3/10/01

"What's black and white and taps the window?

A Goth in a microwave"

Always good to start with a joke even though it has nothing to do with what i'm on about. 

They're long, thin, leave a trail of smoke and are lethal to millions of people every year, "cruise missiles?" i here you cry. No. I'm talking about the mighty (or not) cigarette. They smell & taste disgusting, they cause fatal diseases and make people's hands the same colours and Big Birds. Not to mention they piss me off.

But no so much the smoke and disease and the numerous asthma attacks that come my way when i stand in line of their "smoke radius" No, it's the social gathering that smoking seems to bring with it. They all talk away while the non-smokers stare at their feet until one of the smokers attempts contact with the much uttered phrase "got a light?"

I wait on a train station, a bunch of smokers are (duh) smoking, sharing a light or even taking in the ambience. I've known one of them for ten years, but do i go over there and risk disease just to say hello...oh not a chance my friends. Because there is one thing worse than smelling smoke, and that's having it blown into me.

Picture it, i say hello to my friend, or tap him on the shoulder, he will no doubt turn and around and puff at the same time. My mouth meanwhile is still in the process of closing after the initial "hello"

For now I'll stay firmly away from smokers while they smoke, even if they are a close acquaintance, or relative, or future bearer of my children (they'll have to quit before i light my end). Unless of course smokers suddenly decide to take their own frequent advice and "quit one day before i get ill" thus hoping to cheat death. Hopefully Mr Irony will have them struck down by a big fecking bus on that very morning. Until then I'll keep my distance, my health, and just to be cruel my lighter fluid.

Have a Foam Filled Week!

© Paul Hunt 2001