Can’t believe I’m going to see Judy again. I’m not sure if I’m the only bloke that broke up with his ex-girl friend because he chose Marlboro instead. So I still feel a bit guilty ‘cos I’ll always remember her face when she wanted me to choose between her and the cigarette, and I said nothing and remained silent. Because I couldn’t tell her that smoking is sometimes better than sex, so that was it, we were over.
But got her message last night saying that she wants to see me. Don’t have a clue why she is willing to see me again after I admitted that I love cigarettes better than her. (I’m not a fetishist of course)
You know the charm of cigarettes is absolutely beyond description. You can find another girl if the current one doesn’t work, but you can’t find any substitute for the mighty cigarette. Can hardly believe that someone was so stupid to invent the nicotine pill or chewing gum to be a substitute for the cigarette. They don’t understand the art of smoking at all!!! It’s not the nicotine that counts, it’s the oral pleasure and gratification, it’s the social activity it promotes, it’s the spiritual remedy it provides, and other countless benefits that make it so appealing. Cigarette “substitute”? Are they out of their minds? They forgot they were talking about the holy cigarette!!!
2:36, enter Café Paris where Judy said to meet at 3:00. Think still have time for a ciggy and put it out before she comes in, to give a good impression since we were apart. One girl comes to me and asks: “Do you have a light?” See, that’s another benefit of smoking, people will come to you ask you for a light, including those sexy gorgeous girls who you never imagine will come to talk to you. She lights up her slim cigarette gracefully (I think it’s Saborane or some American brand but can’t tell) and returns the lighter to me. I thought she was going to sit down next to me when she placed her beer on the table, but she didn’t. She asked me to hold the cigarette for her so she could tie her hair up then she left. Hmm. Think sometimes smoking do make me have funny fantasy.
Looking around at people drinking and smoking in the café, you can easily identify that eight out of ten smokers have different styles while they are smoking, because when it comes to smoking, it becomes very personal. Most smokers hold the cigarette with forefinger and middle finger, but some with thumb and forefinger and then with palm face out, to look more macho or powerful. Some people might raise their head slightly while they blow the smoke out, but some prefer to puff it right into other people’s faces. The ways of puffing are also numerous, some like to puff the cigarette constantly even if there’s nothing to puff, some prefer to puff not until the “critical moment” when the ashes is about to drop on their trousers. It’s strange to say so, but you can tell the personality or mental status through the different methods of inhaling and exhaling. The aggressive person blows the smoke in a way that seems to blow any trouble away; the person who is nervous might inhale the smoke deeply or unconsciously press his/her lip tightly around the cigarette as if to nip a piece off. But no matter how personal it is when it comes to the way people smoke, smokers still always share the same language and are easily to be united as a group.
I don’t think there is anyone who thinks smoking is good for their health, but the most horrible and exciting thing is exactly that even when all smokers know the facts about smoking doing them no good, but we still enjoy it because it’s just like car-racing, you put your life into risks and enjoy the thrill that death is brushing against you.
I didn’t think of death really when I had my first cigarette in senior high school, I just thought it was a way to show the big guys in the other classes that we were rebels as well, so leave us alone-and to show girls that we were cool.
I did try to quit when I was at university but immediately regretted it because I felt myself to be so stupid - you became nothing but a “passive smoker” within the group of smokers and a “Smoker who is trying to quit but might fail” within the group of non-smokers. So four days later I started to smoke again because I couldn’t stand living in the gray area of a social circle where people treat you with a weird attitude.
Needless to say, cigarettes create a wonderful link between people at work. We smokers always gather together in the corridor or outside in the building, which is the only place smoking is allowed. (I think we should elect a president who is a heavy smoker and make a law regarding the rights of smokers) Though it’s unbearably cold and windy smoking outside in the winter, no one gives up the ritual; instead, trembling with the cold, we light up cigarettes for each other, enjoying the little warmth of the glowing ends and the magical bond the tiny cigarette provides us. Sometimes, we use the question “Do you smoke?” after asking the name of a new colleague to identify if he is one of our species. If the answer is “yes”, then he will be naturally be granted the label of “friend”, simply because we know we share the same thing—nicotine in the blood.
