyes full of concern.
" Oh Holl.. " she said rushing to the younger girl's side and hugging her closer to her. Everyone stopped what they were doing, looking at the two girls, one now crying hysterically and the other hugging her, rocking back and forth. Danielle emerged from the house, going to stand next to the two, soothingly rubbing Holly's back. Marry Ann and Amanda excused them self from Joey and Lance and walked over to stand there too, trying to calm the hysteric girl. The four guys stared with amazement as the girls helped Holly, taking care of her, just like sisters.. or mothers..
" Oh god.. look at me.. making a scene. " said Holly once she stopped crying, making the four girls laugh and smack her at the back of her head, then looking at each other, laughing hysterically. The guys looked at their girlfriends and friends, a little scared for their mental health and shook their heads, waiting for them to stop laughing.
" What's so funny..? " asked a voice from the gate and they turned to see Chris and Justin standing there. Holly's surprised face matched Justin's as they stood there, staring into each other's eyes. Everyone were quite, not daring to breath, not daring to move.. not wanting to break this moment. Not that Holly and Justin would have noticed if they did do something.. They wouldn't notice a hurricane right now.. Nothing.. They just stood there... and Then.. Holly ran.. But this time, Justin was not going to let her get away.
" Holly!! Holly wait! Holly! " he yelled after her, running as fast as he could, trying to catch up with her.. She just kept on running, and running.. not paying any attention to him.. Not listening to him.. Shutting him off. " Holly! Holly for god sakes! Stop for a second and listen to me! " he shouted to her, still running, as they got to the back of Joey's house, and she was still in full run.
" To listen to you?! To listen to you?! The last time I listened to you I ended up with a broken heart!!! I ended up losing the person I loved the most!!! I ended up.. losing you.. " she yelled, finally stopping and turning to him, her brown eyes full of tears and her beautiful face tears streaked. He stopped dead in his tracks, looking at her pained eyes, and her pained statement.. It broke his heart. She fell to the grass and fell down next to her, hugging her close to him.. She jerked away at his touch, wincing.
" Oh Holly.. " he said, his sad voice barely above a whisper and his eyes stinging with tears.. Not being able to take it anymore he let the tears spill free down his cheek. Holly stared at him with amazement, not really believing what she was seeing.. Justin, Was crying..? Why was he crying..?
" Justin.. this is not good for us.. " she said shaking her head, tears running down her cheek and her eyes sad, and blood shot. Justin looked up at her, a questioning look on his face, not really keeping up.
" What is not good for us..? " he asked raising an eyebrow at her in a way the always made her laugh. She smiled sadly at the memories of their days together.. memories of the happy times.. Memories.. of them.
" This.. " she said gesturing to her, and then to him.. and to her crying eyes, smiling sadly. He nodded his head, to show her that he understood. " And this should stop.. we should get on with out lives.. I wont be in you way anymore.. and you'll never have to tolerate me being next to you. " she said as his face turned into a shocked frown.. He wont have to tolerate her?! She wont be in his way?! he WANTED her in his way.. He WANTED to tolerate her.. he just wanted her to be THERE. Where he was.. Wherever he was.. He just wanted.. no.. needed her to be there. She was his everything.. and he needed her to be with him.
" Hol- "
" Justin.. Don't.. I really cant hear this right now.. I just cant.. We should.. no. we NEED to go on with out life.. this is not healthy for the both of us.. You don't love me anymore.. I understand that.. I have nothing to do against that.. so I have nothing to do BUT understand that.. And I will not be the one to make you stay with me.. I will not be the one to make you suffer. I love you too much for that. I love you too much to bind you to me.. I love you too much, but I still cant let you hurt me.. and you did.. You really did.. and.. I need to go.. " she said getting up and running off again, leaving a stunned Justin to stare after her.. He sat there for a few moments before a sob escaped him. He crumbled into a little ball on the grass and cried.
" Holly..? " asked Bobbie once Holly had come back to the front of the house, her face tear streaked and her eyes red and bloodshot.
" Huh..? " she asked turning to Bobbie and bowing her head so she wont see the tears coming down her cheeks, against her own will.
