| Little Red Riding Hood | Grandmothers are not very filling.
Little girls identify people by clothing only. |
| Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater | Homicide can cure marital problems.
The smell of a rotting gourd will cover up the smell of a rotting murder victim. |
| Goldilocks and the Three Bears | It's okay to go into someone else's house and take stuff. Feel fee to complain about the poor quality. |
| Jack Be Nimble | Go ahead. Play with fire. |
| Little Jack Horner | Good little children always play with their food. |
| Cinderella | Women shouldn't have to work if they can be a trophy wife
for some
rich guy.
Changing your shoes is a disguise that would fool your new love as well as most family members. |
| Jack and the Beanstalk | If someone offers you magic beans, it's probably not
a scam.
Once again, it's okay to go into someone's home and steal things. If the occupant tries to stop you, kill him. |
| The Old Woman who Lived in a Shoe | Shoes are cheaper than apartments.
Having too many children is the children's fault. Beat them. |
| The Princess and the Frog | Beastiality is a relationship that can sometimes work out. |
| Rock-a-Bye Baby | Falling to your death is very relaxing. |
| Hansel and Gretel | Birds eat bread.
Witches eat children. Children eat walls. And YET AGAIN, it's okay to break into someone's house and take things and kill the occupant. |
| Sleeping Beauty | Molesting unconscious women does not count as rape. |
| Rumpelstilskin | It's perfectly safe to make a contract to trade your daughter for gold. You can always renegotiate. |
| Rapunsel | There are no ladders... anywhere. |
| Old King Cole | The key to being a merry old soul involves smoking a pipe or a bowl. |
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