Me

All About Complusive Over Eating and Me

For Facts About COE please visit here, remember NOT all suffers are greatly overweight or obese. I am not.

This is my new post at a site for eating disorders called http://www.something-fishy.org, this is the most honest thing i have ever written and sums up everything about my disorder and my feelings.

Hello, I am new here so if I slip up I�m sorry. I have been a COE for four years now. I think because at thirteen I was sexually abused and eating was the only thing that I could have which numbed the pain. Although I have only just realised that this was the starting point and perhaps reason for my overeating.

Right now I feel useless but I feel sick and I don�t want to eat sad as it seems I wish I could feel this sick more often but at the same time it�s scaring me because I feel like I should be eating maybe because it has become the norm for me? If I�m eating I feel strange but at the same time I feel such a FREAK because I eat too much.

I don�t get up most days, I just stay in the house eating, I don�t get dressed. I actually felt good about myself yesterday because i got the bus to town instead of staying in all day but all i did was worry about what people were thinking of me. I feel alienated from people, I feel ashamed, I feel messed up, I have such guilt over anything that I eat. Some days I tell myself I want to die, but I don�t want to die, I just want to blank myself away from the world. My eyesight keeps going blurry too which i know isn't good! I don�t want to die. I don�t want to die from a heart attack and what I�m scared of most is dying in such a shameful and un-dignified way.

I don�t want to be sad, if I see anyone who is sad it makes me sad, I just want to hold them but there doesn�t seem to be anyone to hold me. My mum doesn�t take it seriously and just shouts at me for not doing anything about it and my dad doesn�t realise. My best friend Liam who is skinny calls me fat but I know he doesn�t mean it in a nasty way but it affects me but I don�t want to talk to him about it, I just want to keep it inside myself.

I feel stupid and lazy. A person should be able to go an hour without eating, a person should be able to be alone in the house without food being constantly on their mind, a person shouldn�t have to consciously stop eating. Maybe I feel this bad because I cant seem to get a partner and I feel that this is the reason why. I have never had a proper boyfriend and when I�m lying awake at night I wonder what is wrong with me and this is what always creeps up on me. But then I just want to eat more. I don�t have many friends and why is that? I feel everything points to this. What frightens me is that I don�t feel ready to give it up even though I want it to end. It�s like saying goodbye to your best friend even if they have betrayed you and made you cry.

I need to be shown some fun, a day out, someone to show they LIKE being around me. I just wish i could stop crying...

p.s i am looking for friends who are like me, COE's. Feel free to email me. If you leave your SN's for AOL/MSN or YAHOO i will get back to you.

Peace and Love

These people are the reason i fight on, i will not let this disorder kill me, like how it took all their precious lives..

Memorial Wall

Want to add a name and message of someone who has died of Complusive Overeating Disorder/Binge Eating Disorder. Just email me, at the bottom of the page.

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