بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Marriage Counseling For Every Single Muslim

by Irshad Mahmood

In general, if you ask any Muslim regarding Marriage Counseling, they all might laugh and make fun of it. BUT in reality if you do analyze their married life, you will sure come up with the URGENT need for the Marriage Counseling for this Ummah. It is true that life is becoming more and more challenging and most of the people don't know and in reality KIDS are suffering BADLY. Little Kids in the beginning get confused, that who is their Mom or Dad, the one with whom they spend their night time or the other with whom they spend their valuable time during the day. Regardless of everything, we all have some sort of Sweet Dream, which is our right to do so. Let us analyze an Ideal Sweet Dream before mentioning about Marriage – Divorce – Halaalaa – Waiting (Iddat). Keeping in mind that Ideal might be un-reachable for most of us that is one of the reasons why it is called IDEAL.

Ideal Sweet Dream: Wish Our Sweet Dream Come True. AMEEN.

Generally we all do make wishes for Our Sweet Dream Come True, BUT in reality that might not be possible. Below could be the list for the Ideal Sweet Dream:

1> Ideal Peaceful Work/Business.

2> Ideal Sweet Home.

3> Ideal Car.

4> Ideal Sweet Spouse.

5> Ideal Cute Kids.

1> Ideal Peaceful Work/Business: You believe or not, Global World is changing very fast and life is becoming more and more challenging and that is taking our Ideal Sweet Dream away from us. We live in the Real World, which is free from DREAM, other than very exceptional cases. Hiring, firing and Huge Job Cuts (Lay-Off) may be happening soon in the west. Without proper income all the Dreams get ruin. Due to Globalization many companies are moving out to China, India and many other countries due to the low production cost. The first step towards the Globalization is Educating the world that we are all children of Adam and Eve and we all are cousin brothers and cousin sisters. In brief we all are Global Family. The second step is to bring the Global World towards Single Currency, which is only Gold. The third step is to balance the production cost Globally. These all may only happen if we all are positively listen to all and follow the truth. Modern Science is a Great tool to find the Real Truth.

2> Ideal Sweet Home: To have an Ideal Sweet Home, most of us don't realize the true facts, since we don't do the homework first. We mostly listen to the Media where, the speaker is paid by those who offer the loans. That is a GREAT TRAP. Those who fall into this TRAP, start facing many problems, which includes more and more work to payoff the debt sooner and very less effort they put on their health, which could lead to their life miserable. It also depends upon the location of the world where you live, and many other factors, which includes your urgency. Generally in the west, it is GREATLY advised that when the Mortgage Rate is very high at that time the price of the house is usually very low that is the right time to purchase the house BUT make sure to pay minimum 25% down at the time of purchase and pay all the debt as soon as possible. Also keep in mind when you are going to retire. If one thinks to buy a house just before few years of his/her retirement with very little down payment, that will be GREAT FOOLISHNES, since after few years he/she will be of the job and no extra income to pay all the debt. Also Government should impose big huge taxes on having all extra homes other than they are living in that home, unless it is in a transition period of six months to move to new home or buying home for their kids. Government should also impose a law that no mortgage should be more than 15 years, so that people could think to save some for their kids education. Remember those who tell you that there is a Real Islaamic Housing Scheme which gives you real interest free loan, could actually charge you much more than what you might be paying on the interest based and is this a real help in an Islaamic Way or taking out your skin from your body by charging much more than what you initially got loan for it. An intelligent choice could be to go for that on which you will be paying total of mortgages plus other expenses that is much less than the rent you are paying right now even if the rate goes very high at later stage. The best thing if you could do is to avoid interest base loans. Always remember, no matter what interest base loan can never become Halaal. Government should have good policy to supprt those who don't have their own home, this may help in reducing the production cost as well.

3> World is changing drastically due to fast moving technology and of course with Allah's will. Those who are left behind in adopting the modern technologies according to the time, of course under the Islaamic Boundary Limit, they are usually thrown out. For the fast and efficient communication, Vehicle is a key component. In the old time people had animals, and now they moved to Vehicle due to fast moving communication. Before acquiring a Vehicle, we all need to analyze it first and also keep in mind How Much is Too Much. To buy a Vehicle, one need to find out, is there any alternate way, e.g. is public transport is available and solving their communication with ease and in a timely manner and is economical, if not then how much is his/her budget. Keep in mind, that even if one can afford to have very expensive Car like Ferrari, BUT he/she is not supposed to have that, since that will always fall into excessive, which is not allowed in Islaam. It is always advice to go for the middle, which is reliable and economical and save the rest for the good cause to help the humanity and for the Dawah.

4> Ideal Sweet Spouse: Generally all want to have an Ideal Sweet Spouse, BUT ideal may not exists, so everybody think others have an ideal spouse and starts arguing with his/her own spouse, which makes their life miserable. Generally people don't know the purpose of their life. Islaam gives all the answers to these and help turn their home into sweet home by forgiving the mistakes of their spouses. For detail on these please read below "Marriage – Divorce – Halaalaa – Waiting (Iddat)".

5> Ideal Cute Kids: It is people's top priority of having Ideal Cute Kids, the kids who can become Master of Guru of everything. Remember Universe is expending and so the Education Field and it is now impossible for one to acquire all the knowledge to become a Master of Guru. We need to come out of this dream and enter into the real world, which is very challenging at every stage. So it is advised to focus on one thing and step by step, since by putting your feet on two boats will drop you into the water. Also do not expect that your kids will become expert right at the moment. It takes ages to lean and practice and only then one may become expert Guru in his field. You must analyze and test your kids, what he/she can do in their future life, which can help them to be successful and trained them accordingly under your budget. Training of kids start from your own home, so always try to turn your home into sweet home. Your home may not be sweet home unless you are having real happy married life for which you must learn the Marriage Counseling to understand the purpose of life and learn to live a real happy marriage life. Below is an eye opening information regarding Marriage – Divorce – Halaalaa – Waiting (Iddat).

