Letting Go (29/1/2002)
There’s a Chinese saying that ‘8 to 9 out of
10 things happened in life are unhappy ones.’ May be that is not only including what happened on
‘ourselves’, but also on people around us – in our family, on our friends…
Human
beings are interactively related with each other. ‘No man is an island’ does not merely implied materially and
physically, but also mentally and spiritually. ‘Life affects lives’ as one of my teachers said. When lives are related, we are able to
share others ups and downs, joy and sorrow. So that ‘8 to 9 out of 10’ unhappy things must included
those things not simply happened on us.
When
we come across bad things, we will easily been upset – and so as when we get to
know bad things happened on our loved ones. On top of sharing some of the hurting feelings, we will also
try to find ways to help them, hoping they will get better sooner. But sometimes things don’t go that
smooth and you may feel quite discouraged. Or, in many cases, there’s simply no solution for the
incident at all. You’ll definitely
share with your friend, though in a lesser degree, the hopelessness,
helplessness, uncertainty and emptiness.
Remember
once I was encountering a deeply upsetting incident. I went to talk with a very nice teacher and she said, ‘Yes,
Nova, feel the grief – but not for too long.’ Such humane approach to hurting experiences is a very
constructive one. One must learn
how to bear sorrow before tasting true delight. It just like how anti-biotic works – your body will learn
automatically how to defense those ‘bad stuff’ after some of them had been
injected into your body. You’ll
never have the defensive ability until you get the injection. So be tolerate and get through it is
the key but nothing else.
Facing
others’ tragic moments is nothing light and easy. When I see my friends’ tears of bitterness, I too will feel
pain. May be, to some extend,
tears heals. While those tears may
still be staying in my mind for a certain period of time, I know I have to let
it go (as when I’m facing my own problems). Most of the time we thought ourselves as very skillful in
solving problems, or very wisdom in giving advices, or very sensitive in
reading others’ mind, or very loving in caring about others. That’s wrong, very wrong. We are just human being and we are not
God. Human use to think themselves
as bigger and superior then what they are actually be. Our misunderstanding with ourselves is
very frequently the source of self-struggling which, beginning with a very
unhealthy way of thinking (and hence being), leads to further problems of
various kinds.
Letting
go does not mean giving up – it is the inevitable acceptance of the reality
after we tried all our own ways.
It’s more a psychological thing then a physical act. Giving up is a very sad way to end a
thing because one didn’t try out all the possibilities. It’s a sign of being defeated. We can’t let things overcome us, but we
have to overcome them.
Paradoxically the termination is to let it go. Or else, it will last forever.
To
let go enquires tremendous courage.
One has to be brave enough to say ‘Here I am – and I am not saint.’
(another teacher taught me) The power of admitting the truth, to accept it, and
hence can leap over it will hence be shown here. We can’t change – but ourselves.
I
sincerely wish my dear friends can insist with the courage.