| Track Seven (Leave, Get Out) Atlanta March 2005 4:36pm Amanda paced the floor of her apartment, telephone attached to her ear. Her temper rising as she listened carefully to the words being spoken to her on the other end of the line. Her heart ached and her head was spinning. Her ears were on fire, not only because of the words that were being spoken but because the anger that she felt was beyond anything she�d ever felt. As she listened closely to every detail the person on the other end spoke, she fisted the sofa�s throw pillow in her right hand. She felt as if she was in the twighlight zone and couldn�t escape. She couldn�t believe that it was happening to her. The one thing she swore she would never cause on anyone, was happening to her. Her heart was broken. Complete and absolute heartbreak. �And it took you this long to confess to this?� Amanda questioned, calmly. �My intentions weren�t to hurt you, Amanda. You have to believe that.� The person on the other end said, clearly sobbing. �It�s a little late for that, don�t you think?� Amanda hissed. �You always were the type, but you know what? I can�t blame you. I�m honestly congratulating you. You�ve gotten what you�ve wanted all along.� �I never set out for this to happen. But it did, and I can�t do anything about it now. All I can do is tell you what�s going on, what�s been going on for a very long time,� The person said. �You need to let the past go, Amanda. We were kids back then.� �Yet, here we are in the same situation. Only multiply it by a thousand and we get what we have now.� Amanda�s voice raised, and she regretted that she�d let the person hear her anger. �You know I thought you would understand. That you would be a little more considerate, considering the consequences.� �Considerate? You�re fucking kidding me right now. We�ve been on the phone for two hours talking about how you�re sleeping with my boyfriend. My boyfriend of thirteen years. And you�re telling me I should be more considerate? Did you get an education? Do you understand that you shouldn�t sleep with thy neighbors husband?� �He�s not your husband.� The woman retorted. �DON�T YOU FUCKING TELL ME WHAT HE IS AND ISN�T!! I know what he is. You have no right!! You�ve never had the right!! Not when you were twelve and you pushed yourself on him. Not now, at twenty-four when you�re fucking pregnant by my man!!� �Your man apparently isn�t satisfied, Amanda.� Jessica said, the sobbing vanished, and venom back to it�s originality. �Well he wouldn�t, would he? I don�t bring the entire ESPN staff to bed with me every night.� Amanda chuckled bitterly. �How does it feel to get my sloppy seconds, Jessica? Now wait, you�ve always tasted that, haven�t you?� �Grow up, Amanda!! Jeremy has been wasting his time and life with you. All you�ve done all your life is follow Justin Timberlake around like a fucking puppy.� �SHUT UP, BITCH!!!! You don�t know what the fuck you�re talking about.� If Amanda was anywhere near the woman, she�d kill her for bringing her best friend into the conversation. �I�m not shutting up. It�s the fucking truth!! You�ve been stringing Jeremy around for years, all to safe face in front of Justin.� �WHAT?� Amanda was on the brink of committing homicide. Pregnant or not, she was going to kill the woman with her bare hands. �You don�t know shit about Justin, so keep his name out of your dirty mouth!!� �Jesus, even now you�re preferring Justin over Jeremy. That is why he came to me. That is why I�m carrying his child. That is why he should be with me.� �You�re seriously out of your god damn mind. What the fuck are you saying right now? Is Jeremy there with you? Is he telling you all this babble shit?� Amanda laughed genuinely. It was hysterical, the words out of the woman�s mouth were what she�d like to call classic comedy. �Jeremy isn�t speaking to me, right now. He�ll come around though. He�s going to be a father whether he likes it or not.� �Oh, so this is our own little secret? Let me guess. He doesn�t want anything to do with you? Poor fucking baby, no pun intended. Tell me, how does it feel to have a bastard child on the way? Pretty fucking fantastic I hope.� �FUCK YOU, AMANDA!!� �No, fuck you, JESSICA!! Fuck you and your schemes. Fuck you and Jeremy. Fuck you and your bastard fucking kid.� Amanda yelled. �YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS, BITCH. I PROMISE!!� she said lastly before launching the cordless phone across the room, where is crashed against the large picture of herself and Jeremy on the wall, causing it to crash to the floor. The sound of glass shattering around her, didn�t make her flinch, instead her anger rose to a higher extent. Her cell phone rang, once again throughout the spacious loft apartment. As the melody of Mario�s Let Me Love You played over and over again, she sat at the kitchen�s table, ignoring the device. At the moment she didn�t care that her best friend was calling her. All she could do was sit there, her face hard as stone, her veins clearly bulging from her head. She didn�t want to speak to anyone on the phone. She wanted to sit there and wait for her boyfriend, the one laying on a bed naked. The one asleep on the photographs in front of her. The one laying on a bed that wasn�t hers. The man that she�d loved for fifteen years of his life, the man that she�d hate for the rest of hers. Her cell phone finally stopped ringing an hour later. She knew the voicemail box was probably filled to capacity. Her anger was so irate that she didn�t care that both her house phone and her cell phone had been ringing continuously. The last of her worries was if her best friend was worried that she didn�t answer the phones. She thanked God, both her best friends were in New York that weekend because neither one had seen her that angry. She herself had never experienced such anger, such betrayal, such hurt. She couldn�t cry though, which surprised her even more than her overwhelming feeling of anger. She couldn�t cry and she doubted she would. She almost wished she could cry, so that she�d let some of the anger out. But she just couldn�t bring herself to cry, crying was a sign of weakness. A sign of weakness that she thought she�d possessed for Jeremy. At a quarter past six, the door handle to the door jiggled, signaling the arrival of her boyfriend. Her soon to be ex. Her enemy. She flipped the photos, express mailed from Jessica, over on the table. She sat there, watching as he entered the loft, carefree as one can be. No sign of betrayal to his demeanor. Her Jeremy, her love. �Hey, babe. I thought you were hanging out with Ms. Pizarro today.