Marriage – Divorce – Halaalaa – Waiting (Iddat)

Marriage in Islaam: No Marriage is Marriage if it is for fixed period of time.

In Islaam, marriage is a blessed permanent contract between a man and a woman for the whole life, in which each becomes “permitted” to the other, and they begin the long journey of life in a spirit of love, cooperation, harmony and tolerance, where each feels at ease with the other, and finds tranquility, contentment and comfort in the company of the other. The Quraan has described this relationship between men and women, which brings love, harmony, trust and compassion, in the most moving and eloquent terms:

And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts]. (Al_Quraan_0 30:021)

This is the strongest of bonds, in which Allah unites the two Muslim partners, who come together on the basis of love, understanding, co-operation and mutual advice, and establish a Muslim family in which children will live and grow up, and they will develop the good character and behavior taught by Islaam. The Muslim family is the strongest component of a Muslim society when its members are productive and constructive, helping and encouraging one another to be good and righteous, and competing with one another in good works.

Avoid un-necessary expenses if you can, which may put you into usury (interest) based Debth (Loan), which may put you into the war against Allah and his Messenger (saw).

O you who believe! Fear God, and give up what remains of your demand for usury, if you are indeed believers. If you do it not, Take notice of War from God and His Apostle: But if you turn back, you shall have your capital sums: Deal not unjustly, and you shall not be dealt with unjustly. (Al_Quraan_002.278-279)

Avoid un-necessary delay in the marriage. Also avoid un-islaamic things in the marriage by turning the marriage into Islaamic Marriage.

Married Life comes under the Boundry Limit made by Allah.

Divorce may be (pronounced) TWICE, then keep (them) in good fellowship or let (them) go with kindness; and it is not lawful for you to take any part of what you have given them, unless both fear that they cannot keep within the limits of Allah; then if you fear that they cannot keep within the limits of Allah, there is no blame on them for what she gives up to become free thereby. These are the limits of Allah, so do not exceed them and whoever exceeds the limits of Allah these it is that are the unjust. (Al_Quraan_002.229)

Spouses are a signs of Allah for Rest, Love and Compassion.

And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect. (Al_Quraan_030.021)

Help Singles to Get Marry. It is one of the Order of Allah.

You shall help/encourage those of you who are single to get married. They may marry the righteous among your male and female servants, if they are poor. Allah will enrich them from His grace. Allah is Ample-giving, Knowing. (Al_Quraan_024.032)

Remember:

1> Only Salaat is not enough. Even regarding relations with neighbours, Allah has strongly warned the Ummah as in the Quraan, so think what about spouses.

So woe to the worshippers. Who are neglectful of their prayers. Those who (want but) to be seen (of men). But refuse (to supply) (even) neighbourly needs. (Al_Quraan_107.004-007)

2> Certain words could act as Bullying, and may lead to separation. So always AVOID loose talk, it does not display Love. Hurting your husband MENTALLY, could lead to dangerous diseases like HEART ATTACK, STROKE, DIABETES, BLOOD PRESSURE etc., for his whole life. Say sorry if you think that you are wrong or it is proved that you are wrong. Sometime it is very helpful to say sorry even if you are not wrong. What will you say to Allah on the Day of Judgment, if you are wrong, or even just to say sorry could save you both from Great Mental Torture in your life. I have seen some families have been separated and kids are suffering, which could be avoided with SWEET TONGUE. Generally Husbands need a little peace of mind at home, specially after coming from laborious work. Always say YES to your husband if he is under the boundary limit of the Quraan and Authentic Hadeeth. Usually the problem may start, when the Husband says something and the wife straightly or rudely says NO. If husband is wrong, you may be wrong as well, after all you are also a human being, so try to explain to him at a different time or try different methods, give more examples to explain to him if you feel you are right and keep making duaa for him. If both the spouses are working then that is different issue, and both needs to take care of each other and make duaa for each other as well. If both are working then just try at least once switching housekeeping work for forty (40) days in a row, to better understand each other.

The righteous women are devoutly obedient (Always YES Husband under the limit of Quraan and Authentic Hadeeth), and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. (Al_Quraan_004.034)

3> Life lasts for a short time and one may die, leaving spouse and kids behind. What could happen if you die and your kids become orphans? Who will be helping them if the kids lose their father? Who will be helping them if the kids lose their mother? Life is a test and any one may face those situations. We should train ourselves and our future generations to help those kids by accepting them as their kids. If they lost their father, and you can become step-father go for it, but only for the love of Allah. If they lost their mother, and you can become step-mother go for it, but only for the love of Allah.

And let those fear who, should they leave behind them weakly offspring, would fear on their account, so let them be careful of (their duty to) Allah, and let them speak right words. (Al_Quraan_004.009)

4> Now a days communications are extremely fast and people are changing very frequently. There are many cases where spouses were not religious but after a few years one found a good friend and he or she turned towards Allah and became a practical Muslim. Then the practical Muslim started criticizing and bullying the non-practical Muslim and they may have come to a point where they might take separation. Remember Lut (pbuh) was a prophet while his wife was supporting Homosexuality and they never had separation BUT when the Disaster came, his wife died with other disbelievers. The point to remember here is that "there is no compulsion in religion or faith", ref. (Al_Quraan_002:256). Similarly there could be a case where a family was not religious but later the parents became very religious BUT not their kids or vise versa. Again the point to remember here is that "there is no compulsion in religion or faith", ref. (Al_Quraan_002:256). They took a long time to become religious, their kids may take time. Just pray for each other and leave the rest on Allah alone.

In Brief: Marriage is not a joke nor a play, instead it is only for the love of Allah and Sunnah of Rasool Allah (saw).

Instead of turning your home into a Torture Cell by terrorizing each other, try to turn your home into a Sweet Home. Forgiveness is the key to the success of Building a Sweet Home, so always Avoid Negative Arguments, Shouting and Bullying.

