(The MTV Select music plays as Select opens. Lisa Snowdon sits there with four boys, probably in a boy band. They are all dressed like a Brooklyn street gang)

LISA: Hello and welcome to Sunday 27th of May. Today on MTV the hippest music channel on television we have...wait for it....another boy band interview. You have all been texting your messages to us via your phones and we will now put them to "Boyz 2 U"

LISA: First of all, whats your names?

DAVE: Hi I'm Davey G (In a fake Brooklyn accent, also he is white)

TIMMY: (In Feminine voice) Hi, my name is Timmy!

MAXX: Hi I'm Maxx

CHINO: (In Latino accent) Hi I'm Chino!

LISA: So.. how long have you been together?

TIMMY: (winks at young boy in crowd then realises the camera is on him) Oh, we've been together now about (looks at watch) If it's 3:07 now I'd say about 45 minutes.

LISA: So your definatly not newcomers then! Now we've got a question from Melanie of Croydon she's sent in this question "Wot is it that makes u diff from evry 1 other bybnd?"

MAXX: Well, first of all we're not a Boy band as you can see we are a vocal harmony group. But we are different in many ways, Davey has a beard....our songs are not all about love, some are about girls and stuff...so you now we are different. Oh!!!! and i spell my name with two X's!

LISA: So now a question from me, where did you get your nutty clothes from?

CHINO: We got them from ethnic stereotype threads 'r' us! 

LISA: What about the rest of you the band as a whole?

DAVEY: Well, fool first of all homey i'm gonna pop a cap in yo ass if you look at me like that again. But we got our overall look from our record company, they got a big book of styles out and we just you know, picked one, they had many different styles to choose from, BackStreet Boys, N Sync................

MAXX: Oh... I've got one!  We are also different because we... hang on I'll think of something.

(Timmy is no longer on set, you can here him in the background chatting up the work experience boy)

LISA: So you all have girlfriends?

CHINO: Not, yet the agency is dropping them off later so we can go out on the town and be seen with them.

DAVEY: Damn right homey!

LISA: We have another question from 9 Foam of  Tynewydd "How will you market yourselves to the fans?"

(Timmy returns to his seat with the boy's phone number)

DAVEY: I'll answer that homey! See down in the hood we've got a great marketing department. We've been on MTV so you know that should do it. Also a week tomorrow stories will emerge in the tabloids that we are having relationships with famous actresses, someone off Crossroads or something. Then a week Wednesday we get caught in possession of a Class C drug to enhance our macho image and then a week Thursday we release our second hiponomous album.

LISA: Ok, thanks for that. The Next question is from C.Jones of Scotland "Do you have a girlfriend Timmy?"

TIMMY: (Who is caressing the work experience Boy's cheek) Oh i love girls! (He quickly runs up to a girl in the crowd and starts giving her one)

LISA: Do you have any solo plans?

CHINO: Well in a fortnight we will split up... Maxx will become an actor, Davey will become a shed artist.

DAVEY: Garage, fool Selecta!

CHINO: So he will obviously be played non stop on Radio one. And Timmy is going.... where is Timmy going when we split up?

TIMMY: (Shouts) Oh Nigel, Nigel! (Walks back on set) See i like girls! (turns around and caresses the boys face again) I'm going into Nursing once we've split up.

LISA: So your Album is ca...

MAXX: (now rocking back and forth trying to distinguish between this band and others) I know!!! We can play our own instruments!!!!

(The other three look at him scared. Davey signals to someone in the back. Security drag Maxx away, and another boy dressed exactly like Maxx but with a wig on takes his place)

NEWMAXX: Sorry i had some sort of brain problem, we cannot play instruments at the moment because our record company have said so.

LISA: Ok, your new album is out in 23 minutes and its called...."2 u boyf wot 4 lol ur b wtf" any last words boys?

TIMMY: I LIKE GIRLS!!!! (Makes butch sounds then goes back to whispering in the boys ear)

DAVEY: Come near me in the hood and I'll pop one in yo ass!

CHINO: Ai, ai, ai, no migusta!

MAXX: (In robotic voice) Must take over the world!!!!!

LISA: Thank you very much!

(Cameras go off air)

DAVEY: (In goofy Texan accent) DAMN! i forgot to mouth off a rock band to give us some street cred!

CHINO: (In scouser accent) Thank f**k that's over. (Chino takes a seat and hides it under his t-shirt, he looks left and right incase anyone saw him)

(A man with a remote control comes into view, he switches a button off on the back of their necks, they all power down and slouch forward)

Have a Foam Filled Day!

© Paul Hunt 2002