� Jeremy said cheerfully, throwing his suit jacket on the sofa�s backrest and loosening his tie. �Change of plans.� Amanda said coolly. �What happened? I know you were looking forward to hanging out with her.� he said walking toward her, leaning down to kiss her lips, only to receive a cheek as she turned her face. Eyeing the turned photos on the table, he asked, �What�s the matter?� �I�ve been waiting all day for you.� Amanda said getting up, tempted to brush the trace of his lips off her cheek as she walked to the living room area of the loft. �So why don�t you come and sit and talk to me?� �What�s going on, babe?� �Tell me how we�re gonna be together forever.� �What�s going on, babe? You�re acting weird? Is everything alright with Trace and Justin? Is your mom alright? I know you said she hasn�t been feeling well.� Jeremy said sitting on the couch across from where she stood. �You know that at night when you�re working late, I hold on to your pillow tight and think about how you promise me forever.� Amanda said softly as she paced the living room. �It�s a promise I intend to keep, babe.� Jeremy said getting up from the couch and approaching her. Her arm extended out, touching his chest, keeping him a distance from her. �What�s wrong? Why are you acting like you just saw a ghost or something?� �You know I never thought that anyone could make me feel this way. Now that you�re here, though, all I want is just a chance, and opportunity to say something.� �You�re really scaring me here, Amanda.� Jeremy said confused. �Why are you looking so confused? I�m the one that didn�t know the truth.� �What are you talking about?� �How could you be so cold? Going behind my back.� she cringed at the thought, �Maybe I�m the one to blame, for thinking that you could be it for me.� �Are you breaking up with me?� Jeremy asked with furrowed brows. �What the hell?� �Get out.� Amanda hissed softly. �What?� Jeremy asked in shock. �What is wrong with you? What are you doing right now?� �Get out!! Leave!! Right now. It�s the end of you and me. It�s over!!� �How can you say that?� Jeremy asked frustrated, hurt in his eyes as he realized what had happened. Walking over to the kitchen, he flipped over the photos. �FUCK!!! She didn�t do this.� �No, she didn�t. You did.� Amanda said from across the room. �You�re leaving me? Over pictures? You�re not going to let me explain anything?� �I think I�ve heard enough, Jeremy. I think congratulations are in order, you�re going to be a daddy, huh?� �She�s lying Amanda. You have to believe me.� �I don�t have to believe a word that comes out of your mouth, Jeremy.� Amanda spat angrily. �My heart is breaking, with every word I�m saying. Believe that. To think that I gave up everything I had, for something that just wouldn�t last in the long run.� �Your heart is breaking?� Jeremy questioned, anger rising from him as well. �You�re not even crying, Amanda.� �I refuse to cry. No tears will fall from my eyes. Not for you, not anymore.� �Not anymore?� Jeremy asked angrily. �You�ve never shed a tear for me. NOT ONCE!!� �That�s a fucking lie, you asshole!!� �You�re right I am an asshole. I did fuck Jessica. What do you want me to say? That I don�t love you? I can�t do that because I loved you since forever, I still do, yet I can�t even get a few tears as you kick me to the fucking curb. I think I deserve at least that. But you�ve never truly loved me, Amanda. It�s all been a fucking joke. All our lives. My mother was right.� �FUCK YOU, JEREMY!!!� �No, tell me, Amanda!! Tell me I�m wrong. Tell me that you�ve shed a measly fucking tear for me, when I�ve shed plenty for you. TELL ME!!� �Don�t you dare try to justify yourself, Owens. You�re a piece of shit and if I ever shed a tear for you, I was truly out of my fucking skull. I hope you rot in hell for this.� �You�re right, maybe I will rot in hell, Amanda. But at least I know my feelings for you are genuine. You�re really quick to drop me like a bad fucking habit, that just proves to me how much you don�t love me.� �You don�t know half of what love is, Jeremy. I was really blind to that fact, but now I see. I see you for the piece of fucking scum you are. I hate the day I met you. I hate the loyalty I had toward my two best friends, because of it, I had to cross that damn street. These past seventeen years have been a complete waste of my time and my friends time.� �Your friends? You�re fucking leaving me and you�re talking about your friends? Are you talking about Justin? Justin Timberlake, the very fucking existence of Amanda Reyes? Is that who you�re fucking talking about?� �Don�t talk about Justin like he�s just part of my fucking life. He�s going to hate you for what you did to me. You�ll end up with no job, no friends, no fucking life before it�s over with. Do you hear me? Do you understand that you�re fucking done? DO YOU?!!!