People around
me are getting to have boyfriends and girlfriends, and some of them are
preparing for their marriage.
Just remember
in the time about 50 years ago people married in their 20s are said to have a ‘late
marriage’, let alone those who didn’t even got a ‘target’.
When I was
small I told myself that I would never marry. I couldn’t understand why those
big sisters and aunties were worrying about their own, or others’, marriages or
affairs, so seriously. As I grown up in a girls’ school for more then 10 years,
I accepted the women-dominated culture. Women just can do everything as men do
(except in biological terms). The longing of a marriage was to me, is a sigh of
weakness and de-evolution.
But soon after
this thought settled, I have my first date with a guy and this changes my view
completely. When people are really in love, they want to share the rest of their
lives with each other. Also, I discover a very interesting phenomenon – man
really likes to win woman. But I’m the kind of person who seldom is willing to
give up and admit to be defeated. I seldom find a person who I really
appreciate whole-heartily. This relationship breaks soon, with much more reasons
then the above. I found myself that I really don’t know how to appreciate
others. And I found much more faults and weakness of mine.
After such
failure in attempting, I really doubt for the possibility of a right choice.
But soon I discover that my attitude was already wrong at the beginning. I
always want to find the best one for me, but I seldom think, right at the
beginning, to be the best for others.
Thanks God that
He let me see lots of different cases around me. Although still with some
unanswerable questions, I know that to love a person should be loving with the
love from God, that count only giving, but not receiving. And this is somehow
my biggest weakness.
Seeing people
getting together, hanging around, get separated, and get together again, may be
with the previous one, may be with the other one… We usually say, ‘There’s no “rights”
or “wrongs” in love affairs.’ Practically, may be. And that’s also what I
thought before. But now, as cases goes, I think it shouldn’t be true. Morally
it should be rights and wrongs. To me, morality is a logical consideration of a
balanced relationship network, and no feelings involved. There are lots of
rights and wrongs in a relationship – far beyond the number we can count. Thus
we usually just giving up counting, let them cross out each other, and said
there’s none. Sad is some people really believe the validity of the statement and
didn’t check against him/herself the ‘should have done/ shouldn’t have done’
things and commit the same faults again and again.
I don’t know if
I’m going to have a second chance. If not, I’ll be happy that I can have more
time and energy to love my family and friends. If so, I would pray to God that
this should also be the last one before I got married. Haha.