| The smoke-filled air stung his eyes; the scent of unwashed men and women overwhelmed his nostrils. The Gllass Tavern was not the place someone of his stature and wealth should frequent, but here he was for the third time this week. Two more visits and he'd have a reserved seat at the grimy bar. It disgusted him that he was here, but this was the one place he could be himself. The one place where nobody was going to judge him. Who were these people to judge him? The men were sickening with their unkempt hair and beards crawling with lice and whatnot; they slurred every word and fought over anything their small minds found offensive. Yesterday a man had been sent to the hospital for scratching his head with his middle finger because the man sitting with him took it as a gesture towards him. JC discovered later that the two men were brothers. The women were no better. Dark, coarse hair grew from their legs and armpits; a razor blade would never cure the ghastly patches of hair. They drank considerable more than the men did, but their moronic fighting was kept to a minimum. However, the women's' morals were completely lacking. Most of them had spread their legs for a shot of vodka or less. It was sick that JC was even in the vicinity of people like this, but the real shame was that he thought of them as his superiors. These people weren't ashamed of who they were; none of them would ever hide from their family and friends, if they had any, the way he did. They were free, and JC admired that. God, that was new low. He hated himself. It was as simple as that. Of course, he had everything you could dream of. Extravagant home, garage full of vintage cars, beautiful girlfriend, and legions of fans, but it wasn't what he wanted. He could never be who he really was; couldn't show the world how he really felt. "How `bout a drink?" JC lifted his eyes away from his already filled glass of scotch to look at the man standing before him. Trying to feign indifference, JC cast his eyes along the older man's small frame. The man's bad comb over was a definite turn off as far as JC was concerned, but something about the faded green eyes excited him. "I already have one," JC said lifting his glass as proof, "but I could use some company." Eagerly accepting JC's invitation, the older man clabbered into the empty bar stool. "My name's Jess," he announced, extending his hand. JC bit his lower lip and stared at the man's filthy hand. Dirt gathered in every crevice; his nails a deep yellow shade with long, grotesque tips. "Hi," JC sighed turning his head nonchalantly away from the man. If asked, he'd respond that he hadn't seen the extended hand. "So, lovely lady, how are you this evening?" Jess rested a grimy hand on JC's shoulder. "I'm fine," JC replied in the high-pitched voice he used when he dressed like a woman. When he became Joann. Joann Chillingsworth was JC's secret identity, or as he felt his true identity, like Superman and Clark Kent�well, not quite. Unlike a superhero, Jc wasn't proud of his second identity. In fact, he would trade anything to forget all about her, but he couldn't. He couldn't remember a time when he didn't masquerade at night. Hopping from seedy bar to seedy bar, loving the feeling of being a woman but hating the shame in being a cross dresser. When Nsync started to hit it big, he'd promised himself that he'd put Joann to rest, but it was an empty promise. Sure, he had lasted a whole week, but the longing for the feel of clingy satin dresses and daring high heels had consumed him. Jc was weak when it came to Joann. Now, Joann was a living, breathing person. Sometimes, JC blamed things on her. Jc messed up a dance step? Oh, Joann messed me up. Britney's leopard print thong is missing? Joann stole it. Jc was perfect, and Joann was screwed up in the head. JC wasn't gay; Joann liked men. JC had a beautiful girlfriend; Joann groped every man she met. Nobody ever touched Joann though, much to her dismay. "Are you okay, honey?" Jess dropped a hand down to Jc's thigh. Giving a hard squeeze, he grinned wickedly at the "woman" sitting in front of him. "I'm fine," Jc replied, feeling a sense of deja vu. He took a sip of his drink, relishing the burning sensation in his throat. Feeling Jess's hand rising higher on his leg, Jc sighed. "I should tell you something." Jess smiled and brought his hand under Jc's skirt. "I already know. Wanna go back to my place?" Jc thought on it for a moment. This man was filthy and there was no telling what disgusting things lurked on his body and in his home, but the offer was too appealing. But what if Jess discovered who he was? Maybe if he kept the blond wig and makeup on, Jess would be none the wiser. "Umm�yeah, just give me a moment." Pulling his cell phone from his purse, Jc excused himself and went to the secluded hallway behind the pool table. A newly introduced couple were "getting acquainted" on the never swept floor a few steps away from him. Jc quickly dialed the familiar number with his press on red nails. It took three rings before the familiar voice answered, testily, "What?" "Is that anyway to greet you best friend?" Jc chuckled in his normal voice, "Anyways, Justin, I'm going to be at this recording session a little longer than expected. Could you call Tracy and tell her not to expect me?" "Yeah, sure man. Jeez, this song must be a real pain. This is the third time this week you've been recording. When do we get to hear it?" "It won't be ready for a long time, besides I don't know if I'm ever going to finish it," Jc lied expertly. He heard Justin sigh before saying, "I understand. Well, I gotta go. Brit, can't find her favorite pair of black high heels, so now she's turning my house inside out." Biting his lower lip, Jc looked down at the strapless black pumps with rhinestones scattered all over. "I hope she finds them. I'll talk to you later, man." Jc hung up before Justin could respond. He hated lying to his friends, but he couldn't very well tell them what was going on. Tomorrow he'd go back to being "normal" Jc. He'd hide his wig and make-up and put on his jeans and t-shirt. He'd make love to Tracy and goof around with his friends. "I'm ready to go," Jc announced returning to where Jess waited. Tomorrow, he'd be Jc, but right now�Joann was about to get laid. |
| Joann |