" What happened? " asked Bobbie, guiding her to sit down on the swing, where Amanda and Marry Ann were sitting.
" I don't want to talk about it.. could someone please take me home..? " she asked looking at them all, her brown eyes pleading to leave her alone.. to give her some time with her self.. Bobbie exchanged looks with the two other girls and nodded her head.
" Sure.. I'll take you home.. " she said linking her arm through Holly's and guiding her to her car. Holly was crying softly now, tears spilling from her eyes, down her cheeks and then falling to the ground, leaving a little splash mark on the land.
" Holly.. You need to talk about this.. you know it's not good to keep things like this in.. " said Bobbie, on the verge of tears herself, just seeing her friend like that made her want to cry. The friend that she considered her little sister.. That she wanted to protect.. The friend she loved with all her heart.. and the friend she was VERY worried about. She was really afraid that Holly would hurt herself, Like Justin did.. And she was not sure that Holly could take something like that right now.. She was sure she couldn't. She was very weak right now, and she needed time to get her strength back.
" I know that Bobs.. But.. I just cant talk about it right now.. I know I should.. but I just cant.. " said Holly shaking her head, looking up into the sky, the sunny, mid June sky. Holly prayed for a stormy weather. She prayed for something bad to happen to her.. she prayed to die. She couldn't take the pain that she was feeling inside her heart.. What wont she give for something to stop that pain? For something to bring back the happiness into her life.
" Bu- "
" Bobs.. please.. don't pressure me.. I will talk when I feel that I'm ready.. " she said, cutting her off as they reached Bobbie's red Mustang, wiping the tears away from her eyes. Bobbie shook her head, unlocking her car and getting in. Holly soon followed her, opening the door to the passengers side, flopping into the seat. with a soft thud.
" OK.. but promise me that you'll come to me when you want to talk? If not to me then to Dani or Manda or Mar.. Promise me OK? " said Bobbie as she drove out of Joey's drive way, turning in the direction of Holly's house. Holly nodded her head softly, not sure that Bobbie saw that she let out a small
" OK.. " . Bobbie smiled, satisfied and turned left.
" Thanks for the ride Bobs... " said Holly, getting out of the car, closing the door after her. Bobbie nodded her head, getting out of the car too and walking to Holly, embracing the younger girl into a hug.
" Take care of your self OK? " she asked almost in tears, not knowing why. Holly nodded, giving Bobbie a kiss on the cheek before turning to run into the house. Bobbie sighed, going back into her car and driving back to Joey's, where she knew she going to be asked A LOT of questions.
" Justin? Justin? Can you hear me? " asked someone above Justin's head, the voice cutting through the darkness in his head, cutting through the silence. Justin tried to open his eyes, but they were heavy, they were so heavy.. He tried to open his mouth to talk to them.. But it was heavy too, he couldn't open it.
" Mmmm.. " was the only thing he was able to let out, hoping they will take it as a sign that he was hearing them.. That he knew they were there.
" Oh good.. he talks.. " said another voice, full with relief and happiness, a slight humor in his voice. Justin tried again to open his eyes, this time succeeding in opening them. He was Joey's living room, probably on the sofa, and around him stood all his friends, expressions of great worry, mixed with relief on their faces.
" Um.. Hi.. " he said trying to lift his head a little, but deciding against it when the horrible headache split through his head. They all smiled at him and the next thing he knew, a glass was pushed in his face and a pill was put in his hand. He looked at them questionably raising an eyebrow.
" Take it.. " said Danielle, nodding her head at the pill. he rolled his eyes, reaching for the glass of water and taking the pill. He popped the pill into his mouth, almost chocking but succeeding in swallowing it. " Yuck. " he said shaking his head sitting up, trying to ignore his headache.
" What happened? What am I doing here? " he asked.. He remembered falling on the grass.. He remembered her walking away.. He remembered.. the words she said.. The tears were coming back to his eyes as the words she said repeated in his mind.. over and over again.
" You collapsed.. Again.. " said Joey, letting out a sigh and sitting back in the couch, fixing Justin with a look. Justin sighed, shaking his head.
