You Know You're Latino If......

�you start clapping and getting your stuff out of the overhead compartments when your plane lands on the runway.

...you have at LEAST thirty cousins.

...you have ever been hit with a chancla or plancha chord.

...you have had a chancla or tacon thrown at you.

...you have familia anywhere you go.

...you speak Spanglish.

...you go to a wedding or Quincea�era to gossip about how bad the comida is, but be the first to take a plato to go.

...your mom/dad has 8 brothers and 7 sisters.

...your family never throws anything away - cause you never know when you might need that old spare tire or broken ironing board.

...you get another's attention by saying chhh chhh..Pssssst...

...you tell the young ones that if they don't stop crying, "La Llorona" is going to hear them and come get them.

...you get scared whenever someone mentions "El Cucuuuuiii" or "La Llorona".

...you step into a house that has all those little figurines taking up every inch of space on/under the TV, you have a porcelain cat, dog, Buddha or elephant in your living room, and you have a picture of EVERY ONE in your family hung on the walls.

...you know at least one person in your family named Maria, Lupe, Juan, Jose, Junior, or Manuel.

...you know what the 3 B's are --- Bueno, Bonito y Barrato.

...you know who Don Francisco from Sabado Gigante is.

...you always try to find out what town another fellow Latino's family is from. "Y usted de que parte es?"

...you always try to find out where another fellow Latino's family is from and try to trace their family tree.

...your grandmother thinks she has the miracle cure for everything which is "Savila" or "te de manzanilla".

...you have had to -beepiar- a friend on their pager.

...you drink all beer with limon y sal.

...one of your aunts or mom weighs over 300 pounds.

...you have a chola in your barrio named �La Flaca: who's bigger than a house.

...you have your country's flag hanging from your rear view mirror. [doesn't everyone?]

...you know a chola named "La Shy Girl" who is loud and obnoxious.

...at least 3 of your 50 friends are not related to you.

...you eat menudo after the wedding to cure your hangover.

...you have sat in a two-passenger car with over seven people in it.

...you have a bottle of Bacardi or Tequila in your house right now.

...your tio, tia, abuelos or someone you know has plastic slipcovers on the sofas or the plastic runner from the door into the house.

...your mom, tia or someone in the family has dyed their hair Black Cherry, Red or Bodacious Burgundy that would make Celia Cruz jealous.

...you knew of family or friends that lived in the garage that was converted to "La Casa de Atras".

...you have seen "mi gente"wearing their Sunday best to do laundry at the laundry mat and grocery shopping.

...you wondered what was wrong if you walked into the house and did not hear the "Rancheritas" full blast from your mom or tia�s kitchen.

...you have told your kid not to walk the floor barefoot or they'll catch a cold.

...you got so upset when you wanted to buy something and mom always told you that she could find it cheaper somewhere else.

...your Tia Chencha thinks that silver banana clips are on Vogue's hot list for hair.

...you know someone "sin papeles".

...you were brought up not to throw away food.

...your dad talks about "los dias trabajando el los campos" y �cuando you tenia de tu edad��.

...your Tia Juana always has a bottle of Tapatio in her purse.

...your cousins are "delinquents".

...you think Cristina is so much better than Oprah any day.

...you have a cousin/uncle named "Guero" who's darker than night.

...you go to at least 3 weddings a year.

...your mom, abuela, or tia always says "Que Descanse en Paz" when speaking of someone who has died.

...you've tried to bring a mango back to the US from Mexico [a bonus point if you actually made it all the way home with it.

..you drive a "Cheby", an "Ohsmobeel,� or a "Bolswahgon".

...your car has fifteen speakers in it and you fix it everyweekend.

...you can get to your house blindfolded by the smell of the tamales.

...you light a candle the night of the Lotto drawing.
...you swear "Choco Mil" is the same as "Slim Fast" and try to lose weight by drinking it.

...you have a perpetually drunk uncle.

...you call: rug-carpeta; touch-tachar; roof - rufo; parking- parking; library-libreria instead of biblioteca; knock - knockiar; chips-ruffles; mop-mopiador; truck-troka; push-puchastes; quit-quitiar.

...you call your sneakers �tenis.�

...your family never lets you forget the day you missed Mother's Day.

...you need to point out how much something you just bought cost.

...you can dance merengue, cumbias, and salsa without music.

...you use manteca instead of olive oil and can't figure out why you�re gaining weight.

...you just can't imagine anyone not liking Mexican food.

...you go to a white friend's house for dinner and don't understand the concept of sitting at a table.

...you have a picture of -Jesucristo- in your house.

...you have at least TWO statues of saints in your house (and a bonus point if one of them is (La Virgen de Guadalupe).

...you go to church on Easter, Christmas and New Years just to see what everyone is wearing and find out all the latest "chismes".

...you're an adult and you're still forced to be with your family at 12 midnight on New Year�s Eve.

...your mom and tias are constantly gossiping in the kitchen about how they hate the town mitoteras.

...your mom has more power over your dad or else she will get his mom on his case.

...you still don't understand how other people can think that cinnamon, pepperoni, or pepper are actually hot.

...you wonder why Taco Bell uses sour cream.

...you know someone with a tattoo of a tear drop under their eye.

...if someone farts, you make a fiesta of it.

...your sister has more mustache hair than your father.

...your abuelita will kill you if you make her miss her novelas.

...your summer vacation is spent at the river with all your cousins.

...you have seen the movie "Selena".

...you own at least 2 tapes/CDs of Selena.

...your tia's wear gold sequence dresses, gold hair bands/clips, un chingo of gold jewelry, gold tacones, and pink lipstick.
...you begged your Mom not to take you school clothes shopping at Wal-Mart, K-mart, or the Outlet stores.

...you begged your Mom to have a haircut like the rest of the kids - not the buzz cut for $3.00.

...you're still afraid to open that umbrella in your house.

...you've gone to �las yardas� or �Swap meet� every weekend for years.

...you know better than to bother your mom or abuela while they are watching "Las Novelas".

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