Think of two computers, having identical hardwares, BUT having two different softwares installed, e.g. one has Oracle for Screen Designing and Reporting while the other has Autocad for Civil or Mechanical Designing. The computer which has Oracle installed, cannot do Civil or Mechanical design and vise versa. Similarly men and women have a different program in their brain installed by Allah, although both have two hands, two ears, two eyes, etc. So do not expect your spouse to perform tasks which come naturally to you.

Temporary Marriages:

No Marriage is Marriage, if it is temporary for fixed period of time, instead it will be a kind of rape (zina). Marriages are with Love, while Divorces are with Hate. No sincere husband can divorce her loving wife with love.

Restrictions to marry with the followings:

Forbidden unto you are your mothers, and your daughters, and your sisters, and your father's sisters, and your mother's sisters, and your brother's daughters and your sister's daughters, and your foster mothers, and your foster sisters, and your mothers-in-law, and your stepdaughters who are under your protection (born) of your women unto whom ye have gone in but if ye have not gone in unto them, then it is no sin for you (to marry their daughters) and the wives of your sons who (spring) from your own loins. And (it is forbidden unto you) that ye should have two sisters together, except what hath already happened (of that nature) in the past. Lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful. And all married women (are forbidden unto you save those (captives) whom your right hands possess. It is a decree of Allah for you. Lawful unto you are all beyond those mentioned, so that ye seek them with your wealth in honest wedlock, not debauchery. And those of whom ye seek content (by marrying them) give unto them their portions as a duty. And there is no sin for you in what ye do by mutual agreement after the duty (hath been done). Lo! Allah is ever Knower, Wise. 25. And whoso is not able to afford to marry free, believing women, let them marry from the believing maids whom your right hands possess. Allah knoweth best (concerning) your faith. Ye (proceed) one from another; so wed them by permission of their folk, and give unto them their portions in kindness, they being honest, not debauched nor of loose conduct. (Al_Quraan_004.023-025)

(The farmer sows the seed in order to reap the harvest, but he does not sow it out of season or cultivate it in a manner, which will injure or exhaust the soil. He is wise and considerate, and does not run riot.)

Do NOT marry unbelieving women (idolaters), UNTIL they believe: A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though she allures you. NOR marry (your girls) to unbelievers UNTIL they believe: A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he allures you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind: That they may celebrate His praise. (Al_Quraan_002.221)

Your women are tilth for you (to cultivate). (Al_Quraan_002.0223)

Marrying with more than one Muslim Women:

If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the ORPHANS, marry women of your choice two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one or (a captive) that your right hands possess. That will be more suitable to prevent you from doing injustice. (Al_Quraan_004.003)

Here Allah has put some strict conditions regarding marrying with more than one women.

1> If you fear that you will not be able to deal justly with your wives then, you are not allowed at all, to have more than one wife.

2> If you really think that you will be able to do justly with your wives only then, you are allowed to marry with more than one ORPHEN women. It will be really injustice, if you don’t take permissions from your previous wife / wives.

3> If both the above two conditions you can fully satisfy only then you are allowed to marry with ORPHANS women, and not with the other women.

4> There is a maximum limit on having wives is four only at one time.

Muslim Wives MUST Obey her husband (YES HUSBAND) if it is according to Islaamic Laws: Only one KING in one country (or house):

…So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded…(Al_Quraan_004.034)

O you who believe! obey Allah and obey the Messenger and those in authority (Leader) from among you; then if you quarrel about anything, refer it to Allah and the Messenger, if you believe in Allah and the last day; this is better and very good in the end. (Al_Quraan_004.059)

And do not stretch your eyes after that with which We have provided different classes of them, (of) the splendor of this world's life, that We may thereby try them; and the sustenance (given) by your Lord is better and more abiding. (Al_Quraan_020.131)

Marrying with the Christian Women (those who REGULARLY practice their religion): This is First Step towards Christian-Muslim-Network:

This day are (all) good things made lawful for you. The food of those who have received the Scripture is lawful for you, and your food is lawful for them. And so are the virtuous women of the believers and the virtuous women of those who received the Scripture before you (lawful for you) when ye give them their marriage portions and live with them in honor, not in fornication, nor taking them as secret concubines. Whoso denieth the faith, his work is vain and he will be among the losers in the Hereafter. (Al_Quraan_005.005)

# True Christian Believer TEST according to the Quraan:

... You will certainly find the nearest in friendship to those who believe (to be) those who say: We are Christians; this is because there are Priests and Monks among them and because they do not behave proudly. And when they hear what has been revealed to the messenger you will see their eyes overflowing with tears on account of the truth that they recognize; they say: Our Lord! we believe, so write us down with the witnesses (of truth). (Al_Quraan_005.082-083)

# Those Christians who take interest on knowing about Islaam could be True Christian Believers, and that could be the first step towards Christian-Muslim-Network as well, BUT Many of the Christians Today could be actually Disbelievers because of not practicing their Religion:

So be careful when marring with the women of the People of the Book, she might be Disbeliever. ONLY Muslim Men are allowed to marry with the women of the people of the book. Every Muslim fully respects all the prophets BUT others do not. A person's feeling gets hurts badly, when someone talks wrong about their parents, BUT it becomes worst, if that is about their Role Model Prophets and God. That could be one of the many reason why Allah did not allowed the other way.

# Points to Remember Before Marrying Christians Women:

1> Both must have practically positive attitudes and dedicated to develop peace in the whole world.

2> Both must be allowed to fully practice their religion everywhere including their home and there will be no compulsion on Religion.

3> Foods or Drinks etc. will be allowed inside home on mutual concern ONLY and MUST be discuss before the marriage.

4> Both will be allowed to teach their religion to their kids.

5> Kids will never be forced to adopt any particular religion, rather it will be Kids own choice to adopt any Religion.

6> Teach you kids the Quraan, which is full of wisdom to save them from the Hell Fire.

O ye who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is Men and Stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who flinch not (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah, but do (precisely) what they are commanded. (Al_Quraan_066.006)

Good Men are for Good Women & Bad Men are for Bad Women:

The bad women for the bad men, and the bad men for the bad women, and the good women for the good men, and the good men for the good women. The latter are innocent of such accusations. They have attained forgiveness and a generous reward. (Al_Quraan_024.026)

Divorce in Islaam: Remember the purpose of Marriage is not to do Divorce:

This is the worse hated Halaal, which Allah has made lawful to us, in an extremely difficult situation.

