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| Nashville High School Band Band Jokes- Page 7 |
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| 2003-2004 |
| Band Director: L. Cross |
Conductor Jokes -What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra? The bull has the horns in the front and the asshole in the back. -A conductor and a violist are standing in the middle of the road. which one do you run over first, and why? The conductor. Business before pleasure. -Why are conductor's hearts so coveted for transplants? They've had so little use. -What's the difference between a conductor and a sack of fertilizer? The sack. -What do you have when a group of conductors are up to their necks in wet concrete? Not enough concrete. -Did you hear about the planeload of conductors en route to the European Festival? The good news: it crashed. The bad news: there were three empty seats on board. -What's the difference between a symphony conductor and Dr Scholl's footpads? Dr Scholl's footpads buck up the feet. -What's the difference between a pig and a symphony orchestra conductor? There are some things a pig just isn't willing to do. -What is the ideal weight for a conductor? About 2 1/2 lbs. including the urn. -Why is a conductor like a condom? It's safer with one, but more fun without. -What's the difference between God and a conductor? God knows He's not a conductor. -What's the definition of an assistant conductor? A mouse trying to become a rat. -What's the difference between alto clef and Greek? Some conductors actually read Greek. -What do do with a horn player that can't play? Give him two sticks, put him in the back, and call him a percussionist. What do you do if he can't do that? Take away one of the sticks, put him up front, and call him a conductor. -What's the difference between an opera conductor and a baby? A baby sucks its fingers. -A musician calls the symphony office to talk to the conductor. "I'm sorry,he's dead," comes the reply. The musician calls back 25 times, always getting the same reply from the receptionist. At last she asks him why he keeps calling. "I just like to hear you say it." The manager looked first at the horse's rear end and then at the plop lying in the street and replied "trust me--from this angle, the orchestra won't even know they have a new conductor!" -Once upon a time, there was a blind rabbit and blind snake, both living in the same neighborhood. One beautiful day, the blind rabbit was hopping happily down the path toward his home, when he bumped into someone. Apologizing profusely he explained, "I am blind, and didn't see you there." "Perfectly all right," said the snake, "because I am blind, too, and did not see to step out of your way." A conversation followed, gradually becoming more intimate, and finally the snake said, "This is the best conversation I have had with anyone for a long time. Would you mind if I felt you to see what you are like?" "Why, no," said the rabbit. "Go right ahead." So the snake wrapped himself around the rabbit and shuffled and snuggled his coils, and said, "MMMM! You're soft and warm and fuzzy and cuddly...and those ears! You must be a rabbit." "Why, that's right!" said the rabbit. "May I feel you?" "Go right ahead." said the snake, stretching himself out full length on the path. The rabbit began to stroke the snake's body with his paws, then drew back in disgust. "Yuck!" he said. "You're cold...and slimy... you must be a conductor!" ------------------------------ Next Page Index |