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03/04/01
I woke up this morning and I felt happy, I don't know why because I had only 4 hours sleep the previous night (Wrestlemania 17 & a broken pair of school trousers) and I have lots of schoolwork to do in school. While in school I couldn't do any work again I don't know why. So as I am happy I'm going to make a general list of things that p*ss me off and next week things that make me happy.
Things that piss me off:
1. Sliced Bread- Surely since this invention there has been something with more of an impact. Also slicing your own bread is a joy I wish I could take part in everyday.
2. The humble Beer Mat- They stick to your pint when wet, they stick to your clothes when wet and whenever I have one in my hand I always break it into two pieces.
3. Youngsters Today- They like dance music, pop music, they strive to act like adults when quite frankly acting like an adult sucks. And they have no respect for anything, now in my day (I'm 18 in two weeks) we were never like that, today's children spend most of their childhoods pissing older people off and trying to deny that they are children.
4. Dance Music- It's crap, repetitive and I don't care what environment you listen to it in I think it is total pants.
5. People who "try" to take the piss out of my facial hair- These people (usually younger than myself) shout things like "have a shave" and call me such names as "shavey" oh how hilarious, a page from the Bobby Davro school of comedy. They are usually muckas, who have deceptively high voices and the IQ of a small water vole the same people who shout to my ginger friend "you've got ginger hair you have"
6. Wotsits- I like them don't get me wrong but once you've eaten one packet you have to go back and have another. The main cause of weight problems in the UK.
7. The fact that I'm single- Ah yes a major grievance with many people. Why? well personally I think its because most (not all) people are obsessed with looks (of which I have none) which in turn makes me think I need to do something about it. In reality you just need to find someone who doesn't care either way whether you look like, the women with black hair out of Sex & the City or Ken Dodd. (too revealing? maybe)
8. CD's- another great inventions blighted by the fact that they can get scratched simply by looking at them in a funny way.
9. Goths- If you are one great, but when you claim to be one just to be original by joining the legions of Goths already out there I'm going to have to send you back to reasonage school. To remedy the problem of looking original I propose dressing up like a life size carrot all the time much like Graham Chapman once did at and Oxford Lecture.
10. People who don't understand Professional Wrestling- When you've seen it and just can't watch it GOOD that's a natural conclusion but when people watch it just to find faults that's wrong!!!! (can apply this theory to many things in life including the thing that pisses me off number 7)
11. People who moan all the time- Everybody likes a moan now and then but people who spends so much time moaning that they forget to breath need their heads sorted out.
12. Glue- The type of glue that when put onto skin creates some sort of "Glue Skin" that makes it impossible to work due to the uncontrollable urge to peal it off.
13. The letter "I"- When the letter "I" is input into any Microsoft product the red spelling line comes up because "I" isn't a capitol letter.. I'm the kind of person that likes to fix these errors as I go along so I click the right button but I can never get the sub menu to appear!!!!!!!
14. The Mighty Butter Knife- Have you ever tried to cut bread with it? I use it instead of me having to use and wash a second knife. Its enough to make you want sliced bread!!!!!
Part Two next week: The things that make me happy.
Have A Foam Filled Day!!!
© Paul Hunt 2001