THE FIVE CAPTAINS
KIRK
PICARD
SISCO
JANEWAY
ARCHER
Shatner
Stewart
Brooks
Mulgrew
Bakula
Fake hair. Real bald. Fake bald. Real hair. Also real hair.
Problem in the Alpha Quadrant.  Only ship in the area. Problem in the Beta Quadrant.  Only ship in the area. Problem in the Gamma Quadrant.  Only ship in the area. Problem in the Delta Quadrant.  Really the only ship in the area. Problem.  Only ship.
Blow something up.  Then say something philosophical. Say something philosophical.  Then say something else philosophical. Blow something up.  Then blow something else up. Say something philosophical.  Then blow something up. No overblown philosophies.
Always interferes in other cultures. Never interferes in other cultures.  Is worshiped by other cultures. Who cares?  There's nobody to report to. Not a rule yet.
First on hand to face Klingons. First on hand to face Romulans. First on hand to face Cardassians. First on hand to face Borg. First on hand.
Chess player. Card player. Baseball player. Pool player. Water polo player.
Presumed dead in the Tholian web, while impersonating a Romulan, and when pulled into the Nexus. Presumed dead while impersonating a smuggler. Presumed dead while in a temporal anomaly tethered to Jake, but that time line never occurred. Entire ship was presumed destroyed for years. Presumed dead when the Xindi weapon exploded.
(Insufficient room for complete list.) Hooked up with a crooked archeologist. Hooked up with a Maquis smuggler. Hooked up with an Irish hologram. Sexual tension involving the first officer, but got over it.
Explains human emotions to a Vulcan. Explains human emotions to an android. Explains human emotions to a shapeshifter. Explains human emotions to a Vulcan, a hologram, a Q, a former Borg drone, and just about anyone else who comes along. And back to Vulcan again.
Wore the gold uniform, the green one, the gray one, and the red one. Wore the red jumpsuit, the one with the black collar, the jacket, the one with the purple collar, and one with the gray shoulders. Wore the uniform with the purple collar, and the one with the gray shoulders. Only one uniform.  Got out of Federation space before Starfleet could change it on her. Blue.  That's it.
Liquor. Tea. Klingon coffee. Earth coffee. Earth coffee.
First officer plays a lyre. First officer plays a trombone. Lounge singing hologram. Opera singing hologram. Nothing.
From Iowa. Claims to be from France, but what's with the British accent? From New Orleans. From Indiana. From California.
Son was killed by Klingons. Thought he had a son, but turned out to be a Ferengi trick. Son's novels making the best-seller list. Hyper-evolved genetic offspring produced amphibians. Dog.
Eats what is apparently Play-Doe and drinks Windex. Keeps a private case of caviar and wine from his family's vinyard. Worked in his father's Cajun resturant.  Expert cook. Gets food from the replicator.  Still manages to burn it. Real food!
Consults twentieth century expert, Marla MacGivers. Played Dixon Hill. Consults twentieth century expert, Vic Fontaine. Consults twentieth century expert, Tom Paris. Twentieth century wasn't all that long ago.
Outwitted Trelane. Matched wits with Q. Didn't try to outwit Q.  Just went ahead and punched him. Matched wits with Q. No.
OH GOD!  DON'T LET HIM SING! Plays the flute. Plays the piano. No. No.
Russian, African and Scottish crewmen. French captain. British and Irish crewmen. Go Yankees! British and Japanese crewmen.
Traveled to the twentieth century...  a lot. Traveled to the nineteenth century.  Met Mark Twain. Time?  What is this? Traveled to the twentieth century.  Battled a software CEO. Traveled to the twentieth, twenty-first, twenty-seventh and twenty-nineth centuries.  Also moved around quite a bit in his own century.
Saved the Earth from a probe that talks to whales. Saved the Earth from a Borg cube. Fought on the front lines in the Dominion War. Nowhere near Earth. Saved the Earth from the Xindi weapon.
Ship looks like a military base. Ship looks like the Plaza Hotel. Station looks like a shopping mall. Ship looks like the Pentium labs. Ship looks like a...  ship?
Fought crime as T.J. Hooker. Fought a white whale.  Lost. Fought crime as Hawk. Fought crime as Mrs. Columbo. Leaped into the bodies of Hooker, Ahab, Hawk and Mrs. Columbo.
The cowboy. The class act. The bad ass. The sweetheart. The pioneer.
NCC-1701
NCC-1701-D
DS-9
NCC-74656
NX-01

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