BeerQuotes

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." (Ernest Hemmingway)

"Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me." (Winston Churchill)

"He was a wise man who invented beer." (Plato)

"Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time." (Catherine Zandonella)

"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her." (W.C. Fields)

"Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink." (Lady Astor to Winston Churchill) "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it." (His reply)

"If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs." (David Daye)

"Work is the curse of the drinking class." (Oscar Wilde)

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." (Henny Youngman)

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." (Benjamin Franklin)

"If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose." (Jack Handy)

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." (Dave Barry)

"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." (Humphrey Bogart)

"People who drink light beer don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot." (Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI)

"Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world." (Kaiser Wilhelm)

"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer." (Dave Barry)

"I drink to make other people interesting." (George Jean Nathan)

"They who drink beer will think beer." (Washington Irving)

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools." (Ernest Hemingway)

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." (Dean Martin)

"Mmmmmm, beer." (Homer Simpson)

Do not cease to drink beer, to eat, to intoxicate thyself, to make love, and celebrate the good days. (Ancient Egypt)

This beer is good for you. This is draft beer. Stick with the beer. Let�s go and beat this guy up and come back and drink some more beer. (Ernest Hemingway)

But if at church they would give some ale And a pleasant fire our souls to regale. We�d sing and we�d pray all the live long day, Nor ever once from the church to stray. (William Blake)

We brewers don�t make beer, we just get all the ingredients together and the beer makes itself. (Fritz Maytag, President Anchor Brewing)

Fermentation may have been a greater discovery than fire. (David Rains Wallace)

Many battles have been fought and won by soldiers nourished on beer. (Frederick the Great)

I recommend..bread, meat, vegetables, and beer. (Sophocles)

It is disgusting to note the increase in the quantity of coffee used by my subjects and the amount of money that goes out of the country in consequence. Everybody is using coffee. If possible, this must be prevented. My people must drink beer. (Frederick the Great)

This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord has intended a more divine form of consumption. Let us give praise to our maker and glory to His bounty be learning about beer. (Friar Tuck)

From man�s sweat and God�s love, beer came into the world. (Saint Arnold of Metz, The patron Saint of Brewers)

You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are. (Colonel Adolphus Busch)

I work until beer o�clock. (Steven King)

Keep your libraries, your penal institutions, your insane asylums...give me beer. You think man needs rule, he needs beer. The world does not need morals, it needs beer... The souls of men have been fed with indigestibles, but the soul could make use of beer. (Henry Miller)

In my opinion, most of the great men of the past were only there for the beer. (A.J.P. Taylor, British historian)

What two ideas are more inseparable than beer and Britannia? (Sydney Smith, English clergyman, writer.)

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver." (Jack Handy)

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. (Frank Sinatra)

The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. (William Butler Yeats)

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. (Ernest Hemingway)

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. (Catherine Zandonella)

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. (Ambrose Bierce)

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. (Anonymous)

Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure�hooking up with fat, hairy girls. (Ross Levy/John Beecher Jr.)

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? (W.C. Fields)

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life. (Michelle Mastrolacasa)

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy. (Tom Waits)

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? (Stephen Wright)

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven! (Brian O'Rourke)

An Irishman is the only man in the world who will step over the bodies of a dozen naked women to get to a bottle of stout (Unknown)

Alcohol, the cause and solution to all of life's problems. (Homer Simpson)

Nothing quenches the thirst like a wheat beer, or sharpens the appetite like an India pale ale. Nothing goes as well with seafood as a dry porter or stout, or accompanies chocolate like an imperial stout. Nothing soothes like a barley wine. These are just a few of the specialty styles of beer. (Michael Jackson)

So popular is beer, the world's best-selling alcoholic drink, that it is often taken for granted. Yet scientific analysis shows that a glass of beer has within it as many aromas and flavors as fine wine. Not everyone understands this, but an increasing number of people do. (Michael Jackson)

Whoever makes a poor beer is transferred to the dung-hill. (Edict, City of Danzig, 11th Century)

Beer drinking doesn't do half the harm as love-making. (Anonymous)

Fermentation and civilization are inseparable. (John Ciardi (1916-1986))

