This is where I put some of the jokes I run across. Enjoy.

1. You know you've watched too much Stargate SG-1 when:
   
   • you wired a GDO to actually open your garage door.
   • you have a DHD instead of a doorbell.
   • your license plate is M.A.L.P.
   • the "torch" style lamp in your living room looks just like a Jaffa Staff weapon.
   • you've mounted your toilet on the wall in an attempt to simulate the Whoosh of a stargate.
   • you've added blue tidybowl to your toilet's water tank so it looks like an event horizon.
   • you've named your dog "Thor," and when people ask what breed he is you answer "Asgard."
   • you have made your own phone in the form of a DHD.
   • when dialing your DHD-phone you say:
     "Chevron 1 encoded, chevron 2 encoded....chevron (last) LOCKED!"
   • you search for a snake symbol on your doors to open them.
   • you knock out your boss so you can draw his blood for Naquada testing.
   • you know how to actually spell Zat�N�ktel.
   • in meetings at work you use words like "Chel'nok!" and "Kree," and you refer to your boss as the "Shol'va".
   • you are babysitting your nephews, they do something wrong, and you scream "Jaffa, kree!" at them.
   • you actually ACE an Egyptian history test, but fail the extra credit when you start expounding upon "The Goa'uld influence in early Egyptian political structures, religous rites, and architecture."
   • you buy a boat and name it the "Daniel Jackson."
   • you call animal control when seeing your cat's eyes glow to tell them you have a possible Goa'uld infiltrator.
   • you add Goa'uld words to your spell checker.
   • You rig your front door with a warning alarm that says "Unscheduled off-world activation" and flashes red lights.
   • you place a large gray ball next to your TV and say you can get either kind of broadcast.
   • people respond to your explanation of things with things like, "English?".
   • you announce there is no need to see a doctor again, since you now have a hand device and a sarcophagas.
   • you search the internet for the chevron engage sound so you can replace the Windows default click.
   • you curse your cell phone manufacturer for not making the key click sound sound like a DHD.
   • your niece builds a toy with her legos that looks like a replicator, you get a bit nervous.
   • you set up a DHD to control everything in your house.
   • during an electrical storm, the lights go out and you grab a flashlight, head to the basement, and start searching for a Naquida generator or spare ZPM.
   • you replace your all doors with blue sliding doors and install swipe card readers on each one.
   • you equip all your employees with heavy, metallic boots, then train them to march in large groups, stomping up and down the company corridors.
   • you install a self-destruct system in your basement in case of a Lockdown situation.
   • your living room is modeled after the SGC command room with a view of a stargate; complete with SGC insignia.
   • you change doctors after your regular one refuses to prescribe you Tretonin.
   • you greet people by using their last name and their state of birth. ("Hammond of Texas")
   • you tell Santa you want a real Stargate for Christmas.
   • you attempt to interface control crystals into your home computer.
   • you make your own TV remote in the style of a DHD or Zat.


2. You know you've watched too much Stargate Atlantis when:
   • (many items from above).
   • you try and install closet teleporters in your home.


3. Airman: "VP Kinsey, just stand here and give your presentation. Those chevrons lighting up? Don't worry about them, just keep standing here talking..."
         whoosh
   Later: "VP Kinsey will be buried today in a closed casket ceremony in Washington D.C. The VP suffered a sudden heart attack while touring an air force base near Cheyenne Mt."


4. Q: How does the Stargate know when the last person has stepped through?
   A: There are several accepted theories:
   
   • AT&T, who runs the gate network (Ancient Telephone and Telegate), mans the control stations.
   • The gate receives input from a secretive group known as "The Writers" as to who is going through the gate and when - that's how it knows ahead of time when to shut down. (This is also the theory as to why the gate cheverons light up when someone is dialing in, as there's no real way for the gate to know it's the one being dialed.)
   • There is a camera on the gate which leads down to a secret control room underground which is staffed by outcast Ancients. ("Hey, you broke the rules and aided a mortal race. You're on secret underground control room detail for all eternity!")