See women are oblivious to many, many things. They believe only what they want which is fine for men because we can usually fool them into thinking we are what they want. This is where the beginnings of a relationship come from. We'll go places we hate, we'll do things that bore us, we'll even fake the type of music we like in order for you to notice us.

These things work to our advantage. When things turn sour your obliviousness turns against us. The fact is there are a certain number of women that men categorize into certain groups. There are the ones we are physically attracted to and the ones we actually have feelings for. The ones with whom it is physical lust, just an obsession we don't care what they do. Its the ones we feel for that are the problem. They don't know it but everything they do we scrutinize. We're not doing it to stalk you, we're doing it because you all unknowingly screw with our heads all the time!

Here are a few things that you are oblivious to and should know:

1. If you introduce me to your new boyfriend or male friend and it isn't me, I'm not going to like him. I don't care whether he does charity work, he is a prick. His jokes are unfunny, his hair is stupid and everything you praise about him I hate. Even if you've never even kissed him he ain't me so fuck him.

2. If we happen to be at a random place together and it looks like you're going to get off with someone we will leave the minute any display of affection is shown towards said random person.

3. By all means talk about ex boyfriends, that doesn't bother us. If you talk about men after me then i'm not going to want to hear it because quite honestly why aren't you with me?

4. If you go to a pub with your new boyfriend and start the public displays of affection and i'm in a good mood I'll only completely ignore you until I decide I've had enough and leave.

5. If you get off with someone we don't want to hear about it.

6. If you get off with someone we do want to hear about it.

7. Despite how many lies we tell you we still want you, we still hate the situation, we'd still take you back.

8. If we both decide to go somewhere for an innocent drink some part of us will expect something romantic to happen, but not to you and someone else, to me and you fool.

9. When we get drunk and declare our undying love we're not doing it because we're drunk we're doing it because we don't have the guts to do it when sober. 

10. Having drunkenly told you how much we/I love you don't palm me off with some excuse about knowing what I mean. I expect you to tell me how much you love me and that you've been afraid to say something because of our current situations.

11. You may not know it but we tell you're best friends everything, especially how much we love you (well the ones we aren't trying to get off with). If you actually ask them they will tell you what we think of you minus the bullshit.

Well that about covers it, i'm off to the Reading Festival now for the weekend so enjoy.

Have a Foam Filled Day!

© Paul Hunt 2003