" Ummm.. People? are you here? " asked a voice through the intercom, a voice everyone knew. Joey jumped up, going to buzz her in. JC got up from the floor where he was sitting, going to welcome his girlfriend.
" So? How is she? " asked Danielle as Bobbie entered the room, trying not to see Justin cringe, trying not to see the tears that were shining in his blue eyes, not to see his hurt look.
" She'll live. " she said simply, not wanting to say more, not wanting to cause Justin more pain.. Not wanting to talk about it herself. The others looked at her, wanting her to continue, wanting to hear. But she shook her head, not saying another thing.
Justin was tired of the sympathetic looks that he was getting, tired of the fact the everyone treated him like he was going to break. " I need to go. " he said, getting up, ignoring the pain, ignoring the tears that were in his eyes. Ignoring the looks of his friends, ignoring their protests.. He walked quickly, almost running, got out the house and ran. He ran, not knowing exactly where he was going, Just running, getting out of there.
Three days later, Holly was sitting in the living room, dressed in a pair of boxers and an old T shirt, watching old movies when the door bell was heard through the house, startling her. She raised an eyebrow, wondering who it could be, but go up walking to the door and gasping when she saw the man who was standing out side the door, his hands in his pockets, his pale face tear streaked. she opened the door, her face wearing an statement of puzzlement.
" J- Justin? What are you doing here? " she asked, leaning onto the door frame for support. trying not to show any sign of weakness, trying to be strong. He smiled at her a little, rubbing his temples.
" I need to talk to you. " he said sternly, taking her hand, not giving her any chance to get away from him he pushed her inside the house. " Sit. " he ordered once they entered the living room, gesturing to the couch with his hand and rubbing the back of his head. She rubbed the place where he grubbed her hand, giving him a questioning look, she sat down. " I talk.. You listen OK? " he asked not really waiting for her answer. " I need to do this before I lose my courage, Because I know I am going to if I don't say this now.. I.. I know I hurt you.. I know that you really hate me now.. That I am the person you hate the most right now.. " he said and she didn't try to stop him, to protest, to prove him wrong. She did hate him.. She hated him, but loved him so much in the same time, and that was confusing her. She didn't know which feeling was stronger.. Which feeling will take over her.. Which feeling she wanted to take over her. " But.. I.. I don't know how to say this.. I really don't know.. I love you? " he said and she gasped when his words hit her..
He loved her? He couldn't do it to her.. Not now when she was starting to get over him, when she was starting a new life. Without him.
" Why? " she asked, taking him by surprise, he raised an eyebrow, looking at her, blue eyes boring into brown eyes.
" Why..? " he repeated her words, sinking into the chair that was next to him, putting his hands in his lap.
" Yes.. Why now? Why when I'm trying to start over? Why when I am over you? When I'm over the pain that you caused me? Did you expect me to run into your arms and to forgive you for everything? " she asked, shaking her head when she was answered by silence. Justin shook his head. Had he expected her to run to him? To forget her pain? To forgive him? He didn't know.. He didn't think about it when he got out of his house, heading there. his mind was set on only one thing.. Her.. on her and only her. He though of nothing but her since that day at Joey's.. He had played her words in his mind over and over, those words hurting him, more and more every time.
" I don't know.. I didn't think about it.. " he said shaking his head and looking over at her, where she sat, her head in her hands, and he watched as she lifted her head, looking into his eyes, letting out a sigh.
" You didn't think about it? " she asked, her voice almost unheard. He nodded his head to the sign of yes, sighing.
" I only thought about you since that day.. " he confessed, looking into her eyes, searching for clues about her feelings.. He saw her eyes begin to water and he wanted to get up and hug her. He would have done it.. But he was afraid that she would get away from him.
" That is sweet Justin, but it still doesn't explain why, not more than two weeks ago you said that you didn't love me.. and now.. now you come here saying that you do love me? " she said getting up and starting to pace the room, shaking her head and mumbling to herself as she did so. He didn't know what to say to her.. How will he explain what was going on inside his head? How could he?