He who drinks beer sleeps well. He who sleeps well cannot sin. He who does not sin goes to heaven. Amen. (Unknown German Monk)

It is better to think of church in the ale-house than to think of the ale-house in church. (Martin Luther (1483-1546))

The selling of bad beer is a crime against Christian love. (Law, the City of Augsburg, 13th Century)

A good local pub has much in common with a church, except that a pub is warmer, and there's more conversation. (William Blake)

It is my design to die in the brew-house;

Let ale be placed to my mouth when I am expiring, that when the choirs of angels come, they may say, "Be God propitious to this drinker." (Saint Columbanus, A.D. 612)

From man's sweat and God's love, beer came into the world. (Saint Arnoldus)

God made yeast, as well as dough, and loves fermentation just as dearly as he loves vegetation. (Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882))

There are more old drunks than old doctors. (Anonymous)

Of doctors and medicines we have in plenty more than enough... what you may, for the Love of God, send is some large quantity of beer. (Dispatch from the Colony, New South Wales, 1854)

The Puritanical nonsense of excluding children and therefore to some extent women from pubs has turned these places into mere boozing shops instead of the family gathering places that they ought to be. (George Orwell (1903-1950))

Wine is but single broth, ale is meat, drink, and cloth. (16th Century English Proverb)

At social parties no gentleman ever thought of leaving the table sober; the host would have considered it a slight on his hospitality. (F.W. Hackwood, comment on manners, 18th Century England)

Beer..."a high and mighty liquor." (Julius Caesar)

Of beer, an enthusiast has said that it could never be bad, but that some brands might be better than others. (A.A. Milne)

Beer, of course, is actually a depressant, but poor people will never stop hoping otherwise. (Curt Vonnegut, Jr., Hocus Pocus, 1990)

He is not deserving the name of Englishman who speaketh against ale, that is, good ale. (George Borrow (1803-1881))

Ere's to English women an' a quart of English beer. (Rudyard Kipling)

For a quart of Ale is a dish for a King. (Shakespeare (A Winter's Tale))

I would give all my fame for a pot of ale and safety. (William Shakespeare (King Henry V))

There's nothing as heartening as the sight of an empty pub in the morning, the shelves full and everything spick and span before the barbarian hordes come in. Them that drinks bottles spoil the look of the shelves but draught is a different story you never see the barrel going down. (Patrick McGinley)

No poems can live long or please that are written by water-drinkers. (Horace 65-8 BC)

Work is the curse of the drinking classes. (Oscar Wilde)

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. (Henny Youngman)

Beer is good food. (John Goodman)

All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow. (Dave Barry)

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. Give a man a beer, and he wastes an hour, but teach a man how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.

He that buys land buys many stones, He that buys flesh buys many bones, He that buys eggs buys many shells, But he that buys good ale buys nothing else. -- John Ray

Draft beer, not people.

Hey, bartender, a thousand pints of light! -- Second City Players

The last swallow of lager is the worst and the last swallow of an ale is the best.

Beauty lies in the hands of the beerholder.

There may be a few good men who don't drink, but they've got to prove it. --Col. Lincoln Karmany, USMC

Don't you know alcohol kills brain cells...any damn brain cell that can't live through a good drunk deserves to die. You're doing yourself a favor, getting rid of all them nonhacking, underachieving ones. I'm working on improving your efficiency. --James Webb (A Country Such As This)

Beer- so much more than just a breakfast drink!

A full beer is a perfect beer." -- Tim Russman

"A drink a day keeps the shrink away." -- Edward Abbey

"Well I woke up this mornin' and I got myself a beer." -- Jim Morrison / The Doors (from Roadhousse Blues)

"Fill with mingled cream and amber, I will drain that glass again. Such hilarious visions clamber Through the chambers of my brain. Quaintest thoughts--queerest fancies, Come to life and fade away: What care I how time advances? I am drinking ale today." -- Edgar Allan Poe

"Whiskey's too rough, Champagne costs too much, Vodka puts my mouth in gear. I hope this refrain, Will help me explain, As a matter of fact, I like beer." -- Tom T. Hall