� �Don�t fucking threatened me, Amanda!! I�ve never needed Justin Timberlake. And the only reason he has been in my fucking life this long is because you�ve been a part of it. He�s not my best friend. He�s merely a fucking shadow I�ve had over my shoulder since I was eight fucking years old. Yeah, that�s right. Don�t look at me as if you�re shocked, Justin Timberlake means nothing to me, not when you�re leaving me for him. Not when you�ve shed multiple tears for him all these years, yet I�ve never once seen you do it for anyone else. NOT EVER!!!� �WHAT?? You�re not only a fucking cheat but fucking crazy as well? I can�t fucking believe my ears right now.� Amanda grunted. �Get your shit and get out, Jeremy.� �Just like that?� Jeremy asked. �I don�t get the chance to say anything?� �You�ve had seventeen years of my life. You�re no longer worthy of my time.� �Well that�s really sad, Amanda. I�m sorry you feel our relationship ends here. It truly saddens me.� Jeremy said as a solitary tear made it�s way down his cheek. �Don�t you dare.� Amanda warned. �Don�t you dare cry for me.� �Amanda, I�ve been crying for you, for years. You�ve never noticed because he�s always there. You don�t see anyone but him.� Jeremy said as he stood in the kitchen. �I admit I cheated on you, once, Amanda. ONCE. You�ve been cheating me since the day we met.� �GET OUT!!� Amanda yelled. �DON�T EVER, SHOW YOUR FACE AROUND ME AGAIN!!� she yelled as she opened the door to the apartment, waiting for him to leave. �If that�s what you really want, Amanda. I�ll leave, but just remember,� Jeremy said as he grabbed his jacket from the sofa, walking toward the door where she stood, tears clearly running down his cheeks. Leaning down to her ear, �I�ve loved you since the day you crossed that street,� then he kissed her cheek softly, her eyes shutting, as if in pain, �take care of yourself.� he whispered before walking out of the door. Out of their apartment, out of her life. -------- New York City 3am She walked down the hotel�s hall, her eyes heavy with sleep. The flight had seemed to take ages and she couldn�t wait to lay in bed and close her eyes. She was in a state of shock, couldn�t cope with the fact that she was in the situation she was in. Waving a silence goodbye to the guard walking with her, outside the door, she entered the room he�d opened with his key card. Walking into the darkened room, she adjusted her vision in order to see one of her friends, laying face down on the large king-sized bed, asleep. Knowing that an adjacent door was somewhere in the room, connecting to the room next door, she followed the wall with her eyes. Walking carefully over one of the duffel bag, she was sure was full of new clothing and tennis shoes, she found the door. Knocking on the door three times, she waited for any sign of life from the other side. Hearing the sheets on the other side ruffle, she made her way to the king-sized bed. Taking her own tennis shoes off, she climbed onto the bed carefully. The weight of her body shifted the bed, it�s occupant lifted the comforter off the bed, so that she could climb in, his eyes still closed. As she got comfortable in the middle of the bed, his arm automatically wrapped around her mid section, as the adjacent door opened. The new occupant entered the room, tripping over the mentioned duffle bag and mumbling something incoherent, making her smile for the first time in hours. The occupant climbed into bed, eyes closed, arm draped over her mid section as well. Neither said a word, falling into deep sleep. Each knowing that when they woke up, something would be wrong but until then, they were going to sleep. All three of them on a king-sized bed, the two males� arm draped over her tiny mid section, as they slept. ---------- 12 noon �No one has a camera?� �No!!� she whispered as they all looked over the two men, asleep on the bed. The tallest of the two becoming a makeshift pillow for the other. �Don�t wake them up, I�m going to get the camera in my room.� he said, starting to walk toward the hotel room door. �Chris!! Don�t.� Amanda said stopping him, a giggle she couldn�t resist around the man, escaping her mouth. �They will kill you.� �You�re ruining all the fun, Amanda.� Jc whispered from next to her with a grunt as they walked over to Trace�s hotel room. �This is my fault, I shouldn�t have let you guys in.� Amanda whispered before returning to the newspaper, she�d been reading when the two had knocked on the door. �What are you doing here anyway? I thought this was a guy�s weekend?� Chris questioned. �I AM one of the guys, short man.� Amanda said continuing her scanning of the paper, knees up to her chest. �Not really, no.� Jc said eyeing her bare thighs, to the over-sized basketball shorts she�d found to wear out of one of Justin�s duffle bags. �Stop checking me out, C. It�s like my brother doing it.� Amanda cringed, her eyes never leaving her paper. �You don�t have a brother.� Chris stated. �Thanks for reminding me, Chris.� Amanda said with a raised middle finger. �What are the plans for today, boys?� �We�re supposed to meet these two lovebirds at two, but Lonnie told us you were here so we came over early. Do you want to ditch them? Let�s go out without them.� Chris said with wide eyes, excitedly. �You need to stop messing with those two, they are gonna gang up on you again and I won�t guarantee I�ll be there to save your ass like last night.� Jc said with a laugh, grabbing the entertainment section of the paper Amanda had, and sitting next to her on the couch. �What did you do?� Amanda asked Chris curiously. �Nothing.� Chris said innocently. �What did you do?� Amanda asked, dropping her paper and focusing her attention on Chris, who sat across her and Jc, on the recliner. �It was nothing.� he repeated. �Trace was kicking his ass, then Justin was going to kick his ass because he wanted to kick Trace�s ass back. It was all too confusing. All I know is that Chris was underneath both of them, gasping for air. I had to step in.