|
ACTION OR CHARACTERISTIC
|
POINT VALUE
|
| If you recognized that the above graphic is a strand of DNA
and not
just a pretty design... |
+100
|
| If you have ever appeared on Jeopardy... |
+3000
|
| If you have ever appeared on Cops... |
-3000
|
| If you ever tried to use two coupons on one item... |
-1
|
| If you know the capital of the state or provence in which you
live... |
+15
|
| If you have ever tried to soft-boil an egg in a microwave... |
-10
|
| If you have a high-school diploma or GED... |
+500
|
| If you have ever asked a psychic for a second opinion... |
-3
|
| If you are a psychic (and not just in isolated incidents)... |
+10,000
|
| If you can juggle... |
+6
|
| If you have never been to an art museum... |
-15
|
| If you can type without staring at the keyboard... |
+40
|
| If you can speak more than two languages... |
+50
|
| If you think pig latin counts as one of those languages... |
-50
|
| If you have ever thrown a wet article of clothing over a
radiator to
dry and monitored the situation closely and without incident... |
+5
|
| If you have ever thrown a wet article of clothing over a
radiator to
dry and failed to monitor the situation, thus causing a permanent burn
mark... |
-10
|
| If you have ever thrown an article of clothing over a
radiator and
caused a raging fire... |
-50
|
| If you know the words to any song written before your time... |
+2
|
| If you can solve a Rubik's Cube without guessing... |
+10
|
| If you believe that Dinosaurs did not exist... |
-600
|
| If you have a working knowledge of algebra... |
+150
|
| If you use complete words and sentences in e-mails as opposed
to acronyms
and sentence fragments... |
+5
|
| If you've ever taken more than thirty minutes to find Waldo... |
-20
|
| If you can name at least three subatomic particles... |
+45
|
| If you can name at least three places where Elvis has been
sighted
recently... |
-15
|
| If you have ever used the words "esoteric," "iambic" or
"Machiavellian"
in a sentence... |
+250
|
| If you have ever organized a petition... |
+25
|
| If that petition was dedicated to the creation of a redundant
law or
amendment... |
-5
|
| If you believe that the nations of the world can and will
live in peace
one day... |
+15
|
| If you believe that peace will be a direct result of forming
one vast
global government... |
-16
|
| If you have an infallible plan to merge the nations of the
world, while
saving our environment in one sweep... |
-400
|
| If your purse or wallet contains a library card... |
+75
|
| If you have ever misaligned the buttons on your shirt, and
decided
not to bother correcting it... |
-5
|
| If you alternate capital and lowercase letters or substitute
dollar
signs for S's because you think it makes your typing "pop" more... |
-14
|
| If you use big words, but don't do it on purpose... |
+20
|
| If you use big words on purpose to show off how smart you
are... |
-10
|
| If you object to the previous item on the list because you
think that
you should get credit just for being capable of appearing smarter than
your friends... |
-100
|
| If you enjoy listening to more than three different styles of
music... |
+20
|
| If you talk in a theater during the show... |
-25
|
| If you have ever answered your cell phone in a theater during
the show... |
-500
|
| If you turn your phone off before entering the theater... |
+130
|
| If you have at this point lost track of how many points you
have... |
-1
|
| If you wash your hands before coming out of a rest room... |
+100
|
| If not... |
-4500
|
| If you think the above item is a little harsh... |
-100
|
| If you have never been arrested or charged with something
other than
a traffic violation... |
+200
|
| If you think that game shows, documentaries and variations on
The Bachelor
fall into the same "reality TV" category... |
-40
|
| If you are a fan of The Man Show... |
-25
|
| If you can cook a meal from scratch... |
+2000
|
| If you think professional wrestling is real... |
-150
|
| If you feel the need to repeatedly point out that wrestling
is not
real... |
-5
|
| If you can name more than four current world leaders... |
+100
|
| If you can name more than ten nation's capitals... |
+30
|
| If you sent away for the "Girls Gone Wild" video... |
-50
|
| If you are one of the people listed on my Coolest
Person Ever or my Runners-Up List... |
+4000
|
| If you are Howard Stern... |
-4001
|
| If you have won a Nobel Prize... |
+30,000
|
| If you have ever put a stamp on an envelope which says "no
postage
necessary..." |
-7
|
| If you have ever thrown a red item into your white load of
laundry... |
-8
|
| If you have ever changed a flat tire... |
+11
|
| If you ever put your tongue on a battery, got a shock, and
then tried
it again... |
-9
|
| If you tip over fifteen percent... |
+16
|
| If you have ever politically corrected someone... |
-21
|
| If you have ever laughed out loud at one of Shakespeare's
jokes... |
+14
|
| If you have a "perfect system" for gambling... |
-32
|
| If you have a "perfect pick-up line..." |
-14
|
| If you know karate or another martial art... |
+60
|
| If you can dance... |
+20
|
| If you believe tabloid stories... |
-100
|
| If you have written a book... |
+500
|
| If you have read a book... |
+10
|
| If you frequently use the excuse "I didn't mean to, but I was
drunk..." |
-1500
|
| If you play a sport well... |
+400
|
| If you click on porn site links because you think they're
going to
lead to something other than more links... |
-50
|
| If you have ever passed along an e-mail or regular mail chain
letter... |
-13
|
| If you own a tuxedo... |
+23
|
| If you are able to fold a fitted sheet... |
+600
|
| If you believe that imitating cool people makes you also
cool... |
-100
|
| If you have ever tried to catch a fast-moving object in your
teeth,
resulting in a broken tooth... |
-10
|
| If you own from two to ten pairs of shoes... |
+13
|
| If you own more than ten pairs of shoes... |
+3
|
| If you have ever pulled a shirt from the hamper and worn it... |
-22
|
| If you do not own or use a hamper in the first place... |
-18
|
| If you have ever watched a nature show from the beginning... |
+9
|
| If you can fit your whole fist in your mouth... |
+2
|
| If you can't get it out... |
-4
|
| If you have ever set yourself on fire because you were bored
and you
thought the fire wouldn't catch anyway... |
-65
|
| If your political affiliation is neither Democratic nor
Republican... |
+350
|
| If you still say mnemonic nursery rhymes while tying your
shoelaces... |
-7
|
| If you are a supermodel... |
+2500
|
| If you are a model, but not super... |
+1
|
| If you sniff glue... |
-5000
|
| If you have ever been a screenwriter for a Disney movie... |
-300
|
| If you can drive a manual transmission... |
+200
|
| If you watch the Jerry Springer Show... |
-35
|
| If you tape the Jerry Springer Show... |
-50
|
| If you own the Jerry Springer "Too Hot For TV" video... |
-750
|
| If you've ever been a guest on the Jerry Springer Show... |
-1,000,000
|
| If you are Jerry Springer... |
-¥
|