I'm Catholic and I can't commit suicide, but I plan to drink myself to death." -- Jack Kerouac

"Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!" -Homer Simpson

"What event is more awfully important to an English colony than the erection of its first brewhouse?" -Reverend Sydney Smith

"The church is near but the road is icy. The bar is far away but I will walk carefully." -Russian Proverb

"But if at church they would give us some ale And a pleasant fire our souls to regale We'd sing and pray All the live-long day Nor ever once from the church to stray" -William Blake

"Quaintest thoughts, queerest fancies come to life and fade away. What care I how the day advances I am drinking ale today." -Edgar Allan Poe

"It is a fair wind that blew men to the ale." -Washington Irving

"I would give all my fame for a pot of ale, and safety." -William Shakespeare

There can't be good living where there is not good drinking. -- Benjamin Franklin

Back and side go bare, go bare, Both foot and hand go cold; But, belly, God send thee good ale enough, Whether it be new or old. --Bishop Still (John)

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. --W.C. Fields

Candy, Is dandy, But Liquor, Is quicker. -- Ogden Nash

Drunkenness . . . is temporary suicide. -- Bertrand Russell

I often sit back and think, "I wish I�d done that," and find out later that I already have. -- Richard Harris

Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; The best of life is but intoxication. -- Lord Byron

Ale, man, ale�s the stuff to drink For fellows whom it hurts to think. -- A. E. Housman

It is not I who become addicted, it is my body. -- Jean Cocteau

All sin tends to be addictive, and the terminal point of addiction is what is called damnation. -- W. H. Auden

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. --Ambrose Bierce

No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as a drink. -- G.K. Chesterton

The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk they're sober. --William Butler Yeats

Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer. --Henry Lawson

O Beer! O Hodgson, Guinness, Allsopp, Bass! Names that should be on every infant's tongue. -- C.V Calverley

'Did you ever taste beer?' 'I had a sip of it once,' said the small servant. 'Here's a state of things!' cried Mr. Swiveller . . . 'She never tasted it -- it can't be tasted in a sip!' -- Charles Dickens, 'Ye Olde Curiosity Shoop.'

Hermit hoar, in solemn cell, Wearing out life's evening gray; Smite thy bosom, sage, and tell, What is bliss, and which the way? Thus I spoke; and speaking sigh'ed; -- Scarce repressed a starting tear;-- When the smiling sage reply'd -- -- Come, my lad, and drink some beer." -- Samuel Johnson

Oh moonshine, oh moonshine Oh how I love thee You killed me dear father But dare you kill me I'll eat when I'm hungry I'll drink when I'm dry And if moonshine don't kill me I'll live till I die. -- Anon

Doth it not show viley in me to desire small beer? -- William Shakespeare, 'Henry IV.'

Life ain't all beer and skittles, and more's the pity. -- George DuMaurier

When people drink, then they are successful and win lawsuits are are happy and help their friends. Quickly, bring me a beaker of cider, so that I may wet my mind and say something clever. -- Aristophanes, 424 B.C.

Lo! the poor topper whose untutor'd sense, Sees bliss in ale, and can with wine dispense; Whose head proud fancy never taught to steer, Beyond the muddy ecstasies of beer. -- George Crabbe

Oh I have been to Ludlow fair And left my necktie God knows where, And carried half way home, or near, Pints and quarts of Ludlow beer: Then the world seemed none so bad, And I myself a sterling lad; And down in lovely muck I've lain, Happy -- till I woke up again. -- A.E. Housman

Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him. --Mark Twain

Gott erfand das Bier damit auch die h��lichen M�dchen hin und wieder gebumst werden. -- German saying

Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink. Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk), At home as it is in the pub. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers. For thine is the beer, The bitter, The lager. Forever and ever, Barmen. -Anon

You foam within our glasses, you lusty golden brew, whoever imbibes takes fire from you. The young and the old sing your praises; here's to beer, here's to cheer, here's to beer. -- A toast in Bedrich Smetana's 1866 operaa 'The Bartered Bride'

If all be true that I do think, There are five reasons we should drink: Good beer -- a friend -- or being dry -- Or lest we should be by and by -- Or any other reason why. -- Henry Aldrich

I don't drink water, fish fuck in it. -- Oscar Wilde

"Being half drunk is just another way of saying 'your almost there'" - Jarrod Conway, Brisbane, Australia

"Reality is just an illusion, brought on by an alcohol difficency. written by Roy Cameron" - Jared Conway

"We're making the world a better place to drink: one beer at a time." - Joe Gural

"Cold War bad. Cold BEER good" ~unknown~

"In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria." - German proverb

"I don't have a drinking problem so much as I have a drinking solution" -Anonymous

The blood is now running through my alcohol stream.

