Masks (18/9/2003)
Due to the Atypical Pneumonia, people where
masks everywhere.
But aren’t we wearing masks in our whole life?
Different kind of masks for different circumstances, different people.
I really envy those who can describe who they
are very clearly. I really don’t know how to describe myself. And most of the
time I really feel that I’m a very strange person. I’m very grateful for having
so many friends because I really don’t think I’m a person who can easily be
understand…
Last year I accompanied a singer with violin
for one of her Bach piece. (Suddenly forgot the piece’s name…… poor memory) I
had to go to the singer’s lesson with her teacher (Ms T) and play for her.
Though I’ve seen her in local opera productions, this was the first time I meet
her personally. She’s still scolding my schoolmate when I was just arrived her
home. But her attitude was immediately changed when she told me that was my
time to play. She first asked who did I studying with. I told her, and then I
played. She’s extremely polite to me, and was a bit exaggerated. After this
lesson, a friend of Ms T arrived and I felt she’s quite fake – just like
putting 3 masks on her face. Leaving Ms T’s home, I told my schoolmate that I
felt like seeing Ms T putting on masks, and my schoolmate said she already put
on 3 more just when I arrived…
I really wish I wouldn’t be that kind of
person. To know the different ways to deal with different people is a very
important life skill. Yet I would like to deal with people with my heart rather
then face(s).
Especially these years I discover more and
more different kinds of masks on people’s faces. They are usually identified by
the effect instead of the appearance, i.e. a good mask should be one that
serves the purpose of the mission. Some are for sneaking information, some are
searching for benefits, some are for hiding, some are for preventing… I still
know very little about that…
I have to use masks too, for maintaining
different images in front of different people. It’s like roll play. Indeed,
life is roll play. Right? You can’t be everybody’s anybody. Living under a
social web already implies different positions and responsibilities, and hence
different images. The Bad thing is I sometimes mixed them up in some inappropriate
time and place, which is quite embarrassing, or planted inconvenience for the
future. Sigh… much to learn.
Sometimes I too use masks to hid away from
things I don’t want to face. It’s no good.