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Chapter 39 - Moral Authority

The entire family gathered in their prescribed places around the grand dining table. It was a replay of Christmas: Bruce sat at the head, Dick, Barbara, Cassie and Tim arranged around either side. Alfred stood at attention in the corner. Dr. Thompkins was there as well, seated beside Tim, her face creased in worry. Tim and Cassie seemed confused and Leslie wondered if the purpose of this dinner had been explained to them. They waited in silence, the minutes stretching long. They were even more miserable now than they had been at Christmas, if that were possible.

Finally, as the clock in the study struck six, Selina entered the dining room. Lucy wasn�t with her. The men stood and she took her place at the foot of the table, waiting until everyone was again seated. She wore a creamy blouse and a gray skirt, her hair swept back and pinned at the sides, her face composed. Bruce noticed slight swelling around her eyes and wondered if she had been crying.

�Thanks for coming. I�m sure we all had better things to do tonight,� Selina told them. She faced each one in turn, these children and hangers-on Bruce had collected over the years. They faced her with open curiosity and apprehension.

�You all know that Daniel DeMatteis, the Ottisburg killer, was apprehended early this morning. And you know how we caught him.�

Everyone nodded save Bruce. He continued to stare at her, his face tight and drawn.

�I want all of you to weigh in on what Lucy�s involvement should be in this little operation.�

This decree was greeted by shocked stares and gaping mouths. Tim half-rose out of his seat before Leslie caught his wrist and yanked him back down. Selina faced them all coldly, her emerald eyes as remote as Bruce�s.

�What the hell is this?� Barbara asked angrily. She turned to Bruce. �Now she�s making the decisions about how we run things?�

Bruce didn�t respond. He continued to stare at Selina.

�I�m here to speak for Lucy,� Selina replied sharply, fixing cold, hard eyes on Barbara Gordon. �You all have your own motives and commitments. Someone has to be Lucy�s advocate.�

�What exactly are we talking about here?� Leslie asked from her position between Gordon and Tim. �You�re thinking of adopting Lucy officially?� she asked Bruce. Everyone turned to him.

His eyes never left Selina�s face. He nodded.

More shocked expressions. Tim checked Dick�s reaction. The former Boy Wonder failed to raise his head. Tim looked back at Bruce. �When did you decide that?�

�He�s been thinking about it for a while,� Selina informed them. �Catching the Ottisburg killer sealed the deal. He catches a mass-murderer, Lucy gets a last name.�

Dick squeezed his eyes shut, pain at Selina�s accusation lancing through him. �That�s not how it�s done!� Dick yelled, rising. He shrugged off Barbara�s touch. �He doesn�t just collect us, you know!�

�No, I don�t know that,� Selina replied quietly, her eyes warmer, sympathetic. �I can only tell you what I�ve observed. He finds a child with abilities and a reason to become a vigilante and trains them to fight crime. He wants partners, not children. Lucy�s an asset as far as Batman�s mission goes, but Bruce Wayne will never be her father.�

�Look, I think you�re making assumptions here about something you know nothing about,� Dick told her. �I am his son. We�ve been through hell to prove it to each other, but we�re family. Everyone around this table is a member. Fighting crime just happens to be the family business.�

�And your childhood was the cost to buy in to the �family business�,� Selina replied, keeping her hands clasped tightly in her lap. She couldn�t let them see her shaking. These people had stood in moral judgment over her for nearly a decade. Facing them like this - trying to explain why they were wrong - was terrifying. Selina swallowed hard, continuing for Lucy�s sake.

�I won�t stand by and let another child learn about violence and pain and loss before they hit twelve. Everyone here has given some part of themselves to his holy crusade,� Selina said, pointing at Bruce, �and I refuse to let Lucy become the next draftee.�

�Look, Selina�� Tim tried, glancing at Cassandra. �I�ve been doing this for a while now and I practically had to force Bruce to take me on as Robin. I wouldn�t change a thing. We�re working towards something here, working for something good, and I-�

�You�re losing the battle,� Selina whispered. They stared at her, shocked by her audacity. Selina realized for a moment how truly delusional they were about their life�s work.

�There were once 15 million people living in Gotham. Now that�s down to 6 million with no end in sight. I�ve spent the last two years on the front lines in the East End and I can tell you for a fact it�s not getting any better. You take out the supercriminals and work crisis management but when it comes to crime�� she paused, trying to frame her next words. �When it comes to the violence and brutality that is tearing this city apart, you�re contributing as much as any one of Gotham�s villains.�

This latest charge was met with a lot of angry, resentful looks. Barbara was shaking her head, Tim and Cassie looked positively outraged and Dick glared at her in quiet disapproval. Selina knew she would never win any popularity contests from this group. Even Leslie looked miffed, and Selina had expected to at least have the East End doctor in her corner given their conversation earlier at the Institute. Leslie had been proven wrong about Bruce.