Some people see the glass half-empty. some people see the glass half full. I say it's beer man, just drink it!

There's nothing like a cold beer on a hot Christmas morning -homer simpson

Why is it that when you drink seven nights a week in college you are a partier, and after that you are a alcoholic?

"Beer is good; drink it." --Anon.

There are many good reasons for drinking,One has just entered my head. If a man doesn't drink when he's living, How the hell can he drink when he's dead?

A wise man once said " Never mix beer and hard liquor.... unless you've only got one glass"

"There are those who drink and those who pound, and those who dont are bound to frown. No matter what you say or what you do, Always cheer your frosty brew!" --Arn

"My advice to you... is to start drinking, heavily..." --John Belushi, Animal House

Beer is the fountain of happiness we should not question it's power but blindly frolic in its foamy ways. A DRINKING SONG by William Butler Yeats

"Trinken ist nicht die Antwort, aber beim Trinken vergisst man die Frage." Translation: Drinking is not the answer, but by drinking, you forget the question.

"WHEN IT'S FOURTH AND INCHES, I'LL TAKE THE WHISKEY DRINKERS OVER THE MILK DRINKERS ANY DAY."

"If you can't drink tomorrow night, there is no reason to drink slow tonight!" From Jeff Stake

"If beer is liquid bread, the guinness is liquid cake." -Naveen Kumar

"Everyone has to believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink." From Jason Weis

"I may be drunk, but in the morning i'll be sober and you'll still be ugly." -- Winston Churchill, From

It's better to have beer in hand than gas in tank.

Life is too short to drink cheap beer.

Beer - it's not just for breakfast anymore

Beer: Nature's laxative.

Beer. If you can't taste it, why bother!

One more drink and I'd be under the host. --Dorothy Parker

When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer. --Postpetroleum Guzzler, Dave Barry

Schaum ist kein bier- froth is not beer. - 16th Century German Proverb

The mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer. - Ancient Egyptian Wisdom, 2200 B.C.

The Baker says, "I've the staff of life, and you're a silly elf." The Brewer replied, with artful pride, "Why this is life itself!" - Anonymous 13th Century

Beer is to be lapped up rather than yapped about. -Anonymous

These people are drinking a marketing program. They're not drinking beer. - Frank Heapes, on Dry Beer, Financial Timmes, 1989

There is no beverage which I have liked to live with more than beer. - George Saintsbury-1920

Man's way to God is with beer in hand. - Koffyar Tribal Wisdom, Nigeria

When the beer is in the man, Is the wisdom in the can? - Old Dutch saying

Beer drinkin' don't do half the harm of love makin'. - Old New England Proverb

I have to think hard to name an interesting man who does not drink. - Richard Burton

Bad Beer is like bad art... if you endure enough of it, eventually you forget the alternatives. -Stephen Greenleaf, "Bookcase", 1991

A day has 24 hours. A case of beer has 24 bottles. Coincidence? - Anonymous

I drink more beer than good wine, not only because it is cheaper, but also because it is, in many circumstances, more pleasing. - Anonymous

Beer that is not drunk has missed its vocation. - Meyer Breslau

If it is a disgrace to be drunk among the sober, it is disgraceful too to be sober among the drunk. - Theognis of Magara Greek Poet; 5th-6th Century B.C.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. - Henny Youngman

Up to the age of forty, eating is beneficial; after forty, drinking. -The Talmud

Life ain't all beer and skittles, and more's the pity. -- George DuMaurier

There can't be good living where there is not good drinking. -- Benjamin Franklin