� Jc explained with a shrug. �Is that what you guys do? That�s what the whole guys weekend is about?� Amanda asked. �Morons.� �Who you calling a moron?� came a mumble from the adjacent door. Justin stood there, bare-chested, a pair of basketball shorts matching the ones Amanda wore, hanging low on his firm waist. �Good morning, sunshine!!� Chris said loudly and cheerfully. �Or afternoon. Either way, you�re my sunshine.� �Buzz off, Chris.� Justin said squeezing himself on the couch, next to Amanda, removing Jc with his long legs, to lay his head on her shoulder. �Did you brush your teeth? Don�t be coming over here, all stank and stuff.� Amanda said giving him a shove. �What are you two doing here?� Justin questioned his two friends, ignoring the fact that Amanda was trying to pretend like she was supposed to be there. �We�re supposed to meet at two, aren�t we?� �What? We can�t come early? Besides, Lonnie said there was a hot girl in the room, we had to come check it out.� Chris said with a shrug. �Too bad he was messing with us, it was only Amanda.� �Who let you in here?� Trace asked coming out of the other room. �What are you all doing in my room?� �Well being that you were sucking face with Justin, next door. We just came in here to give you some privacy.� Chris joked. �Where�s the camera?� Trace asked with wide eyes. �I�ll kick your ass again, Chris. Don�t play with me.� he warned. �Ohh shut up.� Chris retorted. �I ain�t skurred.� �Guys, chill out.� Amanda intervened from behind the sports section of the paper, she and Justin had been looking at while the other two babbled. �Does anyone want to go down to eat? I�m starving.� Jc asked putting his paper down on the coffee table, in the makeshift living space of the room. �We�ll meet you down there.� Justin said, �Chris, go with Jc.� �Alright, alright. I get the hint.� Chris said, �when you guy�s need advice, see if I�ll stick around.� �I don�t ever need your advice, old man.� Trace joked. �We�re heading down before Chris gets his ass whooped again.� Jc said smacking Chris upside the head. �Bye, boys!!� Amanda said with a wave, a barely there smile on her lips. �Bye, girls!!� Chris said with a cheerful voice as he followed Jc out of the room. �He�s so gay!� Trace commented as he sat on the recliner, Chris had been occupying. �Well, you two were kind of cozy, in there. He was going to take a picture but I didn�t let him. You guys owe me.� Amanda joked, only the smile she directed toward her two best friends, didn�t reach her eyes. �What are the plans today?� �What are you doing in New York, Manda?� Trace asked, ignoring her question. �Just hanging out,� Amanda shrugged. �What are we doing today, boys?� �Jo?� �Justin.� Amanda said in bored tone. �What are you doing here? I thought you were hanging out with Ms. Pizarro this weekend.� Justin said. �She couldn�t make it,� Amanda said. �So I came over here.� �At the crack of dawn?� Trace asked with a raised brow. �What�s the big deal, guys. It�s not the first time I crash your party.� Amanda said annoyed. �Do you guys want me to leave?� �We didn�t say that, Manda,� Trace said. �Where�s Jeremy?� �He�s in Atlanta. Why?� Amanda said casually. �Why are you flying to New York in the middle of the night, Jojo?� Justin inquired. �What�s with the questions?� Amanda snapped, standing from the couch. �I�ll just leave, if this is what I came for.� �Sit the hell down, Manda!� Trace snapped back. �You�re here because something happened. Don�t say it�s nothing because well, we�ll know it�s a lie. You came to us last night and now you�re acting as if everything is alright. I�m going to ask again. What is going on?� �Nothing, Trace.� Amanda said with a roll of her eyes. �I haven�t seen you guys in two weeks, I thought I�d come see you guys.� �At the crack of dawn?� Justin questioned this time. �Yeah, at the crack of dawn. That was the only flight available.� �Are you sure?� Trace asked. �Yes, I�m sure.� Amanda huffed. �I�m going to go shower so that we can go shopping.� �We were going to go see a Knicks game, Jo.� Justin said. �So I�ll go shopping by myself then.� �You just said you wanted to see us, but you�re going shopping by yourself?� Trace asked. �You guys are really starting to piss me off.� �You�re really pissin me off, Jo.� Justin said annoyed. �What do you want me to say?� �What are you doing here? Try answering that, for starters.� Trace said. �You never get us to sleep with you if nothing�s wrong. You�ve done it since you were five years old. There�s always something behind it.� �So I can�t need you guys, now? I can�t miss you, once in a while?� �You can need and miss us all you want. You know that. The reason for needing us is what we need to know.� Justin said, worry clearly evident in his voice. �You weren�t answering you phones yesterday.� �I was out all day and forgot my cell phone. Everything is fine. I swear to you.� Amanda said. �Can we go shopping instead of the game? I really need to go shopping in New York. I haven�t done it in a while and I�m craving it.� �I went shopping yesterday,� Justin said eyeing her attire. �I can see you found some of the things I bought.� �I�ll go with you. I didn�t go yesterday.� Trace offered. �Are you sure you�re okay?� �Yes, dirtball. Stop asking.� Amanda laughed, but her eyes showed no sign of happiness. �You�re going to the game, homeboy?� �I have to make a few phone calls. I think we should go home tonight.� Justin said eyeing Trace, who shook his head in agreement. �Already? I just got here.� Amanda huffed. �I�m coming to Florida with you guys too.� she said as she walked into Justin�s hotel room where her over-night bag lay next to Justin�s multiple ones. �Something�s up.� Trace stated a few minutes after. �Definitely.