everthing will be all right | Ode � Ma Plante | nonentity | Deadly Daydream
do I write to unseeing
eyes do I sing to
blocked, damned ears "midnighting"
highlighting
our quiet faces It must mean
something I am turning
around the missing has
come to nothing You say you know
best this strand of
golden spiraled thinness I suppose I want
him This is the way It tripled itself
the words you never read, surprise
I've lost another soul again
no longer are you my friend
now your eyes won't scan the page
your heart won't feel the lovelorn rage
you won't be here throw the fist
you won't be here to make the list
a song of my condemning fears
I've wrought a crying, sobbing verse
to help deepen this awful curse
music unknown to the soul you are
creates a deep and driven scar
you can't hear the pain within
you don't even know where to begin.
in the dark.
the moon sings a fairy tale song
to you and your
ignorance.
lovely girl
cannot hide from the verses it brings
she lives
and she
breathes by the light of the singing
moon.
igniting our hidden passions
in the snow.
vessels of romance in veins and
capillaries
lovers in the snow
in the snow
perfect in the whiteness
in the moon
and the way the world
is right now
memories gone far
in the whiteness of the moment
buried
in the cold.
and its numbing embrace.
never lose your
red face
gold eyes
and good friends.
we've been through all of them
and you cannot hide from the
song she brings
in the dark.
the silent troubadour
music in your ears and in your eyes
you only see the rhythm
she lives.
I tried.
nothing can pull us apart
the cold that binds us
in the dark
in the snow
in the cold
she lives.
leaf by tree
and rock by sand
and snow by flake
don't leave it all behind
this
what
we have right now
is a memory
of what could have been
but never was
because
she lives.
the moon sings its fairy tale song
but
she cannot remember
she cannot ignore
she cannot hide from it any longer.
neither can I
in the dark.
your face is backlit
I am scared
of you and your niceities
something cries aloud from
the dimness of the still room
I am lost
what could have been
but never was
because
you're here.
lay down your weapons
and let me take over
I saw you there.
choking on the darkness
the coldness
the whiteness of it all.
do you have another coat for me?
the moon begins to sing again
we cannot hide this time
and I am cold in the snow
so are you
but it binds us more than life ever could
life ever could
life was never kind.
If I am throwing away my happiness
My everything
For this great expanse of nothing
my hand
your cheek
the displacement
my tongue
where
it should be
is not.
instead lashing you with anger
beating you with my strife
not joining you
in the
mutual
we once shared
the obscure is everything to us
he intervenes
without realization
his apathy and bad manners
are what stomp out the
glimmering
nearly sexual
lights
of yours and mine
damn
he
keeps
my tongue
in
my mouth.
the woman opens her
arms wide to the sun She needs
to be just like
a pillow to
man.
and even through her innocence I
reap her until she is empty I
harvest what is left of
what he left
fallow
as If
as If
I salted her
earth
in anger and envy
she misses the days when he
would use his fingers He would
make her eat her words
stated
woman must think she is never whole
he made her devour
those
but the missing makes her
my target
and goal
I suck her dry
through a straw and her chest heaves
arms
are open
welcoming me
and drainage
the missing has come to nothing
hands of a thousand goddesses
shoot
from
darkness
grab me by my skinny and
defensless neck I can't
breathe with you
r hands around my neck I
can't see where you hide
how you strangle me
and stifle me
but force creativity My kicking
does not
work
sexual deviance and the pain
the redness on delicate flesh
beautiful
proverbial
heartshaped bruises
up and down the martyr's arms
skin me
and
take me
take me alive
save me for later
the bruises
the loving punishment
the pain of being loved
the hate that stems
from
this
thing we call
love
how quickly my adoration turns
colours to red and black
and reaches back at you
with
El Diablo's
fingers
a thousand of them
a thousand ties to bind you
we are loved and
we love Yes we do.