�How can you say that?� Barbara asked her, angry, her eyes flashing fire beneath her glasses. �We�ve sacrificed everything to make Gotham a better place-�

�And I�m not denying that. Christ, I know the cost as well as any of you!� Selina replied hotly. �I�m the one who sleeps next to him every night,� she said, gesturing at Bruce. �I know about the nightmares. I�ve seen the scars. And I can imagine that every one of you has thousands of memories you�d give anything to forget. But think of every horrible thing you�ve ever seen in your lives. Every moment of pain and regret and guilt. People you�ve watched die. Children you�ve seen irreparably damaged by crime, violence and sexual abuse. Now imagine seeing that every day of your life. That is what he wants to condemn Lucy to.�

�Selina,� Bruce said tensely, �it isn�t like that for-�

�Yes it is!� she exclaimed. �You can�t seem to say more than two words to her, but she talks to me. I know exactly what it�s been like for her, what her visions do to her.�

�If the visions occur naturally and Bruce simply asks her to hone in on one of them�� Tim interrupted, �I don�t see the harm. I mean, if she�s going to have them anyway, at least they could be used for a higher purpose.�

Barbara and Dick nodded. It wasn�t clear how well Cassie was following the rapid-fire verbal exchange. Leslie put her elbows on the table, leaning on her palm tiredly.

�That isn�t necessarily true,� Leslie said. �I think Lucy might someday be able to suppress the visions, at least the ones she consciously receives. By requiring her to focus on a single image or prophecy, it may damage her ability to ignore the ones she doesn�t want to see.�

�But you�re not certain,� Tim prompted. Leslie nodded in agreement, her eyes meeting Selina�s in silent apology.

Selina sat back in her chair, considering her next tactic. She hadn�t wanted to do it this way.

�And what about Jason Todd?�

Bruce�s head snapped up. �What about him?�

�He died in the Robin costume, Bruce,� Selina said quietly. �And what about Dick? Do you know what it�s like to have a father who won�t acknowledge you?�

Their eyes met, the Roman�s name hanging in the space between them.

�And Barbara,� Selina continued, not flinching from the naked hostility in Barbara�s eyes. �How hard did you have to fight for his acceptance? When you became Oracle-�

�Don�t talk about my life,� Barbara growled. �You don�t have the first clue.�

Selina backed off, knowing she was losing this battle. Some of them might agree that Lucy should not be used in Bruce�s war on crime. They might even think Bruce shouldn�t adopt her. But Selina had known from the start it would be nearly impossible to get them to say so to Bruce. They were all so accustomed to walking on eggshells around him, so aware of his pain and anguish, that they seemed unwilling to question him. Perhaps they were incapable of it.

�This is child abuse,� Selina told them. �I don�t know why you�re willing to support him-�

�We support him because we believe in what he�s doing!� Barbara told her. �You think we don�t realize how cruel he can be sometimes? I know how hard he pushed Dick and Jason. I�ve seen how he treats Cassandra. He was never a father-figure to me, Selina. I see him for what he is.� She drew a deep breath. �And I know how important our work is. If Bruce thinks we need Lucy, he has my support.�

Selina checked each face, a sinking feeling registering deep inside. She met Leslie�s eyes. She looked away. Dick too. Tim nodded at her and Cassie stonewalled. Barbara stared at her angrily. The vote seemed unanimous.

�Fine,� Selina muttered, standing. �Bruce, before everyone here starts congratulating themselves on another fine moral victory, I just want you to explain to them why I�m here.�

Everyone turned to stare at Bruce. Selina folded her arms.

�All that crap you fed me about how you needed me. How we belong together. You wanted me to stay because Lucy is calmer and more focused when I�m around. You saw it right from the start in the Court of Miracles. And you made me believe that you wanted me to stay because you felt something for me. Instead you just wanted to recruit another soldier to your cause.�

Bruce stood, his mouth falling open. How could she think that he would-

�And what does it matter?� Selina continued, her voice angry and sad at the same time. �I�m not really supposed to be here. I�m the bad guy, right? My presence here with Bruce is justified only as some kind of perverse sexual indulgence. That�s what you�ve all been thinking, isn�t it?�

Again, none of them would meet her eyes. Selina flushed, ashamed of herself and the way she had allowed him to manipulate her. She�d actually managed to convince herself that he could love her. What a joke.

�I would have married you.�

Bruce�s voice was quiet, deep and resonant in the small room. All eyes turned to him, their surrogate father, the leader of their small pack. He was standing, facing Selina across the long table, his hands at his sides. �I love-�

�Don�t you dare,� Selina warned, eyes snapping green fire. �You son of a bitch! I told you�I told you things I�ve never told anyone! And I thought that it mattered because we were equals.�

�We are,� he tried to assure her. Selina shook her head.

