| Chapter 9 |
| After dinner the party had died down a little bit but everyone was still having a lot of fun. The guys were still outside sitting on the patio talking and the women were inside clearing the table they had just eaten at. The sun was beginning to set and the backyard looked dreamlike. "I'm sorry we didn't invite your parents tonight, Mackenzie. If I would have known you were going to be in Orlando we could have arranged something. I would really like to meet them." Lynn said picking up a plate that was left on the table. "It's ok. They wouldn't have been able to make it anyway." she said picking at the dishcloth she was holding. "It's hard sometimes, but I'm sure they would have tried their hardest to come. Tell your mother if she ever needs anything to give us a call." Mrs. Bass said picking up a container. "The guys didn't tell you?" Kenzie asked puzzled. "Tell us what, dear?" Mrs. Fatone asked "My mother passed away a few years ago." she said "Oh honey. I'm so sorry." Lynn said as she hugged Mackenzie "It's ok.... umm do you mind if I go out for a walk?" she asked when she felt her eyes start to tear "Sure honey." she said as Mackenzie walked out the back door, "I can't believe Justin didn't tell me." Mackenzie quickly walked to the back of the yard hoping to get past all of the guys that had gathered around the patio. She let out a sigh of relief when she thought no one notice where she was going. "Hey, Kenzie. Where are you going?" Jeff asked as he struggled to keep up with her quick pace "Hi, umm I'm just going for a walk." she said still walking quickly "Do you mind if I join you." She stopped suddenly so he walked backwards a few to steps to hear her answer. "Umm actually, I was just hoping to go alone. To think and stuff, maybe...ya know...next time." she said trying not to sound blunt. "Oh, ok. Well you know where to find me if you want some company." he said while patting her on the back. "Ugh, why does he give me the creeps?" she thought. |
| Mackenzie only meant to be gone for a few minutes but she completely lost track of time when she walked into the garden. She trailed her finger along the wooden frame of the love seat-swing that was placed near a small pond before sitting down. She thought about everything that had happened in her life and everything that could happen in the future. "Why can't I talk about her like I used to? Pull your self together, Mackenzie. Be strong,� she said aloud to herself not knowing that anyone was around her. "You know you don't have to." Justin said walking toward her. He saw Mackenzie physically jump when he started to talk, "God, Justin you scared the crap out of me." "Sorry. Do you mind if I sit?" he asked "No." she said returning her glance to the ground. They where both silent for a few minutes when Mackenzie started to talk. "I don't have to what?" she asked "Huh?" Justin said looking at her. "Before you said I don't have to. I don't have to do what?" "Be strong all the time. Sometimes showing emotion makes you a stronger person in the long run." "And sometimes showing emotion causes you pain." she said "Yes, I know. So what were you thinking about?" he asked "Everything. Mostly my mom." "Yeah, my mom is mad at me for not telling her about that. She fells really bad." "Sorry." she said quietly "Don't be. It wasn't your fault at all." They were both quiet for a few seconds. "Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if she was still alive. I know I wouldn't be the person I am today but what would it be like if she were here?" "I don't know." Justin said slowly It was now or never she thought. "I'm jealous of you, Justin." "Excuse me?" he asked, "What are you jealous of?" She took a deep breath and sighed, "This isn't going to come out right, but I'm jealous of your family." "My family? Why?" Justin said not comprehending anything she was saying. "You have 2 parents, a step mom and two of the cutest little brothers all who love you so much they�d give their life up for you whether you want them to or not." "Don't you?" he asked "Justin, I hate to burst your bubble but not all families are filled with love and understanding." she said standing up, "My dad is a work-aholic and he would rather eat a bucket of nails that talk to me about my career. He has this thing about the entertainment industry and I can't understand it. My mom and dad fought for months about how my mom had been getting me auditions, but this is what I want. He realizes that this is my dream, but he won't support it. My dad remarried, Megan, who is the sweetest person and she supports me with all her heart, but she doesn't show her support because she is afraid my father will be mad at her. My sister Gabriella is 14 and she accuses me of stealing our mom away. The last time I talked to her in person she said she hated me because she didn't get to spend as much time with our mom as I did. This is so confusing to explain. The only normal one in my family is my step sister, Tori who's 6." "When was the last time you talked to them?" "Well, I talk to them a lot but it's always as an outsider not a family member." "Even though you may not want to hear this I'm sorry." he said standing up to meet her. " You shouldn't be sorry, Justin. Do you know what it's like to have everyone around you pity you? There pity won't help you and yet they insist on making sure your ok every 5 minutes and being extra nice to you just because something tragic happened. I don't want people to feel bad for me but they do anyway. Do you have any idea what that feels like?" "Actually I do." the moment the words were said he could have smacked himself. He was opening up to her and that was the last thing he wanted to do. Mackenzie waited for him to say something else but when he remained silent she said, "Well?" "Well, what?" he said trying to avoid the subject. " I just pour my heart out to you and tell you about my family and you won't even give me a clue as to what you're talking about. You want to understand me but at the same time you won't let me understand you. I don't get it, Justin. I don't get you. You want people to give, give, give, but you don't give back. That�s selfish, your selfish." she said turning away from him. "Whatever." "She really hurt you didn't she?" Mackenzie asked him turning back around to face him. "What...what are talking about? What makes you assume that some girl hurt me?� he asked trying to sound like he didn't know what she was talking about. "I don't know, why don't you tell me." she paused and waited for his answer, "Someone, somewhere had to have done something to make you treat me the way you do." she added, "You treat me like...like I'm some kind of trash that was picked up off the street, but when I see you around other people, even girls our age who you have just met, you open yourself up to them. You show them the real Justin and I don't understand why you shut me out the way you do, but open yourself up to strangers. That's not fair." "Have you ever thought that maybe I just ha...hate you?" he asked harshly. "No, I didn't think that because you have no reason to hate me. I've done nothing to you at all. But you know what Justin? I don't care. Hate me if you want that's your problem. I'm sorry that you feel that way about me but I'm not going to sit here and listen to you make up reasons why you hate me. I hope you realize that you need to suck up your pride and move on from your past, but when you do I can't guarantee that I'll be there waiting to hear whatever it is you've got to say." she turned away from him and walked out of site. Justin sat back down and rubbed his hand over his face. He knew he didn't mean it when he said he hated Mackenzie but the fact that he almost opened himself up to her frightened him. She was able to read to deep into his feelings and only one person had ever been able to do that before and she used it against him. Chapter 10 Loosing Hope Main Story Page l |