| In a deep, dark well I struggle to gain a foothold - trying to pull myself up on the slippery, smooth walls. But each attempt is met with failure - I slide back down, disappointed, yet determined to try again. One more attempt, one more determined attempt - nothing will stop me this time! Close to the top I can smell the fresh air, I can see the blue sky, I can hear the sound of rustling leaves and children laughing. My heart tastes the prospect of freedom. The walls are unaccomodating - they are disinterested in my struggles, my goals. They don't care. They don't feel. They just exist. My foot slips and I try to cling with my fingers, but my fingers give out. I slide back down. Down to the bottom. Back to where I was. Back to the beginning. Sitting in the mud. I sit there quietly. Silence. Long silence. Deep introspection. I gaze at the well's opening. So far above me - yet visible. So far above me. Yet visible. Hope beyond reach. I give up. I can't do it. I resolve to try no more. I say goodbye to all that propels me. I say goodbye to hope. I curse you, Compassion. You're useless - what have you given me? I curse you, Concern. You're a waste of time and unappreciated. I curse you, Regret. You're a hunger that never can be satisfied. I curse you, Selflessness. You make me look like a fool. I curse you, Hope. You mock me. And Love... I hate you! All of you leave me alone! I don't want you anymore. Go away! I just want to sit here in the mud. In the dark. In the quiet. Alone. 10-9-00 |
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