P>Nora was sitting in the hallway with her head in her hands, wondering if she’d done the right thing. She’d saved a lot of lives before, and knew that there were people walking around out there, because of her, who weren’t exactly saints. In fact, some of them were probably threats to society.
Somehow, though, Nora had always been able to separate a person’s humanity. . . the fact that they were sick or injured or in need. . . from whatever havoc they’d wreaked in the outside world, at least while she was treating them. Her job was to preserve life, and it wasn’t up to her to decide which lives she should save. It was miraculous to have the opportunity to save any life at all.
Why Kathleen, though? Why did she have to be taken in here on Nora’s shift? Why did Nora end up having to treat her? Why tonight, and not two nights ago, before Kathleen had done so much damage?
What would I have done, Nora asked herself, if Isaac hadn’t made it through the surgery, and Kathleen was taken in here? What if he. . . She couldn’t bring herself to finish the thought, to imagine what might happen within the next few days. Her pager was going off, anyway.
Nora went up to see Isaac during the break in the middle of her shift. She walked slowly, wreathed in guilt. Pausing in the doorway of his room, Nora wondered what she would end up telling him.
Isaac was alert enough to recognize her. He managed an exhausted smile. “Hi.”
Nora’s heart jumped into her throat and she bit back tears. “Hi, honey. How are you feeling.”
Isaac closed his eyes for a second. “I’m okay.”
“Are you really?” Nora sat down next to the bed and took one of his hands in hers, as gently as she could.
“I can’t feel it very much,” Isaac lied.
“That’s good,” Nora whispered. “But if it’s bothering you, they can probably give you something for it.”
Isaac shook his head. “No.”
“No?” Nora asked.
Struggling to collect his thoughts, Isaac nodded. “They’re giving me too many drugs. I can’t. . . I can’t think right.”
Nora’s voice was soft, reasonable. “If they didn’t, it would hurt a lot worse. And all of the drugs are to help you.”
“I don’t want to get addicted,” Isaac murmured. “Not like my mother.”
“You’re nothing like your mother.” It might have been the wrong thing to say, but Nora put her entire soul into the words. “You won’t become addicted.”
“I just. . .” Isaac sighed. “I just can’t think right. About anything. For very long.”
“They won’t be giving you so much after awhile,” Nora promised him. “And you won’t get addicted.”
Isaac closed his eyes, trying to collect his thoughts. “I hope not.”
“Dr. Conway, the patient in room 505 has requested to see you.” the nurse behind the desk looked up from the file she was perusing. “She’s rather worked up, so you may want to keep it brief.”
Nora’s heart sank. People who tried to overdose on drugs were kept in the ICU for observation for twenty four hours, before being sent to the psych unit. She didn't want to face Kathleen again today.
She did, though. Nora really didn’t know why, but she strode purposefully down the hallway to room 505, intentionally businesslike. Kathleen was still in restraints, her eyes still glazed and wild. Nora found herself reminded of Linda Blair in ‘The Exorcist,’ especially as Kathleen turned slowly to face her.
“I killed him, didn’t I?” Kathleen asked again, her voice a hoarse half-whisper.
“No.” Nora shook her head. “You didn’t kill him.”
Kathleen paused, taking a deep breath. “I didn’t?”
“You didn’t.” Nora swallowed, her head held high and her eyes stony. “You didn’t kill him.”
“I thought I killed him,” Kathleen murmured. “I thought I killed him. . .” She looked up. “What’s going to happen now?”
Nora shook her head. “I can’t really answer that yet.” She could have, to the best of her knowledge, but she didn’t want to get into it right now, not with Kathleen.
Kathleen’s eyes filled; her voice was shaking. “They’re taking them away, aren’t they?”
Nora took a deep breath. She didn’t say anything.
“They’re taking them away,” Kathleen broke into a sob. “It’s the best thing. It’s the right thing. I fucking screwed everything up.”
Nora couldn’t answer her. She didn’t know what she could have said.
A nurse, summoned by Kathleen’s sobs, dashed into the room. “She’s really out of it,” she said to Nora. “I’m sorry.”
Nora shook her head, turning to leave the room. “No,” she said. “I’m sorry.”