AN: I think this is one of my best works, and I hope you will too. I'm sorry it's taking me a long time posting new parts for my series, but I have to write these ideas before I forget them... hopefully I'll have another part out for one of them tomorrow. Thank you everyone. Disclaimers: I don't own Gundam Wing or the song "These Dreams" by Heart. It's a beautiful song. Many people may have fallen into the common premise that I am a man of few words, only saying what must be said in the heat of the moment to survive and complete the mission at hand-feeling no devotion towards anything in mortality except for the succession of my charge. However, those who believe this hearsay that has spread to become my current reputation are nothing more than ignorant disciples of the inclination of popular sovereignty... they don't know anything about the person that is I, Heero Yuy, deep down within the soul-and yes, I do have one, I can assure. It makes me almost belligerent when I read disseminated articles and publications about we Gundam pilots, analyzing and critiquing our personalities as if were born dross of an experiment gone array, brought into this universe with no other purpose than to kill or be killed. That our mothers only bore their infants so that they may grow to have only instincts, not wisdom or knowledge, compassion or love, which only human beings can possess. We are not animals, but people, people who yearn for the same thing as all young men... contentment, a love that will last through the generations, the love being immaculate as an infallible commitment between two beings-forever to be remembered. We were given breath, and we were born through the grace of God, and therefore we too have been blessed with the ability to dream, to anticipate and take a predilection toward the unfolding of destiny as it lies ahead, an adequacy which, in my opinion, is taken too adventitiously, abused by those who fantasize about corruption and endearment for only themselves. But, in this world, this vast abyss of hatred and dispassion, there are those who choose to rise against these imperious monarchs of egotism and battle for their right to live as they deem worthy, a life they feel moral... of those I am one. I will not be modest with my character, for I know I am correct in my proceedings, killing those who encumber the paths of the innocents that can't protect or fight for themselves, those almost "children" that need a guiding star, a constellation of mystical eminence that will see them through the darkness and lead them to their destination of each his own utopia. I will, for eternity if need be, continue to combat with these indulgent powers until each one of them is laid to rest in hell, ridding this life of those who wish to purge the young of their purity, the maidens of their virginity, and the joyful of their boleros full of undying love and precept. To reiterate what I had said before, those who believe I feel nothing and am only conscious upon the battlefield are mislead by far. To relay my thoughts quite bluntly, I would have to believe that I am the most sensitive person of all who have ever taken a breath and collapsed unto death's entrance... except for one. She is the only person who feels each slash, each cut and concussion that a soldier moans through with pain, her disconsolate remembrances of hearing of massacres and the intangible, fervent loss of so many precious lives along with the lurid descriptions of the bloodshed upon the meadows once sparkling from the dew atop the petals of rainbow-touched blossoms always so evident within her eyes... at least to me. But to put such sentiment aside for a moment, I will refocus back upon my previous beliefs, making clear how the mind of an assassin truly functions. It's not that I have nothing to say besides buttressed strategical and statistical information, which is of no use except in war, but that I evaluate all of the words spoken to me with caution, each one having its own symbolism-a hidden, deeper meaning underneath its simple letters and definition. I can't lead people onto my personality, otherwise attachment occurs and develops, and for a soldier, this kind of relationship with people is both a preface of demise as well as inevitable. From years of solitude, training with almost no one to monitor my condition, I finally came to the allusion that love, passions, and remorse are some things, which anyone and everyone must encounter and put up with during their existence, and therefore we may as well embrace them with open arms and heavy hearts... we might as well be fulfilled while given the opportunity to find these qualities of rapture. When given an ideal, it runs through my mind indefinite times, each time the words being calculated and inferred, and I therefore knowing what to reply when a rejoinder is called for. However, I must confess, that while I show nothing in my façade to indicate this intrapersonal conflict that rages within my heart and soul, a man's susceptible regions, there is a struggle, a suffering that goes on while I live my life of harsh realities and hostile temperament, and only she can see this dissention that is forever