� Justin said with a sigh. �I have a feeling, I am somehow involved.� �Why do you said that?� Trace asked as they heard the shower running in the other room. �Jeremy hasn�t answered my calls in a week. Amanda didn�t answer her phone yesterday, and I don�t care that she said she left it home. She never leaves without her cell phone. You know that.� he said. �Now she comes here in the middle of the night, does the �I�m upset, come hold me routine�, and it�s not right. If he said something to her about me, I�m going to kick his ass.� �What could he have told her, Justin?� Trace asked frustrated with dealing with Justin�s inability to speak up about his feelings. �You haven�t told anyone but me and Aunt Lynn about your issues. He just suspects, he couldn�t have said anything ,too drastic, to make her hop on a plane.� �Alright, you�re right. I�m just a bit paranoid. And stop calling my feelings an issue, T.� Justin said rubbing his head. �Why don�t we just get a flight to Atlanta and see how she feels about that. She doesn�t seem to want to be in Atlanta right now. And in all honesty I�m hoping she tells me, Jeremy laid a pinky on her while they argued, so I can whoop his ass. Cause you know this is what this is all about, his fucking mouth, and not thinking before speaking.� �Jesus, T!! Don�t say that.� Justin looked at him wide-eyed, at the mention of Jeremy getting physical with her. �Jeremy�s not like that. He wouldn�t do that, he loves her.� �Yeah well, I can only pray and wait for the time when I get to bash his pretty face in.� �You�re crazy.� �Yeah maybe but you�re making me crazier with this whole shit. You need to grow some balls and talk to her. I can�t be trapped in the middle of all this shit. I�m telling you that I think it won�t be as big of deal as you�re making it out to be. You need to talk to her, Bro.� �Talk to who?� Amanda asked coming into Trace�s room, towel wrapped around her. �No one.� Justin answered quickly, his eyes diverting a half naked Amanda. �Yeah right, homeboy. Who you trying to bed this time?� �That was a quick shower.� Trace said interrupting the direction the conversation was going. �I haven�t showered yet, dirtball. It takes me longer than five minutes to shower, unlike you. I forgot my hair tie.� Amanda said sticking her tongue out at her cousin before grabbing the hair tie off the dresser and leaving the room once again. �Don�t ever look at my cousin like that in my presence again, perv.� Trace said pointing at Justin. �She�s going to kill me, T.� Justin gasped. �She�s going to be the end of me. I swear to you.� �You have some serious fucking issues.� Trace chuckled. �Schedule our flight, I�m going to go take my five minute shower.� Leave, Get Out (Remix #1) If I had to tell you in my own words, how I felt during that phone conversation, I don�t think all the pages in the world, would be enough. Right now I�m trying really hard to remain calm about the whole situation. Every time I am reminded of that time in my life, our life, I get really bitchy. (A little more bitchier than usual, I should say.) Can you believe the nerve of that bitch? She actually had the balls to not only send me photos but have the guts to call me as well, to tell me all the shit she did. I must be honest with you and say that at first, I didn�t believe a single word she said and maybe I should have stuck to that feeling. But this was Jessica, the cheer-whore, why would she be telling the truth about anything? True, she did sleep with my man, (God, that makes me want to go postal, every time I say it.) but the whole pregnancy thing was a load of shit. She was pregnant, but by Jeremy she was not. Of course, that doesn�t justify what Jeremy still did. He slept with her, which I later found out, had been only once. (So he didn�t lie there.) The photos were taken a weekend I was with Justin and Trace in Vegas for Joey�s show, Rent. He told me everything that happened that night, and everything that didn�t happen after that. She apparently seduced him while he was �drunk� and then when he passed out she�d taken the pictures. THE BITCH!!! I don�t usually go for the whole �I was drunk, and didn�t know what I was doing� spiel but I believed Jeremy. I know, I know, you hate him now and you once again think I�m an idiot. But I honestly think he was being genuine when he told me about it. And just so you know, that was the last time I spoke to him. Are you proud of me? No? Well whatever, I don�t know who you are anyway. (I told you I get real bitchy. Don�t say I didn�t warn you.) Unfortunately, lets get back to the tramp, Jessica. She�s a fucking plague, I swear to you. When we were twelve, she attempted taking Jeremy from me. (That sounds possessive, doesn�t it? But I was with the guy for over ten years, I think I�ve earned the right to call him mine.) During the yearly pep rally, (not the one where Mr. Richards fell into the pool) at our school, I got sick from eating a pastelillo too quickly (It�s this turnover thingy, filled with ground meat. It�s a Puertoriquen thing.) and I couldn�t participate in the cheering. In comes Ms. Jessica, taking my place in the line, which meant she would walk Jeremy Owens, captain of the football team, out onto the gym. To make a long story short, the little twelve year old bitch, planted a kiss on an unexpected twelve year old Jeremy. In front of the whole school, the nerve of the bitch. (She got detention for that.) Needless to say I was pissed when my squad told me. (They rushed to my house after the rally.) The day after that, was the first time I ever got physical with anyone. I may be short but I can pack a mean punch when tempted. Ask Jessica, Justin and Trace. (Notice I said, it was the first time.) Lynn went a little crazy with the four letter word, didn�t she? Don�t think she�s vulgar or anything, she�s