Knowing Myself (10/9/2003)
Every time after traveling, I gain much
understanding about myself. Getting away from daily routines, responsibilities
and familiar people will yield a very ‘quiet’ and different environment for me
which shows my habits, things I like or dislike.
I’m so tended to be the kind of ‘lonely old
woman’ type of people when I get old. I found that I don’t like to talk unless
to the people whom I really ‘know’ and trust. And I only like to ‘know’
somebody unless he/ she seems simple, easy and straight forward enough to
trust. But once I found someone whom I think comfortable to talk with, I’ll be
very talkative. In the contrary, I’ll shut my mouth most of the time, not only
because I don’t really like to talk much in that situation, but also I can’t
think of anything to talk about. (It happens quite a lot. It makes me feel
stupid… :p) I’m not very good at socializing people. I’ll try if it’s needed,
but not prefer if it’s not necessary. (I think I share much similarity in this
aspect with Ms Ho, my former violin teacher.)
I was said to be a person who are quite ‘separated
from the world’ since secondary school. May be I’m always so alien to modern
fashion and style. Clothes, cinema, karaoke, dinning, sports, pop songs… etc.
are things I would like to do, but don’t have much time to spend on. As growing
older, social cycle becoming smaller then before, and I seem to live more and
more in my own world. Talking with working people, I find myself still too
young and inexperienced to deal in the world; but with people from slightly
younger then my age or younger, I feel so old, lacking of imagination, humor
and energy.
I seldom live with my parents (compare with
average kids) since young age (Because my parents had to work and they asked my
grand mother to take care of me, that I eventually ending up staying with my
grand mother for most of the time of my first 18 years, haha~) Though I could
see my parent regularly (usually weekly), I have to manage myself most of the
time and one of the things is money. I couldn’t approach them frequently, so I
have to have some reserve all the time. May be that’s why I developed a
constant habit of saving and straight spending habit. Too economy – or stingy?
:p I don’t know… I’ll just on spend what worths.
(Time to sleep. To be continued…)