Women may take Separation: Women are not Slave:

And if a woman fears ill usage or desertion on the part of her husband, there is no blame on them, if they effect a reconciliation between them, and reconciliation is better, and avarice has been made to be present in the (people's) minds; and if you do good (to others) and guard (against evil), then surely Allah is aware of what you do. (Al_Quraan_004.128)

Route Cause of all the Anger: Spouses NOT knowing their Responsibilities:

Marriage is neither a joke nor a play, instead it is only for the love of Allah and Sunnah of Rasool Allah (saw). In our sweet home we may have been living along with parent, kids and spouse and may have other relatives as well. Islaam teaches LOVE with our parents, spouse kids and other relatives. It will not be love if we try to separate the family. We need to learn how to live all happily and united. Let us take an example of Husband and wife living with their kids and parents. We all have some needs.

1> Need to educate our kids, so we must send them school, timing could be 9:00 AM to 3:00 PM, which needs daily preparation for the school.

2> Treat with the parents in a grateful manner, BUT if parents are very old then we cannot say even a single word of contempt. So who will look after parent while husband is at work?

3> Need many other things for the spouse as well as for myself too.

4> For all of these requirements we need money, for which we need to go and work sincerely.

If all of these requirements are to be done during the day, then how can a Husband go to work, look after parent and kids and do house keeping as well and all at one time, like multitasking. E.g. 9:00 AM must be at the office, 9:00 AM must be at the school to drop the kids, 9:00 AM must be with the parents for the company and also 9:00 AM doing the entire house keeping. It simply means killing the Husband. If wife is intelligent enough then she can share all other during the day time, while husband can concentrate on the work. Husband cannot concentrate on work if his mind is taken away. He will be like living in a torture cell in his own house.

For working women, husband MUST need to share the load from his wife. If they can afford they must go for alternate help, like child day care or other support, of course those will not be free and have to pay the price for each services required.

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guarded. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly). But if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). For Allah is Most High, Great (above you all). (Al_Quraan_004.034)

And do not covet that by which Allah has made some of you excel others; men shall have the benefit of what they earn and women shall have the benefit of what they earn; and ask Allah of His grace; surely Allah knows all things. (Al_Quraan_004.032)

Lodge them where you lodge according to your means, and do not injure them in order that you may straiten them; and if they are pregnant, spend on them until they lay down their burden; then if they suckle for you, give them their recompense and enjoin one another among you to do good; and if you disagree, another (woman) shall suckle for him. Let him who has abundance spend out of his abundance and whoever has his means of subsistence straitened to him, let him spend out of that which Allah has given him; Allah does not lay on any soul a burden except to the extent to which He has granted it; Allah brings about ease after difficulty. (Al_Quraan_065.006-007)

In Brief: If a wife lives like a house wife, then what ever she gets from her husband is her earnings, e.g. own/rented house, boarding and lodgings etc. and all that is not for free.

How to Avoid Divorce: Keep smiling and showing true love to your spouse. After all, your spouse is a human being and may do mistakes, so keep forgiving him.

Certain words could act as Bullying, and may lead to separation. So always AVOID loose talk, it does not display Love. Hurting your husband MENTALLY, could lead to dangerous diseases like HEART ATTACK, STROKE, DIABETES, BLOOD PRESSURE etc., for his whole life. Say sorry if you think that you are wrong or it is proved that you are wrong. Sometime it is very helpful to say sorry even if you are not wrong. What will you say to Allah on the Day of Judgment, if you are wrong, or even just to say sorry could save you both from Great Mental Torture in your life. I have seen some families have been separated and kids are suffering, which could be avoided with SWEET TONGUE. Generally Husbands need a little peace of mind at home, specially after coming from laborious work. Always say YES to your husband if he is under the boundary limit of the Quraan and Authentic Hadeeth. Usually the problem may start, when the Husband says something and the wife straightly or rudely says NO. If husband is wrong, you may be wrong as well, after all you are also a human being, so try to explain to him at a different time or try different methods, give more examples to explain to him if you feel you are right and keep making duaa for him. If both the spouses are working then that is different issue, and both needs to take care of each other and make duaa for each other as well.

The righteous women are devoutly obedient (Always YES Husband under the limit of Quraan and Authentic Hadeeth), and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. (Al_Quraan_004.034)

Forgiveness is the key element to avoid Divorce and Allah loves forgiveness.

Anger is the Root of all Major Problems including Divorce:

… But consort with them in kindness, for if ye hate them it may happen that ye hate a thing wherein Allah hath placed much good. (Al_Quraan_004.019).

Because of Anger a person may get stroke, heart attack, blood pressure, diabetes and many other dangerous diseases. So do you want to take any of those diseases because of the anger or do you want to give any of those diseases to your spouse because of the anger? Remember if any of you gets a single disease like that the whole family suffers and the kids suffer the most.

Also a person may do many crimes in anger, like unjust and divorce. So, would you like to get the divorce due to that anger and make your children suffer or other unjust? Remember unjust is very dangerous. Since Allah already warned that any one who do unjust he is a Disbeliever (Ref: Al_Quraan_005.044).

A wife may be in the state of CURSE BY ANGLES till her husband comes out of his anger. Also during in the state of anger all their worships might not be accepted.

… Cause him to sleep in ANGER; the angles will curse her till morning (Bukhari Vol-4, Book-54, Hadith-460).

There may be some women and children who are men’s enemy, BUT women and children must AVOID to be in that group, since those may go to HELL for ever and ever only because of that silly act.

O ye who believe! Lo! Among your wives and your children there are enemies for you, therefore beware of them. And if ye efface and overlook and forgive, then lo! Allah is Forgiving, Merciful. (Al_Quraan_064.014)

Spouses must have love and mercy among them. Anger is not a love and mercy or rest.