just telling the story how we�ve told it to her. (Don�t act like you didn�t get all hyped up when you read it, either.) You�re asking yourself, what must have been going through my head when Jeremy walked in, huh? Homicidal. Angry. Dirty. But most intensely, betrayed. How could someone you love with all your heart, hurt you that way? How can someone claim they love you, betray you that way? It hurt, I�m not going to lie just because I�ve found true love now. I wanted to die, I was in a state of shock. Because of it, the trauma that it truly caused me, I did some stupid things after that revelation. (You�ll see.) Do I regret them? Honestly, no. I learned a lot, about Jeremy, about Justin and about myself during that month. I learned that Jeremy had loved me, but I hadn�t loved him back. It took me years to be with him, and a month not being with him, to realize that. The most important lesson I learned after the break up was, to listen closely to my heart. I grew into adulthood not realizing that I was ignoring my heart. I loved Jeremy with my brain, if that makes sense. I held Jeremy up high, on a pedestal over my head, so that he could block my view of what was over him, what had always been beyond him. Justin. I�m not going to lie to you and tell you that Justin and I came together in the most magical, romantic and amazing way. It took hard work, harsh words and bad feelings to accomplish what we are now. (He can be really mean. And me, well I�m a bitch!!) Does my song make sense to you now? Do you picture Jeremy and I, when you listen to that song? It�s pretty clear where the inspiration for that song came, huh? Just to feed your curiosity, I never did cry for anything that related to Jeremy. I hadn�t realized until he said those words to me. I�m not one to cry much, sue me. Yes, I can recall crying a little bit about Justin, or with him at times. But damn if it didn�t hurt when he left to Orlando, or when he left to Europe. Damn if I wasn�t happy when he got a record deal. Or hurt when he was being sued by the fat bastard himself, Lou Pearlman. Or proud when he sold a million albums in a single day. Even prouder when he got a solo deal. Honored to be his best friend when he won a Grammy. So I�ve cried a little bit, big fucking deal!! (You�ve seen homeboy�s face, he makes you want to weep with how beautiful he is. Don�t lie.) And what the hell was Jeremy talking about? That�s what I was thinking when he said �You�ve been cheating me since the day we met�. Honestly what was he talking about? I was so clueless, it�s fucking, I mean freaking, (Justin just gave me a dirty look because I cursed. He needs to get back to that fourth slice of pizza he has in his hand. Punk!!) ridiculous, now that I think about it. I was so confused and shocked, I didn�t understand or catch on to what he was trying to say. All I heard was, �I cheated on you with Jessica, the cheer-whore� as he spoke. I was out of my head, it was like I was stuck in a scene from Model Behavior, (Be honest with yourself, if not with me, that movie sucked ass. Yeah, I said it. Sometimes I think Justin forgets that I am the love of his life because right now, he�s giving me the finger.) with all the horrible acting. I didn�t know if I wanted to kill Jeremy or pity him. What would you have done? Kick his ass, right? Well for your entertainment only, let�s just say that �Oh yes, there will be blood.� (Can I get sued for using a line from the movie, Saw II? I hope not, because I just did.) Before you scrunch your nose up about the whole bed thing, let me explain. That particular pattern started when I last saw my bastard father. (He came to Millington to let my mother know that he was getting married. To a fucking twenty-year old!! Yes, I have issues letting go.) We were six, and I agree that at twenty-four, a girl sandwiched between two grown men, one being her cousin, isn�t normal. (I never claimed to be completely normal, so don�t talk shit.) And yes, on those rare occasions when one of us is going through a rough spot, we find ourselves sleeping together. (Although I snuggle up to one, more than the other. A lot more.) We find that when one of us isn�t doing too well (has to be something serious, we don�t just do it for fun), sleep brings peace and clearance. Even if it�s just for an hour or two, we wake up with solutions in our heads. It�s creepy, I understand, but it�s just us. Justin, Trace and I. (They are going to kick my ass for sharing this with you, by the way. You owe me.) We have a bond that can never be broken, (I sound like 50cent in A Baltimore Love Thing, don�t I?) a bond beyond what you could ever imagine. I truly wish and hope you someday share that kind of bond with someone. Whether it�s your best friend, your mother, your father, your sister or brother, your cousin, anyone. The feeling is truly fulfilling and I pity the person that hasn�t found that yet. Why did I clearly avoid telling Justin and Trace about Jeremy? I was simply in shock. I thought that if I hoped on a plane to see my best friends, everything would disappear. I didn�t want to burden them with what was happening in my life, my life apart from them. Although I guess showing up in New York, doing our �I�m upset, come hold me� routine, blew that plan out of the water. I�m not saying that I am a burden to them, (although they constantly say I�m a pain in their ass.) but showing up out of nowhere, clued them in. Smart boys, huh? Quick note before I continue, yes ladies, Jc can be a perv sometimes. (Had to throw that in there. You love it!!) Just so you know, he�s coming over later tonight, to hang out and possibly go swimming. My cousin, my short (for a guy) cousin, can be pretty intimidating. He�s a little Puertoriquen man, what else can I say? So, when he yells, I admit, I pay attention. He