The scene opens with the camera man looking out into the streets and Sun Starr standing in front of the camera. Behind Sun Starr are several parked police cars.
Sun Starr: I'm here at Police Headquarters in Ottawa, Canada. I was told that something has happened here and it concerns NCW.
A police car comes up and parks in an open spot and the cops get out. They walk to the back and open up the door and pull someone out. The camera man runs up and gets a view of who it is. The cops shut the door and start pushing a handcuffed Dorito towards the entrance of the police station. They walk inside and Sun Starr and the camera man follow in. They walk through the door where the cops start booking Dorito.
Sun Starr: Dorito, what's going on here?
Dorito: Oh nothing, they picked me up for some lame reason, like picking up a prostitute. Apparently it's illegal.
Cop 1: You damned right it's illegal. Just who are you guys anyways? There shouldn't be a camera back here, get out of here!
Sun Starr: I work for NCW, along with the man you're arresting.
Cop 1: You're not some sex crazed maniac too are you?
Sun Starr: Oh no way, not like Dorito here. He's obsessed with...
Dorito: Just shutup Sun! You're gonna get me in more trouble as is. Why don't you go call Sonic or Helmsley for me.
Sun Starr: Ummm, nah.
A cop walks up and uncuffs Dorito and begins doing fingerprints.
Cop 2: Hey, I've seen you somewhere. You're that guy!
Dorito: I sure am.
Cop 2: Yeah, you're Crash Holly!
Dorito: Ummm, no. I'm Dorito, co-tag team champion in Northern Championship Wrestling. Maybe you've heard of it? You know, D-Generation Y???
Cop 2: Ummm, no.
Cop 1: He's a wrestler? Isn't wrestling fake?
Cop 2: Yeah.
Dorito: It is not! You have no idea what I do or just how powerful I am!
Cop 1: Uhhh, yeah sure.
Cop 2: (Yells out) Any of you guys back there ever hear of NCW?
Cop 1: We'll find out soon if anyone's ever heard of you.
Dorito: Yeah, and then you'll let me go after I sign a few autographs for your kids right?
Cop 1: No. I don't have any kids. My wife and kids were murdered a couple years back when this criminal, Loco Latin, blew up my house after I arrested his father.
Dorito: Well, that was a sucky story.
Cop 1: I'll kill you!
Dorito squirms away as the second cop grabs the first cop and holds him back while two more cops enter the room.
Cop 3: Hey, I've seen this guy before on the TV! It's...ummm, Cracker Jack or something.
Cop 4: No, it's like Burrito or something. I see you on television every week. My kids REALLY hate you. But I like you.
Dorito starts washing the ink off of his hands when the 4th cop places his hand on Dorito's butt and squeezes while the 1st cop exits the room crying.
Dorito: Your hand is on my butt!
Cop 4: Well so it is.
Dorito: Can you remove it?!
Cop 4: Maybe later.
Dorito: AHHHH!!
Cop 4: I told you I liked you. I think you're funny and just very entertaining.
Dorito: Ahhh, help me Sun!
Sun Starr: Nah, you do what you gotta do with the police officer. I don't want to get 'involved'.
Cop 3: Okay kid, come on, lets go. We've gotta go take your picture now for the records.
Dorito: Great, just keep that guy away from me!
Cop 4: No fear, I'll go get his clothes he's gonna have to wear in jail.
Dorito and the 2nd and 3rd cops, with Sun Starr and the camera man following, walk along a corridor and up a flight of stairs while they talk.
Dorito: Jail? I've got a pay-per view that I've gotta be at this sunday! I'm fighting for the hardcore title, and my friend is defending my tag title! I've gotta be there!
Cop 2: Well, I'm sure Bill(Cop 4), would be happy to let ya go, you just gotta do something for him.
Cop 3: Yeah, he likes a woody in his booty.
Dorito: Ahhh!! Why are you telling me this stuff? Help me!
Cop 2: You're a sex offender, and you tried picking up an undercover officer posing as a prostitute. And from the report you got, you tried offering her five dollars for the whole night?
Dorito: Yeah, in American money. That's gotta be like thousands of dollars here in Canada.
Sun Starr: Dorito, that's like $6 here in Canada, there isn't that big an exchange rate. $5 in America would be like thousands of dollars in Mexico.
Dorito: Okay, can I go now? I'll make sure to pay more next time.
Cop 2: Oh no, there won't be a next time.
Dorito: Why not?
Cop 3: Because if Bill gets his way, you're gonna be walking around quite ackwardly for the next couple of days.
Dorito: Ahhh!!! Let me go! I'll give you my brother Sonic's Lambourghini!
Cop 2: Are you trying to bribe a police officer?
Dorito: No, yes, no, yes, no, I mean no. I'm trying to pay for my bail.
Cop 3: Well you don't have the Lambourghini here, and it would take awhile for you to get the money. So no, you can't go.
The 2nd cop leads Dorito in front of the camera and gives him his Arrest ID number to hold up while the 3rd cop takes a couple pictures.
Dorito: I'm gonna get my older brother to beat you guys up!
