Oh man, I really need a drink after listening to this. Where's
my bottle of scotch...no scotch?...vodka?...no?..ok beer will have to do. Ok...deep
breath...holy shit Leonard, what are you DOING??? Writing this will be hard
because you see folks, Leonard was like a father to me. I don't know the man
personally, but past listenings to his records made me feel as if her were my
spiritual poetic father, and throughout my teenage years his songs were a security
blanket, a comfort in my darkest hours and inspiration for my own writing and
now...well dad I hate to say it but your latest record is a steaming pile of
adult contemporary poo poo! Yeah, you heard me, poo poo, crap, EXCREMENT! I
don't know, maybe I have the whole spiritual thing wrong, I mean, I'm a Catholic
turned secular and he's a Jew turned Buddhist, but perhaps he needs to clear
his head from spending all that time in the monastery. He may have found God
or Buddha or whatever, but his poetic inspiration seems to have gone astray.
Girls in my poetry classes at university used to sigh and just plain groove
on his writing when we came to the Leonard Cohen section of our Contemporary
Poets anthologies (well, most of the girls except for the FELFs - Fat Extreme
Lesbian Feminists - who'd groove on poets with names like Bronwyn who would,
among other things, typically find many metaphors for the word "vagina") but
I wonder what they'd think of him now. I'd like to think Cohen is not entirely
responsible for this mistake, you know, since he's made them in the past. "Death
Of A Ladies Man" was a weird collaboration with legendary producer Phil Spector,
and many fans considered this a move which backfired. But at least that album
was typically ultra-ironic and his lyrics were as sharp as razors. The lyrics
on "Ten New Songs" only seem like Cohen-lite and contain only traces of his
previous brilliance. There may be a reason for this, but let's discuss the album's
production first shall we?
Turn the c.d. case over and you'll see at the bottom "produced by Sharon Robinson".
Flip to the last page of the liner notes and you'll read "songs by Leonard Cohen
and Sharon Robinson". Suspicious yet? Even further down the page you'll read
"all tracks arranged, programmed, and performed by Sharon Robinson". Who the
fuck is Sharon Robinson you ask? Well, it's apparent she's
all over the place on this album isn't it? She's actually one of his former
backup singers and I can tell you one thing: she's no Jennifer Warnes.
She also has a glorious track record singing backup for Michael Bolton
of all people, as well as performing on various other very professional studio
projects I'm sure. Fair enough. I won't hold it against her that she's worked
with "Mr Soul Destroyer Bolton", as you and I know we all need work at one time
or another. What I will hold against her is the absolutely bland production
on this record...think Faith Hill...think Garth Brooks...that's
what this crap job sounds like. And on a 24 track studio too probably? C'mon
Sharon, you could've done way better than this. If all the MOR-easy-lite-soft
rock stations had a formula for music production that would guarantee airplay
on their stations, this would be it.
As for the songwriting, most of the chords are simple, which is fine, as Cohen
has never really been a complex songwriter, but Robinson plunks out the musical
background with as much passion as a bored cashier punching in your groceries.
As for the programming...well, what programming?? Aphex Twin
programs, Massive Attack program beats...as for this...well
it's generic programming. A retarded monkey could do this programming. And then
there's her voice, which is all over the place. She's really taking this promotion
from backup singer to duet partner VERY seriously. Well, her voice is as bland
and generic as her producing skills. Cohen's voice is in tip top shape by the
way, sounding as grainy and dark as ever, but just as he works up some steam,
she's in there, butting in like a rude customer in your queue. The first track
"In My Secret Life" is not a bad song, but there she is at the forefront, stealing
the first few bars before the old guy even has time to croak his first few lines.
"A Thousand Kisses Deep" contains probably the best lyrics: "the ponies run/the
girls are young/the odds are there to beat/you win awhile/and then it's done/your
little winning streak".
"That Don't Make It Junk" has great vocals and lyrics too: "I fought against
the bottle/but I had to do it drunk/took my diamond to the pawnshop/but that
don't make it junk". Unfortunately, the album is downhill from there. "Here
It Is" is a pointless stab at bland commercial r&b, "Love Itself" has bloody
awful lyrics, "You Have Loved Enough" has even more awful lyrics: "and when
the hunger for your touch/rises from the hunger". Arrgh!! I can't take it anymore.
To describe the rest of this snorefest is painful.
I truly believe Cohen has some creative juice left in him and sure that he'll
bounce back, but he needs to ditch Robinson and call the shots himself. Dad,
Leonard, I'm speaking as your (rapidly becoming inebriated) spiritual son now...don't
let Columbia records turn you into the Garth Brooks of the
yuppie capuccino set! You've paid your dues. You tell those bastards what you
want to do and what your vision is. I hope to god that you still have a vision.
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