12/05/01

This letterbox thing is one hell of a project it may even get its own page which is why it is still not up here. In fact yes it will get its own page because next week i begin a long drawn out process of bad mouthing my school every week (i finish on Friday) Next week i will simply let off steam about the past 14 years in full time education and the week after that you'll get a blow by blow commentary of my ROA ceremony. What's that? What are going to talk about this week?.............. THE MIGHTY PUB

The pub is the one place that i know of where everyone is almost equal providing you're 18. It doesn't really matter what you look like, how much money you have, how much you can drink or even how good you are at pool. Everyone has their local, mine is called the much clichéd "Arms". There are a number of things i like about going to the pub first of all the drink. Most people have a favourite drink, usually lager or cider, I'm more prone to cider after a lager "incident" last year. However the lure of drinks changes from week to week, either due to weather, changing tastes or doctors advice. For me it has changed now the summer has come, I'm now on a quaint little number simply dubbed "the blue thing at the back of the fridge"

Another thing about pubs is the day that you go. I'm not the kind of person who could go out all weekend because i have too much sleeping to do. My night is a Saturday, yours maybe different. There is a certain security about having a pre-determined night. Yes i do go out on the odd Thursday or Friday but if I'm sitting down walking the plains of my mind an i suddenly think "shit what am i going to do on the weekend" then the mental image of the pub creeps into my mind and i am put at rest.

What do i do to pass the three hours? Games... Mine are pool and the porn machine, no not the rubber giving out machine, i mean the one in the corner where there are a number of categories, sport, tv, music, film, sex, plants etc. Inevitably the only one ever picked is sex. Let me tell you there is no greater joy than proclaiming yourself the top scorer on photo hunt.  Music also plays a big part of a pub night one friend of mine will happily pick the same two songs all night, Around the world & Higher ground (both by the chili peppers) Also the Arms has a jukebox with such hits as Car Wash, Yakkedy Yak, Splish Splash, Freak out, Bohemian rhapsody an others. Go to your local and play any of these songs and watch people faces light up as they lip sync songs they have never heard before.

And lastly of all.... The pub theory. I can guarantee you that Einstein came up with his theory of relativity down the lamb and flag, Sir Walter Raleigh came up with his potato expedition over a flagon of Mrs Miggins home brewed cider, and you honestly can't think that the fact that George W Bush is president of the USA is due to anything other than a pub bet gone horrifically wrong? My friends have come up with some wild ones in our time such as the theory of relativity (no not a misprint) which poses and answers the question "Is it ok to sleep with ones cousin?" Also we have discussed a theory which explains that the country of Luxembourg is actually a drive through McDonalds that accidentally applied for country status instead of contents insurance...(Welcome to Luxembourg.....6 yards later...... You are now leaving Luxembourg) 

What ever people say about their local, "crap music", "crap women", "crap wallpaper" just remember that the pub is mucka free because they are either too young or they at the car park of a local Tesco's showing off their cars too a bunch of people of similar intelligence who actually think that over souped up cars with 13 year old girls in the passenger seat are better than a night at the local pub. Long live the Arms!

Have a Foam Filled Day!

  © Paul Hunt 2001