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| ERMA BOMBECK |
| �Anyone who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.� �Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?� �Have you any idea how many kids it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to say, �What light?� and two more to say, �I didn�t turn it on.� " �Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.� �I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go into overload and blow up.� �I haven�t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I�ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.� �If you can�t make it better, you can laugh at it.� �Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It�s too controversial.� �My theory on housework is, if the item doesn�t multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one cares. Why should you?� �Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.� �Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.� �Sometimes I can�t figure designers out. It�s as if they flunked human anatomy.� �Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.� �There�s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.� �When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, �I used everything you gave me.� � �Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.� |