| The international cow conspiracy. It has come to my attention that there is a menace on the horizon. A terror stalks the land that is going unnoticed. It is a threat not only to us at project hardcore but the whole earth itself. At first we thought our rivals for world domination were the kites that stalked the land and hills of Golders green and then our attention turned to sheep (for some members this attention has become too much, and could now be called an obsession) but it appears that these were both clever decoys instigated by the angels of death themselves. That�s right people the carrots!!!! They have a life! They have a consciousness!! I remember a time when we set out to save these carrots in the name of reverend Maynard. But now it seems they have used us like cheap whores on a Friday night in the alleyway behind Yates wine lodge. It seems that they�re classification as a vegetable is wrong. They are actually parasites that feed off the living!!!! They find a living creature to eat them, then inside reform and make their way up the central nervous system of the species until they reach the brain. They burrow in and take over the �host�. The creature is now completely under the control of the carrot. Its like being John Malkovic, only this time its war!!! Until now the carrots attempted hybrid experiments with rabbits and recently with humans have been unsuccessful. But they have finally found a race that they are compatible with. THE COWS! It seems the cow mutilations that have always been connected with alien abduction is actually the early compatibility experiments by the carrots. The mutilated cattle is what the carrot leaves behind when the body is no longer strong enough to do its bidding. It seems that the carrots themselves instigated foot and mouth disease so that the cows wouldn�t be eaten. However this backfired on them and thousands of their troops have been massacred. But now, they have regrouped and sworn revenge on the human race. It is up to us at project hardcore to defeat the cows. Maybe with this show of valiance the world will look up and notice project hardcore and we will rise to world power. But how do we defeat the almost indestructible cows I hear you cry? It has been well documented in journals that cows taken over by the cow parasite are practically invincible. However we at the W.A.S.C (the science sub-division of project hardcore, World Against Stupid Cows/Carrots) have devised an action plan. It is well documented that cows sleep whilst standing up!!! This is their weak point and is our only chance to strike. A regular cow if pushed over whilst asleep will suffer a respiratory failure (heart-attack) however those with carrots lodged in their brain will panic and hit self-destruct. The cows will explode. We must act quickly and strike before the cows march on into our cities. If this happened even our army wont be able to stop them. May god be on your side. Good luck. |