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| Nashville High School Band Band Jokes |
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| 2003-2004 |
| Band Director: L. Cross |
| Strings Violin Jokes -What's the difference between a violin and a viola? There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist's head is so much bigger. -What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle? A fiddle is fun to listen to. -Why are viola jokes so short? So violinists can understand them. -How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog? The dog knows when to stop scratching. -How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb? None. They can't get up that high! -String players' motto: "It's better to be sharp than out of tune." -Why is a violinist like a SCUD missile? Both are offensive and inaccurate. -Why don't viola players suffer from piles (h�morrhoids)? Because all the assholes are in the first violin section. -What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin? No-one minds if you spill beer on a fiddle. -Why do violinists put a cloth between their chin and their instrument? Violins don't have spit valves. -Why should you never try to drive a roof nail with a violin? You might bend the nail. -A violinist says to his wife, "Oh, baby, I can play you just like my violin." His wife replies, "I'd rather have you play me like a harmonica!" Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph book by a fan while in the greenroom after a concert. "There's not much room on this page," he said. "What shall I write?" Another violinist, standing by, offered the following helpful hint: "Write your repertoire." "Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant. "You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter." "Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!" 'Cello Jokes -How do you get a 'cellist to play fortissimo? Write "pp, espressivo" -How do you make a cello sound beautiful? Sell it and buy a violin. Lute Jokes Lute players spend half their time tuning their instrument and the other half playing out of tune. Harp Jokes -Why are harps like elderly parents? Both are unforgiving and hard to get into and out of cars. -How long does a harp stay in tune? About 20 minutes, or until someone opens a door. -What's the definition of a quarter tone? A harpist tuning unison strings. ------------------------------------------------- Next Page Index |