And of his signs is this: He created for you helpmeets from yourselves that ye might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo, herein indeed are portents for folk who reflect. (Al_Quraan_030.021)

Possible Solutions to Anger:

Seek refuge in Allah, ask Allah for forgiveness and forgive and hug your spouse with love. It is human nature to become angry BUT don’t be angry from your spouse for more than 3 minutes, think positive and remember his kindness to help to forget the anger. Give SMILE and HUG with love and say sorry as well. May Allah protect all us from ANGER. AMEEN.

… But consort with them in kindness, for if ye hate them it may happen that ye hate a thing wherein Allah hath placed much good. (Al_Quraan_004.019).

How to do Divorce: You are only allowed to Divorce, if she does not obey you according to Islaamic Laws. Also you are not allowed to keep her forcefully, if she does not want to live with you.

Step 1: First try to resolve verbally with talks and warn your wife.

Step 2: If still your wife does not obey you under Islaamic Laws then leave them alone in their bedroom and don’t share the bed for some periods.

Step 3: Final step is to beat them lightly, till she starts obeying you or you decided to do Divorce. Like, if a kid is doing wrong, you slap him, in such a way that he don’t do it again. Not on the face and don’t even try to break the bone, just for lesson.

Step 4: If still problem is not resolved, then you give First Divorce (Tillaaq) and declare it to close relatives of both sides.

Step 5: Keep your wife in your home, till she fulfills her term (Iddat). During this time you have right to forgive her and starts sharing bed. This will be First Divorce.

Step 6: If still the problem is not resolved then, you need to repeat Step1 through Step 5. Second or Third Time.

After Third time Divorce she will not be Halaal for you at all.

If you are living in a non-muslim country, after separation, you will need to divide your assets among yourselves as per your country's law, which might not be according to the Quraan. In that case you must tell your wife that as per Quraan the Inheritance Law is different, but I cannot not break the country's law to avoid further consequences and that is totally in your hand, so you will be questioned on the day of judgment regarding this, unless you leave it voluntary in written, since in my assets, I have shares of my parents, kids, and other relatives etc. as well, according to the Quraan. In case of working wife, the situation should be tackle according to earnings of the both the parties and division should be balanced.

028-Islaamic_Inheritance_Law.htm

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guarded. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly). But if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). For Allah is Most High, Great (above you all). (Al_Quraan_004.034)

Responsibilities for close Relatives & Friends:

If you feel that there is some problem going on with husband and wife then, at least one person from husband side and one person from wife side should sit together and try to resolve all the issues. That is one of the reasons why you must need to take concern of your parents and relatives for marriage. Also you get inheritance from your parent and women get more percentage of inheritance from their parent than her husband. And also if for some reason there is separation, where should she go other than her parents? No where except her parent if alive.

And if you fear a breech between them twain (the man and wife), appoint an arbiter from his folk and an arbiter from her folk. If they desire amendment Allah will make them of one mind. Lo! Allah is ever Knower, Aware. (Al_Quraan_004.035)

Halaala: No Marriage is Marriage if it is temporary for fixed period of time.

In Islaam, marriage is a blessed permanent contract between a man and a woman for the whole life, in which each becomes “permitted” to the other, and they begin the long journey of life in a spirit of love, cooperation, harmony and tolerance, where each feels at ease with the other, and finds tranquility, contentment and comfort in the company of the other. The Quraan has described this relationship between men and women, which brings love, harmony, trust and compassion, in the most moving and eloquent terms:

Since Halaala is a Marriage for fixed period of time, ranging from few minutes to several years, so it is invalid and it is like Rape (Zina). Marriages are with Love, while Divorces are with Hate. No sincere husband can divorce her loving wife with love.

Sincere Advise to Sisters:

Be careful with the man made rules of Halaala (Temporary Marriage) and protect every sisters from being raped by this man made rules.

Waiting: Waiting Period for Women after Divorce or Death of a Husband.

Why Iddat (waiting period)?
And the divorced women should keep themselves in waiting for three courses; and it is not lawful for them that they should conceal what Allah has created in their wombs, if they believe in Allah and the last day; and their husbands have a better right to take them back in the meanwhile if they wish for reconciliation; and they have rights similar to those against them in a just manner, and the men are a degree above them, and Allah is Mighty, Wise. (Al_Quraan_002.228)
From the above Ayah, it very clear that the main perpose of the Iddat is to wait and see if she is pregnent or not. Waiting Period (Iddat) is variable according to cases. Also it is advised that people shoud hold the division of the Inheritance in case, the wife of the deceased could be pregnant. In this way we also will come to know if she delivers the boy/s or girl/s.

The Only Reason for Waiting Period & NOT the House Arrest:

Divorced Women or Widows might need to go for work otherwise they might loose their jobs or they might need to pick and drop their little kids from school, or they might need to fulfill other lawful duties. The main reason for waiting period is to show off what if they might have concealed and NOT the House Arrest. They already are in Great Loss and Suffering. Please do NOT torture them any more by putting them in House Arrest.

O you who believe! when you marry the believing women, then divorce them before you touch them, you have in their case NO TERM which you should reckon; so make some provision for them and send them forth a goodly sending forth. (Al_Quraan_033.049)

And divorced women should keep themselves in waiting for three menstruations; and it is not lawful for them that they should CONCEAL what Allah has created in their wombs, if they believe in Allah and the last day; and their husbands have a better right to take them back in the meanwhile if they wish for reconciliation; and they have rights similar to those against them in a just manner, and the men are a degree above them, and Allah is Mighty, Wise. (Al_Quraan_002.228)

As for the women who have reached menopause, if you have any doubts, their interim shall be three months. As for those who do not menstruate, and discover that they are PREGNANT, their interim ends upon giving birth. Anyone who reverences GOD, He makes everything easy for him. (Al_Quraan_065.004)

After Divorce:

