There was {a physicist / an engineer / a computer
scientist / a statistician}* and a mathematician...
* Delete as applicable
A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are given
an identical problem: Prove that all odd numbers
greater than 2 are prime numbers. They proceed: 

Mathematician: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a
prime, 9 is not a prime - counterexample - claim is
false.

Physicist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9
is an experimental error, 11 is a prime, ...

Engineer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9
is a prime, 11 is a prime, ...

Computer Scientist: 1 is a prime, 1 is a prime, 1 is a
prime, 1 is a prime, ...
Yes, they're all primes. 


---
When considering the behaviour of a howitzer: 

A mathematician will be able to calculate where the
shell will land 
A physicist will be able to explain how the shell gets
there
An engineer will stand there and try to catch it


---
An assemblage of the most gifted minds in the world
were all posed the following question:

"What is 2 + 2 ?"

The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it's old)
and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces
"3.99". 

The physicist consults his technical references, sets
up the problem on his computer, and announces "it lies
between 3.98 and 4.02".

The mathematician cogitates for a while, oblivious to
the rest of the world, then announces: "I don't what
the answer is, but I can prove an answer exists!". 

Philosopher: "But what do you mean by 2 + 2 ?" 

Logician: "Please define 2 + 2 more precisely." 

Accountant: Closes all the doors and windows, looks
around carefully then asks "What do you want the
answer to be?" 


---
What is "pi"? 

Mathematician: Pi is the number expressing the
relationship between the circumference of a circle and
its diameter. 

Physicist: Pi is 3.1415927 plus or minus 0.000000005 

Engineer: Pi is about 3. 


---
A statistician , a mathematician, an engineer, and a
physicist are out hunting together. They spy a deer in
the woods. 

The physicist calculates the velocity of the deer and
the effect of gravity on the bullet, aims his rifle
and fires. Alas, he misses; the bullet passes three
feet behind the deer. The deer bolts some yards, but
comes to a halt, still within sight of the trio. 

"Shame you missed," comments the engineer, "but of
course with an ordinary gun, one would expect that."
He then levels his special deer-hunting gun, which he
rigged together from an ordinary rifle, a sextant, a
compass, a barometer, and a bunch of flashing lights
which don't do anything but impress onlookers, and
fires. Alas, his bullet passes three feet in front of
the deer, who by this time wises up and vanishes for
good. 

"Well," says the physicist, "your contraption didn't
get it either." "What do you mean?" pipes up the
statistician. "Between the two of you, that was a
perfect shot!" 


---
How they knew it was a deer: 

The physicist observed that it behaved in a deer-like
manner, so it must be a deer. 

The mathematician asked the physicist what it was,
thereby reducing it to a previously solved problem. 

The engineer was in the woods to hunt deer, therefore
it was a deer. 


---
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were
travelling through Scotland when they saw a black
sheep through the window of the train. P> "Aha," says
the engineer, "I see that Scottish sheep are black." 

"Hmm," says the physicist, "You mean that some
Scottish sheep are black." 

"No," says the mathematician, "All we know is that
there is at least one sheep in Scotland, and that at
least one side of that one sheep is black!" 


---
A Mathemetician (M) and an Engineer (E) attend a
lecture by a Physicist.
The topic concerns Kulza-Klein theories involving
physical processes that occur in spaces with
dimensions of 9, 12 and even higher. The M is sitting,
clearly enjoying the lecture, while the E is frowning
and looking generally confused and puzzled. By the end
the E has a terrible headache. At the end, the M
comments about the wonderful lecture. The E says "How
do you understand this stuff?" M: "I just visualize
the process" E: "How can you POSSIBLY visualize
somrthing that occurs in 9-dimensional space?" M:
"Easy, first visualize it in N-dimensional space, then
let N go to 9" 


---

Q. What do a mathematician and a physiscist [or
engineer, or musician , or whatever the profession of
theperson adressed] have in common? A. They are both
stupid, with the exception of the mathematician. 

---

A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician were discussing
the relative merits of having a wife or a mistress.
The lawyer says: "For sure a mistress is better. If
you have a wife and want a divorce, it causes all
sorts of legal problems. The doctor says: "It's better
to have a wife because the sense of security lowers
your stress and is good for your health. The
mathematician says: " You're both wrong. It's best to
have both so that when the wife thinks you're with the
mistress and the mistress thinks you're with your wife
--- you can do some mathematics. 
---

To tell the difference between a mathematician and an
engineer perform this experiment. Put a kettle full of
water in the middle of the kitchen floor and tell your
subject to boil the water. 
The engineer will put the kettle on the stove and turn
the flame on. The mathematician will do the same
thing. 

Next, put the kettle on the stove, and ask the subject
to boil the water. The engineer will turn the flame
on. The mathematician will move the kettle to the
middle of the kitchen floor... thereby reducing the
problem to one that already has been solved! 


---

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are
staying in a hotel while attending a technical
seminar. The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He
goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills
a trashcan from his room with water and douses the
fire. He goes back to bed. Later, the physicist wakes
up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire
in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose
and after calculating the flame velocity, distance,
water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the fire
with the minimum amount of water and energy needed.
Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He
goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire
hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, "Ah, a
solution exists!" and then goes back to bed.