gets it from his father, my Tio. Does that mean I do what he says when he�s yelling? Hell no! But it�s pretty intimidating, nonetheless. Hold on one second. Sorry, I had to go take my cell phone from Justin. He likes to download stupid ass songs, that I hate and then link them to his numbers. I have this ongoing list of songs that he has downloaded. I�ve deleted them and yet somehow, someway they reappear. Like that Mario song. He knows I hate that guy, with his big ass nose, and his Usher-esk wannabe moves. But I have to give him (Justin, not Mario) props for trying. The lyrics to that song were pretty straight forward. (But you know me. Clueless, Jojo.) Don�t you wish I had walked in on that conversation the boys were having, a little earlier? Maybe I would have picked up something. A fucking clue, maybe!! Yeah, yeah, I cursed again. (This is me giving Justin my infamous finger.) How come guys can have potty mouths and girls can�t? That�s sexist. So fuck that!! I�m going to talk like a sailor for five minutes and just to piss Justin off more, I�ll wave my two fingers in the air. (He�s very fond of using his, why can�t I be fond of mine?) You didn�t cry during this track, did you? I hope not because there�s tears to be shed pretty soon. Life�s a bitch!! ----- Get The Move On (Remix #2) I didn�t know the details about, the conversation Amanda had with Jessica until I read this track. For one, Amanda isn�t very composed when she talks about Jessica, so I try not to ask. (Who by the way, you know. You just don�t know it yet.) And second, I just don�t like hearing about the way Mr. Owens talked to Jojo that day. (I�m a big sap when it comes to her. If her feelings are hurt, then so are mine.) Can you believe the way he felt? I mean if he felt like I was somehow taking Jojo away, why didn�t he say something sooner? Why did he wait thirteen years? I was one of his boys, (although the comment about me meaning nothing, was fucked up!!) and yet he felt like I was scheming on him? You don�t believe that do you? I never once tried anything, romantically with Amanda because of respect for him. (and because I was a pussy about how Amanda would react, had she known.) Now, as far as the cheating went, that had nothing to do with me. That was his dick he used, not mine. And with Jessica, the cheer-whore? (She�s a big influence on me. Amanda not Jessica, for god sakes, do you think I�m crazy?) She doesn�t even compare to Jojo. First of all she�s too tall, I don�t really care for extremely tall girls. Yeah I know, Cameron was tall but I already told you the deal with her. Her blond hair is too blond, does that make sense? Let�s just say that Jessica is NOWHERE near the hotness scale, as Amanda. And I ain�t just saying that because she�s mine (yeah, I said it. And what?!!) but because she was voted one of the TOP 100 Sexiest People, as well. While Amanda figured out that she needed to pay close attention to her heart, I was telling mine to shut the hell up. Seriously, I was scared out of my ass about speaking to her. It�s a scary thing to sit your best friend down and tell them that you�re in love with them. You try it, see how it feels. She�s not lying when she tells you that our �coming� together wasn�t pretty. I said some things that I�m still trying to make up to her. And she said some, no make that A LOT of things that made her be, well how can I say this? A BITCH? (I�m so not getting laid, later. Fuck!!) Things got a little hectic and mean, for lack of a better word, before they got us to this present point in our lives. (You�ll see.) Isn�t the song, hot? I remember when we were in the studio and we recorded Leave, she was really pissed. She didn�t even take anything into the booth with her. She just went in there and when she came out, she didn�t speak to any of us. It was kind of eerie, now that I think about it. Either way I like that song. (Yes, for the obvious reasons.) Have I told you that Amanda loves me? She does. A LOT. I know I shouldn�t be bragging about the whole crying thing, but it tickles me. The fact that she can only find tears for me, it warms your heart, doesn�t it? She told you about the bed thing? Ohh, I might get laid after all, she owes me now. And no, I don�t enjoy being in the same bed with Trace. Like Amanda said, it�s what we do when we�re going to a tough time. No sexual activities, dude. (At least not when Trace is with us.) Do I appreciate the fact that Amanda kept us in the dark that day? Of course not, but can you blame her? We (meaning Trace and I) probably would have hoped on a plane to Atlanta to whoop Jeremy�s ass. Things wouldn�t have been pretty. Jeremy is a big guy and all but I would have put my money on Trace, still would actually. With the way Trace itches (yes, still) to smash Jeremy�s face, one of us would of ended up in jail and Access Hollywood the next day. If I catch Jc looking at Jo like he wants to swallow her up, I�m committing a crime. (I know he only does it to get a rise out of me, but one of these days I�m gonna rise something alright. My fist to his skinny face!) Only I can look at her that way. (She�s so fly.) It�s true by the way, Trace is a pretty intimidating dude. With everyone outside the circle, that is. Amanda and I know him for the little teddy bear he is. (He�s such a pussy!) Shhh�.. Don�t tell her anything but I just snatched her phone up again. One more song and her memory should be to the max. Should I go with Love by Keisha Cole or my personal favorite, Candy Shop by 50cent? (Maybe I can squeeze both of them in there if I get rid of, Like I Love You, I�m sick of that song anyway.) Doesn�t Jojo curse too much? I tell her that it�s not very ladylike and what does she do? Shows me that pretty ass manicured finger. You can� tell her anything!! I�m not the only one that