And divorced women should keep themselves in waiting for THREE menstruations; and it is not lawful for them that they should conceal what Allah has created in their wombs, if they believe in Allah and the last day; and their husbands have a better right to take them back in the meanwhile if they wish for reconciliation; and they have rights similar to those against them in a just manner, and the men are a degree above them, and Allah is Mighty, Wise. (Al_Quraan_002.228)

Divorce is up to Two times:

Divorce may be (pronounced) TWICE, then keep (them) in good fellowship or let (them) go with kindness; and it is not lawful for you to take any part of what you have given them, unless both fear that they cannot keep within the limits of Allah; then if you fear that they cannot keep within the limits of Allah, there is no blame on them for what she gives up to become free thereby. These are the limits of Allah, so do not exceed them and whoever exceeds the limits of Allah these it is that are the unjust. (Al_Quraan_002.229)

And when you divorce women (up to two times) and they reach their prescribed time, then either retain them in good fellowship or set them free with liberality, and do not retain them for injury, so that you exceed the limits, and whoever does this, he indeed is unjust to his own soul; and do not take Allah's communications for a mockery, and remember the favor of Allah upon you, and that which He has revealed to you of the Book and the Wisdom, admonishing you thereby; and be careful (of your duty to) Allah, and know that Allah is the Knower of all things. (Al_Quraan_002.031)

NOT Lawful After Third Time Divorce:

So if he divorces her (for the THIRD time), she shall not be lawful to him afterwards until she marries (Permanently) another husband; then if he divorces her there is no blame on them both if they return to each other (by marriage), if they think that they can keep within the limits of Allah, and these are the limits of Allah which He makes clear for a people who know. (Al_Quraan_002.030)

And when you have divorced women and they have ended-- their term (of waiting), then do not prevent them from marrying their husbands when they agree among themselves in a lawful manner; with this is admonished he among you who believes in Allah and the last day, this is more profitable and purer for you; and Allah knows while you do not know. (Al_Quraan_002.032)

And the mothers should suckle their children for two whole years for him who desires to make complete the time of suckling; and their maintenance and their clothing must be-- borne by the father according to usage; no soul shall have imposed upon it a duty but to the extent of its capacity; neither shall a mother be made to suffer harm on account of her child, nor a father on account of his child, and a similar duty (devolves) on the (father's) heir, but if both desire weaning by mutual consent and counsel, there is no blame on them, and if you wish to engage a wet-nurse for your children, there is no blame on you so long as you pay what you promised for according to usage; and be careful of (your duty to) Allah and know that Allah sees what you do. (Al_Quraan_002.033)

Waiting Period (Iddat) for Pregnant Women (Could range from Few hours to Nine months):

As for the women who have reached menopause, if you have any doubts, their interim shall be three months. As for those who do not menstruate, and discover that they are PREGNANT, their interim ends upon giving birth. Anyone who reverences GOD, He makes everything easy for him. (Al_Quraan_065.004)

Waiting Period (Iddat) for Woman whose Husband had Died:

And (as for) those of you who die and leave wives behind, they should keep themselves in waiting for FOUR months and TEN days; then when they have fully attained their term, there is no blame on you for what they do for themselves in a lawful manner; and Allah is aware of what you do. (Al_Quraan_002.033)

And those of you who die and leave wives behind, (make) a bequest in favor of their wives of maintenance for a year without turning (them) out, then if they themselves go away, there is no blame on you for what they do of lawful deeds by themselves, and Allah is Mighty, Wise. (Al_Quraan_002.040)

Waiting Period (Iddat) for Un-Touched Women:

O you who believe! when you marry the believing women, then divorce them before you touch them, you have in their case NO TERM which you should reckon; so make some provision for them and send them forth a goodly sending forth. (Al_Quraan_033.049)

Waiting Period (Iddat) for Other Women:

As for the women who have reached menopause, if you have any doubts, their interim shall be THREE months. As for those who do not menstruate, and discover that they are pregnant, their interim ends upon giving birth. Anyone who reverences GOD, He makes everything easy for him. (Al_Quraan_065.004)

Golden Islaamic Rules for Marriage:

1> The many customs as regards engagement are contrary to the Sunnah. In fact, many are against the Shariah and are regarded sins. A verbal proposal and answer is sufficient.

2> To unnecessarily delay Nikah of both the boy and the girl after having reached the age of marriage is incorrect.

3> There is nothing wrong in inviting one's close associates for the occasion of Nikah. However, no special pains should be taken in gathering the people from far off places.

4> It is appropriate that the bridegroom be a few years older than the bride.

5> If the father of the girl is an Aalim or pious and capable of performing Nikah, then he should himself solemnise the marriage.

6> It is better to give the Mahr at the time of Nikah. It should not be too low nor it should be too high.

7> It is totally un-Islaamic for those, who do not possess the means, to incur debts in order to have grandiose weddings.

8> It is fallacy to think that one's respect will be lost if one does not hold an extravagant wedding and invite many people. What is our respect compared to that of Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam)?

9> The present day practice of the intermingling of sexes is an act of sin and totally against Shariah.

10> There is nothing such as engagement parties and Medhi parties in Islaam.

11> Great care must be taken as regards to Salaat on occasions of marriage by all - the bride, the bridegroom and all the participants.

12> It is un-Islaamic to display the bride on stage.

13> The unnecessary expenses incurred by the bride's family in holding a feast has no basis in Shariah.

14> For the engaged couple to meet at a public gathering where the boy holds the girl's hand and slips a ring on her finger is a violation of the Quraanic law of Hijaab.

15> It is un-Islaamic for the engaged couple to meet each other and also go out together.

16> Three things should be borne in mind when giving one's daughter gifts and presents at the time of Nikah:
Presents should be given within one's means (it is not permissible to take loans, on interest for such presents);
To give necessary items;
A show should not be made of whatever is given.
17> It is Sunnat for the bridegroom's family to make Walimah.
Note: In Walimah, whatever is easily available should be fed to the people and care should be taken that there is no extravagance, show and that no debts are incurred in the process.

18> To delay Nikah after the engagement is un-Islaamic.

Anxiety (Stress or Tension) hurts you, specially from the loved ones:

Around 90% of what we think is a big issue, might not be an issue at all.