So you see, it was impossible for me to turn down the allure of the ciggy when Judy asked me to quit smoking- though I really love her. But you know, a cigarette is not only just a cigarette to me, it gives me something else that I can’t exchange or substitute for any other thing, because it’s the almighty cigarette we are talking about.
2: 45, Judy isn’t here yet, so I think I can light up another ciggy….
Judy
Can’t believe that I’m going to meet Tom again. Not sure if I’m the only girl who split with an ex-boyfriend because she was so jealous that he liked Marlboro better than her, But I kind of think I was really stupid to do it when I think that why I fell in love with him was partly because he was so bloody sexy while he was smoking.
Don’t know why all the cute guys are smokers or those who don’t smoke already have girl friends. In the school, people always divided into two groups naturally-smokers and non-smokers. Of course I’m a non-smoker, but I immediately felt ashamed I didn’t smoke because it seemed that the blokes categorized as non-smokers always turned out to be those sissy, boring computer programmer geeks or bad kissers. (Though it’s not 100% percent true as my first boy friend Louis who doesn’t smoke, was definitely a good kisser. Shame to break up with him because I found out he was seeing someone else)
And there Tom was, standing outside the reception with all his stylishly dressed friends, putting a cigarette in his mouth and holding it with his sexy lips. Then he picked up the lighter and flipped the lid open with a click and lit up the cigarette. Each time I saw him engaging in this little ritual, inhaling of mouthful burning leaves deep into his lungs, I kind of felt my soul was also sucked deep into his lungs as well. So, I did the most stupid thing ever in my life, I bought a packet of cigarettes and came to him to ask for a light. I wasn’t sure if I felt dizzy due to the stinking smell of the first drag, or just because I was so excited talking to him. But anyway we ended up talking and drinking at the bar, and started seeing each other right away - when I confessed I was not a smoker at all.
Really loved him more and more as time went by, but found there was always something between us; he was so occupied by the ritual of smoking. And I started to get fed up with that my hair and clothes always having the odor of his cigarettes, and felt embarrassed for people around me having to hold their breath when they kissed me goodbye. And fed up always having to enter the family party by myself and being questioned by friends or family if I came alone, because Tom always had to have his precious fag outside before he entered the house.
I just don’t get it at all where the pleasure is coming from- when people plant a chimney on their face, and blow out smoke like that the Carbon Monoxide produced by cars is not enough to poison us.
But Tom always produced his theory about smoking that “a cigarette is more than a cigarette because it also promotes social activity or people’s inner state, and everything-you name it”
whenever I asked him to quit. Let alone always mentioning those celebrity smokers like Albert Einstein or Oscar Wilde or those names I can’t remember whose achievements were all inspired by when they were in the act of smoking. But I think I forgot to remind him they probably all died from lung cancer anyway.
One day, when he told me he’d come to look for me in “one cigarette’s time” when I said I needed to buy something in Boots (I don’t get it why a guy always measures time with a ciggy? How am I supposed to know how long it would be? ) And ten minutes later I still couldn’t find him in the shop, so I went out to see he was still outside and chatting with a blonde. I was so angry and walked into Café Paris without turning back. He explained that she just came to ask for a light. Yeah, that’s such a legitimate excuse for him to talk to any other girls on the street. The intention behind, “Do you have a light?” always reminded me of when I said this line the first time I met him. So how can I believe that when some girl comes to him to ask for a light she really means to ask for a light and nothing else?
So childishly, I asked him to choose between Marlboro and me, He said nothing and I knew that was it, we were over.