" That is what I'm saying, That I love you.. And Hol.. Believe me.. I never meant to hurt you!! Never in my life I wanted to hurt you.. And.. I.. I don't know what to say to you.. I don't know how to explain things.. " he said with a sigh and a shake of his head. He wanted her to know.. Wanted this to be over with.. His body ached for her. She got up, walking to him and kneeling in front of him, looking at him dead in the eyes. She was looking for something in his eyes, something that will show her that he wasn't lying.. That he really DID love her..
" You never meant to hurt me? " she asked, whispering. He nodded his head, closing his eyes, trying to prevent himself from just taking her, and kissing every inch of her face. Having her that close to him, drove him nuts.. The corners of his mouth twitched a little, forming a little smile, when the song " You Drive Me Crazy " came into his mind. She let out a sad laugh shaking her head.
" Never meant to hurt me?! That is a good one Justin! Do you even know what I've been through in the last week?? Do you know how much I cried?! How many time I've played that day in my mind?! Over and over.. Trying to figure out what I did wrong.. what made you stop loving me.. " she said with a bitter tone in her voice, getting up and resuming her pacing, not really looking at him at any time. He sighed, getting up and walking to stand next to her.
" Holly! Calm down.. " he said grabbing her shoulders, making her stop. She whirled around, a deadly look he knew too well on her face. He backed away one step, raising his hands into the air. " Whoops.. Sorry.. Shouldn't have touched you.. " he said to her, making a smile appear on her face. But then she sobered, giving him a glare, she stormed past him, going to the kitchen. Chocolate.. he though to himself, shaking his head, amused. He turned to go into the kitchen, knowing that he will find her going trough the things that were in the second cabinet to the right, looking for something sweet.
" Holly.. You are not going to solve our problems by eating.. " he said walking into the kitchen, finding her sitting on a stool, looking sadly at a piece of chocolate cake in front of her, not wanting to eat it but needing something sweet.
" How did you know I will do that? " she asked raising her eyes to look at him. He saw the look in her eyes and he could almost see his heart, going out to her, reaching for her.
" You always do that when you upset.. And beside you told me that it calmed you down.. " he said with a shrug of his shoulders, while she looked at him strangely, a little, unnoticed smile creeping onto her lips. He remembered.. She had said that to him one day when she was on tour with them, and they were all alone in their hotel room, talking. She never thought he would remember that.
" You remember that? " she asked, disbelieve filling her voice, her eyebrow raised. He nodded his head, shrugging his shoulders at her.
" I guess.. " he said with another shrug, turning to sit on a chair next to the big table that was in the middle of the room.
" You remembered that little thing? " she asked again, getting up and walking to stand in front of him, looking into his eyes.
" Y-Yes.. " he said, lost in her eyes. She had that affect on him, whenever he looked into her eyes, he would freeze, stutter, what not? He was just lost in them.
" Justin I just want to know, why? " she asked. a simple and innocent question. but he didn't know what to say.. how could he explain what was going on inside his heart? He knew he should be able to tell her everything, he knew that he WAS able to tell her everything. Everything but this. Why? asked a voice inside his head, and Justin had no answer for that voice, had no answer for himself, and for her. Is it your pride? asked the voice and for a minute Justin was afraid that was it, that his pride was getting in the way, that, that it will over come his love for her.
" I was scared. " he whispered, Thanking god in his heart, for giving him the courage to say those words, to admit the feelings that he was having, to give her a reason for what he had done, For the pain.
" You were scared? " she asked, not really knowing the meaning of those words to him, not really understanding. He nodded his head and moved his hand through his blond curls, shaking his head.
" Scared of what? " she asked, moving to sit next to him on a chair, looking into his eyes, her fierce look now soft.
" Hurt.. " he said softly, raising his eyes to look at her, smiling bitterly as he saw the statement on her face. Her statement was of shock mixed with pain.
" Hurt? " she repeated, whispering, and he nodded his head, closing his eyes.
" What do you mean by that Justin? " she asked and his eyes popped open, to see her right in front of him, staring at him.
" I don't know.. " he said honestly putting both of his hands in his lap, looking at her. She closed her eyes for a second, and then opened them.