Mind Your Actions to save your family and friends:

Your Language or Tone may hurt others. Even in Games you need to be very careful. Some one may like dangerous rides, BUT other may get stroke or heart attack, so you need to think how other may feel and you need to HELP them instead of TORTURE them.

A Muslim is the one who avoids harming Muslims with his / her Tongue and Hands..... (Sahih Bukhari - Vol-1, Book-2, Belief, Hadeeth-009). So Encourage and do NOT Discourage and apply the logics of Psychology.

On the Day when their tongues, their hands, and their feet will bear witness against them as to their actions. (Al_Quraan_024:024)

Anxiety is also a Weapon to Hurt or kill some one, even without knowing it, since it may cause dangerous diseases like blood pressure, sugar, heart attack etc. Although in this world it may be hard to prove it, BUT on the Day of Judgment Allah will sure ask about this as well. So change your attitude before it gets too late.

Anxiety occurs when both the parties disagree on some matters. It hurts you badly, if you get it from your loved ones, for others you normally don't care. Generally we do the Great Mistake that "I am Right". You must avoid the Great Mistake that "I am Right and all others are wrong", even though you are a scholar or an elder, after all you are still a human being.

Anxiety may also occur if any member of the family does not accept the spouses of their relatives causing unbalance relationship, which is against the teaching of Quraan.

Anxiety may also occur if spouse does not accept any member of spouse's family and try to break the relationship with spouse's family BUT not with his/her own family by doing double standards. Remember these relationships are made by Allah, so try to remember them practically for the love of Allah only.

And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts]. (Al_Quraan_0 30:021)

Anxiety may also occur when others ask too many trivial questions. (e.g. not allowing to visit the patient in the hospital, which is actually due to the hospital's rule and not the patient's family rule.) It is not the time for piling questions on top of questions; instead it is the time to help sincerely. Many people, instead of helping the patient or those who are helping patient, open their BIG mouths and cause others to be anxious. HOWEVER when the time comes for them to help the patient and their family, they run away. They must help the patient and his/her family with whatever they can. There is nothing more urgent than helping the patient and his/her relatives. Imagine if you are in the same position, then what would you feel like?

Anxiety may also occur when one is living in a CASTLE-like home, along with amazing facilities, BUT his own close relatives may be living in great poverty, and do not get help from them. Do not expect from people like them and trust Allah, since this might be their test and on the Day of Judgment they might be questioned on this as well.

Anxiety may also occur when kids are not listening their parents or spouses not listening each other etc.

Anxiety may aslo occur if you did not teach your kids in the light of Quraan and Sunnah, in early ages and later you expect them to.

Anxiety may also occur if one of the spouses or family members starts practicing Islaam at later stage and expects others to follow immidiately.

Anxiety may also occur if one is fell into un-bearable loans over the neck. So always avoid loans to keep yourself stress free.

And Allah has made some of you excel others in the means of subsistence, so those who are made to excel do not give away their sustenance to those whom their right hands possess so that they should be equal therein; is it then the favor of Allah which they deny? (Al_Quraan_016.071)

And do not stretch your eyes after that with which We have provided different classes of them, (of) the splendor of this world's life, that We may thereby try (test) them; and the sustenance (given) by your Lord is better and more abiding. (Al_Quraan_020.131)

If Allah has given you strength to help, you must help without expecting others to do it. Do your part, since Allah will ask you about your duty and not the duty of others. It will be nice if people get organized to help each other.

Allah has very clearly mentioned in the Quraan to AVOID Anxiety.

There is NO Compulsion in Religion..... (Al_Quraan_002:256)

Also it is not only true for the disbelievers, BUT also for the different sects that your believe is with you and my believe is with me.

"To you is your religion, and to me is my religion." (Al_Quraan_109:006)

Invite (all) to the Way of thy Lord with wisdom and beautiful preaching; and argue with them in ways that are best and most gracious: for thy Lord knoweth best, who have strayed from His Path, and who receive guidance. (Al_Quraan_016.125)

Mind Your Language to save your family and friends:

Your Language or Tone may hurt others. Even in Games you need to be very careful. Some one may like dangerous rides, BUT other may get stroke or heart attack, so you need to think how other may feel and you need to HELP them instead of TORTURE them.

A Muslim is the one who avoids harming Muslims with his / her Tongue and Hands..... (Sahih Bukhari - Vol-1, Book-2, Belief, Hadeeth-009). So Encourage and do NOT Discourage and apply the logics of Psychology.

On the Day when their tongues, their hands, and their feet will bear witness against them as to their actions. (Al_Quraan_024:024)

Allah does NOT love the public utterance of hurtful speech (language) unless (it be) by one to whom injustice has been done; and Allah is Hearing, Knowing. (Al_Quraan_004.148)

Also Remember that both Musaa (pbuh) and Khizr (pbuh) were prophets and obeyed Allah BUT disagreed on some of their mission. So we might differ in our missions to help the world, BUT our goal to obey Allah is same. You might be obeying Allah, according to what you understand and I am also obeying Allah according to what you understand. It is time to UNITE not DIVIDE.

Parents may suffer from anxiety (Stress or Tension) if you try to separate them:

Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in their life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. (Al_Quraan_017.023)

Parents get confused about whom to live with if they have more than one kids. Sometimes their kids help them and try to get rewards; one kid takes the father while other kid takes the mother, separating their parents while thinking they are doing good. Don't pressure your parents; leave them where they want to live, unless one has visibly better arrangements for them. The following ayaat is true for them as well.

And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts]. (Al_Quraan_0 30:021)

And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect. (Al_Quraan_030.021)

You may get anxiety (Stress or Tension) if you don't give true Islaamic Education to your kids:

It is your responsibility to help your kids learn True Islaamic Education along with other Professional Education. For all of these you first need to practice True Islaamic Teaching in the light of the Quraan and Authentic Sunnah. Don't spoon feed each and every thing; instead provide the right facilities to your kids to learn on their own, otherwise they may stop eating and waiting for you to feed each and every spoon of food etc. which may become life long pain for you. Never forget to Encourage them for their good work. Also the Modern World is constantly changing due to rapid developments in information technology and Husband and Wife both may need to work, so train your kids (boys as well as girls) to match with all future needs including housework, cooking, cleaning etc. Help them get organized.