But yesterday while having lunch with the a new colleague, Jeff, and he asked me if I minded him smoking, and I said I didn’t mind just to be polite- but he said he really appreciated it because if he doesn’t smoke, he’s really anxious and doesn’t know where to put his fingers. He did try to quit for health reasons but it made him very depressed, so he decided to embrace the happiness of smoking together with death. Suddenly I could think of nothing but Tom. How selfish I was to deprive him of his pleasure in smoking? How stupid I was to ask him to quit and make him feel unhappy? (I think if Tom asked me to give up shopping, I would probably break up with him too)
So left a message on Tom’s answer machine last night, saying that I would like to see him at 3:00 at Café Paris. I have to tell him everything, everything about how much I miss him, I miss the way he smokes, I miss the smell of Marlboro on his clothes, his hair, his fingers, his wallet and even on his watch. And miss his kiss mingled with the taste of tobacco and tequila
2:47. Damn the bus which hasn’t come. Think I’d better run because I really have to see Tom and tell him all my feelings and hope he won’t leave before I get there.
3: 12
By the time Tom has finishes his third cigarette, Judy finally comes in, breathing heavily:
“Sorry for being late! Don’t know why the stupid bus didn’t come, so I had to run here!”
“Are you all right? Want some water?” Tom says and tides her hair that was probably messed up on the way, running to get here. But still, he thinks she is beautiful.
And Judy thinks he is still so nice and sweet, has an impulse to hold him tight to sniff the smell of tobacco…
“Tom, I ‘m really sorry! I shouldn’t behave in such a childish way to force you choose between cigarettes and me!”
“No, you shouldn’t, you know I can’t live without cigarettes” He lights up another one and inhales deeply, as if to suck Judy’s soul deep into his lungs again. ”And how can you ask me to make a choice between a human being and a mighty cigarette? But you know what? You can probably ask me to choose Posh Spice or you.”
“Of course you’ll choose me, won’t you? Cause you know Posh will never like you!” Judy knows he forgave her by saying that.
“Wrong, of course I’ll choose Posh”
“Tom!!!!”
“Of course I’ll choose to stay away from Posh and stick with you, because Judy isn’t only Judy to me - just like a cigarette is more than a cigarette!!!”
“Oh, Tom!!” they hug and kiss each other.
He slightly pushes her away and asks:
“Honey? What’s that smell?”
“What smell? I havn’t use perfume today”
“No, the smell in your mouth” He says carefully, and not sure if he will irritate her again.
“Oh, I forgot to tell you, I missed the smell of you so much I couldn’t help to having a fag just to remind me of the smell of tobacco on you.” Judy says, embarrassed.
Tom is speechless again. He stares at her for a few seconds and finally bursts out:
“Do I really smell that awful?”
Cigarette
Nickname:
Weed, cig, ciggy, fag, coffin nail, cancer stick, smoke
Family name:
Marlboro, Camel, Lucky strike, Dunhill, Mild seven, 555, Salem, Virginia, Kent, Mayfair, Daviddoff which is too many to mentioned here.
Physical description:
Paper wrapped roll of finely cut tobacco; 5-7mm in diameter, length varied from 75mm-120mm. More than 500 chemical ingredients were added when each one was born, including the major components such as nicotine, tar, CO…
Type
Filtered, non filtered, low-tar, light, mild, menthol
Life expectancy:
Average 25 puffs or 3~4.5 minutes.
Character:
Holy as God and evil as Satan.
Job description:
Release tension, provide oral pleasure, social contact, spiritual remedy and promote social activity of the human being. Stimulate creative thoughts and idea development, supply time of refreshment at work.
Hobby
Increase blood pressure, heart rate, breathing rate and destroy the sense of taste of human being, dying their teeth and fingers with colour of yellow brown. Enjoy creating debate and controversial issue in human society.
Crime committed:
Serious criminal of lung, throat and mouth cancer, suspected of destroying immune system and causing coronary heart disease, newly found as murderer of sperm and creator of wrinkles and dryness of the skin.