Yes, it’s not very smooth (31/8/2002)
I’ve received an e-mail showing that she’s quite
desperate now. In an alien place with new roads, new address, new phone number,
new school, new practice rooms, new teachers, new super markets, hardly more
than 10 fresh friends, etc., life won’t be easy at all. I’ve phoned her twice
but it’s both connected to her message box. Last night I’ve made her a little
gift with which I hope she can cheer up.
To start a new life is never something easy, as well as
to accommodate some tough parts which accumulated in the past.
It seems that life is always between two kinds of
tensions – one is from the uncertain future, another is from the past events.
Men’s sense of existence then hence is evaluated from the two poles.
Future, by its nature, is uncertain to all. Hence such
tension can’t be released unless you are really a faithful person who knows
that God is our Creator and He’ll prepare all the things for us. While on the
other hand, as by observation, not many people can erase their past. May be
because it contained so much things that we constructed. And through these
constructions we can define ourselves. Even though some of these past events
are hurting and so ugly that we don’t want to have just a single thought of it,
we might not be easily erase them as it’s already part of us. Sometimes such
pulling force is so great that drives our energy to face things which are
immediately in front of us.
It will be very sad to living in the pain of that past.
Some might say that there’re also problems in the very present moment. But to
me, all the things behind me is the past and those ahead of me is future.
Present is my being, and the only thing I can control is just part of it.
May be life can be very easy. Just as a person plays the
violin. You have to plan every note and to expect every single sound form your
instrument before the note is really sounded. But once the note is sound you
can’t change much. After each note you have to be relax and don’t try to
squeeze the note – as they are already gone, and anything won’t matter.
Sound really easy right? Yet, if it’s really so easy that
everyone can do it, there won’t be only one Heifzt.
Lord, forgive us – as we ignore you and go by our own
way; have mercy upon me that I really can’t do what I want. As you are the source
of all power and love, please grant me yours so that with your help, I can do
things to please you.