�I�m a whore and you�re a liar. Hurrah for equality.� She closed her eyes. �You were using me, like you use everyone else.�

They waited for him to deny it. Slowly, as Bruce�s silence continued, the heads around the table lowered. Only Selina continued to watch him.

�You�re on the edge here, Bruce,� she said in a quiet voice. �If you take that first step, it�s a long way down. I made that trip myself, once. You compromise yourself on this, you turn that child into an instrument of vengeance, and you annihilate everything Batman has stood for in this city.�

With that, Selina left the room, leaving an atmosphere still charged with anger and frustration. The family faced each other awkwardly, silence settling between them. None of them knew what to say. None of them ever did.

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Selina began stuffing clothing into one of the suitcases Slam had brought her. Smitty and Marcelo had cleared out when they�d sensed her anger. The cats knew enough to take cover in case she started throwing things. Slowly, the adrenaline left her system and Selina sank to the bed, her head hung low. She�d lost.

Nausea tightened her stomach and she broke out in cold sweat. Selina made it to the bathroom in time and knelt beside the toilet, heaving until her stomach was empty. No, she thought desperately. Not this too. It had to be the lingering effects of that house of horrors in Ottisburg, not -

But it was possible, of course. And perhaps inevitable.

There was a soft knock at the door. Selina cleared her throat, running some water to wash her face. She smoothed her skirt, preparing for round two. Alfred slipped into the bathroom, closing the door softly behind him.

�Miss Kyle?� he asked anxiously. �Are you unwell?�

She sank onto the edge of the bathtub, trying to regain her composure. �I�m fine,� she assured him. �Call me a cab?�

Alfred shook his head, his hands faltering for a moment before he touched her shoulder gently. �You�re ill. Are you-�

She shook her head, then shrugged. �I don�t know.�

Alfred frowned, unsure how to continue. Finally he looked at her.

�I wanted you to know�I agree with you. About Miss Lucy.�

Selina stared at him, astonishment clouding her lovely features. �Why�why didn�t you say so?�

Alfred shrugged. �Master Bruce rarely listens to reason. I indulged his decision to allow Master Dick to don the Robin costume. Perhaps it was a mistake but I thought it was for the best. And I believed his desire to include Master Jason in his life was also a positive good. These children�� Alfred paused. �I wanted so badly for them to change him. To humanize him. But Jason�s death and Dick�s abandonment has forced me to acknowledge the fact that Master Bruce is intent on destroying every bit of family that comes into his life.�

He fell silent, watching her as they both contemplated the meaning of her nausea.

�Come with me, dear,� Alfred told her softly, helping her to stand as he led her out of the bathroom. He glanced up at an oil portrait of Bruce�s parents on the wall across from the bed. It was older than the one in the study: the Waynes had been a young married couple when the portrait was done.

�I wish I could explain Master Bruce�s motivations in simple psychological terms, Miss Kyle. Survivor�s guilt, perhaps. Or some inability on Master Bruce�s part to relate to other human beings. I�ve often believed the fault was mine. I raised him, after all.� Alfred sighed. �What he is now�his faults, his pride, his emotional incompetence�blame it on being raised by a reserved servant rather than two loving parents.�

�I�m sure you were a good father to him,� Selina said quietly. Alfred shook his head.

�If I had been even remotely adequate, he should have been a very different man. And I believe that is why those people downstairs are so devoted to him. They see what might have been, rather than what is.�

�You don�t think he�ll ever-�

�I continue to hope and pray, as does Dr. Thompkins,� Alfred said quickly. �Someday, perhaps�but this business with Miss Lucy is most troubling. I think in some way he believes you could live here happily with him. You could raise the child together, assisting Batman on his mission and fulfilling Bruce Wayne as a man.�

�I�m not exactly the nurturing type, Alfred,� Selina told him. �You think that�s what he really wants?�

The butler nodded. �He gave up the usual hopes long ago, Miss Kyle. He is fundamentally a selfish person and a wife and family would require him to surrender too much of himself. Instead, he creates a family that lets his emotional needs go unchallenged. We are all either employees or children of his; he has no equal amongst us. And I believe he wanted to place you in a similarly subordinate position, although I�m sure the thought never consciously occurred to him. You�re his match in every respect and I doubt you could assume a secondary role even if you wanted to.�

Selina nodded, frowning. �Why are you telling me this?�

�To save a child,� Alfred told her honestly. �And for all the children I could not save.�

She touched his hand and felt how strong and sure he was. Alfred was truly Bruce�s father, no matter how inadequate he considered himself to be.

�You won�t tell him about��

She touched her belly and Alfred closed his eyes, nodding once.

�Why does everything have to be so desperate all the time, Alfred?� she asked him softly.

Alfred opened his mouth, ready to quote Shakespeare or provide some pithy comeback as he usually did at moments like these. Instead, he settled a gentle hand over her shoulder, staring up at the portrait of Martha and Thomas Wayne. �I have never been able to determine the answer to that particular riddle,� he told her.