Joseph Henry Greenr

 "Congestion.  Stopped."

(Joseph Henry Green was a distinguished 19th century British surgeon.  On his deathbed he is said to have remarked, "Congestion," after taking an especially raspy breath.  He then checked his own pulse, announced "Stopped," and died.)

Lee Harvey Oswald

 “I will be glad to discuss this proposition with my attorney, and that after I talk with one, we could either discuss it with him or discuss it with my attorney if the attorney thinks it is a wise thing to do, but at the present time I have nothing more to say to you."

Daniel Webster (1782 – 1852)  

"I Still Live"  

H.G. Wells (1866 – 1946)

 “ Go Away. I’m alright.”

Pietro Aretino (1492 – 1556)

 “Now I’m oiled. Keep me from the rats.”

Above, some famous and not so famous last words. Tonight I’m gathered in my living room to deliver the obituary of Flea, my pet fish. His exact birth date was unknown, as I had him on my 19^th birthday he and his male life partner Funaki also shared my birthday. Neither fish were confirmed as male however I took my own animalistic ignorance to heart and decided they were male.

Flea’s cause of death is unknown I’m recording it as “Mis-adventure” because I found his body entangled in the ornamental World War 2 plane perched in the middle of the tank. Flea’s early months were filled with the joy of swimming about his new bachelor pad with his heterosexual life partner Funaki.  

On day one Funaki’s xenophobia shone through, as Funaki was gold, however Flea was a silvery hue. By day two they were the best of friends after Flea cracked a joke about his ethnicity and the air was cleared. That was Flea; always ready to break an un-easy atmosphere with a joke or two, Flea was the comedian to Funaki’s straight man.

In early 2002 Flea’s life was lifted by the arrival of a new air filtration unit that replaced the old eighties built air pump, after a small fungal infection in May 2002 life was peachy for Flea. Then in September 2003 I left for University and Flea felt as though part of him had left. At this time his status as one of the most active OAP’s in the aqua world was confirmed when he lept out of the water during a filter change. Soon after he developed arthritis and began to swim sideways, we all feared the worst.

As I left for pastures new Flea remained in waters old. He was kept in the care of my sister who did a less than stellar job, simply feeding Flea and Funaki their food. I feel guilty for leaving my fish in such inadequate hands.

Flea saw most of my ups and downs, he saw me have “alone time” at least once a day, perhaps four if there was nothing on TV. It’s a sad state of affairs when a man cannot even leave his pet goldfish in capable hands and return home only to find his fish dead. My sister not even noticing his passing.

Flea was given a fitting send off this morning in a casket made from the finest materials the matchbox industry has to offer. He will then be placed in a flushing device and sent out to the Ocean, to Valhalla where he will meet up with his long dead parents, and Brother Rupert who died of Pancreatic cancer in the spring of 2001. I wish I could say Flea ended his life as he started it. But sadly I can neither confirm nor deny that Flea was born inside an ornamental World War 2 plane, all I can say was that he lived his life like a candle in the wind. When the lights were out you could still see his presence, and now his flame is extinguished his memory lives on in the smoky scent left behind.

And now I’d like all those reading this obituary to take thirty-seven seconds of silence and remember Flea. And also take a further seven seconds to say a prayer for Flea’s heterosexual life partner Funaki, who I’m afraid to say has also developed the same arthritic condition that Flea developed before his passing. I hope you all pray for Funaki, because I know I will be.

And with the passing of one life a new one shall begin. Tomorrow I will travel to Ton Pentre's finest and only pet store and purchase a new fish, he will not be called Flea Jr, Flea or even Flea 2. He will be named Frank, or Francis. He will have a large shadow to live up to but I'm confident Flea's memory will live on in Frank and in the hearts and minds of us all, ladies and gentleman, Flea.

 RIP Flea April 20^th 2001 – October 28^th (estimated) 2003-11-02

© Paul Hunt 2003