" You.. Don't.. Know..? " she asked slowly closing the gap between them, and he found him self drawn to her mouth, leaning closer and closer, wanting her more than anything in the world. And then, their lips met.
The feeling that he knew too well took over him, the feeling of the land disappearing under his legs, of the world disappearing around him, of the chills that ran down his spin and of the blessed happiness that he felt. The feeling that he belonged, that this is where he was supposed to be. But then, it stopped.
" Justin? What are we doing? " she asked, and he opened his eyes to find her standing up, looking down at him, an unreadable look on her face.
" kissing? " he asked, getting up to stand next to her, putting both of his hands on her shoulders, smiling a little when she didn't flinch away from him, when she hadn't move away.
" We're not supposed to be kissing. It's not right! " she exclaimed shrugging off his hands and starting to pace the small kitchen.
" Why not? " he asked and she stopped, looking at him, eyebrow raised.
" Why not? Why not?! I'll tell you why not!! Because you don't love me!! You hurt me!! You.. You.. " was all she said before she broke. She fell to the floor, crying. And he fell next to her, this time she let him hold her, let him comfort her, let him be there. He rubbed her back soothingly, rocking back and forth.
" Oh Holl.. no. I love you with all my heart.. and that's what scared me.. That I love you.. I was so scared of that.. And I did the one thing I could.. told you I don't love you.. But I DO love you.. More than I can express in words.. More than I could ever love someone in my life.. I would die for you.. and I was SO scared of that Holly.. so scared.. And I understand if you could never forgive me.. If I were you, I wouldn't forgive me.. But.. I just wanted to tell you this.. That I love you.. and that I always will. " he said, crying himself now and she lifted her head from his shoulder, looking into his eyes. And she saw everything.. She saw the sincerity in his eyes, she saw love in them, saw the pleading. And she did what she wanted to do so bad, she kissed him, this time holding the kiss for as long as she could. At first he was surprised, but then he kissed her back, smiling into her mouth. When they broke away, Justin's smile was threatening to split his face in two.
" Woohoo!! " he called, jumping up and doing a little dance, taking her with him. She laughed, forgetting the past two weeks and forgetting everything they had been through, just, starting a new life, with the one she loved.
FIVE
�Perfect - Just Perfect
" Wow.. That was... " she breath, leaning into him, trying to sort her breath. He smiled kissing the top of her head.
" I know.. are you sure it was your first time? " he asked and she turned around a little to smack him on the back of his head.
" Yes I'm sure.. Let's do it again! " she said turning to him, kissing him full on the mouth. He smiled into her mouth, shaking his head, making her head shake too.
" I think I've created a monster.. " he said and she groaned playfully, kissing him again, taking his hand and putting it in hers
" No you didn't.. OK maybe you did.. but you have to admit that it was fun. " she said and he nodded his head, smiling down at her.
" Yes.. it was VERY fun. " he said with a devilish smile on his face. " But I can't feel my hand. " he said laughing as she groaned, hiding her face in her hands.
" I wasn't that bad!! Right? " she asked a little unsure. and he laughed again, pointing at her.
" Yes you were.. You were cutting the blood supply from my hand! " he said, shaking his hand up and down to add to the affect, laughing.
" Oh shut up! " she said through her hands. Her hands hiding the smile that was on her lips, the twinkle in her eyes.
" Come on.. let's do it again.. " he said pulling her towards the line, buying two tickets.
She laughed, taking her ticket from him and standing before him in the line, as he wrapped his arms around her, resting his head on hers and smiling into her hair. They were at Disney World, where Justin insisted on taking her on the Space Mountain for the first time in her life. She had put up a fight, but ended up enjoying it. To the people around them, it looked like an aura of love was surrounding the two.. They were together all the time since that day when they go back together and never looked happier.. Holly's face were glowing every time she would look at Justin, a constant smile on her face, and Justin's eyes would twinkle when you even talked about her. Yes.. they were in love.
" Told you it was a good idea! " said Chris to JC, elbowing him. JC smiled, shaking his head and throwing his hands into the air.
" OK! I admit! You had a good idea! " he said rolling his eyes, and Chris jumped up, letting out a yell.
