Lord God, I'm sorry. I've not consistently been what I need to be to Jess. I step on her toes. I have yelled in her presence. I have not been the head as I desperately want to be. Why have You let me go this far? I love her so much, but why have You allowed me to ever bring hurt into her life? I want so much to just make her happy; to let her enjoy life with You and enjoy it with me. I feel like every time You bless me, I mess it up. I know that nothing is outside of Your will, but sometimes I think that I am so much of a screw-up. Lord, You know my heart and where I stand. I ask that You let her know that I don't want any other than her; I can't have any other than her, and that any relationship I have ever had should have never happened. God, I should not have dated until I met her. She should have been my first girlfriend. I cannot change that now, but how I wish I could. I see her and I realize how much of a mistake it was to ever have dated before her. Father, You know Jess' heart and where she stands. You know what we both want and need. Please fulfill both in our lives within Your will. Father God, I lay our relationship at Your feet. I lay my pride and "manhood" at Your feet as well. Please take my inferiority complex and replace it with love provided for me at the cross of Calvary. Thank You for Your supplication and provision. In Jesus' Name, I pray. amen
I was listening to Relient K and I have a couple of their cd's on my computer. Well, a couple of their Christmas songs came up. And it made me long for Christmas already. That's a strange feeling to have when it's never been there before. I want to be there again with Jess. I want some hot cocoa and to have her in my arms, keeping her warm. I also thought about how much I need to think about Christmas today. Tomorrow. Always. It's really a necessity for life to remember that. It ties to everything I believe and God, who loves me. Easter is coming up and I think it's interesting to think about Christmas on Easter, but why not? Why not think about the birth of Christ as we talk about His resurrection? It makes sense to me now. I don't know why God opened my eyes to it, but I felt that I needed to share it. Maybe God will reveal more in time. I will say it kind of stinks because I'm trying to find more Christmas music on my computer; I have only put Relient's Christmas cd on here. So I decided to listen to Waterdeep and 100 Portraits. Let God rock the only way He knows how...as our Rock. Rejoice in Him.