shed from her lovely
head
sleeping
breathing on my neck I once
gently tugged at her hair
one piece
stuck to my shirt
I left
brought the lovely reminder home
without knowledge or
fear
I once loved her
and once is now
and tomorrow
I awoke tomorrow to find
a clinging hitchiker
reminder of a night spent in
arms
fearfully hiding in fearless
infatuation
oh
I smell her over every inch
of my body
I wish not to move
something locked itself around me
the wetness and softness
of her happy motionless lips
against mine
I would never say that again
but
the softness engulfed every bit of me
like lying in grass
in sun
in arms
I once loved her
the fragrance of the shampoo I used
the morning after I realized
myself
it still mingles with my
tears of beautiful exhaustion
comforting weariness
the night
my sleepless sleepiness
drifted over both of us
like a
blanket
but succumb was not a word
that night
and her hair was in my
eyes
and on my clothes
and I once loved her
once loved her
still.
I suppose the world knows
how I once slept
in the arms of comfortable
apathy
and how I once struck
back against jaws
that bit
and tried to pry me away
the pain of caring
for wanting
for only him
and not knowing
oh how he didn't know
the way the words
hit
me and wounded me
turning away
never hearing
the door was never open
but it remained ajar
swinging in my mind
creating images of
opportunity
disillusion
slowly changes to very
unhappy carelessness
how I once struck
back at him
he stood and talked
then went away from
the beauty in my head
detatching himself from the vision
that I once held
so cherished
so lovingly protected
I urged my heart
be still
lest you spring from within
my pale chest and
land at his feet
for all to see
and beating senselessly
final blow
falls
feelings of iniquity
inequity
adequacy is suddenly snapped
nothing changed.
the life says hello
today and forever
in hell
in heaven
the way the life crashes
down on your heads
titled up at the sun
rude awakening
eyes aware and open
to everything
but
necessity
love is the only force
to be reckoned with
the only name
to be said
in houses
in nothing
none of your business
martyr
you
stand awake
life has not brought you
to life yet
things are coming
that
cannot be taken
for granted
life is waiting for your
death to become you
death becomes no one
we only become death
and life only becomes the
living
which none of us are
on this horrid day
of disbelief
none of us want to live
because so many
are
missing in action
missing from our lives
and we are only single entities
alone
without the people we need
to survive
and to thrive
something occured
to the minds of millions:
blindness is necessary
to see the end of things.
forcing blood upon your face
and doubled in my mind
in my
head
I could never see
the pain you felt
the love I forgot
to nurture in such a struggle
the beauty is startlingly real
as I stare
at martyr upon martyr lost
in a battle for life and freedom
this was so eerie and frightening
I am awake
I lost so much feeling in
my life
I was numbed to everything
and anything
that could be felt
every tangible scrap of emotion
it were taken away
from my grasp
from my clutch
and now deadened
the
one thing I had
it will not respond
the pain I could not see
in your grimaces
I mistook for
anger
rage directed towards my
unseeing eyes
sitting on the steps of
disgrace you banished me there
for being insensitive
when the rest of the world
continued
to shut my eyes to your feelings
and put reaching hands
over my ears so
I would not hear any screams but
theirs.
the myriad of
different sorts of
pain and suffering is never clear
to those who still
live within themselves
it has been nearly two
months and they still
shut their eyes
block out sounds
and turn off their
televisions
and these people do not
understand where the lost
ones go
saving only themselves in
desperate measures of a scared people
locking themselves in a
basement room
where there is
no light but a glimmer
from a dusty bulb
swaying hypnotically on a rusting chain
it has been nearly
fifty days and still
life is not open to some
who are buried beneath miles
and miles of debris
miles and miles away
literally
and so figuratively as well
all options but stand and fight
they are gone
why not run and fight?
asks one man who is stronger
than most could bear to be
intellect was never an issue
anyway.
who needs a man with a brain
when you have a man with a heart?
