You know every time I start to write this page every two weeks or so I set out at first to write something care free, something funny about something random like door knobs. Then I think fuck it and I'll set out to write the most profound piece of work anyone has ever read. And either way I come out sounding like a whiney bitch. Or perhaps a "my life sucks" kinda guy. 

What week is this I wonder? Well to be honest I have nothing that I'd want to talk about that wouldn't be me just repeating myself. But you know that feeling when you're totally wrapped up in something you can't have?

Sucks doesn't it? I'm talking that bar of chocolate in the shop window that you don't quite have enough money to buy. Or that £250 wrestling belt you know you could buy but won't because there really is better things to buy with that money.

In recent times and by that I mean the last seven months or so I've experienced that feeling more than ever. I've wanted two women that I could have but can't for whatever reason. One of them happens to be one of the three reasons I'm writing now. The other reasons I'll not list because well its very, very coded, but they are aimed at three people.

We've all wanted something so badly it makes us sick. I'd like to have two people right now. And it really does kill me that I can't, for two very different but very similar reasons. With one of them its now almost gone. But the other one it's still fresh because it feels so good and well both of us know it would be good. But the fact is it can't happen and won't not now anyway. And well its not enough for me to know that it would've been good I need to know that it was. 

I also want something else so bad. I want to be a different kind of person, someone who can immediately click with strangers and not take like months to get to know someone. I'd like to be more laud back and not over think everything. You can't change circumstances, but you can change yourself. I'm not going to become another person but there are some things that I do need to work on. I can be confident and tell a million jokes around some and sit quietly in the corner with others. But I'm working on that. And now the three reasons:

For some people they've been with someone so many times, given them so many chances only for it to fail that they can and should be happy to know that it doesn't work.

For some they want something so bad they become another person. But they are not a victim of circumstance. They have nothing to lose but the facade they have built up and the warm feeling they get when they think of someone. Because if they do something about it, they might lose that one thing that they have relied on for so long.

And for some they have something so good but never really appreciate it until its gone. And that stings up there on a par with wanting something you know for a fact you can't have. But don't be sad its over, be happy it happened in the first place.

Have a Foam Filled Day!