The government will fall that raises the price of beer. -- Czech Saying

Everybody's old enough for a beer, ain't that right, Mule? -- Jack Nicholson

Religions change, beer and wine remain. -- Harvey Allen, 1889-1949

I think this would be a good time for a beer -- FDR

Fermentation may have been a greater discovery than fire. --David Rains Wallace

From man's sweat and God's love, beer came into the world. --Saint Arnold of Metz, The patron Saint oof Brewers

You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are. -- Colonel Adolphus Busch

I am not an alcoholic. I am a drunk. We don't have to go to meetings. -- Ron the Drunken Webmaster

We're wanted men, we'll strike again, but first let's have a beer. -- Jimmy Buffett

Beer is an improvement on water itself -- Grant Johnson

Who cares how time advances? I am drinking ale today. -- Edgar Allan Poe

Everyone needs something to believe in...and I believe I'll have another beer. -- Steve Phelps

I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me. -- W.C. Fields

I'm Allergic to grass. Hey, it could be worse. I could be allergic to beer. -- Greg Norman

Here's to a long life and a merry one; A quick death and an easy one; A pretty girl and a true one; A cold beer, and another one. -- Lewis Henry

Beer glorious beer. Sing the praises of the first man to take barley and ferment the results now known as beer. Tip a cold pilsner to that unknown brewer. Give thanks to the beer god. I know not what course others may take but as for me... give me another beer! -- John Walentik

Would you really call yourself a Christian if charity cost half as much as beer? - Jimmy Buffett

Damn, there's beer on my job application. -- Brian Tully

I never drink beer before Noon. Lucky for me, it is always after Noon somewhere. -- Ron the Drunken Webmaster

You can't drink all day...Unless you start in the morning. -- Gary Larson

We are here to drink beer... and (to) live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us -- Charles Bukowski

It is better to be a well-known drunk than an anonymous alcoholic. -- Tim Boner

Nunc est bibendum (Now is the time for drinking) --Horace, Odes

From man�s sweat and God�s love, beer came into the world. --Saint Arnold of Metz, The patron Saint of Brewers

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1862! --anonymous

Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser. --anonymous

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group --anonymous

Beer - Because one doesn't solve the world's problems over white wine. --anonymous

The Circuit (yes, there is beer involved): Electricity originates inside clouds. There, it forms into lightning, which is attracted to the Earth by golfers. After entering the ground, the electricity hardens into coal, which, when dug up by power companies and burned in big ovens called 'generators,' turns back into electricity... where it is transformed by TV sets into commercials for beer, which passes through the consumers and back into the ground, thus completing what is known as a 'circuit.' --Dave Barry

'Men can go wrong with wine and women. Shall we prohibit and abolish women? The sun, moon and the stars have been worshipped; shall we pluck them from the sky? See how much He has done thru me even though I just prayed and preach, the Word did it all. If I wanted to, I could have started a conflagration at Worms. But while I sat still and drank beer with Philip in Hahnsdorf, God dealt the papacy a mighty blow'. --Martin Luther

The end is near, drink more beer. --Greg 12/1999

Beauty is in the eye of the Beer holder.... --John V.

I'll go if Beer goes --Greg

God said drink me, and then there was beer, and it was good. --Kay & Q, Kings Head Pub, Santa Monica CA, Sep 30 2001

The more you drink, the better the world looks! --Greg

Home is where the beer is. --Dave V.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar. --Drew Carey

Drinking and music are key to survival. --Greg

Wait it out with a six-pack of beer and a football game. --Former Buffalo NY Mayor James Griffin's advice during a 1977 blizzard

If beer and women aren't the answer, then you're asking the wrong questions. --Riley (via Steve E)

Sung to the tune of "It Was a Very Good Year" (we must admit that the music makes a difference): When I was seventeen I drank some very good beer. I drank some very good beer I purchased with a fake ID. My name was Brian McGee. I stayed up listening to Queen. When I was seventeen. - Homer

"Ahhhhhhhh!!! Natural light!!! Get it off me!!!" - Barney

"All right, Homey, you're overstimulated. As soon as we get you home, we'll get some beer into you, and then it's straight to bed." - Marge

"I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer." (Homer Simpson)