71 things to do on an exam you're going to fail 

1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre,
Andre, I've got the secret documents!!" 

2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read
questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out
loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that
you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about
what a jerk the instructor is. 

3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max
level. 

4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to
refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse
to answer this question on the grounds that it
conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative. 

5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically.
Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say
"They've found me, I have to leave the country" and
run off. 

6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the
papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air
and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really
daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost
the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min. 

7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a
towel on your head, and nothing else. 

8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome
during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible. 

9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when she's
not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you. 

10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat
it. 

11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things,
move to another seat, continue with the exam. 

12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you
walk out, start commenting on how easy it was. 

13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers
down violently, scream out "Screw this!" and walk out
triumphantly. 

14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie.
Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's
done, they are all leaving after one hour to go
drink.) 

15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means
at some point during the exam, you should start crying
for mommy). 

16. Comment on how good the instructor is looking that
day. 

17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After
about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling
"I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag
you away. 

18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the
longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and
imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a
written exam, relate everything to your own life
story. 

19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave. 

20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it
right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small
sacrifice. 

21. During the exam, take apart everything around you.
Desks, chairs, anything you can reach. 

22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave. 

23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff
at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew,
then cough. Repeat if necessary. 

25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into
it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand
ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester
long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you?
Where's the regular guy?" 

26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you
don't know one, make one up! 

27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all
questions and answers completely blacked out. 

28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the
instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory
tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when
I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!" 

29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to
Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to
stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or
another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on
the River Kwai. 

30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over,
point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work
it out of him/her. 

31. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until
the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get
cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few
minutes early. 

32. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay
form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with
numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral
symbol. 

33. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at
the instructor's left nostril. 

34. Bring cheerleaders. 

35. Bring pets. 

36. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent
markers. 

37 Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are
going to be taping your next video during the exam.
Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be
persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage
of the profits if they are allowed to stay. 

38. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice
and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell
out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..). 

39. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e.
Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's
done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink)


40. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about,
where you know the class is very small, and the
instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim
that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your
right to take the exam. 

41. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while
laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to
waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is
on!!!" 

42. Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said. 

43. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam. 

44. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the
entire way through the exam. Insist this person is
needed, because you have bad circulation. 

45. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure
this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus
exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're
getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam,
with the comment "Please use the attached notes for
references as you see fit." 

46. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip. 

47. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them
around like they do before concerts start. 

48. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of
the room. 

49. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons,
telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes
throughout the exam. 

50. During the exam, take apart everything around you.
Desks, chairs, anything you can reach. 

51. Complete the exam with everything you write being
backwards at a 90 degree angle. 

52. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various
tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me
think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you,
challenging the instructor to find the section on
musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use
the phrase "Told you so". 

53. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why
Professor xxxx Sucks" 

54. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look
at the person next to you as if he\she did it. 

55. Write a short story about your childhood, or an
experience that you once had. If you can't think of
anything, make something up. Be creative. End the
story with "I just thought I should tell you." 

56. Wear a mask or costume, pretend that you really DO
think that you're someone else. 

57. Play loud music. 

58. When you turn in your test, take all the ones
under it and throw them away or keep them or put your
name on some of them. Do it casually, as if that's
what you are supposed to do after an exam. 

59. Dress like the professor. 

60. Cross-Dress. 

61. Borrow a friend's Video taping equipment and set
up a lot of lights and a camera around your desk. Call
out instructions to imaginary people who are supposed
to be working the equipment. 

62. Two words: Plastic Explosives. 

63. Bring food or Drinks, pass them out to the class
as if you're supposed to be giving samples for a fund
raiser. Use the words "Would you buy something like
this if we had a bake sale?" It doesn't matter if they
are baked goods or not. 

64. Trip people as they walk by your desk. 

65. Read all the questions out loud like Rain Man. 

66. Walk around the room and ask people if there is
anything that you can help them with. Speak loudly
stutter and spit. Make a show of it. 

67. Make several origami animals out of the test
papers. Re-enact scenes from your favorite soap opera
with them. 

68. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into
the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your
test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on,
calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to
him/her. 

69. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam. 

70. Order catering. The catering company should come
in about halfway through the test, and should include
at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five
candelabras. 

71. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly,
"Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A.
Number two, C. Number three, E...."