right
that is the thinking
of so many people with their
minds turned off to everything
but the violence
and justice
and vengeance.
we hold these
truths to be self-evident
he said
self-evident in that we
only see the truth when it appeals
to us
I remarked
that is the way we work now
help is not here to make us
see anything but what
we hold to be truthful
in the most shallow portions of our hearts.
hurting us it
stands alone
the one straw
that finally broke many
camels' backs
I couldn't see it from miles away
I couldn't see it
when it was right
under my nose
this is why
it damages so much
why
does it have to hurt everyone
who is innocent
not intimidating anything
or anyone
I am innocent
why don't you see me as
pure and white
when you are drenched in red?
you can't help
the things that hurt you
the things that make me
feel well
feel good about
the toppling of our relationship
rapport=
broken and gone my friend
love is wiped clean from
your life and me
well
while I am with another kindred soul
whom will not be smashed
into bits
in the process of figuring me
out
the love is so hard to unlock
so hard to extract from my core
I will stand
and you will let me insult you
you will let me break you
you will let me violate
your pride
and you will not
do a thing about it
because
it would be useless
to revolt against someone
so set on diseasing the emotions
of their fellow man
Remember now
in my haste of
leaving you
it was not my
hatred
that betrayed
so much
as my love of
freedom
So I have now
found out
that it
would be impossible for me
to
walk down streets
with you
me by your side
without reaching out
to touch you
grasp your hand
it would be impossible
for me to run to you as
just a friend
though these things sometimes end
and we remain acquaintances
love will still be there for
me and you
and I cannot stand
for no affection outside
of friendship
between two best
best friends
formerly best lovers
who still love with the same
passion that was there
once before
but don't let it out
into the world
oh how the isolation from
romance would
slowly kill me and slit
my wrists with my
own hands
I will confess
to you and tell
that you were the only
one I thought of these
ten months
and you constantly
appeared to me outside
conciousness
as friend
as lover
as anything that we could
think of
and now I can't think
of anything else.
i feel plaid
against my pedestrian white-bread
town they step on my heels as I
walk down the street
cramping my style
my shoes
my soles
my soul.
for ben;
butterflies that appear
even after years
are not welcome to me
especially not after this has been
so long yet i still
remember june
when you held my hand and made me
tremble with
awkwardness only a fourteen
14 year
14yearold
there were fireworks that would not last
anywhere else but the
deepest pit of my stomach
hear me now too late yes
this is my cry
for you and for my youth
bitter bitter days
spent waiting
stop me from
driving you into the ground
and let you life
the friend i wanted.
i can do nothing
but cry
that you
never treated me right
even when i was not so
goddamn infatuated with you
always the abuse
of being ignored
no matter
it's no matter, you said
when i told you
i told you that thing
that separated me from
you
i can't i couldn't keep my
roaming hands
away and that this was the
problem
wow, you said, and dismissed
me like that without any
thought that it was possible
i could have liked
you even loved you
god now i can do nothing but
sob
that you could never
treat me right like you treated
her or teach me to love
like her
never never never
never would that happen
seulement dans mes reves
i don't know
who i am
who i want
who i want to be
all i know is that i am
hurt and confused
and my mother doesn't understand
and that my tears
stain this page
each move i make
awkward and complicated
and intricate
and i know that you make me
feel safe.
there would have
been scars on
my white wrists if you had
hurt me as much as you thought you did
if you had mattered to me
as much as you bragged about
you had everything
of mine except for me.
for KAB
neither the collection of fears
nor apprehension
exist while i'm with you
we only drive drive drive
to all ends of the earth and
talk talk talk about
our ends we never will stop
for PS
spikes in the darkness of my
second block class always
seem to brighten my
day but your face is sad
and there is
nothing we can do
to make you feel better
understand thought that
confusion is only what you
make of it dear heart
love you are loved
and we think
the world of you
free your mind of bewildered
adolescence and shine through your spikes.
son of my son
daughter of my daughter
feeding me slowly
bread and water
through the bars of my
cell i can see everything
except for the sun and
hell.
