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| A Better Way To Talk To Your Kids |
| Even good parents sometimes forget that words can hurt ! |
| Why can't you be like ! |
| Authorities state that making comparisons only increases the natural rivalry between siblings. If a child is compared unfavourably, he may begin to resent his brother, sister or anyone with whom he is compared in that manner. Instead of comparing children, identify what you really want of them, a neater room, better manners, or whatever it is. Once a child understands that you simply want him to change the way he does something rather than who he is, you will have a better chance of seeing his behaviour improved. |
| When discovering that your son has once again left his homework at school, even the most understanding parents may blurt out " How could you be so stupid ? ". Or if on a vacation, all your children do is to fight with each other ; even the most patient parents may wonder aloud " Why did I ever have kids ? ". Although, raising children can test anyone's patience but it's important to recognize and to resist hurtful words that might damage your child's self - esteem. Parents must learn to handle their own anger and frustration in order to teach a child how to behave. Afterall they have the mental and emotional faciilities to handle the situation. Some of the harmful statements that parents ofthen make and techniques to avoid them are as : |
| Why don't you act your age ! |
| Your seven year old is acting like a four year old ; you are embarrased and slap him. The result, the child now insulted keeps on doing things even more ridiculously. Instead of provoking him, make a statement that would bring about the desired result. For example, I know you don't want to miss your movie before bed tonight and I too don't want to take that away but if you don't behave, that's what will happen. In a flash, the child knows what the consequence will be if he continues. |
| How could you be so stupid ! |
| One of the main goals of the parents is to build child's self - confidence. Commentls like " how could you be so stupid", "shut up", "sometimes, I wish I never had kids" can only hurt. Instead give a positive reinforcement to help improve behaviour. Take time to show a child how to perform a task correctly. |
| You are the funny one, pretty one, atheletic one ....... |
| Any label, even the positive one can be confining and may prevent your child from ever seeing himself clearly. The smart one would feel pressure never to fail and labelled a mathematician, a child may repress the artistic feelings that he enjoys. Use your perception of your child's personality to encourage him, rather than to give him a stamp of identity. Of course , a negative label can become a self fulfilling prophecy. If a child is told he is lazy, he is likely to act even lazier because you have assured him that it's a fixed part of his personality. Parents should try to determine what they really mean by tempting to give a negative label. Is a child really lazy ? May be he doesn't do his chores without being reminded and if so, enforce chores with a system of rewards and punishment. For example, forget to take out the garbage and a dollar will be deducted from your allowance. |
| Sometimes I wish I never had kids ! |
| What a child hears is that you are worthless and I don't need you and he may carry these thoughts around into his adulthood. Set and enforce rules before things reach the boiling point. A child who knows what is expected and sees that parents are consistent about it will be better behaved. |
| Leave me alone ! |
| Though worrying alone intensifies the worry ; simply by explaining your worry to another person you begin to regain perspective on it or even better than finding a sympathetic ear is learning how to talk to your self but even then when you do need sometime alone, say : " I love you very much but I am busy right now " and let the child know that you will join him later. |
| Shut up ! |
| These words give child an impression that you don't care about his opinion and if you use these words quite ofthen, he may begin to view himself as someone who has nothing important to offer. Remember, children learn by example. If you want them to be polite, you have to be polite to them. Just as you won't say these words to your peers, nor you should to your child. |
| Do it or else ! |
| Empty threats undercut your authority. They invite the child to continue his bad behaviour and to test you even further. Once parents discipline consistently, children quickly realize that parents mean business. For younger children, sending them to their rooms is effective and as the children get older the punishment might be having some priviliges taken away. |
| If you have said something hurtful to your child, there are ways to repair the damage ...... |
Fortunately, children are very resilient. Go back to your child, give him a hug and say : I said something cruel to you, sometimes when I am angry I say things I don't really mean, I am sorry. |
Not only it helps to heal the relationship but it also teaches them how they should behave after making angry statements they don't really mean.. |
| And keep one important rule in your mind : |
| Always Make A Child Feel Loved |
| Article By : Nouman Sher Ali. |
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