UTC - NTFC

Thieves broke into Peterborough Uniteds trophy room and stole everything. Police are appealing for witness' who saw two men running down London road with a blue carpet to come forward.

Barry Fry decides to cast his scouting net a little further. He looks all over the former Eastern bloc and finally he finds a young lad in Kosovo. He signs the boy up and immediately puts him in the team the following Saturday.
   The young Kosovo lad plays a blinder and scores a goal. At the end of the game all the young Kosovan wants to do is phone his Ma and tell her how well he did. He finds a phone and calls her....
   "Ma, it was fantastic, I played for Peterborough United and scored a goal"
   "That's great son" says Ma "but things here aren't so good, your father was murdered, your brother was murdered too and your sister was raped"
   "That's terrible" says the young Kosovan striker.
   "But I blame you" says the mother.
   "why?" says the Kosovan 'wonderkid'
   "well" says Ma, "you made us move to Peterborough."

A Peterborough fan dies and goes to the gates of heaven. Saint Peter sees the pish fan and says to him sorry mate you can't come in here as you haven't been a very nice man. The pish fan says "what do you mean only last week i gave �5 to the save the whale, the week before i gave �5 to a Romanian orphanage and a few years ago i gave �5 to Oxfam".
Peter says "i'll have to have a word with the big man upstairs and see what he says".
Half an hour later Peter comes back and says "right i've had a word with the big man and we have all chipped in. Here's your �15 now fuck off you bastard!".

A 'boro supporter pushes his Skoda into a garage. He tells the mechanic, " it died."
After the mechanic works on it for a few minutes, it's idling smoothly.
The Pish fan says: "what's the story?"
The mechanic replies: "just crap in the carburettor."
The Pish fan says: " how often do i have to do that??"