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John Travolta's career will make an amazing comeback. |
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Madonna will find religion, settle down, start a family and write children's books. |
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Ralph Nader will be elected President of the United States. |
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The Boston Red Sox will win the World Series. |
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Dinosaurs will return to rule the Earth. |
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Michael Jackson will be married with children. |
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The world will be overrun by flying yellow-bellied aardvarks. |
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Susan Lucci will win a Daytime Emmy. |
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The sun will turn as black as sack cloth... |
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...and the moon the color of blood. |
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Jesus and the Devil will fight for dominance -- at the box office. |
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The fat lady will sing. |
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The human race will make contact with extraterrestrials. |
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One of my books will be on the bestseller list. |
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Hell will freeze over. |
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The North Pole will melt. |
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The cows will come home. |
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Pigs will fly. |
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Howard Stern will talk a guy out of jumping off a bridge. |
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Saturday Night Live will be canceled. |
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Cars will fly. |
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My vacuuming will be done by a robot. |
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There will be peace in the Middle East. |
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Switzerland will join the United Nations. |
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An action movie will win an Academy Award. |
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A rapper will win an Academy Award. |
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Hillary Clinton will win a Grammy. |
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Marijuana will be legalized. |
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Vampires will come out of hiding and do reality television. |
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The end of the rainbow will be reached.
(In case you're wondering, my Mom pulled this one off. Don't ask me how, but she did.) |
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Man will hear the sound of one hand clapping. |
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Atlantis will be found. |
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Shangri-La will be found. |
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Imhotep's tomb will be discovered. |
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Bigfoot will be captured. |
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Ozzy Osbourne will become a roll model for family values. |
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Martha Stewart will be in prison. |
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Jesse Ventura and Arnold Schwarzeneggar will become Governers. |
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The Loch Ness Monster will be found. |
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Jimmy Hoffa will be found. |
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Deep Throat will be identified. |
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Toilet paper will make a good bungee cord. |
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A rock and roll drummer will write a book. |
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Pat Boone will wear black leather and act tough. |
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Man will walk on Mars. |
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