- SLIPKNOT
Yeah, well, “pain” isn’t the only word I could have used to
begin this review but quite honestly the effect would have been the same. Perhaps
the words “noise” and “cacophony” wouldn’t be a bad choice but either way there’s
one thing I can safely say – this is not a very good record. Hell, “horrendously
simplistic de-tuned schlock” springs to mind too. Just as well, I think, seeing
that as an artistic statement this offering isn’t saying much, really. After
all it simply contains a batch of relentlessly stale power chords slammed together
with little point or meaning, which is obviously achieved by some rather rudimentary
guitar techniques (even for metal standards) and in fact, at times it seems
to me that the same effect could easily be accomplished by randomly recording
engine noises in some factory. When they’ve recorded all of that drivel these
Slipknot guys then added them on top of the best part of the record – the furiously
fast and reasonably intricate double bass drum work (at least more so than you’d
expect from a band consisting of a bunch of morons wearing horror flick masks).
Oh well, after hearing this you sure wont think that Joey Jordison is a perfect
candidate for the future Dream Theater drummer (if that position ever opens)
but his drumming abilities are still rock solid. Speaking of Jordison, out of
these nine clowns that play in Slipknot he’s probably the only one that’s actually
somewhat talented cause he even knows how to play his instrument and he does
so remarkably well (a thing which leaves other band members scratching their
heads since they’re pretty much lost when handling their own little play things...
I mean, guitars and stuff). By the way, to top it off, Jordison apparently did
most of the mixing on this derivative crock of steaming shit... err, “bunch
of very complex and intriguing songs played by an amazingly serious and capable
band” so that’s also something to be happy about. Probably.
Other band members, you ask? Not worth mentioning, really. It’s sufficient to
say that the vocalist Number 8, er, Corey Something sounds considerably better
with his smooth/growling vocal interplay than Fred Durst with his detestable
whining but he still doesn’t shine in the least. And since those guys who played
the other instruments more or less suck I wouldn't waste too much time on revealing
their identities if I was you (hell, I can't blame them for wanting to remain
anonymous after recording this crap). So what’s left to describe then? I sure
hope you don’t expect me to speak about the pitiful stuff they’ve vomited all
over this otherwise neat plastic disc? Well I'm kinda kidding you at the moment,
actually, since it's not all crap and no highlights. I guess I might as well
give you the bare basics right now and we'll build up on them later on. Essentially
it’s like this. Some of it truly blows. Some of it is pretty listenable. Either
way the music is filled with dreary soundscapes and menacing, aggressive arrangements
straight out of hell. When it works – it’s involving and enjoyable enough. When
it doesn’t – it’s called “Scissors”. Sure, there’s more tracks in between but
they're neither offensive or interesting enough for me to create a new category
where I could stuff them into. If my introduction rant didn't scare you off
yet you're probably a tough cookie so I might as well direct you to the paragraph
below for further info on the album's tracks. SCROLL DOWN NOW!
Expectedly or not I for one enjoy "(Sic)" with Jordison's astral double-bass
drum assault, which is in the same time violent like it's supposed to be and
also remarkably intricate for a nu-metal band. The guitar work is pretty good
too, not nearly on the level of some contemporary classic metal bands like Iced
Earth but still something more enjoyable than pure de-tuned noodling. Besides,
the scratching is used to a neat effect as well (being pushed in the background)
but sadly this potentially solid song is more or less ruined by Number 8's stylistic
vocals who growls a little at first and a moment later sounds like he's gonna
burst into tears. Not exactly my kind of a singer. He sounds even weirder in
both "Eyeless" and "Wait And Bleed" where he trades off standard death- metal
growling with, er, smooth singing where he sounds just like Linkin Park's Chester
Bennington. The songs, however, are pretty darn solid with "Eyeless" starting
off with a cool intro before exploding with a humorous growling chorus ("You
can't see California without Marlon Brando's eyes") and "Wait And Bleed" also
has a standout intro where Number 8 actually sounds rather emotional (if a bit
too boybandish) and plus, the drum work is really neat all the way through.
Needless to say both songs are pretty darn rapid which is somewhat uncharacteristic
for this particular genre of metal. Then you have "Surfacing" and its chorus
filled with Slipknot's primitive attempts at "tough guy" lyricism ("Fuck it
all! Fuck this world! Fuck everything that you stand for!") but again the riffing
behind the track is solid, the DJ's scratching tolerable and the drums as exemplary
as one expects from Joey Jordison (also known as Number 1).
Elsewhere I kind of like the odd intro to "Spit It Out" but I do try to escape
before the track evolves into the usual plodding riffage-machine, and I also
find the handy dandy gulping effects at 1:30 to be rather nice (isn't it funny
how one remembers the little things when everything else about the song is nothing
more than a poorly-structured act of violence?). Sadly, "Tattered And Torn"
starts with a dumb intro but it soon jumps into the normal riff-driven mold,
only to be frequently backed by some spooky horror flick-styled lines which
render the song totally unlistenable. Aw, fuck it. Meanwhile, solid musicianship
abounds the short and otherwise barely memorable "Me Inside" which as always
offers a decisive metallic punch, but in retrospect doesn't give much besides
that. All in all, a grinding throwaway. Kind of like "Liberate" and "Prosthetics",
actually, since both are rather pointless noise exercises with endless onslaughts
of dull riffage and a wide selection of hyperactive electronic noises/samples.
How sorrowful it is that not once in those songs Slipknot at least tries to
establish some catchy chorus or anything as down to earth as that. We'll have
none of that here, just good ol' primal pummeling of the nastiest band in the
world! Still, more solidity follows in the form of "No Life", "Diluted" and
"Only One" which are also toying with death-oriented metal as many demented
cuts off this record seem to do, and it is a pretty good evil show that Slipknot's
putting on. But unfortunately there's way too much of mean-ass distortion presented
throughout so it accidentally devours the majority of the already lacking melodies,
so that's really too bad, I'd say. Too bad that they have to mask their incompetence
to figure out how to create a decent pop hook. Just too bad.
I bet you remember how I said the eight minute ode to pretentiousness "Scissors"
is one of the more fatal lapses of taste Slipknot had so far. Well I'm ready
to expand on that thought now. It is a really patchy affair if you ignore the
massive riffage (which stands on the very verge of becoming a chaotic mess)
with all kinds of dubious sound effects taken directly from some obscure horror
movie and a very innovating vocal performance consisting of growling, crying
and vomiting. I'm completely oblivious to the fact how exactly they managed
to make this over-the-top "epic" song stink so much but when you've got no talent
that's probably easy. By the way, at the end of the miserable "Scissors" suite
there's four minutes of the guys chilling, laughing & puking which isn't
necessarily a very enjoyable aural experience so you should certainly skip it.
Slipknot also concealed some yawn-inducing stuff right after the "puke" sessions
in a form of some nameless track which is all but exploring so they really shouldn't
have bothered with it. Just like they shouldn't have bothered forming a band.
Oh well, at least Iowa sucks much more.
hey fuck face, wat kinda music do u like, and more on that wat kinda reviewer are u?!? if u don't like the general music don't fucking review a band cuz of course u'll hate em, i hope u know by now that slipknot is fucking huge because they have skill, the guitarists are some of the best and fastest around, and the vocalist wasn't awesome but he was good now he's great, listen to stone sour (#8's other band) u'll know how good he is, and he's getting better all the time, i don't know when u wrote this shit fuck of a review and it'll be funny if u actually like them now, but hell don't diss iowa before u visit and live it, anyway write back if u dare.....fucker
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