At the Time When
I Leave (2/5/2003)
Today I just managed to watch a Japanese
cartoon “小魔女 Do Re Me”.
Today’s main character is one of the little witches, Aiko (愛子), a mature and strong grade 5 girl living in
a single parent family (with her father). The episode was in the time around
Christmas. Aiko wants to have a sewing machine as Christmas present, so that she
can sew for her father and make Christmas for her friends. But it happens that
Aiko’s father lost his job as a taxi driver as his company is shutting down.
(Just think – a single parent lost his job! So real…)
Aiko’s father looses his financial support and
confidence. He told his ex-wife, who’s living in another town, to bought the
machine for Aiko. Facing Aiko, he didn’t know what to do as he can’t see not
only the future of himself, but also his young daughter. He’s so desperate that
he looses his temper at his daughter, and tells Aiko to leave and go with her
mother. Aiko is so angry that she leaves immediately and don’t leave a word to
her dear friends.
By some means the other four witches know the
whole thing, so they helped Aiko’s father to find a job. Luckily one of their
classmates’ father’s company needs a driver, and so they make the deal. Now he
can have a job again, and be able to support his daughter again. In the
meanwhile, Aiko, though sitting on the bullet train with her mother, is waiting
for her father to fetch her in the station – who at the end do come.
I’m so blessed that I seldom have to leave
somebody I really treasure. My friends are somehow just accumulate and keep
contacting with me. The earliest sadness due to parting may be the time when my
teachers have to leave the school when their contracts were expired. The
poorest time was of course when my last affair was broken up.
There was a boy called Tom. Once he’s drama
teacher told him, ‘Tom, I know you will be a star.’ This was so wonderful. Tom
was so encouraged. This boy didn’t have any other consideration thereafter, but
acting.
Today in the pearl channel there was an award
presentation to something like ‘life contribution’ by the American film
society. The star tonight is an actor I like very much – Tom Hanks.
That recalls many wonderful teenage memories
during my times in secondary school when I put the cartoon and Tom Hanks’
program together. That was those times which teachers’ messages, the school’s
tradition and the spirit among schoolmates nurtured me, and contributed much to
my personality, rather then the later times in university. And that was the
only place I miss when I was leaving.
I wonder how would I feel now if I have to
leave a person or a place. Since age really changes. I feel myself more
introspective then when I was younger. I always think (i.e. talk with myself
silently, a definition from a little boy) and lots of works are given to the
brain rather then to the mouth. I start to hide my feelings, to the point that
I myself may not find them either. But I hate being dishonest to myself. That’s
why I try to keep myself one side of my mind as childlike as I can. I just can’t
miss it, not only for the sake of music, but also for the sake of how I deal
with people in this world.
If I leave, I wish to preserve the feeling of
not wanting to leave. It will be very sad if I feel it indifferently. Because
this shows that the old place has no meaning to me, and that might be the sign
of meaningless of the time spent in this place too. In other words, missing
something is not a bad thing, because you will only miss something that mean
something to you.
The urge of going back to the past pull us
back and further away from the reality. After all, human are beings. So it will
be a great art if one can let go the things he/she misses. Life is full of dilemmas.
Having the sensibility to love and miss, at the same time, needing the rationality
to let go, yet keeping the power and vision to work and look forward to the
future… Balancing in the frame of time is also a big thing in music as well as
in life. Let’s learn.