Organizing_Skills.pdf

O ye who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is Men and Stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who flinch not (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allah, but do (precisely) what they are commanded. (Al_Quraan_066.006)

Global Family:

The World is shrinking and becoming a Global Family. I found this as a KEY point in cooling down the mind of others, so always remember and keep reminding, that we are the children of Adam and Eve and we are Cousin Brothers and Cousin Sisters and we are a Global Family.

None argue concerning the revelations (Ayaat) of Allah but those who disbelieve... (Al_Quraan_040.004)

Remember: Forgiveness is the true key to release Anxiety (Stress or Tension).

Upon New Arivals of Live Baby/s(Kid/s):

Say Adhan and Iqamah.

Give a Beautiful name/s having good meaning.

Do slaughter a lamb/s or goat/s or equivalent animal/s etc. and distribute it among relatives, friends and poors to Please Allah.

Baby Foods: Be carefull of all ready-made baby foods. Mother's milk is the best for infants. After 4 months try to start feeding babies a little home-made, grounded foods, of what you eat BUT without spices. This way they will develop their taste and later it will help when you switch them to regular meals and will avoid many difficulties.

Upon Sickness or Death:

When someone comes in this world, people welcome him/her with greetings and pray for his/her good health and emaan. If Allah wills, then he/she slowly grows up and reaches certain age and performs his/her duty and then no one know when his/her time comes to go back. Yes, it is necessary to try our best to save onces life. Even though, either at early age or at later age one eventually has to go, even we try all our best to keep him/her with us by applying all the advanced technoloty. Tears are left behind for the family & friends. It is hard to bear the sadness but there is no choice. We all are having our test in this world, someone with sickness, others with good health or having tears since their love one passed away. It is hard to find words to explain well.
Please pray for all who are sick for his/her good health and emaan. AMEEN.
Please pray for all who have passed away. May Allah forgive him/her and give Jannat-al-Firdous. AMEEN.

It is advised to bury the deceased person as quickly as possible in a local place where the person passed away, preferably before 12 hours if possible. Sending the body abroad may create many issues like autopsy or postmortem, taken out stomach and put chemical to preserve etc. for reducing the risk of spreading germs.
No need to wait for peoples living far away to join the Janazah Salaat unless they can come in few hours to join it.
Please pray for all who have tears in their eyes, since their love one passed away. May Allah give them Saber. AMEEN.
Please help those who are in distress and also pray for them. May Allah help them to come out of distress. AMEEN.

Duaa to Limit the Burden:

رَبَّنَا لاَ تُؤَاخِذْنَا إِن نَّسِينَا أَوْ أَخْطَأْنَا رَبَّنَا وَلاَ تَحْمِلْ عَلَيْنَا إِصْرًا كَمَا حَمَلْتَهُ عَلَى الَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِنَا رَبَّنَا وَلاَ تُحَمِّلْنَا مَا لاَ طَاقَةَ لَنَا بِهِ وَاعْفُ عَنَّا وَاغْفِرْ لَنَا وَارْحَمْنَآ أَنتَ مَوْلاَنَا فَانصُرْنَا عَلَى الْقَوْمِ الْكَافِرِينَ

"Our Lord! Put not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear. Pardon us and grant us Forgiveness. Have mercy on us. You are our Maula (Patron, Supporter and Protector, etc.) and give us victory over the disbelieving people." (Al_Quraan_002.286)

Duaa to Cure from Diseases:

رَبَّهُ أَنِّي مَسَّنِيَ الضُّرُّ وَأَنتَ أَرْحَمُ الرَّاحِمِينَ

"O my Lord! Adversity has befallen me, and, of all the merciful ones, You are the Most Merciful." (Al_Quraan_021.083)

Duaa for Forgiveness:

لَّا إِلَهَ إِلَّا أَنتَ سُبْحَانَكَ إِنِّي كُنتُ مِنَ الظَّالِمِينَ

"None has the right to be worshipped but You (O Allah), Glorified (and Exalted) are You. Truly, I have been of the wrong-doers." (Al_Quraan_021.087)

رَّبِّ اغْفِرْ وَارْحَمْ وَأَنتَ خَيْرُ الرَّاحِمِينَ

"My Lord! Forgive and have mercy, for You are the Best of those who show mercy!" (Al_Quraan_023.118)

028-Islaamic_Inheritance_Law.htm

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Spouse Selection Guide
by Irshad Mahmood
Ideal Never Exists, so please do Compromise and Respect Each Other

Questions On Your Ideal Match! | About Me | Looking in Spouse
Name |  |
Gender |  |
Religion |  |
Sect |  |
If any changes Religion or Sect |  |
Let there be NO compulsion in Religion (Believe) : Truth stands out clear from error (Al-Quraan_002:256) |  |
Marital Status (Never Married / Divorced / Widowed / Married) |  |
Number of Children |  |
Age |  | Between: and
Height |  | Between: and
Weight (Lbs / Kg) |  | Between: and
Color of Eye |  |
Color of Hair |  |
Appearance |  |
Smoking Habit |  |
Any thing which may harm your health is HARAAM (Reference, Al-Quraan_002:195, 004:029) |  |
Educational Degree / Year of Education |  |
Other Educational Degree |  |
Occupation |  |
Other Occupation |  |
Monthly Income |  |
Language (Arabic / English / Urdu / etc.) |  |
Other languages |  |
Citizenship |  |
Country of Residence |  |
Country of Origin |  |
Willing to relocate |  |
Personal Characteristics (Quiet, patient, temperamental, etc., which may change after getting old in future) |  |
Hobbies |  |
Describe, What will be your behavior if any condition is changed in future |  |
Other information |  |

Your comments are welcome....noor.e.islaam@gmail.com

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