Le vert que j'ai
vu dans ta feuillage
Est le meilleur vert du monde, amiable et doux.
Il me frappe le coeur comme des ondes de la mer
Toujours tu es ma seule r�fuge
Je pleure � toi et � la beaut�
Les fleurs, les feuilles que je vois toujours.
Peut-�tre, ma
petite Rasheda
Je vais rester avec toi tous soirs
Et tu peuz me cacher sous toi
Et tu peux me prot�ger de la rage du Monde
Si jamais j'aurais besoin d'aide et le securit�
Parce que je t'aime commen une bonne amie.
it still meant
something to me that Saturday night
spent dreaming and scheming on what
could be Thinking with our lips
i with my hips
and the same happened
but different
my dear and you walked by and i hurt inside
because when we had thought
with our lips my gut surged like
an ocean wave
that meant so
much more to me than the pressing
of my mouth to this other boy's
that was out of
emptiness.
for john
when i said that i thought it
was meaningless i meant to tell
you it was
certainly meaningful for me
i got so upset when you
wanted to see what
would happen and now
now i am just another
dumb dyke with a
broken heart
i didn't ask because i
thought you wouldn't be
receptive
and it did mean
something
to me that you said
"yes"
BUT
you thought it was out of
necessity for me but with
you was the way it should
be
and now i am so nervous that
i have an awful
vile taste in my mouth i do
nothing but cry and cannot
even eat i am so worried
about what you will think.
i am so very
sorry
i didn't join you for
the rest of lunch but
just sat across from
you and
stared over my
sunglasses
and then when i was
misunderstood
i exploded in a flurry of
tears and words i will
quite soon regret
(or perhaps
forget)
the clock ticks
it's wrong.
a vein above my eye twitches
my pulse fluctuates
my head aches
temples throb
heart bleeds
blood boils
...i slump forward on my desk
the pain is immeasurable
my head is exploding with
horrible
dark
stabbing
pains
i close my eyes
and slide into the
there is so much
in my head that I cannot
write about it for fear my pen will explode
I lie down
twin peaks
that are nameless and untouched
by explorers who do not
wish to venture into unknown
territory
my body
I call hell without
your hands.
Love sculpts
my heard into something less tangible and more profound than flesh.
visitors remain
an imprint in your mind
yet their presences before
undermined.
with the quickness of the moment
in hellish flying time
flesh
something in the sky.
she can never
see herself under the lights
here.
dots on the back of your cardboard-box home
beckon homeless change-jar holders
into more darkness
i have no fine
defined
motor skills
next time i'll trust you with my life.
fluttering heart
of steel and soft
strings
livid with the swift beatings of
the treason only love can bring.
dimming
the bright borders between the professional
and cigarettes
Madame Marchand
sips a nicotine cocktail through
a smoking straw
and sits behind her paper-filled desk.
my hand
idle on pen so long has been
but my tongue is stroking something else
with long thought-out words
my paper lies neglected and alone
while She waits for more praise
to fill my lungs
lifeless fates
and
bleeding destinies
full of truths that beat
like hearts of black soot.
I saw a man that reminded
the only time, i said,
your lips just barely found
the taste of my
claustrophobia
is like the
taste of the bile
that rises with
my fear.
me of my forbidden
and I wept for your sake
and the loss of him
as Red Line drew me closer
to hell.
is today and the only
person who can set me so on
fire lies in flames of
their own, right next to me
spread the heat, spread the love
this elusive point of
ecstacy then
your fingertips followed then
your teeth, your tongue all
tugging, stroking, pushing i
gasped and you continued
to shower the nape of my neck with
such that
i have been waiting for
how i enjoy the sweetness of
this moment as you
shove the envelope containing my
enjoyment
hard
you shove it to theedge of my being
and all i can do
is experience bliss.
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