"Thought today I could be a winner - but now I find myself eating Frosties for dinner!"
- STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPREHENSIVE
Hector Collectors at this time consisted of the brothers A. and I. Smith, the first of them, Adam, being the main songwriter, vocalist and doing various odd stuff, the latter, Iain, doing guitars and stuff. Paul Martin occasionally takes place behind the drum set, and Duncan Robertson is mentioned as a drummer as well, though he actually didn’t do anything on the album.
The album, then, has the production quality of something recorded with a poor tape recorder – even worse than King Crimson’s Earthbound. The eventual Swedes which may accidently encounter this page and read through it could perhaps associate with Philemon Arthur And The Dung, both in production quality, the funny lyrics and so. So, this is really pretty non-serious stuff, usually made out of the good old 12-bar and with some funny little lyrics added. From time to time, though, they manage to grab a melody or two, and if this only would’ve been recorded in a decent studio, it could be a pretty good pop album. Really. Well, obviously they got into a studio to do the next EP, so I guess we can soon expect a full-length LP with studio-recorded stuff soon. Who knows, when you read this, it may even have came out already! That depends on for how long this site lasts, though. Oh, did I mention the inoffensiveness that goes throughout the album? That’s good, since if this would’ve been a quite serious rap album with political lyrics, or about crimes and murder and so, this would have pissed me off almightily.
If you live in the UK, or in any way have access to the BBC radio programme with John Peel, you might have heard about these guys, ‘cos really – they’ve got a couple of tunes played there! The radio hits are “What’s The Point In Getting Up”, with lyrics like ‘Thought today I could be a winner/But now I’m eating Frosties for dinner” and other cool stuff, with a gorgeously poorly played guitar line in the background. Just too good! And, well, the second radio, lol, hit is “Your Nazi Boyfriend”, which is a Beatles-styled tune with a really decent melody and some odd vocals towards the end. Another great one. Other neat tunes are “0891 50 50 50” with its strong chorus, with I. Smith doing some ‘fifty-fifty fifty!” stuff, the silly little “It’s Raining It’s Pouring”, the tribute to the old TV programme with Dominic Diamond (who got expelled from chool!), “Mid-Afternoon Crisis” with its out-of-tuned chords and the neat little guiatr solo, and, uh, the list goes on. “Talkin’ To Another Psychopath”, which has a really good melody, the upbeat and oddly sung “The Day The Supernaturals Went To The 13th Note”, the almost rocking “My Fiat Punto” where Iaian sings that there’s lots of space and so within his car, and that it’s better than a Lada. I hope that the last thing is as sarcastic as the first, Ladas are way cooler than some shabby Fiat! One thing I finally realised right now is that they don’t use any acoustic guitars – only non-amplified electric guitars, which explains why sort of the only thing heard from the guitars are the scraps by the plectrum. Hi-fi!
“O’Shanefield’s Girlfriend” sounds too serious for the album, cool anyway, “Sarah-Sherley Price” is an almost angry tune, “Indie Weekender” has too serious choruses, but the verses are cool stuff, ”Stephen Pastel’s Blues” opens with something which sounds like a very cheesy little fart, and other than that, it has a few cool chord progressions. And, a piano solo – untight and out of both tune and time! That’s cool. “Tony McCarroll” is a neat, serious ballad, and this time it’s okay with the seriousness. It’s almost six minutes long! Well, the actual song is only about 2 mins, the rest is a long silence, and then – a “hidden track”! A silly little tune which is just awesome.
And, uh, this isn’t really the record you’d go out and pay a lot for, nor is it the record that you would dig with your friends at some party. But, that isn’t what the record is made for. It’s mostly just cool for the guys to get a record released on a real label. And, if I got the chance to release some material, it would sound like this – only worse, and with more badass humour. So, I’m not the one who complains! Oh, and, don't think that I mentioned all songs there - there's a handful more, which I didn't bother mentioning!
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Yeah, you see, there’s a regular drummer (a certain D. Robertson), as well as a bassist, P. McDermott. And, now that they have a real studio to record in, there’s a production! From Philemon Arthur And The Dung to Nationalteatern, just to say something different fro Adrian.
The sound, besides of the better production, is quite similar
to the earlier LP, only with a couple of extra instruments and so. The melodies,
the charm and the twinkle in the eye. Lots of fun, sort of. And, everything
is much better!
There’s seven songs on the EP, plus a “hidden” one (that’s right – 8 songs!)
which all together makes a running time of 15 minutes. The first tune, “Tantric
New Romantic” is a little pop tune with a big portion of fun, A. sings
as if he had big problems holding back a laugh, and, there’s some nice melodies
and an almightily pathetic keyboard solo! It’s darn cool actually. After that
comes something like, um, their own little rap-metal song, um, with some cool
electric guitars and so. “When’s The Tea Ready”, is its name. The verses are,
you guessed it, half-spoken, plus some contributions by some other guy on the
last word in each line, while the choruses are, well. Anyway, it’s quite an
enervating tune, but A. Smith sounds so darn funny when he’s rapping, and the
guitar playing is cool, so I enjoy it anyway. “Billy Sloan” sounds more as if
it was recorded with a tape recorder, really muddy. The song itself is a neat
little tune with a couple of shoutings and stuff from the other band members.
It’s only some secs longer than one minute, so it doesn’t leave any remaining
traces in my mind. Written and sung by the drummer, which is cool. And, it’s
neat.
“Mock Around The Smock” opens with some scratch, someone screaming “Ow!” and some other starts laughing, then comes some Dick Dale-ish guitar line and the song begins. I guess you can tell which song they’re covering, and they do it with a couple of weird chords and a really funny new lyric – pretty awesome, really. It’s also only about one minute long, but it is catchier than the previous. A little fave of mine, actually.
“Gary Numan Needs Another Hit” is a pretty lame tune without any strong hooks, maybe except of the little echo of the word “Numan” in the chorus. The lyrics do have some points, though. “Deepend” is a parodically dark tune, with repeated electric guitar lines, and words spoken with a funny foreigner accent. It has some synth stuff as well, according to Adrian Denning, it’s a Kraftwerk parody, so...there HAS to be some keyboards. Well, anyway, the whole song is really funny, the highlight being when someone else in the band starts crying in the background – that’s where I almost fall laughing out of my chair!
“I Don’t Know” is a neat little pop tune, with a pretty beautiful mandolin (or guitar!) solo. And then comes the extra track, which hasn’t got a title! Well, it has a catchy chorus and darker verses – purely alternative rock, I’d say, speaking about it as a genre. Really fine tune.
And, that’s it. This isn’t anything you’d likely find in your record store, but if you do, do buy it and have fun!
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