in heated battle-the sides of morality and pride or duty. As I look back upon my life, lying here in this bed, Relena, my precious darling holding my hand with all of her strength, trying to transfer her determination to myself, the memories of her will, her unyielding love that she gave freely unto me, rushing through my thoughts, until I fell into her arms but hours ago from that horrid Mariemaia. A child of wicked tenderness, no matter how young, needs to be killed for her treason, and I will forever believe that through the foolish yet bold retaliations, which she conveyed to me... to my dear Relena. That child was to strip my princess of all of her passions, her love, her compassion, everything, which I stated that a person needed to possess. Otherwise, a person would be an empty shell, deforms or beauty all that one can interpret, any thoughts or emotions are devoid of truth, for she think only what she does in reference to initiating her own death in a desperate effort that her soul may be released from such a prison, empty, shallow, and soar again as it once did on Earth in the heavens. Relena's thoughts I could never understand completely, I must admit, and I believe that this sense of unknowing and spontaneous happenings rekindled inside of myself a flame, the flame that burned and was fed by my desires or dreams for bliss with a soul-mate, one chosen for me while being formed upon conception within my mother's womb. This resurrection of these particular feelings made me want to conceal myself even more, and then, when I cannot keep my darkened, blood-stained hands to lay upon my own chest anymore, I know that they are welcome to repose upon her softened breasts, and I wanted to only feel this security with her. Many think they know me... they do not... they could not... *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Fire, lapping tongues of flames that mock my hesitation on the trigger sear my arm, its only palpable sign the blood that slowly trickles in crimson rhapsody along my shoulder, now down my lower arm, creating a ruddy shape of bruised heart around my wrists. As my arm screams, screams silently in agony, I feel an opposite chill ascending upon my legs, I could have sworn the blood would be clear, glassy fluid as ice, for the frozen sensation was so bitter, that it almost burned my skin with frosting, icing upon my body. I try to regain my composure, but the loss of blood hazes my vision, everything twisting and writhing through my reason, making me stumble back down unto my knee, the gun pointed directly for my heart, the braided boy, at the time, seeing me as a threat that needed to be eliminated while the chance was presenting itself before him. As I brace myself with honor for the shot to penetrate my flesh and seep into the recesses of my heart, I see her pounce in front of me, risking the incision of her own, and stands firm, a mother deer protecting her fondling, lost and alone in a tempest. Her eyes portray nothing but fire, the glitter of her orbs against the approaching rose of the dusky orb, shrouded in the brilliance of tiger's streaks and blended with bruises upon its fur of deepening purplish-blue, I see her appending justice for her to lay cause to my life. Kneeling down upon the splintered, dusty wood of the wharf, something, which a girl of her statute should never have to endure or grovel to the face of a mere servant as I, she, without a second thought, tore the rim of her dress, shielding the wounds from the salty wind trying to probe its way through the puss and now scabbing welts into my body, hoping to live off of my life. I looked to her, wondering why she would do such a noble act for me-I told her I would kill her for God's sake-and the change of the gleam that came across her irises for that single moment made me, though I didn't realize it through conscious perception, want to live, live just to wipe the tears that teetered upon the edge of her seductive lashes, pleading for me to not leave her alone without so much as a good-bye. They sparkled, shimmered with a translucence that put the most priceless of diamond stars that danced through the celestial aura to shame, making them seem as but a dim candle among her alight torch. I saw a pain, and then a hope leap across these waters that threatened separation from her orbs, and this small ocean of liquid crystal, ready to fall upon my hand now covered in blood, I believe caused me to jump from the torpedoes rather than die as they. I'll never forget the horror that played along her lips as I skidded along the wind, falling into the sea, unconscious, unaware of the burning that was taking place within... *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Thank God, Duo, as I learned was his name at a later time, came to emancipate me from my bonds in the Alliance medical facility, enabling me to carry out what was crucial to finishing my mission. Being that I had failed to successfully render my tasks at hand, the only choice I had, or that I was presented with from my perception as a soldier--a broken soldier--was to accomplish suicide. Though I may not have been able to complete the operation that had been set for