" Woohoo!! He admitted it! " he said, and Dani smacked him in the back of his head, shushing him. " Sorry.. " he said smiling sheepishly and shrugging his shoulders.
Everyone laughed, and turned back to the couple who were now laughing about something. They laughed again as they watched Holly smack Justin, who was pouting at her.
" You idiot! " she exclaimed jokingly hitting him again, her eyes shooting daggers at him.
" What?! " he asked innocently, putting his hands together and smiling at her. She rolled her eyes, shaking her head.
" Never mind.. " she said, pushing him further in the line, noticing that the people who were in front of them moved.
" Yeah right.. " he said rolling his baby blue eyes and kissing her on the tip of her nose, smiling at her.
" Come here.. " she said pulling him down to her, kissing him on the mouth. For a moment he looked around him, to see if no one was watching them.. but then, he closed his eyes, giving up.
" I love you.. You know that? " he asked her after they parted lips, smiling down at her.
She smiled back at him nodding her head. " And I love you.. " she said to him, kissing him again, love filling her eyes.
" Awwww.. " said Bobbie, hugging JC's waist and looking at the young couple who were kissing. JC rolled his eyes, shaking his head at his girlfriend.
" They are so sweet I think I am going to burf.. " said Chris, adding a gagging motion to make the affect complete. Danielle, once again, hit him on the back of his head, glaring at him. He smiled at her, giving her a friendly hug.
" Oh.. Don't even try that.. " she said shaking a finger at him and shaking her head. He pouted giving her his best puppy dog face. She put her hand in front of his face, turning her head to the other direction. " Nah uh.. don't give me that face. " she said laughing at him. Everyone shook their heads, laughing.
" Justyyyyyy... " she whined, knowing he hated that nickname, patting his shoulder.
" Yes Hollllllllly? " he asked back at the same tone, batting his eyelashes at her. She laughed, her arms finding their way around his waist.
" I want ice cream. " she said with a smile up at him. he laughed, shaking his head.
" Sure.. let's go get your ice cream. " he said, slinging his arm around her shoulders and leading her to the little Ice Cream shop. She smiled, leaning against him and shielding her eyes from the sun with her free hand. " What do you want? "
" Chocolate.. "
" Duh.. "
Holly smiled as she watched Justin order their ice cream. He was perfect. Her life were perfect. Yes.. Everything was perfect. Just perfect.
Justin Timberlake [20] had been the most wanted bachelor since breakup with girlfriend (ex - girlfriend ) Britney [ Spears ] but guess what girls? Not anymore. Last Monday on MTV's TRL, Timberlake announced that he WAS seeing someone, and that it was pretty serious. " I love Holly very much. She was kind of away for a little while and I'm really happy now that she’s back. " he said to MTV's VJ, Carson Daly. Timberlake also added, that this time he was being very honest about his relationship with his current girlfriend, because he thinks that he owes it to the fans after his relationship with Britney [ Spears ] were hidden from them for a long time. " When I was with Britney, the fans weren't mad about us being together, they were mad that we lied to them. And I understand that.. I'm being totally honest here. "
Group member JC Chasez says that Holly has been friends with the group long before she was Justin's girlfriend, and that they are all very happy for Justin for finding happiness with her. " Justin and Holly are perfect for each other. In some stuff, Holl is like the female version of J, but he knows his place.. " he laughed. " They were together longer than they know. It was obvious to all of us that one day, Justin and Holly will be together.
Timberlake refused to give any details about his girlfriend, other then her name, saying that " She'll kick my butt for telling you.. Holly likes her privacy.. She’s actually pretty shy. But I'm still scared of her. " he says with a laugh.
What do fans have to say? The majority say that they are very happy for Timberlake. " Justin deserves the best. I mean.. if hes happy with this girl, then I'm happy for the both of them. " says Courtney James, a 15 years old fan from Orlando, Florida.
" We're not thinking of the future right now. We're living the day and enjoying our time together. " says Timberlake, when asked if a marriage is to be expected.
So, sorry girls. But Justin Timberlake, is no longer single.
By: Gina Keneth