Ah February is upon us, I managed to skip January altogether doing this page for 2003 which I have to admit I'm ashamed of. But I have good reason, I have been working hard on http://valhalla.foamworldorder.com which sadly now appears to be destined to forever have more visitors than this site. But hey-ho onto today's Fought.

Now since last I ranted about all other drivers (with the exception of myself) being idiots I have had very little to complain about. Aside from boring everyday stuff such as having to wake up early on Monday mornings, and the fact that I'm a little heavier than I had intended there ain't much complaining to be done. Not even the little things which I pride myself on being able to blow out of proportion. I haven't stood in shit In I don't know how long. Hell I don't even have any women trouble which I'm sure people who actually read this page regularly will know has been a cornerstone of my repertoire for quite some time.

I don't like to talk at length about things that make me happy because I don't feel the need to. So I sat in the pub last night being bored off my ass, wanting to be elsewhere. But I applied myself to thinking of something that has annoyed me greatly recently. So I thought, was has annoyed me even the littlest of things. Realising of course that I was bored off my head I decided to write about how I have fallen out of love with my local pub, and of course realising at the same time that its not the place that makes the night it is of course the company, but as I wrote that I ended up typing shit loads about women.

So It appears at least for now I need to talk about women, but I don't want to because this time I do not feel the need to put all that on the internet. But then I remembered a conversation I had on the internet yesterday with an acquaintance. What was it about this conversation that irked me? Basically I was chastised for not dancing Friday night while in the company of a lady friend. Now let me get this straight she was of course, joking but nonetheless I have little else to talk about.

No I don't know about you but I am at least physically and adult, I am white, a tad fat, hairy and white. Yes I repeated that I am white because I believe that no white man has rhythm. I know this because I have attempted to "dance" on several occasions and to borrow someone else's analogy of themselves dancing I look like a retarded duck.

I've seen white men dance, it ain't a pretty site, even those twats who like dance music look more homosexual than a gay wedding anniversary held in a pink hairdressers. "What's the problem? It's only a bit of fun" Too true, but to be honest I don't have fun while attempting to dance because I can feel everyone else looking at me. Now that said put a woman in front of me and I'll dance with them because basically all your doing is hugging in time to the music. But on Friday I didn't want to risk the chance of being left alone "shaking my booty".

Is it a very boring thing to do? Oh yes I know this. And had I thought it would improve my chances with a certain lady who was dancing, and I was high on methadone then I probably would've given it a go. But its always my policy that when things are looking good with a women not to stand up and proceed to jiggle about in a manner that would not look out of place in a Mencap awards ceremony disco and buffet. I'm only going to get on a dance floor when a woman grabs me by the hand and drags me onto the floor, and then I will only go when I know I'm going to get something more than a hearty laugh in the process. I'm not expecting her to drop trou, and take me right there but hell its better to stand there lip-locked than standing there jumping on the spot, besides women look good dancing, hell women look good wherever they are, standing, sitting, lying down (especially that) hell they even look good naked, rowing boats, running, changing tires you name it they look good. The Foamy One looks good doing one thing: sitting down and looking cool.

Now rock music, I can do that because you don't need to dance. In fact I look forward to going to Metro's in Cardiff every now and then. I stand there and literally bang my head against an imaginary brick wall and to the un-initiated it looks a 100 times harder than big fish, little fish, cardboard box. Anyway must go now I have things to do. Until next time, which hopefully will be sooner rather than later...

Have a Foam Filled Day!

© Paul Hunt 2003