Cop 3: Ooooh, is that a threat? Are you threatening a police officer?
Dorito: Ummm...
Cop 2: I think he is. Lets mark him down with threatening to attack an officer AND attempting to bribe a police officer.
Dorito: How about lets not?
Cop 3: No!
The two cops lead Dorito out of the room and into a changing room where Bill shows up with Dorito's County Prison clothes.
Bill: Here you go sweet cheeks.
Dorito: Ahhh! I need to get out of here.
Dorito shuts the door and changes his clothes while the three cops stand outside the door and talk.
Cop 2: I love these sound proof changing rooms. they can never hear what we're talking about.
Cop 3: So, are you really gonna mess with his head Bill?
Bill: Oh hell yeah. Troy and George are in jail and I think they'll take care of Dorito, if ya get what I mean.
Cop 2: I wanted to burst out laughing when you grabbed his ass.
Cop 3: I didn't know what you were doing.
Bill: Well, he's just a damn pest. I mean my little 8 year old daughter hates him, but my 15 year old son loves him. And my son crotch chops anything and everything all of the time. It's just disgusting.
Cop 2: Well, maybe Mr. Dorito's attitude will change, and maybe he'll crotch chop Troy and George, heh.
Bill: Hahahah!!!
Cop 3: Yeah, we told him that you like a woody in your booty. IT freaked the hell out of him.
Bill: That's good, I've gotta remember that.
Sun Starr: Hey guys, so this was entirely some sort of joke?
Cop 3: Just the part with Bill being gay.
Bill: I did experience some stuff for myself in college. But that's the past and I've got a wife and kids now. And I'm a cop and it's just so much fun to scare people like that little runt. I hope he gets his clock cleaned by Stone Ice and Viper this sunday.
Cop 3: You going to the show Bill? It's in Montreal.
Bill: No, but I'm watching on pay-per view.
Cop 2: Hush, just be silent.
Dorito steps out of the room and tries getting by, but the cops quickly catch him before he has a chance and they handcuff him. The cops lead Dorito to the prison cells.
Dorito: What were you guys talking about while I was changing?
Bill: Oh nothing. Just the NCW pay-per view this weekened and how it's gonna be so much fun jackin...I mean watching you in action.
Cop 3: Dorito, there are two guys in the jail cells named Troy and George. Don't be afraid to crotch chop them or anything.
Cop 2: Yeah, they'll back off from you that way and leave you alone.
Bill: You can moon them too, they're scared to get anywhere near someone like me.
Cop 3: Yeah, just pretend you're Bill and act like him, okay Dorito?
Dorito: This the truth Sunny boy?
Sun Starr: Uhhh yeah, pretty much.
Dorito: Well if Sunny boy says it's the truth, then I'll moon them for all they've got.
The 2nd cop uncuffs Dorito in front of the cell with two pretty muscular men inside sitting down. Dorito gets thrown into the prison cell and looks at his two cellmates. The 3 cops and Sun Starr exit while the camera stays on. Troy and George get to their feet and look at Dorito. Dorito pulls down his pants and begins mooning Troy and George who start rubbing their crotch areas and move up behind Dorito. The camera turns away and the camera man exits the room when a sudden scream is heard. The camera man soon comes up to Sun Starr who is ready to report.
Sun Starr: Well, Dorito is in jail and having a fantastic time! And I was just told that Extremely Sonic and Matt Helmsley are on their way and should be here within a few hours. That's it for now, and stay tuned!
The camera fades out and a quick NCW logo splashes up before coming off.
Approximately 24 hours have gone by since Dorito's arrest and imprisonment. Sun Starr, and the 2nd and 3rd cop from before are sitting around in the break room drinking coffee and eating donuts. The door opens and Extremely Sonic and Matt Helmsley walk into the room.
ES: Get off your fat ass Starr and let's go get Dorito out of jail.
Sun Starr: Sonic, uhhh, you were supposed to have been here yesterday.
ES: Yeah, well...me and Helmsley had a house show we had to go to, but we're here now.
Helmsley: Why don't you two pigs get off your fat asses and go get my little buddy out of jail before I...
Cop 2: Before you what?
Cop 3: Are you trying to threaten a police officer?
Helmsley: You look here fatty. This is D-Generation Y you BOYS are talking to. Now get up, get Dorito, and buy some damn DY merchandise!
Cop 2: Well, we'd like to, but we're on break. Maybe in half an hour.
Cop 3: Besides, Dorito is bizay if ya know what I mean, hehehe.
ES: No, we don't know what you mean. This is a jail, and there's...
Helmsley: You pigs mean what I think you mean?
Cop 2: Yep.
Helmsley: Alright! Way to go Dorito!
Cop 3: Wait, that's a good thing?
Helmsley: You damned right. It means he finally lost his virginity.
Cop 2: (coughing) His what???
ES: Yeah, Dorito was a virgin. He spends most of his time playing with his salami and Miracle Whip if ya get what I mean.
The two cops burst out laughing histerically while the 3rd cop gets to his feet. He walks over to an intercom and asks for the release of Dorito. The cop walks back to the table and sits down again.