has ever told her she curses too much, either. Trace is about the only one that will sit there and have a conversation where foul language is used every five words. Even Jeremy used to tell her not to curse so much. Guess the duty was handed over to me. (I�ll take it though, as long as it means I have her.) Were you happy when you read this track? Not that the situation was funny or anything but did you at least crack a smile in my favor? (You know you did. You�re smiling right now, aren�t you?) I think C just got here. I must go pretend to be a good host, while I watch people hang around my white couches. (They weren�t cheap. I must protect them.) I think I hear Chris and Joey too. Must be hang out night. I bet you it was Jojo who invited them all over for another pool party. I give it an hour before Lance shows up, (he�s in town this week) and then we have a house full. I just got that rug (white) cleaned, too. Anyways, I�m gone. Timberlake, OUT!! (Ryan Seacrest is so gay!!) Get The Fuck Out (Remix # 3) What is going on, my friend? Before I even start talking to you, you must know that I�m a bit inebriated. So if I say some things that might seem a little foul to you. Please excuse me. Fuck Jeremy!!! Okay sorry, I had to get that out there, in the open. Which was probably unnecessary since you know how I feel about the son of a bitch already. Back to the business at hand. Jeremy is dead!! No wait, that wasn�t it. I still can�t believe he cheated on my gorgeous cousin. Fucking Asshole!! What the fuck was he thinking? Figures that guys who look like him (pretty boys) who have girlfriends, that look like Manda, can�t keep their dicks in their pants. I know you�re rolling your eyes, right now and I don�t give a shit. I�ve never been the one the girls consider �hot� and don�t go feeling sorry for me. Let me finish. I�ve been the short, brother-type dude since I realized girls were my purpose in life. But I�ve never had a lack of girls, women entering my life. I�m a pimp, believe that. But it irks me that guys like fuck-face (Jeremy) and Justin, who women drop at their feet have such drama with women. They can have all the women in the world, yet they always fuck things up. Jeremy fucked up in the most crucial way, he cheated. Justin fucks up because he falls deeply, when he�s in love. On the other hand there�s me. Like I said I don�t have a problem getting women, at all. But the women I have had in my life, (there�s been many, I told you I�m a pimp) know one thing. I don�t give a fuck!! If you do something to piss me off, I�m telling you about it. If you give me lip about it, you�re cut off. Booty calls and all. I don�t deal with drama, very well. I like things straight up, even if they might somehow hurt my feelings or the other person�s. (Yeah, I have feelings. Lift your jaw off the ground.) I think every guy should be that way. Avoid drama as much as you can because when the right girl comes along, you�ll be up to you fucking neck in drama. Ask Justin. I hate that song!! Yeah, it�s my cousin singing it but it�s been used against me, one to many time. There was this one girl I dated (fucked), for a while, Elisha. You know The Girl Next Door, anyway she fucking flipped on me one day because I was out with some other girl (I forget her name). Well suck my dick!!! I didn�t know she wanted us to be �exclusive�. Point of the story? She thought she could play that song while I picked up my shit from her apartment. (a box of condoms, a few t-shirts and jeans) She learned how quickly I could flip, that day. Needless to say, I still fuck her, once in a while. I told you I was a pimp. Look I�m not going to get into details about what a shitty time I had dealing Justin and Amanda�s shit. Hey!! I�m sorry for interrupting but, yes he will tell you. You agreed, dirtball!! Do it!! Alright, alright. My cousin can be soo irritating. Where can I start? Have I told you that it sucked? Have I told you that I felt like a fucking trapped Lion? (I know you want to say mouse, but fuck you!!) I wanted to go up to Manda and just tell her to give it up, tell her that she knew she loved Justin. I wanted to kick Justin�s ass for picking me, to tell his secret to. Because I had to be the one that he went to every time he felt crushed. That was a lot being that fuck-face and Manda were always with us. I remember this one time, at band camp. No I�m fuckin� with ya. What was I saying? Ohh, yeah, this one (of many) time that we were in Paris, was probably the worst. Fuck-face and Manda, seemed to be taking in the whole �Love is Grand in Paris� in, while Justin wanted to commit suicide. We got really fucked up that week. What do you want me to say? I was being �there� for him, so if he drank every type of alcohol there was to man, I followed suit. I�m his boy, what else did you want me to do? Although I didn�t agree, Justin had respect for Jeremy, and because of it, he was miserable. I can understand the loyalty thing because well, I was loyal to Justin myself. But I hated the fact that Justin thought about fuck-face�s feelings throughout all of this. Yes I understand that they were friends, (fucker!!) but Justin loved Manda, why not sacrifice? Jeremy turned out to be the jerk, I�ve always said he was in the long run, which meant Justin should have listened to me. (I�m a smart pimp.) I�m still pissed that we (Justin and I ) had to wait till the following day, to find out what had gone down. But it made the next day all that much better. (I�m having a fucking orgasm as I remember that day.) Let me just say that the short comments, are getting old. I�m short, big fucking deal!! I have a big dick, though, so you can suck it!!! Oh shit!! I think Jojo just pushed Jc in the pool, again. There goes another Sidekick, she has to pay for. She�s crazy!! I�m out. Peace. |