me, I couldn't risk letting the enemy acquire any type of partial information and data from my person that could prove deleterious to our cause, our end result. The fool, he gave me a parachute so that I would survive the 30-story fall-he had not the slightest clue of what I was meaning to partake-, and as soon as I began to fall, the regal grace of the dive radiating from my poise and perpendicularity, not releasing the chute until, theoretically, it was too late. As I before stated, I was satisfied with this death for myself, for at least I would be remembered as a committed soldier who gave everything for his command; I would be leaving nothing undone, and I could finally escape this world, this dreaded place that persecuted my heart, my soul, my beliefs, all that was my own. "Oh my God! Heero!" it echoed through my ears, resounding with ten-fold the rooting screech of the call. No, I couldn't die yet, I had forgotten about her... I had to brush those tears away, I was a slave to my soul, my emotions once more! As the screaming filled my mind, the desperate soul pleading for my treachery, in that one instant where I clenched my eyes tightly, I saw her kneeling there on the dock again with me, but this time, there was a slight deviation from the reality. The cascades that raged among her eyes, the glass that had only threatened to spill from her irises that showed her mirror to self-righteousness, had begun to flow, trails of iridescent spectrum, reflecting from the retreating lights in the distance, and fairy luminescence-her innocence-pouring down her cheeks in hot tears of crystal. Each one of these drops of mourning dew was worth more than any tangible jewel or delight, for these petals that fluttered from her orbs could only show the beauty, the sacrament of human heart. This painting of colored waters that blanketed her face, haunted my mind until I would confide within myself to live... and so I did. Rolling down the ridge, the jagged rocks that had once been molded from years of the river eating at its adamant flesh, cutting me, slashing my body from all sides, and the sands of the beach finding their way into my sores, making them burn and turn florid through irritation to the skin. I got up with little trouble, no pain evident among my countenance, and I cursed myself for freeing my parachute... letting me live... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* "You might as well enjoy the party," she challenged me as she relayed, in confidence, the information that she had just met Dr. J, and he was the one who assured her survival through the attack by OZ upon her "father". She graced me with a dispassionate stare for a few moments, not letting me feel the satisfaction of being in command of her destiny, and then, no fear in her composure, only perseverance and eloquence outwardly shining, she curtsied to me... offering me her hand for the festivities. What choice had I? Everything in my heart was pulling me towards her, chanting to me in silence of hollow song, "care for her... be there to protect her," but my mind, my ration would counter it with equal determination, "she's danger, get rid of her now!" I always say act on your emotions because I have no control over my own, they have always led me aright, and once they were flooded with visions of beauty and her divine serenity, I was lost in them... In her. We danced upon the floor, our movements in perfect sync with each other, all those in the hall swooning over our elegance in step, and I will never forget those girls in the corner, saying that we made a "cute couple". It just felt so right, her in my arms, safe and at rest or peace with herself and mine, but my mind still pleaded for reason, causing me to watch her carefully for any suspicious demeanor. On the other hand, her eyes were closed, abandoned in the lustful bliss of the moment, the flush that perfumed her cheeks visible to none other than myself, and I knew that she was taken aback into my world... and this made the ball memorable. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* My body was suddenly thrown about in the cockpit as the shots hit me in the back, but I would still stand firm and with pride, and then, worry, grief, disconsolate feeling washed over my soul as I saw the laser crash into the tower of the school, bricks and pillars of wood and glass falling from the loft and descending to its mother, the earth... down to her. She will be dead now, no longer haunting me... this will save me the guilt of carrying out the task myself... did these thoughts enter my mind? No. I could only heed to the constriction of my heart, making it difficult for me to drink in the air around me as the debris collapsed, and I shielded her from the rubble, praying within my spirit that she would be unharmed. I opened my eyes, seeing that she was all right, just a bit dizzy from being knocked off of her feet, and the questions that churned in both her mind and mine plagued us, wanting nothing but answers. She called out my name, asking why I spared her life... she wanted the truth. The truth was obvious, but not to us, we needed to hear the other physically say the essence that kept us yearning for the other hopelessly, why fear took heed to our hearts when seeing the other in blight. I tried again, going to use my shield to crush her this time, but my hand jolted the control before in her range... all the while she still stood firm, the enigma and gentle compassion filling my eyes and instincts with her resplendence. No, I couldn't take her angel anymore, I just had to think this through, find away to free myself from her gaze. Never, never in my life will I forget the hurt in her eyes as I ran away, she feeling worthless, unloved, a helpless babe. Oh God how my chest convulsed and pounded furiously, urging me to go back... but I never did waver from my decision to leave her... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Darkness surrounded me, the evening terrain holding a virtue within, trying to convey to me a truth of something, that I refuse to realize in conscious mind. I see her face all around me, her licentious maidenhood and virgin beauty calling me to rest upon her bosom, the tenderness she shows me in this world of bleak hopes indescribable. She kisses my forehead, shushing me to sleep with a far away lullaby in the cantering of the robin's song that fills my soul and makes me sleepy, tired, in comfort slumbering within her bind. As this lust claims my woeful, weary being, I see a light come to me, drawing me forth... no, this is where my dreams can roam freely, allowing me to escape from my brutal conscience, I don't want to be taken from her. She cries as the light pulls me from her arms, soon crying herself into an eternal sleep, promising chastity for me, never to awaken until the day my kiss, the taste of my love brushes her own, causing friction between our bodies, wanting to be united as one. "Relena," I whisper hoarsely as I see her face turn to me, almost in tears of joy seeing that I have finally awakened from my sleep, but as I blink to remove the haze that glazed my vision, when I look again, I see a woman, short red hair, curly, with gray eyes... not my Relena. I lay back on the pillow while she goes to get Trowa, her brother as I soon learned, and, as unbelievable as this may seem, I just wanted to lie there and cry, cry until all of this confusion that encircled my spirit dissipated, leaving me with just what I want... her. It takes all of my will to not succumb to this indulgence, and I put up again my mask, my mind listening to Trowa's explanations of what had happened in the past few months, but my concentration belonged the siren disguised as a princess, who reached out for me as I wish I could to her... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~* I grunted as I fell from the cockpit of Zero, feeling nauseous over what destruction I had just initiated by my own hand. Upon hitting the floor, not a sound immersed from my lips, all I could do was look up to see my darling, begging her to give me her strength to help me through; she smiling down at me, the look of hope dancing across her eyes as she gazes to me. She falls to my side, getting upon her knees, and uses all of her power to lift me from the floor, and I swear I could feel her tears slide down my arm as her breath rasped and breasts rose and fell showing her hunger for air and more endurance. He scared her away, Quatre came over to help me, Relena of course retreating, and I therefore gave up the fight for consciousness, letting him do with me as he pleased. I hated Quatre from then on, though I would never show him such hostility as that which scalded my intrapersonal morals, and I swore him revenge under my breath, coming to the conclusion that Relena should never have to feel second place to someone with such false values as he... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* I saw the Foundation's soldiers surrounding me, thinking their superior number would be enough to obliterate me and take the princess captive, only the most incapable of men underestimate their enemy's strength. I sliced through them with my heated whip, not a challenge by any means, but the more I fought, the more difficult it became to focus on what exactly I was doing, and I felt that wretched system seep through my brain and slowly take control of my thoughts, my feelings, my heart, turning them all into merciless assassins. As I continued to penetrate their line, I saw a stream of laser, full with sparks and ashes floating around the rainbow of light, destroying all that stood in its way. But no, it wasn't headed for a building or a mobile suit... it was aiming for Relena. I saw the tears flow from her eyes, feeling abandoned by me once more, letting them pursue whatever torture they deemed murderous upon her delicate body, cringing to the floor as she heard my voice echo through her mind, "I never cared, I never will, so die now brat!" I grabbed my temples as I saw the energy singe her smooth, creamy skin, the twisting and confusion in her face exhorting me to widen my eyes in horror, blood trailing from my hair as beads of sweat blended with the vivacious crimson life, for the nails were scraping at my temples in rage because I couldn't bring myself to save her. The screaming, it ripped through my ears as I heard her shrieking from the pain, calling out to me to help her, her miraculous tears for my soul being absorbed by the might of the beam, leaving her as nothing but a quivering heap of blood and melted flesh, upon her palace floor, the perfume of her burnt sinew embracing the air, making me want to heave in disgrace... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~* "Just go ahead and kill me," I could hear her soul lament to me, asking that I release her from her chains, being made a queen for evil, only that goodness may prevail through it. When I saw how much they had taken away from her, how much pain it put her through to stand there and speak of hopeful ideals that, in a society of animalistic reason, would never be accepted, would be killed along with the mother that gave birth to such principles, I couldn't help but comply to her wish. My heart told me to free her, and yet it grappled with its own ration for me to stop, to run down if front of the congregation, take her into my arms and bring her with me, away from this oppression to her essence, but I couldn't bring myself to that. Out of all the pain I have ever felt in my existence, none can even amount to the agony that pierced through me at that moment when I saw her eyes... no fire, no will, just a love that was being tediously stomped on by my own reactions to her kindness, by the wishes of the Earth and space. I had to close my eyes while pulling the trigger, for I knew that I would surely die myself if I saw her scarlet, only but a symbol of her life and love, spew onto the floor, she falling into her own fluid warmth, a smile of relief gracing her face, but within that expression, a hint of deception, because of me... I didn't believe in her enough to spare her. Just as the trigger was approaching full release, I heard a thunderous applause reverberate through the auditorium, startling me from my decision as I saw the delegates giving her generous ovations, actually agreeing with her words, the words that could bring a peace with a life through eternity. I sighed, a burden being released from my breast as I realized I didn't have to make a choice between love and forgiveness right now, she would be my little dove, the guiding child of God to see me through this struggle for a little longer, and I would make sure that never would I put in such a debatable position, her life being the prize that dangled within the balance of my sentiment... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* "Heero, Relena's on the Libra," I heard Duo say as I dismissed the noble act which the girl, Hilde, had encumbered for the devotion to the braided American. I was shocked when I realized what he was saying. My precious love, the girl that held my heart was on the Libra! Dorothy, that cow would surly plot to harm my dove, my light, knowing how much it would disable me in battle, she being constantly on my mind; it being a trap, trying to lure me onto the ship, using the dear princess as the bate, with such a desire, thinking that her own brother would be so dishonorable as to put the life of his own baby sister in jeopardy, made my blood grow still and anger race. No, I wouldn't let them manipulate her like this, she was innocent, untouched by the scarring sheath of the war, and I planned to keep her that way. As I made my way to Zero and looked up at its glowing eyes, shining with power and strategy, I called out to her, letting her know that I was coming for her. "Relena..." "Heero..." I heard softly reply to my passion, she feeling confident that I would rescue her from her prison cell and lead her to into my embrace so that I would keep her from all harm. I ascended into space, ready to fight, not necessarily for peace, but for her... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~* *She didn't listen to me... why isn't she getting down like I told her?* I thought to myself as I felt the collision induce all around and over us. The initial contact pushed Relena to the floor, a whimper of pain escaping her lips as she hit the metal, and as I was about to scold her for her ignorance, I saw one of the doors of the compound fall from its hinges, its only goal to strike my princess down into lethal demise, death's hunger playing through a simple object. "No! Relena!" I cried out as I jumped on top of her, feeling the cool steel splice through my muscles and crush me under its weight. As it anchored me to the floor, I heard Relena's gentle sobs, and because her face, at this time, was touching my own, I felt the wetness as it cleansed the sweat from my body; her breaths became ragged and shallow, and from the paling in her cheeks, I could see that my body atop of hers was suffocating her. Using all of my pent-up might, I hoisted the barricade from above our bodies, she had fallen unconscious for a few moments because of the loss of breath, and as I lifted myself from her and checked around for any immediate dangers, she had woken up, her first breaths becoming words for me, "Thank you Heero, thank you for saving me." Though she didn't know it, I let go a sigh of relief when I saw her eyes, gleaming and beautiful as the ginger that can only be held