Cop 3: He'll be down in about 10 minutes while he gets changed and released on bail.
Cop 2: How much was his bail anyways?
ES: I paid up five grand...
Helmsley: You mean Hitman, hehe.
ES: Yeah. He'd have a hissy fit if Dorito didn't show up for the pay-per view.
Helmsley: And Freytag would probably go nuts because his favorite wrestler in NCW, besides himself and Crow, isn't there. God I hope Kern destroys him.
ES: You know what, we should help the Hunters and Wretched dispose of Crow sunday. Remember, if Crow loses, he'll retire.
Helmsley: Retire as in commit suicide for losing to a butt plug like HeL.
ES: Exactly.
Cop 3: Wait, the Crow? The Crow as in like the Shadow Warrior?
ES: That's him.
Cop 3: Hey, I've gotta watch NCW more. I love that guy. He's one of my favorite wrestlers.
Cop 2: Yeah, I used to watch him, back in the early ninties. But that was when wrestling was a sport, not entertainment like it is today.
ES: You know, I'm sick of everyone calling professional wrestling 'entertainment'. If it was so damn entertaining, then how come I get my ass kicked and give an ass kicking day after day huh? I don't see Sly Stallone or Mel Gibson whining about each day that they entertain. David Letterman doesn't get busted open when he does the Top 10. Jennifer Aniston doesn't break her leg when she jumps onto the couch.
Cop 2: Break her leg when jumping onto the couch?
ES: Yeah, I've seen it happen before. They screw up the jump over the back and spin out, eventually breaking their leg or neck or something. I've done it where I tried flipping over and I landed on the top back part of the couch with my back, haven't been able to flip onto a couch since.
Helmsley: So, tell me, you coffee drinking, donut eating, cellulite oozing pile of lard, who did Dorito lose his virginity with?
Cop 3: Hehehe...You know, I can't say for sure, but I know there was a whole lot of screaming going on.
ES: Alright. This calls for a celebration. We're gonna have to get Kern and Miss J and go out on the town tonight.
Helmsley: Definitely. Cell phone is in your car right?
ES: Yeah. Doors are unlocked.
Cop 2: Your brother Dorito is quite the wise-crack.
Helmsley leaves the room while Bill enters the room.
Bill: He'll be down in about a minute.
ES: Okay.
Cop 2: Bill, did you know that Dorito lost his virginity last night?
Bill: (laughing) AHHAHAHAHAHA!!!! You're kidding right?
ES: If these guys are telling the truth, then he sure did. But I'd like to meet the lady he did it with.
Bill: Really?
ES: Yeah.
Bill: Why is that?
ES: Because, nobody seems to like him. I mean, strippers in New York chose one of my friends' manager, Miss J, over Dorito.
Bill: This wasn't a gay strip club was it?
ES: No, why?
Bill: Nothing.
ES: Anyways, the divas of NCW turn him down, and I've seen him offer girls in the back of arenas if they'd like a taste of his own Dorito, and they always turn him down. I don't know why though. And no one knew of this until he went DY and everyone learned of it on TV. And before, he was the single most respected person on television.
The door suddenly opens and Dorito staggers into the room with a frightened look on his face. Dorito looks at Bill and Bill looks at Dorito, licking his lips. Dorito scurries away and walks over to Sonic and stands behind him.
Dorito: Come on, lets go. I wanna get out of here.
ES: Don't you want to stay? I mean, these guys told me about your little experience last night.
Dorito: Uhhh, nothing happened. Come on, lets go. I want to get out of here and get to Montreal.
ES: What's the rush?
Dorito: I want to get out of here, I've gotta get a doctor to look at my ass.
ES: Ummm, okay, whatever.
ES and Dorito leave the room and exit the building. They walk along the sidewalk towards Extremely Sonic's green Lambourghini Contach.
ES: Hey, we're going out tonight. Kern's gonna be here in due time and we're gonna celebrate your welcoming into manhood.
Dorito: No, not like this. Not after last night. Last night NEVER happened. You get it? And I lost my virginity years ago by the ways.
ES: HAHAHAHA!!!! Yeah, sure you did. And why don't you want to talk about last night? What happened? How was she? Was she a total dog?
Dorito: No. Now lets just go. And if I hear about this any more, I'm gonna scream.
Sonic and Dorito reach the car and Helmsley steps out.
Helmsley: CONGRATULATIONS! It's about time man. And Kern says "Way to go!" by the way.
Dorito: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
ES: Owe!
Helmsley: Umm, okay. And Miss J says she's gonna get something lined up for you after the pay-per view in your hotel room as part of a present. That's gotta be good eh?
ES: Alright! It's time to party! Come on guys. Lets get going.
Dorito: We're going to a doctor first. I've gotta get my butt checked out. And I believe I swallowed something that I really shouldn't have.
ES: Okay. Fine, we'll go to a doc, and then we go party, DY style!
Dorito, Helmsley, and Sonic get into the car and shut the doors. The car screaches out of the parking spot and drives down the road as the screen fades out. A DY logo comes up, but then flashes out.
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