within the timid stare of a baby deer, trusting yet shy, admiring me for my courage, keeping her protected from any danger. Her eyes wandered for a moment to my arm, and a look of terror struck her face as she saw the bloodied gash that I had received from the act of bravery. I assured her that I was fine, but she refused to follow me unless I let her tend to the wound, and the touch our bare skin made me shutter, a tide of warmth flooding my mind with her luster, her eloquence of simple love, and to my embarrassment, I moaned in sensual desires as she caressed my arms. Thank God she was too preoccupied with the task at hand to notice my sexual want for her, right there and then, but I some how kept myself focused. Lifting her to her feet, I took her hand and led her to the carrier bay, for I knew there would be space suits waiting there to be used, and from there I planned to lead her back to the now stranded Peacemillion so she could get off this battleship as soon as possible. She looked at me, not saying anything as we dressed and prepared to leave, her eyes just asking me to stay with her, not to put myself into such hazard and through this misery. I kept my eyes blank, not wanting her to realize that I wished for the same, but fate would lead me in another direction, and looked away, hoping that I wouldn't have to face her again until after this final, looming battle... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~* I caress her cheek with the sweet tenderness of all I can muster, vowing my undying soul to her, telling her that I had to fight so that she could live... so there would be peace. She only snorted to me in reply, arguing that the ship was destroyed, and therefore the battle would be a lost cause, putting myself at risk for no comprehensible reason. I almost wanted to laugh at her naivety and childish goodness, wanting me to be with her, not letting her go, but I again tried to explain to her, her brother's frame of mind, making her understand that the war isn't over until people witness for themselves its brutality. Closer I lean to her face, thinking I would kiss her as her florescent crystals began to well within her eyes, kiss each one away, telling her that I have finally felt love and want it to be a permanent necessity. But as the first sacred tear fell from her lashes, painting her eyes in diamond, I decided that I couldn't do that to her, I couldn't issue hope into her heart for only inevitable despair. I push her away, a safe distance from my Gundam, whispering her my fond farewell, the tears now coming in waterfalls of immaculate splendor, small doves flying from her cheeks and landing on the metal of my suit, more or less her tears taking flight by the loss of gravity, but too beautiful for tears, I still being able to see the glisten as I enter into the endless abyss of stars, which is outer space, never to return to my love... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~* "Farewell, Relena," I whisper as I press down on the self-destruct button, a lone tear falling down my face as I think of never seeing her again. She's an angel, heaven is her rightful destination and sanctuary, to be among those who can treat her with the same depth that she can only bestow, but I am a demon, my soul being lost in hell for a day beyond forever, left in the darkness, abandoned by all, but the memories and knowledge of her at the Father's hand will give me some happiness, what I have truly wanted anyway... right? I put my head in my hands, praying with all of my might for a miracle, hoping that my God won't be so cruel as to take her away from me... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~* "I will... I will... I will survive!" I call out into the nothingness as I fire at the degrading flank of the Libra, coming to destroy the peace of the Earth in the name of the colonies, most who pray for its destruction as I do. I feel her all around me, her hands massaging my chest, her own will guiding the beam to the broken sector; my angel making to be that I succeed in my mission, receiving any glory which she believes, within the recesses of her divinity, that is mine. As the debris now breaks down through the Earth's atmosphere, I am fully content, she once again singing to me, amongst her soprano descant a roundelay of affection and reconciliation, the heart of outer space they call me, asleep in my Gundam, seduced by her hug, and I wrapping my arms around her waist, whispering to the apparition of my darling, "I love you, and you are mine..." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* As she lies here next to me, her warm breath sending pleasure up and down my body, I hold her close to me, rocking her back and forth, whispering fragile nothings of the love I will give her when she awakens, for I would never leave her. Mariemaia is but a memory now, and yet everything before and everything after are dreams, dreams that through our hope and faith have and are soon to become a reality. AN: I really liked this one, and it may be my favorite. Okay, I really want your opinion on this, so please review. I hope you liked it, and the song is beautiful, you should listen to it.